1000 Words
By Hikaru

.1

The walls that people create for themselves should be held sacred. They are not to be broken down without permission. But since when has she cared about rules? Ever since I have returned I have felt her eyes on me, trying to recall some forgotten memories from within me simply by looking. I try to ignore it, drowning it all out by creating solitude for myself. I cannot stand the look on her face. It disgusts me to see so much hope hidden within her eyes. She still loves me, despite her inner conflict.

I am not a prince to be awakened by a kiss.

I do not deserve any of the forgiveness she is offering me.

I deserve to be locked in my own loneliness for the rest of eternity. But even then she would follow and stand beside me, smiling as the shadows ate her alive. Does she not realize what evil has been brought forth within me? Of course she does-- she bared witness to it. How can she ignore the terrifying memories that I brought forth with my own hands? How could she have recovered so quickly, when I have not? I do not understand her.

.2

When he came home, I mourned the passing of my memories. After a few seconds of seeing him, I knew it was the end of everything I had believed. I was glad for him to be back home safely. What I was not prepared for was to watch over him as he slowly rediscovered himself. It was just as painful for me as it was for him, if not more. It didn't make sense to anyone in the Aoi-ya. My Aoshi-sama had finally returned home, they had said. Couldn't I at least smile once in a while? In truth, for the first few weeks I had to force the smiles. I knew he needed them to encourage him to wade through the darkness.

But what of my love?

Am I to always to support him, but never love him?

As we are now, we are nothing but strangers to each other. There are times when I catch myself looking at him in the way that I used to. At first I had felt ashamed of myself. Then I realized that the desire of knowing what it would feel like if I pushed my lips against his would never go away.

.3

She is trying to awaken something within me. The looks that she gives, smiles of encouragement, trying to revive what kissed by death a long time ago. But because I cannot ever deny her anything, I find myself trying to discover what she is searching for inside of me to understand what it is that she sees in me. For a while I tried to convince myself she was only in love with her delusions. Since childhood, she believed me to be invincible. The unbreakable Aoshi-sama that could do no wrong to anyone.

As if nothing could ever harm me.

I am a human, am I not?

To this day she remains in the same train of thought, whether she realizes it or not cannot be said. However, there have been times when I have caught her secretly morning the loss of her illusions of who I was. To a child anyone can be made to look perfect. Breaking that illusion is much harder on both parties. It would taste a lie to say that I did not miss her idealized vision of myself. It was much easier to hide behind ideals than trying to discover who I truly am.

.4

As the days pass, I diligently make the effort to see him once a day and talk to him-- dashing into his room with an excuse to say something. While the conversations are usually slanted towards my voice, he begins to slowly respond to my questions. He is trying to break free of whatever solitude he has placed himself in. He isn't ready to move forward, and it would be selfish of me to ask him to. I continue to hope despite the bleak prospects. While I haven't discarded the love I once held for him, it's slowly becoming a memory of what it once was. There are moments when I see the man I loved, if only for a second. Then the lines blur, forming a new subject.

A new Aoshi.

And I am falling for him as well.

I think he is onto me but doesn't know how to express it. He glances at me while drinking his tea, the expression on his face clearly in deep thought. Sometimes I see hatred in his eyes, other times I see love. I'm not sure how to respond to him anymore. The tension is tearing me apart at the seams.

.finale

When she came into my room that night, I could sense that her intentions were different. She did not come close to me. Staring down at the floor, she began to talk. She was glad that I was overcoming all of this, relieved that I had not shut myself away. Her words seemed to blur together until the word "love" passed her lips. I felt myself sink to the floor. This was not what I wanted, but somehow I could not tell her to leave.

There were no other options. He didn't understand what he was doing with those glances and the long talks. I could tell he was just as much in love with me as I was with him. How couldn't he see it? When I said the word "love," he froze. I couldn't let this fragile strength break. I forced my lips upon his. They didn't taste of sweet candy, like in my childhood fantasies, but of bitter tea. He struggled, almost breaking the kiss. But then he relaxed, enjoying the moment. Finally he did pull away, looking as if he wanted to say something. But I shook my head. I didn't want words.

Words ruined everything.

Fin

This fiction was written for entertainment purposes only. The characters of Rurouni Kenshin belong to Watsuki-san. Standard disclaimers apply.