Illogical

The most appealing thing about logic was that, if followed in a steadfast manner, it often left very little room for regret. The logical answer was almost the correct one, and usually avoided unnecessary stress. If there was a problem, it was systematically eliminated. If there was an opportunity, it was cautiously – but determinedly – pursued. This mentality had served Shockwave quite well throughout his life.

However, it was inevitable that mistakes would be made, nevertheless.

Starscream had been a mistake – one of Shockwave’s more notable mistakes, in fact. Luckily, Starscream had not seen fit to spill the truth of their relationship to Megatron, and therefore Shockwave had not received any infuriated transmissions from his lord concerning his undeniable (but extraordinarily unwanted) attachment to the treacherous second-in-command. Megatron would be… to put in the simplest of terms, displeased at the knowledge that Shockwave had permanently, willingly (even eagerly) bonded his spark to the seeker’s.

Shockwave had enough difficulty believing it himself, that he could have ever been drawn to Starscream in such a manner. Even when they had first met, when they had first spoken, Starscream was a terribly wretched Decepticon. He was a rather unsuccessful scientist, and while he was undoubtedly quite brilliant, his ability to negotiate himself through the politics of such a field were incredibly lacking. Shockwave had seen the potential, and had seen fit to utilize it to the best of his abilities, attempting to teach Starscream a more subtle method of gaining respect.

Oh, Starscream was eager to learn, but difficult throughout the entirety of the process nevertheless. He never missed a chance to backtalk, to question, to debate everything that Shockwave ever said, no matter how meaningless. Even before his rather treacherous streak had developed, even before they had encountered Lord Megatron, Starscream was still a disgusting excuse for a Decepticon. And still, Shockwave spent time with him, and saw fit to teach him. It had seemed somehow logical to invest so much time into the seeker, but upon reflection, it was difficult to recall why Shockwave had been so driven. Starscream was never going to cooperate with him well enough to be an asset to his cause, and he was always going to be difficult to tolerate, so why did he bother?

Attachment. Illogical, overwhelming attachment, one without any particular rational basis. Shockwave had pitied Starscream, perhaps, because Starscream had always been and always would be a pitiable Decepticon. That still didn’t quite explain why, on one particular night, after one particularly heated argument, after one utterly destroyed experiment, Shockwave and Starscream consummated an attraction that neither had been particularly aware of having in the first place. There was no logical reason for why, in the height of such anger and such frustration, either of them wished to show one another intimacy. Shockwave hadn’t wanted to so much as look at Starscream at the time, much less touch him. To spark bond, and to initiate a permanent connection, should have been unthinkable.

Yet, that had merely been the start of what would quickly become a much different relationship. Admittedly, it hadn’t been… entirely undesirable to shift their dynamic. Every impassioned argument, rather than only leading to a festering hatred in the pit of their sparks, led to an equally impassioned night of bonding. Shockwave, finding bonding to be of an ambiguous nature before meeting Starscream, found the change in routine to be as jarring as it was enticing. Neither he nor Starscream had had partners before one another, and they were unskilled and naïve as one might expect. Somehow, inexplicably, it did seem to work between them, and they still found something particularly desirable about one another despite both being entirely aware of just incompatible they truly were.

Afterwards, sated from the sensory overload, Shockwave would idly trace his fingers along the curve of Starscream’s wing and listen to the seeker prattle on about his thoughts in his usual pointless manner. Shockwave usually felt too satisfied to be particularly agitated by Starscream’s banter, and he listened to Starscream with whatever attention he could muster. He contributed very little to these discussions, only uttering a few wordless responses when prompted. When Starscream stopped trying to draw out the small response, Shockwave would gladly slip into mild state of recharge.

At some point after that, Starscream would quiet himself and press up against Shockwave, his arm thrown awkwardly over Shockwave’s chest, his leg attempting to curl over Shockwave’s hip despite the fact that the guardian’s bulkier frame didn’t necessarily allow for such an intimate position. Starscream would shift and tug at Shockwave and roll over at least ten times afterwards, his wings slapping across Shockwave’s chest a few times, startling and irritating the exhausted guardian. Eventually, Starscream would finally admit defeat. He would then crawl over Shockwave and nestle himself against the less restrictive planes of Shockwave’s back, clutching at him unnecessarily tightly, his leg wrapped around Shockwave’s thigh.

It was the same routine, amusing and irritating, yet somehow Shockwave found it acceptable despite the frequent disruptions in his recharge cycle.

Of course, that had – for the most part – ceased when the war began. Tangled up entirely in their own personal goals, their encounters occurred less and less frequently. After so many missions, they even lost track of one another, only to find one another much later by sheer coincidence. This would, perhaps, be unacceptable to Shockwave, had he been the least bit fond of Starscream’s power hungriness. He had been able to deal with Starscream’s unpredictability beforehand, but in something like war, he could not tolerate Starscream’s potential disloyalty.

Still, Shockwave’s spark still pulse painfully hard every time he encountered Starscream again. Mostly, he tried to ignore that – it was an irrelevant, uncontrollable reaction.

