Author: l'heure bleue PM
It was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I did it. I moved on, Edward, just like you asked. ExBRated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Tragedy - Bella & Edward - Words: 1,912 - Reviews: 597 - Favs: 581 - Follows: 86 - Published: 07-14-08 - Status: Complete - id: 4395111
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Title: Mommy's Letter
Summary: It was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I did it. I moved on, Edward, just like you asked. ExB
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Thanks a million to my beta, CrystalRaindrop!
— Mommy's Letter —
( Edward POV )
"Are you Mr. Edward?"
I blinked in surprise as I looked down at the tiny girl in front of me. Her chocolate brown eyes were wide and curious, and there was a small smile floating on her bright, pink lips. Her skin — a dark, russet color — was so soft under my hand as I bent down and gripped her shoulder lighty so I could stare into her eyes.
"I'm Edward Cullen," I clarified, confused. "Do I know you, ma'am?"
She giggled at my formal speech, and then shook her head.
"Nuh uh. But my mommy knew you."
My heart — unbeating for over a hundred years — shattered as I realized why the girl's eyes, so deep, so beautiful, seemed so familiar.
"Bella?" I breathed, and saying the name that hadn't been spoken in over fifteen years made my heart break all over again. I knew that, if I could shed tears, they would be coursing down my cheeks, so cold, so hard, so pale, right now.
The litle girl nodded.
"Uh huh! That was my Mommy. Here," she said, and she reached into her bright pink, kitty-shaped backpack and her tiny fist clutched a white envelope — worn with age and overuse. She shoved it into my hands, and she smiled, showing off a large gap where her front two teeth had fallen out. "Mommy said that if I ever saw you, I should give this to you."
"Thank you," I whispered, for I couldn't allow my voice to raise any higher for fear that I would begin to sob. My fingers danced over the worn paper — I was sure that this little girl had looked at the letter again and again and again — and I fought back the feelings that threatened to consume me. The feelings that had been locked away for so ... so long. "Thank you," I breathed again, and the girl smiled proudly.
But her smile fell and she turned around quickly, her eyes lighting up happily when they landed on the man, frantic, that ran for her.
"Marie Alice Black! Where in the world have you been?" the man demanded worriedly, sweeping the tiny girl into his large, dark arms. It was easy to tell that this man was her father — the resemblance was striking. "Oh, Marie, never scare me like that again."
The man didn't even notice me as he quickly checked over his daughter to make sure she was uninjured. And as he walked away with her in his arms, she peeked over his shoulder and waved. I tried to wave back, but I couldn't. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. It was all I could do not to cry.
"Where's Mommy's letter?" the man asked suddenly, surprised.
"I lost it," Marie chirped happily, and he frowned.
"Should we go look for it, baby? I know how important it is to you."
"No," Marie said slowly, and she wrapped her little arms around the man's neck. "I'm fine. I don't need it anymore. I know mommy's with me even now. She'll never leave me."
A look of pride washed over the man's face, and he kissed Marie's forehead so tenderly, so softly.
"That's my baby girl," he murmured softly, and then I couldn't see him anymore. I couldn't see her anymore. I couldn't hear them.
Instead, I was alone. Again. Forever.
My fingers, shaking, trembling, slowly opened the envelope, and I pulled out the two pieces of paper within, paper that looked worn with age, but I was sure had never been touched. It was almost as if Marie had held the envelope in her tiny palm for all of her life, but had never opened it. The only imperfections on the pure, white paper were the stains from the tears that had fallen while the letter was being written.
Edward, it began, and I choked back a sob as I curled my knees to my chest and wrapped one arm around them as my eyes, shining with the tears that I could never shed, swept quickly over the paper.
I did it.
It was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I did it. I moved on, Edward, just like you asked. I finished high school. I went to college. I fell in love again. I got married. And I'm a mother to the most beautiful, sweetest little girl in the whole, wide world. She's my light in this life, and I couldn't ask for more.
Jacob's a good man. He's the one who held me together when you left. I tried to kill myself, you know, because I was so sure that I couldn't go on without you. He saved me, though. He pulled me away from the cliffs, and as he held me in his arms, I felt complete for the first time in so long.
