Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don’t own- all of the characters belong to Catherine Marshall, who created a wonderful story.

A/N: Sorry it has taken me so long to update. This is a fairly short chapter, but I wanted to post it anyways. Thanks for all the feedback and encouragement.

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There were several times throughout the course of our friendship that Dr. MacNeill called me naïve. While I rallied against his sentiments at the time, perhaps he was right. However, if I was naïve, Dr. MacNeill was also. I thought, perhaps naively, if I just forged ahead with my engagement and then marriage to David that it would erase these bottled up feelings I had for Neil, feelings that had taken me so long to recognize in the first place. Neil most certainly thought that, for he never would have walked away if he thought that unresolved feelings would plague me. Both of were naïve because it didn’t work that way. Well, maybe it did to some extent. If I kept myself very busy, I didn’t have time to think about the implications of the decision to marry David. However, in the quiet times of my often hectic days, when I finally had time to stop and think, those feelings of uneasiness would well up deep within me, and the torrent of thoughts and emotions would threaten to overtake me. Needless to say, I often tried to keep busy.

Seeing Neil with Margaret further rattled my emotions. One night after our engagement, they had dinner at the mission house with us. Neil and I had not seen each other since it happened and that night, I avoided Neil’s gaze at all costs. However, when I forced myself to look at Margaret, she seemed genuinely happy. David sensing this, kept a reign on the conversation and his hand would often drop underneath the table to squeeze mine, with a gentleness that I have rarely witnessed before. After dinner, I excused myself to take a walk by the lake, hoping to be left with my thoughts. The night air was cool and I had left without my shawl, but shivering, I sat down on the bench to watch the stars sparkle in the night sky. I sat there for the longest time, just marveling at God’s creation, trying to restore the peace once again to my heart. But try as I might, peace wouldn’t come.

“Christy?” David had sought me out, my shawl held between his hands. My heart warmed at the gentle act as he put it around my shoulders and sat beside me, taking one of my hands.

“Your hands are like ice” He remarked, rubbing them in between his own. “Why didn’t you come inside?”

I shrugged my shoulders, my eyes still on the night sky.

David sighed deeply, squeezing my hands.

“Sometimes I wish I could understand you, Christy” David remarked.

I turned my head towards him, wondering if I could speak my mind in front of him or if he would dismiss my concerns.

“David” my voice was stronger than I thought it would be when I finally spoke. “Do you think God has plans for us?”

“Are we in for a deep theological discussion, Miss Huddleston?” David teased, kissing my hands.

“David” I turned my body towards him and tugged away one hand to tuck a stray piece of hair behind my ear. “I’m serious”

David sighed again, but must have decided to humor me, because he took his time and then answered.

“I think the Bible is clear that God does have some plans for our lives” David said, “However, I do believe that God allows us to choose our own destinies- that he allows us to make rational decisions”

“So” I asked slowly, “do you believe what we are doing is rational?”

David laughed. “Yes, I do. I love you and you love me. We are doing what two people do who are in love. We are getting married. You can’t get more rational than that Christy”

I rose, taking a step towards the lake, before turning around abruptly. “But David, shouldn’t I feel some sort of peace- some sort of contentment? Why don’t I?” I threw my hands up and tears of frustration began to fall.

David rose and reached for me. “Christy, you can not tell me that you think this is the wrong decision” I could tell he was trying hard not to let exasperation enter his voice. “Do you want a sign from God, Christy? Or do you want to step out in faith?”

I turned away from him, suddenly angry, as I took a step to head back towards the house. But David reached for me and pulled me back, “No, don’t go off angry, Christy. I told you we would figure it out together and I meant it” His voice lowered. “Let’s talk about it” He pulled me down to sit beside him.

David suddenly seemed very vulnerable to me, almost like a little boy as he turned to me. “I know you have feelings for MacNeill. And maybe those feelings might take longer to go away. But I believe you love me and I believe that this is right. He’s taken, Christy. Maybe that is your sign you have been looking for.”

I felt like I had been slapped. He didn’t mean to hurt me with his words. Indeed, he was hurting, but nevertheless, I couldn’t help but feel hurt by his words. Mainly because I knew he was right. David and I sat in silence for the next half of an hour, both staring at the lake, his arm wrapped around my shoulders.

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The next morning, I woke up early to watch the sun rise over the mountains. My bible sat open on my lap. My talk with David left me more determined to fight whatever was going on with my heart. He was right- my future was with him and in this cove with my school children. I would focus on them, instead of worrying so much.

“Christy?” Miss Alice’s voice pulled me away from my musings. “May I come in?”

“Certainly” I said with a smile, scooting over so she could sit next to me.

“I saw thee up here” Miss Alice said with a smile. “I’m getting ready to leave for Low Gap, but I didn’t want to leave thee without a discussion”

I wrapped my shawl tighter around me. “A discussion, Miss Alice?”

“I know thee is conflicted, Christy” Miss Alice began gently. “I saw that last night when you rushed off after dinner. I was concerned about thee.”

“Miss Alice” I shook my head. “There is nothing to be concerned about. I’m in love with David. This is the only thing that makes sense. This must be what God wants for my life”

Miss Alice put her fingers to her lips. “Have thee sought His will in regards to thy marriage to David?”

I struggled for a moment before responding, “Nooo”

“Why not?”

I closed my eyes tightly, “I’m afraid, Miss Alice.”

“Afraid of what, child?” Miss Alice stroked my hair.

“Afraid of what I will find out” I responded in a whisper.

Miss Alice seemed to struggle for a moment. “Christy, I know part of your struggle is over Dr. MacNeill. I don’t wish to pry”

I dropped my head on her shoulder, tears stinging my eyes. “What does it say about me that I…”

“Shh” Miss Alice interrupted, stroking my hair. “Christy, when thee developed feelings for Dr. MacNeill, thee didn’t know he was married. And thee will overcome them in time, with God’s help. But child, thee can’t escape them by marrying David. Thee must seek the Lord’s will to determine if marrying David is in His plan for thee.”

“You believe that He does have a plan, Miss Alice?” I felt safe with Miss Alice stroking my head.

Miss Alice tapped a finger on my bible. “Jeremiah 29:11-13. Thee would do well to look it up. And in the meantime, I will be praying.”

“Thank you, Miss Alice” I whispered. And in spite of all the confusion, it felt good knowing that some things would never change.