A/N: Hello everyone, and welcome to A Need for Dates! Before we get started, I'd just like to remind you that this is a sequel to A Need For Spoons, and while you don't absolutely have to read it to understand this story, there are several references as well as direct plot development from Spoons, so I would recommend that you read it first (no, this is not shameless advertising...well, maybe a little). Anyways, it's great to be back writing humour again, and I hope you enjoy.

Also, as Spoons was written before I played DoC, and I ignored it then, I am also ignoring it now. So Choas is still kicking and DeepGround never was.

Rating mainly for language, and some dirty thoughts.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the cake that inspired this (that is now, alas, all gone).

Chapter 1: Mr Cidney Matchmaker Highwind

Vincent sighed, feeling distinctly harassed.

“This is foolish, and a waste of time,” he stated bluntly. He rose to leave, but a set of hands gripped his shoulders and forced him back down into the chair.

“Sit your ass, down, Valentine,” came Cid’s gruff voice from behind him. “No one’s leaving ‘til we get this settled, got it? ‘Sides, I locked the door.”

“You realize that’ll only make us break it down, right?” pointed out Cloud, who was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, looking just as disgruntled as Vincent felt.

“Do ya want my Gospel up yer ass, Spike?”

“What I want is to leave. Now.”

“Ya stupid fucks, I’m just trying to help y’all out. Now sit down, Spike, and listen to me.”

Cloud seemed to consider ignoring this, glaring at Cid, but eventually uncrossed his arms and sat down with a distinct air of sullenness next to Vincent. The pilot came into Vincent’s line of sight, looking markedly pleased. He stood opposite Vincent and Cloud, scrutinizing them.

Vincent balefully returned Cid’s stare. The pilot had picked him up the day before, telling him Reeve had an urgent mission waiting for him. Now he found himself locked in the Missions Briefing room aboard the Shera, along with Cloud, who apparently had also been lied to regarding exactly why Cid had picked them up.

As it turned out, there was no mission. Well, Vincent amended, no WRO mission. Cid has his own plot in motion. One that regarded – Vincent scowled just thinking about it – matchmaking.

Cid had somehow convinced himself that Vincent had...more than mere friendly feelings for one Yuffie Kisaragi.

Which was completely ridiculous, of course.

‘Liar,' drifted Chaos’ voice from the back of his mind. He narrowed his eyes. His demons had apparently decided to take Cid’s side. He glanced at Cloud, who was glaring at Cid. Cid was trying to hook him up with Tifa, the one idea of the pilot’s which Vincent fully agreed with.

“Now,” Cid started, patting his various pockets for a pack of cigarettes. “Will one of yas explain to me when y’all became such pussies?”

Vincent continued to stare, not even bothering to answer such a ridiculous accusation. Cloud scowled next to him, and likewise held his silence.

“You two, who have been in more battles than Reno’s got hookers, are afraid to ask out a lady. It’s pathetic!” He was temporarily distracted as his search for a cig came up successful, and he took a moment to light it and take a long drag.

Vincent took advantage of the opening.

“You don’t find that hypocritical, coming from you?” he asked dryly. Cid blinked at him.

“What the fuck you talkin’ bout, Vince?” he asked, confused.

“Well,” said Vincent calmly, studying his gauntlet in mock thought. “Was it not you who lived with Shera for nearly eight years before you told her how you felt?”

Cloud smirked. Cid scowled.

“’S not the point, fuckhead. We’re talkin’ ‘bout you, now.”

Vincent gave a small shrug, keeping his face blank.

“It just seems that you should be the last person giving us advice – not that I need it, though Cloud may – on this particular subject.”

Cloud’s smirk disappeared to be replaced by a frown as he glared at Vincent. Cid, however, just grinned, putting Vincent immediately on his guard.

“You seem a bit cranky, Vince. Missin’ the ninja brat already?”

“Do not call her ‘brat’,” he responded immediately before he could catch himself. “And I do not miss her,” he added quickly at Cid’s victorious smile. The smile didn’t fade, instead just taking on a knowing edge. He inwardly berated himself for his lack of self-control; he should not have risen to such obvious bait.

But he didn’t like it when Cid called Yuffie a brat. His lack of respect for her rankled him, even though he knew that Cid was just saying it affectionately.

