A/N:I don't really know how this popped in I saw the word loathing and just...composed this.

Disclaimer: I am so not JK its unbelievable

Loathing

I don't love her. That is laughable. I do not love. I don't love anyone or anything. Though I'm sure some will theorize what I felt for her was love. I'm sure it was not.

In fact if I had to put a name on what I felt for her I would say I loathe her.

Loathing.

She sneers and throws curses around without being provoked, justified in her own madness . They all steer clear of her. They know who she's killed, who she's tortured. She killed her own cousin, this is reason enough to fear her if one has no ties to her. I would say for those who fear her, it's the smart decision on their part.

When around her they react like animals. They either recognize shes stronger and show her their belly or they challenge her.

I imagine them as dogs. Scraping. Yelping. Growling. Marking their territory. Pathetic really.

I loathe her in every way. I loathe the way she speaks to the others, delusional at best. She thinks she's the favourite. Thinks she's better than them. I don't think she's better than anyone. She's failed me multiple times. I loathe her for this.

I have to give her credit, she's loyal. Not the same way as the rest. Not like all those who claimed the imperious. She was unswervingly loyal for fifteen long years in a dismal cell. Others were just waiting for death. She was waiting for me. Clamouring and writhing in her cell. I can just see her, trying not to die. I cant help but feel a sort of perverse joy in picturing her throwing herself around those dingy stone walls in an attempt to fight death. Defy it in her own way. Defy death; something I know all too well.

The rest of them I don't feel anything for. The rest of those imbisiles. All those lumps seated around me...next to her I don't feel anything for them.

Indifference.

Even to Severus who has never failed me. I feel indifference. I care little if they die. There are those who will replace the ones that die. I don't know that I loathe anyone exactly the way I do her. I don't know that I could feel that level of disdain for anyone but her. I despise Potter. With every fibre of my being I despise him. I despise mudbloods, blood-traitors, my filthy muggle father. Those things are not the same.

Disdain?

Perhaps it is disdain I feel for her. Aversion. Repulsion. All these are words I might freely use to voice my feelings for her. If I was so inclined as to voice my opinion of her. I'm not.

But not indifference. I would never say I'm indifferent to her.

Every day I consider my feelings for her. How could I not? I consider it for a long while. Each time I think of her I can't help but think loathing is perhaps much better than never feeling anything?

I loathe her...but it feels better than indifference.

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