This is a work of fiction

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any actual resemblance to persons or historical persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

The Dukes of Hazzard characters, settings, locales, ect. are owned by other entities who have not endorsed this fic nor have they given express permission for the character's use. Author makes not claims to these characters and is not making any profit from their use.

All original characters are the property of the author.

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© Copyright: 1996-2004. Lisa Philbrick

The Dukes of Hazzard

Tri-County Sheriff's Race
By: Lisa Philbrick

Holy smokes! Rosco learns to DRIVE!!

The mornin' starts early at the Duke farm. The boys and Uncle Jesse are up early to get started on the days chores and Daisy leaves early to give MaryAnne a ride to the Boar's Nest. To pay Cooter for the repairs on her car, MaryAnne didn't have much money when she first got to Hazzard so she had to get a job. But with the wages Boss pays it may take her a little longer than she thought to pay Cooter.

With the porch door slamming behind her, Daisy dashed to her Jeep calling to the boys and Uncle Jesse that she was leaving.

"Leavin' a little early today aren't ya?" Luke said.

"MaryAnne's car is ready and she wants to get it this morning."

"You know with the way Cooter talks, that's apparently some machine she's got," Luke said.

"You guys may have some new competition," Daisy said with a giggle. She climbed into her Jeep and waved as she drove off.

The boys looked at each other for a moment. "Nah," they both said breaking into chuckles.

"Cooter, how can I ever thank you enough?" MaryAnne said looking at her blue Firebird that sat in front of the garage.

"Miss MaryAnne, it was enough just to work on such a beautiful car."

MaryAnne smiled. "You're not the first mechanic to tell me that. And don't worry I'm still gonna pay you. That is, as soon as Boss pays me."

"That could be a while," Cooter said.

"We better get going, MaryAnne," Daisy said, "if we're late Boss may not pay us anything."

"You ladies take care of yourselves now," Cooter said as Daisy and MaryAnne got into their respective vehicles.

"Thanks again, Cooter," MaryAnne called as she and Daisy drove off.

At the Boar's Nest, Boss and Rosco were deep in discussion about how Boss--uh, they--were gonna to make twenty-thousand dollars easily.

"Rosco, this is gonna be the easiest 20,000 we've ever made," Boss said.

Rosco let out a exclamation then stopped. "Wait a minute," he said. "How are we gonna to do that?"

"By winning the First Annual Tri-County Sheriffs Race."

"But wait a minute, Boss, I thought the prize money was 10,000?"

"It is. I made a bet with H.A. Floyd over in Rivington County for another 10,000 that the Sheriff of Hazzard County will win the race!"

Rosco let go another trademark exclamation. "You can count on me, Boss, I'll win it. I will."

"No, you won't."

"I won't?"

"No. Rosco, with your driving you couldn't win that race if you were the only contestant. If this is gonna to work I need a driver that can actually drive not a crash test dummy like you."

"But, Boss, all the drivers in this race are county sheriffs. You can't just put anybody in there."

"I can if I make them Sheriff."

Rosco looked at Boss. "You don't mean you're gonna...?" he finished with whine.

"Oh, Rosco, it's only gonna be temporary. After the race you'll be back to being Sheriff."

"Oh. Whew. For a moment there you sure gave me a quiver in my liver. But where are you going to find a driver who can temporarily be Sheriff? Are you going to promote Enos? He is a good driver."

"I was thinking of Enos," Boss said, "but only if I can't find someone better."

Suddenly they could hear a car racing around outside and cheering.

"What in tarnation is that?" Boss said. He and Rosco left the office and went out to see what the commotion was.

What they saw was MaryAnne's blue Firebird, which folks had learned she called Maverick, doing some slick moves in front of the Boar's Nest. They stood and watched her as she drove around the gas pumps with folks cheering her on. She negotiated the turns with expertise and at one point she demonstrated a well executed J-turn.

"Rosco, did you know she could drive like that?" Boss asked.

"Oh yeah," Rosco smiled.

"That's it, Rosco. There's our driver!" Boss exclaimed joyfully, the dollar signs a light in his eyes.

"Uh, Boss--" Before Rosco could protest further, Boss had already scurried back to the office. Rosco went as well.

MaryAnne brought her Firebird to a parking spot and cut the engine.

"Woh! MaryAnne where'd you learn to do that?" Daisy asked.

"Daisy, I'm a moonshiner's daughter, whadya mean where'd I learn to do that?" MaryAnne said as she got out of her car.

Daisy laughed as someone else said, "Well, we knew you sure didn't get that from Rosco."

Everyone laughed and headed into the Boar’s Nest.

In Boss's office Rosco was giving slight protest to Boss's idea.

"Wait a minute, Boss, MaryAnne? I don't know if she'd wanna help you. She don't particularly like you."