“Cloud told me ‘bout how you went and spooned the kid,” Cid commented casually, puffing out a ring of smoke.

Vincent glared at Cloud, who at least had the shame to fidget guiltily.

“Did Cloud also happen to mention I did so to save her life,” he growled, never taking his glare off the swordsman next to him. “And she’s not a kid,” he added, despite himself.

Cid just raised his eyebrows in a look that spoke clearly of disbelief.

“Ya know, I wasn’t aware spooning was a way to save lives – “

“She was hypothermic and body heat was the only way to keep her warm,” he snapped.

“Sure, sure, I gotcha,” Cid said in a tone that suggested he didn’t believe Vincent for a moment. Cloud snickered. He immediately regretted it as Cid turned his attention on him.

“Don’t even get me started on you, ya imbecile,” he threatened. “Yer even worse than vampire here, ignoring a girl like Tifa for so long. Fuck, even I can see she’s in love with ya.”

Cloud immediately flushed red.

“I haven’t ignored her,” he mumbled. “And she’s not...she’s not – “ Vincent watched with an inward smirk as he struggled to even speak the words. “She’s not in love with me,” he finally hissed.

Cid just shook his head.

“Idiots. The both of ya.” He clapped his hands together. “It’sa good thing I’m here, or who knows where’d y’all end up. Now I’m gonna tell ya what’s what. We’re gonna have a little competition. Everyone enjoys a bit of a contest, right?” He grinned, pointing in their general direction.

“Whichever one of you suckers asks his lady out on a date first wins, plain ‘n simple.”

Vincent snorted.

“You seem to be forgetting that I have no wish to ask Yuffie out on a date,” he deadpanned.

“Liar,” said Cid, Cloud, and Chaos simultaneously. He heard Hellmasker snicker quietly.

He frowned – physically and mentally – at them, crossing his arms over his chest defensively.

“That’s odd,” Cid said. “’Cause I seem to remember you lookin’ pretty damn comfy when she was lying on yer chest a week ago.”

Vincent’s frown grew more pronounced as he vividly recalled the incident a week ago. “I was concerned for Yuffie’s wellbeing,” he said carefully.

“Shit, Valentine, you’re more in denial than a father seeing positive on his little girl’s pregnancy test,” Cid barked. “Cloud, you must be lovin’ the thought of takin’ Tifa on a date.”

Cloud shifted uncomfortably. He fidgeted for a few moments before sighing.

“...Maybe,” he said grudgingly. Cid beamed.

“Don’t worry, I got a plan that’ll help the both of yas,” he said eagerly, rubbing his hands together. Vincent fought the suddenly strong urge to flee. Cid turned away from them to rummage through some nondescript boxes lying in the corner.

“Whatcy’all need,” he grunted as he sifted through the box’s contents, “Is some background knowledge, some research, as it is.”

Vincent’s eyes widened. He desperately hoped Cid wasn’t about to reveal some long-lost stash of aged pornography. Cloud, who had a look of horror on his face, appeared to be thinking along similar lines.

“Aha!” Cid’s hand emerged from the box in triumph, clutching several DVDs. Vincent closed his eyes briefly, thinking his fears confirmed.

“This is the stuff ya need to watch and learn from,” Cid said, showing one of the DVDs to Vincent and Cloud. Cloud frowned as he read the cover.

“...The Notebook? What’s that about?”

“Some cheesy romance,” Cid said, looking uncomfortable, “The ladies love it, apparently.”

Vincent quirked an eyebrow.

“I wouldn’t have thought you were into romance movies, Cid,” he said innocently.

Cid glowered at him. “I’m not, alright, these are Shera’s.”

Cloud had picked up another of the DVDs, looking at it curiously.

“Titanic, Part One?” He flipped the DVD over to look at the back and gave a loud snort of laughter.

Vincent and Cid looked at him questioningly.

Containing his laughter, Cloud sat up straight, putting on a prim face, and carefully read in a voice several tones higher than it normally was:

“Property of Cidney Highwind, Rocket Town.” He dissolved into a fit of snickering once more as Cid’s jaw dropped.

“Gimme that!” he yelled, snatching the DVD away from Cloud to look at it himself. “Goddammit, Shera!” he cursed a moment later. He looked back up at Cloud and Vincent. “Shera wrote that there, alright, it ain’t mine.”

