Title: A Thousand Folds More Painful
Author: anatagasuki
Genre: Drama, Romance
Pairing: Perfect Pair (TezukaxFuji)
Summary: Maybe a little more beer and little more women and a little more tears would stop the pain.
Warnings: shonen-ai, OCCness
Disclaimers: Don’t own ‘em.
Notes: This is to comply with a request for new fics which the one suffering is Tezuka. Very nice suggestion! Though, this is just a drabble, and may not live up to expectations.

It was an ordinary December night in town, the soft snow falling freely from the dark sky and the city lights shimmering like a thousand sprayed jewels.

Tezuka smiled cynically as the contents of his mug fell on the cold floor, his collar being tugged by a university girl from a school not far from Seishun Gakuen. She was wearing something that is considerably short, not to mention skimpy. But Tezuka didn’t mind. He always minded that, but not now, definitely not.

Instead he did something that would get any Seigaku member horrified to bits.

He, he actually grabbed the girl back, rather clumsily, and crushed his lips on hers in a fiery kiss.

Yes, he would do everything, everything he could possibly do to just forget, forget everything.

He could’ve done something else, like playing tennis. He always played tennis to get rid of any stupid depression. But he can’t. He was good in tennis. If he tried to enter a single court, it would only remind him of that person. Damn. He can’t to the lake, or the dike, for the scenery would only remind him of his beauty, of his prowess. Damn. He can’t just sleep, because his face, his eyes, his words, would linger precariously in the black backgrounds. Damn. He can’t--

Goddamn it.

Trying to drown every single thought, every single detail, he downed another shot of sake.

“From what I heard, I thought you’d be someone boring to be with, Kunimitsu Tezuka.” She licked her lips and showed her gleaming tongue ring.

‘I am.’ He thought. ‘But probably not now.’

But instead, what came out was a “Well I showed you now I’m not.” With a tug.

Another lustful, steamy, yet equally meaningless kiss.

Yet somehow, something was missing. There was a hollow part of him that wanted more, more and more. Some part wanted to flee and run, for no matter how much escape he tried to execute just tonight, in a night he’s ready to lose everything he prided himself of, he still can’t break free from some invisible ties that kept him down, lost, and crumbling into dust.

Maybe a little more beer and little more women and a little more tears would stop the pain.

But deep inside, deep, deep down, he knew that it just wasn’t it.

There could be a lot more reasons.

It could be his still present consciousness. It could be of his rational thinking. It could be the lame bar. Maybe he just wasn’t high enough yet. Maybe just some more of everything is lacking.

Or, it could be just one thing.

Fuji Syusuke.

Fuji Syusuke’s silent companionship. Fuji Syusuke’s loving presence. Fuji Syusuke’s light smile.

Fuji Syusuke, one thing, the only person, he truly needed tonight and forever.

He hadn’t been logical, he knew. He didn’t care to listen when he explained it was just a set-up. He didn’t bother to try understanding him when he said he never planned that to happen. He didn’t even mind to believe when he said he loved him and no one else, not some shitty high school flirt, when he always trusted the sadistic tensai.

“Kunimitsu…? Kunimitsu…?”

But then again, all is said and done, and nothing could be changed.

He could forget. He could pretend to forget. Even for just one night. Just to forget every warm, happy night they ever spent, every passionate instance they had lain in bed together, every word they ever spoke, endearing or not.

Just one time and he could get on with it.

Or not.

He could kiss another woman, he could drown in alcohol, he could spend extravagantly, he could go wayward.

He could sleep for one night in one room in one bed with someone else, but never could he give his love to another. He wasn’t exactly available. His heart belonged to someone who liked apples and photography and tennis and Inui juices.

END

A/N: Somehow, it ended up not as sad as I planned it to be.