a/n- So basically this is my first real attempt at a fic. Pretty much about a girl, Lexie, at Horizon High for cutting with a complicated story. The twist is… this is also my story and most of what u read is me. Should be interesting. R&R. Italics indicate song lyrics. (iris- googoo dolls)

Finding Truth in the Lies

Chapter one:

“And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t comin’, or the moment of truth in your lies.

When everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive.”

Every lie begins as truth, I concluded. He said he loved me, and maybe he did. But the things he’d done, the thing all her “boyfriends” had done, said otherwise. My parents say there’s no real problem with me. They go on and on about my greedy need for attention. Yeah, that could be true. Except for the small details of how I’d disturb their Stepford lives if I asked for attention. It’s not about attention! They also said being sent off to Horizon High was going to be good for me, that maybe now I couldn’t mess things up… wait, that one might actually be the truth.

Pacing, I always catch myself pacing when I think about these things. And I always stop in front of the mirror like this. I don’t even know why I have one in my room, I can’t stand to look into mirrors., see the horrible creature becoming of me. And still, I looked and I thought: this is me, wishing to bring back the “Alexandria Faith” of yesteryear to replace the hollow “Lexie” of today.

Suddenly a fit of rage swept over me and the lamp on my nightstand crashed to the floor with a muffled bang. If my room wasn’t so cluttered, it would have smashed into a million pieces, just like the remnants of my heart. And I whispered, were hearts made whole just to break?”. Running to my bed, I reached under my mattress in search of the razorblade I knew was hidden there. It was the only thing I had at that point to take the pain away, my solace. With every cut I made to my forearms and the more they bled, the more the pain washed itself away. I knew it was wrong, but it was the only thing I knew how to do- along with screwing things up.

My bedroom door flew open and my parents emerged with a tall man to take me to Horizon. The looks on their faces told so many stories and I had to wonder how many of those stories were true.

The drive up to Horizon was long, but boy was it beautiful. The dark, mysterious mountains made a perfect contrast to the softness of the blue sky and I tried to imagine how thing might look captured through the eyes of a painter. The high school looked like a regular summer camp, and in a way, it could have been. I stepped out of the car and immediately retreated to the confines of my own shell, it always seemed to be a safer bet, as a tall, brown-haired man approached us.

“Hello, you must be Mr. and Mrs. Hill. And you are Alexandria, right?” I backed away from his hand on my shoulder. I don’t like people touching me. It never brought up good memories.

“Lexie.” I stared at him with piercing blue eyes. I could usually hold a stare longer than anyone, but this guy was good. I lost.

“I’m Peter Scarbrow. We’re all really glad you could be here.” This all sounded so rehearsed, like there was a therapy 101 course required to work here. “We’ee get Lexie registered, checked out, and acquainted with everything. Any questions?” I’d tuned the formalities out a long time ago, surveying the surroundings, the people didn’t look as angry here, until my mother spoke up stubbornly.

“Just fix her!” With that they left, leaving apparently both me and Peter stunned. He actually kind of looked hurt.

We walked to the infirmary in silence. I was afraid to look up at him, so I kept my head to the ground, my normal stance. I sat in a chair opposite from him and looked at my prized shoes, graffiti-covered with my friends’ names and other random things, that my parents hated as he searched through my things. Peter sighed when he found a few razorblades. I looked up sheepishly and he shook his head. He mentioned I would be a difficult case. If only he knew…

Peter sat down across from me but refused to speak until I looked at him.

“Alright the rules here are simple, Lexie. No drugs, alcohol, or sex. Anything you tell me or one of the other counselors stays between us unless you give me permission to share it or I suspect harm to someone else or to yourself. Everything we do here has a lesson involved and everything you do has consequences attached. Any questions?” He looked serious, but at the same time sincere, almost as if he really did want to help. But how could that be? He didn’t know me, he didn’t want to.

I shook my head no, so he said I can; translation- have to, go down to the nurse to get a physical. This is the part I dreaded. Though I didn’t look up, I could tell what they were all thinking, almost see their reactions, hear their gasps. Looking up barely, I could see one of the counselors staring at me in shock and I wondered what was going through her head, if she was trying to understand my life story. She couldn’t. The nurse held my arms in a vice grip, examining them closely. There were so many cuts there. Some old and new, crowded by so many older scar you couldn’t count them all. But the real wounds, the ones inside my own head, run much deeper. And I think about how ironic it is that I try to heal those wounds by causing more. It’s even more ironic how much it seems to work. Aside from the cuts, I got a clean bill of health.

It made me feel like such a freak being escorted to the dorms. Even though I didn’t look up, I felt uneasy and I just knew I was being spotlight, they were all watching me, and I hated it. I subconsciously tugged at my sleeves, afraid the cuts would show. I barely had enough time to put anything down before my counselor, Sophie Baker, told me that Peter wanted to see me in his office. I got scared. God only knew what he wanted me for. I hadn’t been at Horizon long, how could I have messed up already? This was going to be a long walk to the principle’s office.

“And I don’t want the world to see me, cause I don’t think that they’d understand.

When everything’s made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.”

a/n- So what do you think? Good, bad, ugly? And be nice J Oh, look a review button. Don’t you just want to click it?