Boss shot Rosco a look through narrow eyes. "Well, she'd want to help her own cousin wouldn't she? Besides, you've been buggin’ me about makin’ her a deputy, now's her chance."

"Oo, you mean that? A permanent deputy?"

"Uh," Boss fudged a moment. "Yeah, a permanent deputy."

"Oo, MaryAnne ain't gonna believe this. I finally get to have her as one of my deputies!" he giggled.

Boss and Rosco waited until break time before making the announcement. MaryAnne, of course, had no idea what was about to happen.

The Boar's Nest was packed at break time and MaryAnne was balancing several mugs of beer on a tray, walking towards a table as Boss and Rosco came out of the office and went to the bar.

"Aw right everybody," Rosco called. "Now settle down, the Boss and I have an announcement."

At their table the Bo, Luke and Uncle Jesse exchanged glances.

As silence came over the room and MaryAnne balanced four empty beer mugs on the tray on her hip, Boss spoke.

"As Police Commissioner, I am proud to announce that Hazzard County will be hiring a second sheriff’s deputy to accommodate our changing and growing community."

"What change and growth is he talking about?" Luke whispered to Bo and Uncle Jesse.

"Now this is a surprise announcement," Boss continued, "and our new deputy is right here in the room but unaware of their promotion. But I know all of you will approve. As will she. " Boss paused for effect while everyone exchanged hushed
comments.

When Boss paused longer than needed Bo asked, "Well, who is it?"

"Miss MaryAnne Coltrane," Boss said.

Everyone looked at MaryAnne who dropped her tray and the four empty beer mugs crashed to the floor.

"Me?!" she exclaimed. Stepping over the glass on the floor she approached Boss and Rosco. "Are you serious? You can't be serious."

"I'm very serious," Boss said and pulled a deputy's badge out of his pocket and handed it MaryAnne.

She took it and looked at it. "Rosco, did you know about this?"

"Yeah," he said with a smile.

"Rosco told me you were a Sheriff's deputy over in Finchburg County and that you had served with the Atlanta City Police. I realized demoting an experienced law enforcement officer such as yourself to just being a bar maid wasn't fair."

MaryAnne looked at the badge again. "No catch?"

"No catch," Boss said. "I want you to be a full-fledged, permanent Hazzard County Sheriff’s Deputy."

MaryAnne looked from Boss to everyone at the Boar's Nest. "Well," she said, "whadaya think?"

The Boar's Nest erupted in approving applause and MaryAnne looked back at Boss.

"Well, all right," she said and shook Boss's hand.

Bo and Luke noticed that Uncle Jesse seemed to be having trouble accepting what had happened.

"What's the matter, Uncle Jesse?" Bo asked. "Aren't you glad we'll have another actually honest deputy?"

"I'm not sure," Jesse said. "Somethin' don't seem right."

"You think MaryAnne's bein' took?" Luke said.

"I think we better keep an eye out for her. I don't think Rosco would let J.D. use MaryAnne in some kind of scam but it's possible Rosco isn't aware of one."

Nothing gets by ol' Jesse.

And this feller found MaryAnne's promotion interesting too.

After Boss and Rosco left with MaryAnne to officially swear her in in town, a brown haired man in tan trousers and a tweed sport coat walked out of the Boar's Nest to his car and picked up the CB mike.

"Pearson calling Mr. Floyd."

Over in Rivington County, H.A. Floyd picked up his CB mike. "Yes, Pearson?"

"Sir, Hogg just promoted a bar maid to deputy sheriff. Some chick named MaryAnne Coltrane."

There was a long pause on the CB.

"Sir? Did you copy that?"

"Yes, Pearson, I did. I want you to return to my office immediately."

"Yes, sir."

Pearson tossed the CB mike into the car, got in, and tore out of the parking lot of the Boar's Nest.

A few moments later, all of the Dukes came out of the Boar's Nest.

"You know, it does seem a little strange that Boss would hire another deputy, let alone an honest one," Bo said.

"And a Coltrane to boot," Luke said.

"So what could Boss have up his sleeve, other than that chubby little arm of his?" Bo asked.

"Probably somethin' that'll get us in trouble," Luke said and then noticed a poster advertising the First Annual Tri-County Sheriffs Race and the 10,000 prize.

"Hey, did you see this?" he asked pointing at the poster.

"Tri-County Sheriffs race? Ha, Boss has to be kiddin' if he thinks Rosco could win that," Bo said.

"Not unless he has someone else driving," Luke said.

"Like MaryAnne?" Daisy said. "And she can drive."

"So her job as deputy may not be so permanent after all," Luke said.

"If that’s what this is all about, then as soon as she finishes that race J.D. will have her right back here as the Boar’s Nest,” Jesse said.

"Then we've got to make sure she stays a deputy!" Daisy said.

