Chapter 21

Susan let out another sigh as she stared out the window that looked over the vast lawn of Professor Diggory’s home. It reminded her so much of the lawn of Cair Paravel. She knew she was only hurting herself by looking out the window, but she had to remind herself of the good times, before all of this happened.

A shadow of a smile formed on her face at the thought of the memories. The many hunts she and her siblings went on, the many balls she helped set up for, the archery lessons she had the pleasure to teach, everything. She missed everything about the magical world that took her away from reality. The fighting she didn’t miss at all. If she had the choice, there would be no wars in Narnia; everything would be settled with words.

Susan chuckled. She knew with Peter as High King that wars would be inevitable. Peter was a great king but he was quick to anger, only when something wasn’t going his way, especially when it came to Edmund following orders.

Susan rubbed her stomach, being thankful that the doctor’s visit didn’t last that long. She hated everyone staring at her; she could tell what they were thinking. They were thinking that she made a mistake, that she threw away her life, that she was stupid.

She wasn’t stupid. Sure, she did something that she would normally frown upon, but no one would understand unless it happened to them. She loved Caspian and she felt that that was the way to show him, tell him, to let him know. Susan was glad that she was having a baby; it was just proof of their love.

She flinched at the loud crack of thunder and the bright light that filled the room because of the storm. She’s always hated storms. The loud crack of thunder always made her think that the world was going to end when she was younger. The bright flashes of light made her think that she would be blind for the rest of her life. And all of the rain made her think that a flood was imminent. She loved playing in the puddles the next day, but having to go through all of it the night before made her wish that there were no such things as storms.

Susan sighed once more. Peter used to always protect her from the storms. He would play a game with her or tell her a story to make her forget about her fears and make her feel better. On the rare occasions he would brush her hair for her, because the feeling always relaxed her. That just made Susan wish Peter and Edmund were with them now more than ever. How could she do it?

“How could who do what?” Susan turned her head and saw Lucy standing in her doorway. She didn’t even realize that she had said that out loud. Lucy joined Susan on the window seat in the room. Lucy peered at Susan as she got settled. “How who could do what?” She repeated.

“Mum,” Susan replied. “I still don’t understand how she’s fine with leaving her sons in a world she doesn’t even know about.”

“You’ve been thinking about them too.” It was more of a statement than a question. Lucy had this strange ability to be able to know what people were thinking of before they even said anything to her. “I don’t understand either. I thought Mum would be wracked with guilt, but she hasn’t even batted an eyelash every time I brought them up.” Lucy paused. “Maybe Professor Diggory said something to her that made her relaxed.”

“Even if she knew about Narnia before she wouldn’t be relaxed, Lu,” Susan said as she shook her head. “It’s not like her.”

“I’ll go talk to her,” Lucy declared as she stood. “It’s not fair that she made us come home and she left without Peter and Edmund. She has to be putting on an act. Mum gets worried when Peter stays out ten minutes past when he said he’d be home.”

Susan let Lucy leave the room and she got to her feet and shuffled over to her bed. She longed for Narnia, it seemed simpler for her. Narnia was easier for her to deal with. It was like a dream to her, while back in Finchley was her reality. In Finchley she had to worry about catching up on her schoolwork, making sure she and the baby were the healthiest they could be, try to keep her food down, and most importantly, not think about Caspian too much or she’d be weighed down with sadness that made her heart ache.

Whereas, in Narnia, she would be there with him and she knew that her baby would grow up to be a future ruler of the land. In Narnia planning balls and going to council meetings took up her time, but she didn’t have to worry about being criticized by the other members. And even if they did she knew that Peter and Edmund would be there to protect her.

She felt vulnerable with them gone.

That’s when she felt it. At first she thought that it was just a normal movement as her dinner digested, but there was no mistaking it once the feeling occurred again.

Her baby kicked.

Susan was at a loss of breath as she held her baby and felt so close to the living creature than she has ever felt before. She regretted ever thinking that she wanted to give up the child to live a normal life. She was a Queen of an unknown land; there was no way that her life could be normal.

“I talked to Mum, but she didn’t seem worried at all. She was more worried about you and your baby and where it was going to sleep and where we would get diapers,” Lucy announced as she came into the room and sat down at the foot of the bed. “I did wait a few minutes by her door and I heard her saying something about leaving them. She does feel guilty; she just doesn’t want us to know. It’ll only be a matter of time before she makes us go back to bring them back here. We just have to wait her out.”

“That’s great Lu,” Susan said in a distracted tone. Lucy raised an eyebrow before looking at her. “The baby’s kicking,” Susan explained as Lucy’s eyes lit up. “Come here.” Lucy scrambled over to her sister’s side and rested her palm against her older sister’s stomach. “See?” Susan whispered when the baby kicked again.