I fell in love with him, Edward. I really did. I told him everything, because I knew it wouldn't be fair to him if I didn't. I could never give him my whole heart, though, because my heart hasn't been whole since you left me. But I gave him every single piece I could find, and he cherished them, and he cherished me.
I can never love him like I loved you, but I did love him. I gave him everything I had left.
We were married when I finished college. It was a small wedding, and every time I looked at the plans, or the cake, or the flowers, I thought of Alice, and I wished more than anything that she had been given the chance to plan it. I know she would have loved that.
And then I found out I was pregnant. I never thought I would want a baby, Edward. I was so sure I would never want children. But when I first heard her heartbeat on the ultrasound, I began crying. It was so beautiful. Jacob insisted that we call her Marie, and I gave her Alice's name as a middle. I wanted to name her Marie Rosalie, but it didn't really fit. I wanted to name her that because every time I looked at her, I remembered Rosalie, and how she wanted a child so badly.
I'm happy, Edward ... but I'm incomplete. Even as I was married, I wished it was you standing in front of me. Even as I gave birth to Marie, I wished it was you encouraging me, crying as you held your child for the first time. And, even as I lay here now, breathing my last breaths, I wish it was you holding my hand.
Oh, Edward. I want to see you again. Just once. Only once. Please, Edward, please. I can't die before seeing you again. I can't. I won't. I'll hold on forever if I have to. But I have to see your face again. Just once. Please.
I'm not ready to die, Edward. I want to be in your arms. I want you to hold me, to tell me that you lied to me that day. To tell me that you do still love me.
Oh, Edward, I could never give Jacob or Marie up, but if you had come back to me, I don't see how I could have stayed with them. I love you so much. Even today. Even after everything. Even after you left me. Even after you broke me. I love you. I love you. I love you.
I will love you forever.
But I'm sick, Edward. I'm sick and I can't hold on much longer.
But no matter what, no matter when, I need you to know this. I need you to see this letter. I need you to know ...
... that I still love you. I never stopped loving you. Even as I loved another, the love I felt for you was stronger.
Edward ... Edward ... Edward ...
I love you.
Isabella Marie Black
I was sobbing loud, heart-wrenching sobs as I finished the letter that I held in my hands.
She loved me. Oh, God, she loved me even after everything I'd done. She'd died loving me. She'd lived loving me. She'd loved me. I loved her, too, and I wanted nothing more than to see her, to feel her, to be with her, to hold her, to tell her that I'd lied. To tell her that everything I had said to her on that day was a lie.
"I still love you. I still love you. Oh, Bella, I love you," I whimpered, and I turned my head to the sky, wishing more than anything that she could hear me.
I was making a scene ... but I didn't care. I was in the middle of the park, my arms wrapped around my body, trying desperately to hold myself together. Trying in vain to hold the pain in.
But as her words washed over me again and again — for I could never, ever forget them — I felt the dam break loose, and the anguish, the agony, the terror, the pain washed over me, surrounded me, covered me, buried me.
I knew I would never be able to resurface.
Bella, I cried in my thoughts. Bella, I love you. Bella. Bella. Bella.
"BELLA!" I screamed, and my voice was hoarse as I continued to cry out for her. "Bella! Bella! Bella!"
But I knew she would never answer me. I knew she would never come back.
She was gone. Forever.
I wanted nothing more than to die in that moment. I wanted nothing more than to just ... stop existing. Because I knew I couldn't continue on without her.
I stood shakily to my feet, and I was still sobbing as I searched. I stumbled and fell. I stood up again. I continued on.
I searched and searched.
And then I found it.
I stumbled into the warm ray of light, letting it light my dark world, letting it put my imperfections, my pain, on display for the whole world to see. I knew they would come. They always did. They would have known what I was going to do before I'd even done it, as they somehow always did.
And I knew, as I let the sunlight warm my eternally cold skin, that it was almost over.
Wow. Emotional much? This came to me while doing the dishes, and I had to write it down. I just had to. Personally? I love it. ALSO! I updated Never Too Late just a few minutes ago — go read it!
NOTE: A few questions have been asked. Is Bella really dead would be the top one, and yes, she is. I couldn't really go into detail, though, but yes, she passed away. I forgot the other questions that were asked. Hehe ...
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