In Rivington County, however, H. A. Floyd had a different feeling about that.

"We have to make sure she doesn't remain a deputy," Floyd said. “Or atleast not have her drive in the race.”

"I don't understand," Pearson said.

"Clearly, Hogg is thinking of promoting Miss Coltrane to Sheriff long enough to drive in that race and win the 10,000 bet I made with him."

Pearson nodded.

"But not only is she the current Hazzard Sheriff's cousin, she's the one who busted my foothold in Finchburg County and she's lethal behind the wheel."

"She busted your connection in Finchburg?"

Floyd nodded. "Now's my chance to get her and Hogg." He picked up the phone.

"Operator get me Hazzard 2-3-5." He looked at Pearson. "But first I'm going to remind Mr. Hogg of the rules of this race."

At the Hazzard County Courthouse, the phone rang twice in Boss's office before he picked it up.

"J. D. Hogg."

"Mr. Hogg, this is H.A. Floyd over in Rivington County."

"Oh, hello Mr. Floyd. What can I do for you?"

"Well, I've just heard something that greatly disturbs me."

"Oh? What's that?"

"You've promoted a new deputy, a young lady by the name of MaryAnne Coltrane?"

"Yes. Yes, I have but why does that trouble you?"

"Well, I hope you're not thinking of trying to cheat in order to win that 10,000 bet we made. You know, by temporarily promoting your new deputy to Sheriff long enough to win that race."

"Mr. Floyd, I wouldn't think of doing such a thing. I simply needed an extra
deputy."

"Well that's reassuring. I'm glad I don't have to remind you of the rules regarding the race, being that at the time you signed that entry form, the individual who is sheriff is the one who will drive in the race unless he is seriously injured, ill or dies and it is
verified by the other participating counties. Of course, you already knew that."

"Uh, of course. I knew that."

"So I can rest assured that you are not thinking of trying to fix the race to your advantage?"

"Yes," Boss stammered. "You can rest assured."

"Excellent. Well, Mr. Hogg, I will see you at the race."

"You sure will, Mr. Floyd. Bye."

After hanging up the phone, H. A. Floyd said, "Pearson, I want you to go back to Hazzard. J.D. Hogg's never earned an honest dollar in his life and he's sure not going to start now."

In the booking room, Rosco was showing MaryAnne the uniform catalog and what her uniform would look like.

"Rosco,” she said, “you gotta be kiddin' to think I'm gonna wear a skirt and heels. It's bad enough I have to wear heels serving beer, I'm not wearin' them in hot pursuit. Now, I didn't wear a skirt and heels in Finchburg County or in Atlanta and I ain't wearin' them here."

"Okay," Rosco said. "You don't have to wear 'em."

"Rosco!" Boss yelled from his office.

The two cousins flinched. Rosco left MaryAnne in the booking room and scurried to Boss's office.

"What?" Rosco asked closing the door behind him.

"Rosco, do we have a copy of the rules for that race?"

"It's right in your desk, Boss. You never did bother to look at it."

Boss threw open the drawer. "Oh!" he exclaimed pulling the leaflet out. He flipped it opened and read about the driver and replacements.

"'The individual who is Sheriff at the time of the signing of the entry form will be the driver for that county and can only be replaced on account of illness, injury or death which must be verified by all other participating counties and the state police
association.'" He let the booklet fall on the desk.

"What's the matter, Boss?" Rosco asked.

"H.A. Floyd just called a moment ago and he figured out how I was gonna have MaryAnne run that race."

"Oo," Rosco said. "You can't have her run that race now can you?"

"No, not unless you really do become ill, injured or die. I can't have you fake something like that with all these other people having to verify it."

"So what are we going to do?"

"Not we. You. You're gonna learn to drive."

MaryAnne was standing just outside the door and had heard the whole thing. She now threw the door open.

Boss and Rosco turned to her. “Uh oh,” Rosco said.

"I should have known there was a catch," she said. "Let me guess, as soon as I won that race you were gonna send me back to waitin' tables at the Boar's Nest."

"Now, MaryAnne, that's not how it is," Boss said.

"That's right, ‘cuz I won't be driving in that race now, according to those rules. Your stuck with Rosco. Of course I don't see what the big deal is with winning 10,000, considering’ it would only be for lining your fat pocket."

"Actually it’20,000," Rosco said. "Boss made another 10,000 bet with H.A. Floyd over in Rivington County."

“Ah! Rosco!!” Boss exclaimed.

MaryAnne looked at Boss. "Is this true?" she asked.

“Uh, well...” Boss nodded.

"Well, I don't see what the big deal is with losing 10,000."

"I don't have 10,000," Boss admitted.

"What? That's ridiculous, you're the richest man in Hazzard County. What do you mean you don't have ten grand?"