“That’s so cool,” Lucy whispered herself, as if speaking loudly would shatter the reality. “Susan, I’ve been thinking. Are you going to raise the baby here or are you going to give him or her back to Narnia where he or she belongs?”

“I have been thinking about that myself, and I couldn’t bring myself to bring her or him back,” Susan replied. “It would hurt too much for me to have to be away from him or her. It deserves to know who its father is, but I don’t feel right giving it away.”

“Well, maybe you could have twins, a boy and a girl. You could keep the girl here and bring the boy to Narnia so he could rule,” Lucy suggested with a slight giggle. “That way you’d have a mini Caspian and a mini you.”

“Oh, shut up,” Susan said as she giggled herself. The feeling of happiness surprised her. She hadn’t felt that for a while. Not since she found out that she was pregnant in the first place. It replaced the feeling of fear that was clutching at her heart for the past couple of weeks since they returned from the doctor. She finally felt relaxed and at peace.

Ever since they got home from Narnia the days melted into weeks but it felt like an eternity since they left. The only thing she had to look forward to now was her labor, which the doctor said could be at any time between then and the end of her trimester.

“I’m sure Peter and Edmund are fine,” Lucy suddenly spoke up. “I mean, they’re excellent fighters and they know how to stop any wars from starting. They’ll make sure Narnia still runs as perfectly as can be.”

“That’s not the part I’m worried about,” Susan admitted. “It’s what Peter’s going to do once he finds out that we’re gone. He’d probably drop everything to try and bring us back. You know Pete, when his mind is set on one thing he thinks is right, he won’t bring in any other–”

Lucy looked up when Susan stopped in the middle of her sentence. Susan’s eyes were wide and she was clutching her stomach as she tried to sit up. “Su? What’s wrong?” Lucy gripped Susan’s arm as Susan slowly let out a breath. “Su? Su?”

“Lucy, go get Mum, Mrs. Macready and Professor Diggory,” Susan ordered as she held her stomach a little bit tighter.

“What? Why?”

“My water just broke,” Susan replied through clenched teeth.

“The baby’s coming?”

“Yes, the baby’s coming! Hurry!”

“Mum!” Lucy yelled as she jumped off of the bed and rushed towards the door. “Mum! Come quick! The baby! The baby!” She ran down the hall, making as much noise as she could to grab their mother’s attention. She flung open the door to Helen’s room. She looked up from the book that she was reading. “Mum! Susan! The baby! Come quick!” was all she was able to get out in between her gasps for air. Helen slowly put down her book as if she were in a trance. Lucy watched her, trying to figure out what was wrong. “Mum! Susan needs your help. The baby is coming!” Lucy reiterated.

“Baby,” Helen repeated. Her face crumbled as she bit her lip. “I left my babies…” she shook her head and pushed back the covers. Susan’s scream was heard down the hallway and it jumpstarted the two girls.

Lucy almost crashed into Mrs. Macready as she and Helen burst into the room. Professor Diggory came down the hall quickly, holding a candle as a light. Lucy was about to question him when there was a big bang of thunder and they were enveloped in darkness.

“Sssh. Honey, it’ll be ok,” Helen said over the sounds of the storm. “Lucy, phone for an ambulance,” she ordered when the lights flickered back on.

“But Mum, I can’t use the phone in a storm!” Lucy protested over the noise.

“Lucy, please!”

Lucy did as she was told. Not because her mother sounded desperate, but because she didn’t want to hear Susan’s screams of pain. She rushed down the hall and grabbed the phone. Spinning the dial, she held her breath as she prayed that the power wouldn’t go out. She tapped her fingers on the table that the phone sat on as she waited for someone on the other end to pick up. She heard someone’s intake of breath before there was another loud boom and the power went out again.

Lucy quickly threw down the phone, afraid that she’d get shocked by holding the phone. She rushed back to the room. “Mum! I can’t. If the power comes back on I can’t go near the phone!” Lucy yelled.

“We’re going to have to deliver this baby manually,” Professor Diggory announced.

“Mum, I want to help,” Lucy called from the doorway.

“Luce, there isn’t much that you can do,” Helen started.

“Mum, I promised I wouldn’t leave Susan,” Lucy said in a stern tone. “I’m not going to break that promise.” She stared hard at her mother, hoping and praying that she would let her in there. She had to get to Susan’s side, she just had to. Helen sighed and Lucy took that opportunity to dash to Susan’s side. Lucy pulled up and chair and grabbed Susan’s hand. Susan’s face was all ready flushed and had a thin layer of sweat on it. Susan turned and smiled at Lucy through the pain. “Don’t worry Su, we’re going to get through this together,” she said as she squeezed Susan’s hand.

“I wish Peter and Edmund were here,” Susan whispered.

Lucy sensed more than saw their mother flinch when Susan uttered that sentence. “Me too.”