For the most part, Megatron had been the deciding factor in their relationship, or lack thereof. Starscream hated Megatron, right from the moment he met him. Shockwave’s sentiment was quite the opposite, and the prospect of his own bond mate trying to kill his leader was unthinkable. And, quite frankly, embarrassing.

Neither Shockwave nor Starscream ever told Megatron – or anyone for that matter – of their spark bond. For Shockwave to admit to being bound to a traitor was too humiliating to imagine. Likewise, for Starscream to admit to being bound to such a loyal ‘pawn’ was equally humiliating. This worked well for both, as neither were able to use this as blackmail against one another. It became, after time, something they simply ignored.

The bond hadn’t broken, and it probably never would. Not until at least one of them died. Shockwave was certain that Starscream spent an inordinate time wishing that his bond mate would just get killed somehow – Shockwave often did the same. If only Megatron would see fit to kill the seeker, then their connection could finally be destroyed, and Shockwave could stop feeling that almost instinctive – distracting – sense of arousal and yearning that he did whenever he heard Starscream’s irritating, whining voice.

Arousal was the furthest thing from Shockwave’s mind now. He was… irritated, although he wasn’t sure even that was an adequate word. Seething was perhaps a more suitable description of his current state, although Shockwave was indubitably reluctant to apply such an emotive word to himself. However, he was feeling particularly emotional about the entire situation. Guilty too, at having lost Cybertron to those brutish Combaticons, and having been unable to reverse the Earth’s course into the sun.

Starscream wasn’t much better off than he was, luckily. Of course, Shockwave was deeply pleased with this fact, as this entire mess was Starscream’s fault in the first place. The Combaticons, their sudden but inevitable betrayal, as well as Shockwave and Starscream’s current incarceration (in Shockwave’s own holding cells!) were all Starscream’s fault. And now, Megatron was on Earth, under threat of offlining.

‘Well,’ said Starscream, straightening up slightly. ‘At least, Megatron will finally be dead! I just didn’t account for getting killed myself in the process.’

Shockwave scoffed, crossed his arms, and stared at his mate. ‘We will not be killed,’ he responded haughtily. ‘The Combaticons will keep us online as long as they see fit, which will likely be forever. After how long they’ve been imprisoned, they would likely find it ironic to impart the same punishment upon us.’

‘Oh? So you’d rather not be stuck with me, forever?’ said Starscream mockingly. ‘I’m wounded, Shockwave. After all, we’re–’

Shockwave bristled irritably. ‘Don’t say it.’

For a moment, Starscream really did look wounded – just his ego, maybe. This inevitably led to pouting, which led to sulking, which – much to Shockwave’s chagrin – led to whining. ‘It was such a good plan, too,’ said Starscream mournfully. ‘All the Autobots and the Decepticons on Earth would have perished. No more Megatron, no more Optimus Prime, no more Insecticons!’

‘Yes, just you and I,’ said Shockwave dryly. ‘That would have been most satisfying.’

‘We could have ruled Cybertron together, partner,’ said Starscream, and he truly sounded like he believed that was a desirable outcome. As touching as the sentiment was, Shockwave could not envisage ruling a dead planet with a bond mate he loathed being a satisfying existence. ‘But you had to go and blow it because of your precious Lord Megatron!’ Starscream rounded on Shockwave, which was admittedly somewhat humorous – and uncomfortable – given their already close proximity in the cell. ‘That was always the problem with you, Shockwave! You love Megatron!’

Shockwave’s optic pulsed in a mixture of alarm and frustration. Oh, he knew what the other Decepticons believed. It was often a joke between them that the torch he carried for Lord Megatron was what kept Cybertron alive all this time. Their opinions didn’t matter. Starscream’s opinion didn’t matter.

‘My sentimentalities regarding Lord Megatron are none of your concern,’ said Shockwave coldly.

‘None of my concern!’ cried Starscream in dismay. ‘You are supposed to be my partner, but you’d sell me out if it meant getting a little acknowledgement from Megatron, wouldn’t you?!’

Shockwave crossed his arms and turned away. ‘Absolutely.’

With a frustrated cry, Starscream kicked Shockwave in the back hard. Having no where to fall, Shockwave only collided with the wall, the force only making him reel backwards onto the seeker. Gracelessly, they both fell to the ground. Shockwave flinched – not from pain, but from the sound of Starscream’s wailing and ranting.

‘You big oaf!’ cried Starscream, thrashing around pitifully. ‘Get off of me this instant!’

Shockwave twisted, moving to straddle the seeker, holding him down by his wings easily. Even as… ‘powerful’ as seekers were so often believed to be, it was very easy to keep Starscream overpowered when he was downed. Starscream’s wings had always been particularly sensitive, and when the right pressure was applied, Starscream was helpless.

‘Logically,’ said Shockwave. ‘If you were not so hopelessly treacherous, I might be more inclined to trust you, and help you.’