"I'm a little short on cash right now," Boss said. "Most of it I have in a land deal over in Chickasaw County."

MaryAnne looked at Rosco who nodded.

"I don't believe that," she said and looked at the safe. "Let me see."

Boss looked at MaryAnne suspiciously.

"If you're really short maybe I can help--" she almost said 'you' but finished pointing at Rosco and said, "him."

Boss looked at Rosco who nodded.

Boss got up from the desk and went to the safe. He opened it and removed a single money bag. MaryAnne saw the rest of the safe was empty. Boss handed her the money bag.

MaryAnne opened it and took out six stacks of money.

"A thousand a piece?" she asked.

Boss nodded.

"So only six-thousand dollars?"

He nodded again.

MaryAnne placed the stacks back in the bag and put it on the desk. "Well, you really stepped in it this time didn't you? I know H. A. Floyd isn't going to like to know that you can't pay that ten grand."

"How do you know H. A. Floyd?" Rosco asked.

"I helped bust his moonshine operation in Finchburg County. I know he has no love lost for me." She looked at Boss. "If you knew you were short on cash, why'd you make the bet?"

"Well, I thought I could get away with puttin’ you in to drive."

"But I still could have lost. Does Floyd know you're short?"

Boss nodded. "I put up the Boar's Nest as collateral."

"Oh brilliant. You know that's all he needs is to just get his foot in the door and he'll end up with half of Hazzard County before you can sneeze."

"I know," Boss whined. "Can you help?"

MaryAnne paused, looking back and forth between Boss and Rosco. Like two puppies who had just messed on the floor.

"I can help, but on a couple of conditions though."

"Anythin’," Boss said.

"Alright, let me see those rules." Boss handed her the booklet. MaryAnne flipped through it and found the section regarding what kind of vehicle can be used.

"Okay, this only says that the car has to be an official county sheriff's patrol car and can not have nitrous oxide."

"So?" Boss said.

"Well, Commissioner, as a duly sworn officer of the law and a member of the Hazzard County Sheriff's Department I am proposing that the county accept the temporary loan of new patrol car, one blue Firebird that belongs to one MaryAnne
Coltrane who is offering its services to help serve and protect the citizens of Hazzard County."

Boss responded with an agreeable laugh. "Miss Coltrane, the county accepts your gracious offer."

"Good. Now, I'll help Rosco improve his driving, more or less because I want my car back in one piece. If he wins, the prize money and you're bet,” she slowed her pace for effect, “will be used to reestablish the Hazzard County Sheriff's pension fund."

"Ooh," Rosco perked up.

Boss fudged for a bit.

"You can kiss the Boar’s Nest good-bye," MaryAnne said.

"Oh, all right," Boss finally said.

"And you don't have to keep me as a full time deputy, but I will accept a part-time position."

"Agreed."

"And, let's see what else? Oh, if my car should be damaged in this race you'll pay for the repairs, seeing as I'm already paying for previous repairs."

"Done." Boss started to get up.

"Wait a minute, one more thing. Knowing your word is about as good a three dollar bill I want the word of a ridgerunner."

"You weren't a member of the ridgerunner's society."

"No, but Papa was and if I'm correct the ridgerunner's honor code can be applied to direct family members. My father didn't raise no fool." MaryAnne spit on her hand and held it out.

Boss paused a moment then did the same. They shook, each growled the word ‘done’and as MaryAnne pulled her hand away she cringed.

"Yuck, glad I wasn't a ridgerunner."

Too bad, she would have made a good one too.

Well, MaryAnne decided to take Rosco out to see what kind of work she had cut out for her which, as we all know, is a lot.

"Okay," MaryAnne said, "now I'm going to let you drive Maverick here but please, be careful, alright?"

"Yeah," Rosco said eagerly.

"Now I'm gonna drive your patrol car. Basically pretend you’re one of the Duke boys being chased by the Sheriff."

"MaryAnne, I am the Sheriff."

MaryAnne pulled his hat off. "Not for the next few minutes you ain't." She put the hat on her head instead. "You're one of the Duke boys and khee, khee, your under arrest!!"

It finally clicked, and Rosco bolted to the Firebird. MaryAnne scurried to the patrol car and both were off.

When they got out of town MaryAnne put the lights and siren on.

She giggled. "Hot pursuit!"

As they drove MaryAnne kept a mental checklist of the mistakes Rosco made and where he needed improvement. Several times he would take a turn to quick or fail to negotiate it all together.

"Gonna have to work on that," she would say whenever he did something wrong.

At one point they came upon a road crew and a large hole in the road.

"Oh no," she said, "Rosco..." She grabbed the CB mike. "Rosco, slow down, don't try to jump it!"

"Ah, too late," Rosco replied and MaryAnne watched as the Maverick hit the dirt pile and became airborne.

You know, this race could be over before it even starts. Hang on...