“Of course, Cidney,” Vincent deadpanned, finding himself unable to withhold a smirk at the pilot’s expense.

“Screw the both of yas,” Cid snarled. When Vincent’s smirk didn’t disappear and Cloud’s laughter continued, he snapped.

“That’s it, dickheads,” he fumed. “Y’all got one month to ask your girl out on a date, or else I tell them that you spooned them.”

Vincent’s smirk instantly disappeared, and Cloud’s laughter came to a strangled halt as he visibly blanched.

“...You wouldn’t,” Cloud breathed, looking horrified.

Cid gave a grim smile. “Sure as the wind I would.”

“But Tifa would kill me!” Cloud gasped.

Vincent was entertaining various imaginings of Conformer being embedded in his face, but he tried to resist Cid’s blackmailing nonetheless.

“I did it to save her life. It was perfectly reasonable. Yuffie would understand,” he stated.

Cid gave a loud guffaw.

“Yuffie, reasonable?”

Vincent struggled with himself, but found he was forced to agree. He resisted the urge to sulk.

Cloud looked resigned to his fate, and was picking up The Notebook to examine it sceptically.

“Girls love this stuff?”

Cid grunted an affirmation.

Cloud glanced at Vincent, holding up the DVD and sighing.

“I guess we should prepare ourselves as best we can,” he said.

Vincent just glared at Cid, an idea occurring to him.

“I could just incapacitate you in some way, Cid. Then you wouldn’t be able to tell anyone.”

Cid shrugged, seeming unconcerned.

“Then you’d have to deal with an angry Shera,” he pointed out.

Vincent frowned. This was true.

Cid chuckled. “I’d pay to see that.”

“You wouldn’t be able to see. ‘Incapacitated’ usually incorporates unconsciousness or death of some sort,” Vincent shot back.

Cid shrugged again. “I’d get Reeve to videotape it for me. Anyways, I’m gonna leave you two to your research.” He grinned at them once more, throwing a mock salute their way.

“Good luck, boys. Was nice knowin’ ya.”

He strode from the room, locking the door behind him.

Vincent looked at Cloud. Cloud looked at Vincent.

“I think we’re screwed, Vincent,” Cloud sighed, but stood to put on the DVD. “But we might as well give it a shot, I guess. Besides, I’ll admit that going on a date with Tifa would...” he trailed off for a moment, apparently lost in a daydream.

“It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world by any means,” he finished, flushing and rubbing the back of his neck.

Vincent said nothing as the movie started.

Going on a date with Yuffie.

He steadfastly ignored the part of him that was agreeing with Cloud’s assessment.

“...Should we be taking notes on this?” Cloud asked a few minutes into the movie. In his peripheral vision he saw Vincent give him a disdainful look.

“This is ridiculous,” he heard the gunman mutter.

“C’mon, Vincent, it isn’t that bad. At least you know Yuffie likes you,” Cloud said, his eyes never leaving the screen.

“And, how, pray, did you come to that conclusion?” Vincent asked, his voice dripping with scorn.

“Well, the fact she took a picture of you with your shirt off and put it as her background on her phone kinda gave it away,” he reminded.

“That proves nothing,” Vincent replied moodily. Cloud just snorted.

“Why else would she take a picture of you shirtless, then?”

“Shall I point out that Tifa also took a picture of you without a shirt?” Vincent shot back, ignoring Cloud’s question.

Cloud scowled. “It wasn’t because she likes me, it was for some regular at the bar.”

Vincent was quiet for a few moments.

“...Do you actually believe that?”

Cloud’s scowl became more pronounced. Half of him wanted to say yes, because then he wouldn’t have to admit to Tifa having...feelings, for him, while half of him wanted to say no, because that would mean that Tifa had taken a picture of him sans shirt for her own personal use. The thought filled him with an almost giddy happiness and a smug sense of manliness.

However, it would also mean he had to admit to Vincent that Tifa liked him, which at this point he refused to do.

“Yes, I do, thanks.”

He expected a comeback, but was greeted only with silence. Surprised, he looked over to see Vincent deep in thought.

“...Does it seem strange to you that both Yuffie and Tifa got pictures of us at the same time?” Vincent asked quietly, glancing at him.

Cloud frowned in thought. It did, now that he thought about it. In fact, it seemed very strange.