‘I don’t need your help!’ responded Starscream shrilly. ‘I can take care of everything myself! I don’t need you – I’ve never needed you! Now get off!’

Shockwave could have said many thing in response to that claim. Starscream was an ungrateful brat, and seemed perfectly able to forget how much Shockwave had taught him, how many concessions he’d made for Starscream, how much time he’d devoted to Starscream’s education, only to have it all blow up in his face – so to speak.

Instead, Shockwave said nothing. Disgusted with the seeker, he climbed to his feet and withdrew. There was no logical reason to stoop to violence now, not when there was still potential to be useful to Lord Megatron. Shockwave absolutely refused to believe that his leader was doomed – Megatron would realize the danger, and he would use the space bridge. It was inevitable, and something that Combaticons had likely not accounted for.

‘Lord Megatron will return for us,’ said Shockwave calmly. ‘He will not be offlined so easily.’

Starscream remained on the floor for a few moments before sitting up. ‘Of course,’ said Starscream bitterly. ‘Megatron will always come back for you.’

Shockwave’s spark swelled in pride, and he straightened himself. It made him feel far more upbeat to hear Starscream say it in that jealous little tone. ‘Indeed,’ he responded breezily, looking out of his cell expectantly. ‘Megatron always comes back. Eventually.’

‘Let’s just hope it isn’t another four million stellar cycles this time!’ said Starscream irritably, climbing to his feet. ‘Oh, this is droll – to think I have to spend another nano-klik stuck with you, my so-called bond–’

‘Starscream,’ interrupted Shockwave warningly.

‘–mate, and I can’t even get an interface out of this!’

Shockwave’s spark pulsed interestedly while his mind scrambled to regain some measure of logic. In this situation, after so much time, after so much hatred had developed between them, Starscream wanted to interface. Shockwave silently tried to put this realization into some sort of logical context, but it was quite simply impossible. They did not do that anymore – not for a long time. He never thought it would happen again.

His spark skipped a pulse. It wouldn’t be happening again – what was he thinking?

‘This is not the appropriate time,’ said Shockwave finally, his tone clipped.

‘Not the time?’ said Starscream, in a particularly sly tone that Shockwave very much recognized, and very much dreaded hearing. It was amazing how quickly Starscream could go from whining to being absolutely smug. ‘Then, logically, that would mean there is an appropriate time?’

‘I never said–’

‘You don’t have to say it,’ purred Starscream.

The seeker’s hands found Shockwave’s hips, drawing him closer. The guardian stayed still, despite his better judgment. He had never quite understood why Starscream found him so desirable. Even as irritating at Starscream was, the aesthetics of the seeker’s body, the sensuality of his movements and the sleek color scheme made him exceptionally desirable to the other Decepticons. Yet, as far as Shockwave knew, Starscream had remained exclusive to their bond. Shockwave had not been quite so… lusted after by the others. Or noticed, really – with the exception of Lord Megatron, who valued Shockwave’s mind above his feeble attempts at charisma and his less than cumbersome mold.

It was illogical to allow this. Yet, Shockwave found himself reaching back to grasp Starscream’s hip, clutching him closer. Starscream’s hand slid around Shockwave’s shoulder, tilting the guardian’s head back so could reach a pale antenna with his glossa. Pleasure blossomed from Shockwave’s antenna to the center of his spark, his internals immediately increasing in temperature in response to the small caress.

Even Shockwave, as impervious as he was to most emotional attachments, was not unreceptive to such pleasure.

Shockwave’s spark pulsed hotly, his plating shifting restlessly. He was angry – he would never stop being angry with Starscream. He was almost certain he had been angry with Starscream since the moment they first encountered one another.

Yet…

‘Shockwave,’ said Starscream, his hands sliding down Shockwave’s chest, tracing the seams. ‘It has been a very long time, hasn’t it? Much longer for you.’

‘Yes,’ admitted Shockwave, sounding very much unlike himself. Small, weak, and undeniably wanton in his desire to continue further.

It had felt like forever, waiting, alone. Feeling the bond but not knowing where Starscream was, or where Megatron was, or if he would ever hear from them again. Even Starscream’s company – just Starscream’s – would have been better than speaking to no one at all.

The seeker began to press kisses along Shockwave’s neck, in the way that he remembered Shockwave liked. Starscream’s glossa slid out every few moments to deftly lick at a tightly knit seam or trace a bolt, and even with Shockwave’s tactile sensory being decidedly lacking due to his heavy armor, the guardian found himself shuddering and moaning and wanting more from the treacherous seeker.

Yet, Shockwave felt he must say it. ‘I hate you, Starscream.’

It certainly was no lie. Shockwave hated Starscream to an illogically emotional degree. Through their bond, he hoped that Starscream could feel just how furious he was, and he very much hoped it would ruin Starscream’s good mood – from the flutter of amusement that responded through the connection, it seemed it was not a particularly successful endeavor.

‘Well, good,’ murmured Starscream against his audio, his glossa teasing out to trace an antenna lightly. ‘Then neither of us are in denial here, are we?’