A small part of his brain specifically reserved for paranoia started spitting out conspiracy theories immediately.

Another part of his brain pointed out something else.

“How the hell did we not think about that before?” he asked, feeling distinctly annoyed with himself for missing something like that.

“I suppose we were distracted at the time the pictures were revealed,” Vincent supplied. Cloud nodded slowly in agreement, then stopped, blinking, when he realized what exactly he was agreeing too.

Vincent also seemed to realize what he’d said. Or not said.

“Distracted by work, of course,” the gunman added quickly.

Cloud nodded rapidly. “Right, right, of course, work.”

Not by the fact that Tifa had just popped out of nowhere and you were busy remembering that night in Frelt. Nope nope nope!

He sighed. Who was he kidding? He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about that night – how good it had felt, to hold her in his arms. He suddenly remembered Cid’s threat, and he gulped. He liked his anatomy how it was, thank you, which meant he had to get Tifa out on a date before she tore him limb from limb.

“So...what are you gonna do to get Yuffie to go on a date with you?”

Vincent gave him a look that Cloud usually saved for particularly disgusting pieces of garbage.

“Don’t give me that look,” Cloud snapped. “Pretend all you like, but Yuffie is gonna kill you if she finds out you spooned her.”

Vincent gave an unwilling grunt of agreement.

“So what’re you going to do about it?” Cloud prodded when Vincent refused to be more forthcoming.

“...I have no idea,” muttered Vincent.

Cloud cursed silently. He’d been hoping for some ideas from the older man. “Me neither,” he groused, slouching further into his chair, watching the movie with little interest.

“...Think she’d go out with me if I dangled myself from a Ferris Wheel?” he asked Vincent curiously, eyeing the scene unfolding in the movie.

“No,” stated Vincent bluntly. Cloud scowled, getting the distinct feeling Vincent enjoyed crushing his vague hopes. “You could fall from that height and be perfectly fine. Your threat would be worthless.”

They sat in silence for several minutes, watching the movie.

“...I can’t see Yuffie watching a movie like this,” Vincent said, staring with a vaguely nonplussed look at the two lovers laughing on the screen.

“Yeah, I don’t think Tifa would either,” Cloud responded, feeling uncomfortable just watching the interaction of the couple.

“...Why are we even watching this ridiculous movie?” Vincent asked.

“Because we’re totally screwed and could use any tip we could get?” Cloud suggested.

Vincent was silent at that. Cloud knew he agreed.

Aerith gave a soft sigh.

“I love this movie. Their love is so beautiful...” she sighed again, giving a watery-eyed smile.

Zack fidgeted. There were some things about women, even Aerith, he would never be able to understand.

“Who do you think will get their girl first?” he asked her, feeling the need to distract himself from the romance unfolding on the screen below. Aerith gave another sigh, this one distinctly more frustrated.

“They’re both so hopeless at this. I mean, we already had to get Cid to lock them in a room because they practically ran away after what happened a week ago.”

Zack nodded in agreement.

Aerith suddenly perked up, a certain gleam that Zack had long since learned to fear appearing in her emerald eyes.

“Wanna have another bet?” she asked, waggling her eyebrows suggestively.

Zack stared at her. “Do you have a gambling addiction or something?”

Aerith pouted, placing her hands on her hips.

“C’mon, you know you want to. It’s way more fun using divine intervention when there’s something personal on the line.”

Zack tried to resist, he really did. But Aerith put on her puppy dog look, and he instantly broke down.

“Alright. Who do you wanna bet on?”

Aerith looked down, studying the two contestants.

“Hmm...Vincent’s still in denial, but Cloud is the master of procrastination when it comes to dealing with his feelings.”

Zack nodded in agreement once more. “Well if you can’t decide, I’m gonna pick Vincent, for consistency’s sake. Yuffie should’ve won the first time anyways.”

Aerith glared at him. “I swear, if you light another garbage can on fire – “

Zack grinned impishly at her. “Who, me? I would never do such a thing!”

Aerith’s glare wavered under his charmed smile, and she gave a soft laugh.

“Very well, then, Mr. Fair,” she said. “Same stakes as last time?”

Zack grinned, nodding, then cracked his knuckles. “One month?”

“One month.”

It was time to get to work.