Author’s Note: HOLA! Okay, I’m not killing my other story, even though I haven’t written in it in FOREVER, I’m just having some SERIOUS writers block. It’s horrible. Anyway, I was really bored one day, and I was reading this really bad fic, and something just kind of popped in my mind. It’s totally unrealistic, but it’s just kind of what would happen if Sirius were to get his girlfriend pregnant. I don’t intend for this to be a story or anything, just a fun little one-shot. Anyway, I should stop rambling on, and start writing, shouldn’t I?

Disclaimer: Yea, don’t even get my hopes up.

One word to describe Sirius Black would have to be amazing. And that’s in every way possible. He was handsome, charming, funny, and great in the sack. No wonder Sirius and his girlfriend’s little ‘get together’ always ended up as a hot and steamy night. But, they used the charm every night. Hadn’t they? He was pretty sure. He did not want a child right now. He was struggling committing to a long term girlfriend for Merlin’s sake, let alone a child. The word made him cringe. He liked holding Harry, and he didn’t mind babysitting him once in a while James and Lily had dinner together, but he refused to watch him longer than 4 hours. So, he’ll never forget July 2, 1980,the day that those horrible words were spoken.

He was lounging on his girlfriend Cian’s couch, eating a slice of pizza as they listened to the wireless. They weren’t really talking, just the occasional obvious remarks, but they never really did talk. Then, Cian dropped her pizza on her plate, turned down the volume of the wireless, and took a deep breath.

“Sirius, we need to talk.”

Sirius looked at her, shoving the last bit of pizza in his mouth.

“Sirius, I’m pregnant.”

At first Sirius didn’t really hear her. But then the words started to sink in, those horrible two words. I’m pregnant. He saw his bachelor life flash right before his eyes. He finished chewing, took a big gulp, and sat up from the couch, and looked at her, more seriously this time.

“Are- are you sure? Like, it’s mine? No doubt?”

“How could you accuse me of something like that!” Cian asked, tears started forming in his eyes. The one thing Sirius hated more than children, is crying. Especially crying women.

“Don’t cry. Let’s just, figure this out, okay?”

“Well,” Cian said, wiping her cheek with her pointer finger. “I think the only logical answer would be to get married. My mother would die if she found out her only child did anything of that sort before they were engaged.”

Sirius snorted. “I think you’re a bit too late.”

Cian gave him a death glare. “So, yea, I think we should get married.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! I don’t think I’m ready to get married!” Sirius said, standing up.

“Well, I’m not about to have a baby out of wedlock!”

“Well have fun getting married in the next nine months!” Sirius said angrily. Cian was about to retort, then changed her mind, and she looked defeated. Her shoulders slumped, and she looked down on the floor. If only he wasn’t such a sucker for sad people. He crouched down next to her, and patted her shoulder.

“So, do you ever want to get married?” Cian asked in a small voice.

“Well, I dunno. Yea.”

Cian instantly started brightening up again.

“Just… not to you,” Sirius said, tentatively. It took a while for the words to actually sink in, and then she got furious. She stood up, and started screaming at him, saying that she gave him the best years of her life, and how she thought they were in love. Multiple curse words were thrown in, and she almost smacked him a couple times. When she asked what he had to say for himself, he shrugged and said, “Sorry, just telling the truth.” Sirius had always heard from his friends how horrible it was when you said something wrong to a woman. Their eyes and face turned red, and steam started shooting out of their noses. He didn’t believe it, until now. It was like looking into the devil’s face himself. She pulled back her fist, and slammed it into his face as hard as she could. He staggered back and fell into a chair.

“GET OUT!!” she screamed. “GET OUT YOU HORRIBLE, NASTY, WANKER! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN!!”

Sirius stood up, reached for his wand, and right before he was about to apparate, he grabbed one last slice of pizza from the coffee table, and disappeared. He landed hard on the ground in Godric’s Hollow. He looked around, and spotted the Potter’s house. Only he and choice few could see the house because it had the Fidilus charm placed on it, and he had memorized its whereabouts. He walked up to the front door, and knocked. After a little bit of waiting, Sirius heard the small voice of Lily calling through the door.

“Prove yourself.”

“Lily, it’s just Sirius. Let me in, I have to talk to you lot.”

“James is making me do this. He’s saying that you could be some Death Eater disguised as you.”

Sirius sighed annoyingly. “My name is Sirius Orion Black, I’m part of the Order of the Phoenix, I lived with James and his family when I ran away from home, and on the last day of school, I gave Professor McGonagall lingerie. “ The locks unlocked, and Lily Potter answered the door, with a sickend look on her face.

“You did?”

“Yea, it was just a joke.” Sirius said, stepping beside Lily and into the sitting room

“That was hilarious,” James said, smiling. “Padfoot, what happened to your face?”

“What?” Sirius asked, frantic, feeling his perfect face, and then he felt his eye, and it was extremely tender. “Oh, it’s a long story. But, long story short, I’m having a baby.”

At first, they just looked at him. And then James burst out laughing.

“James, stop!” Lily sad, slapping his arm. Here, I’ll go get you some tea. Oh, just be quiet will you! I just put Harry down for Godric’s sake!”

“I told you something like this would happen,” James said, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. “Sit, sit.”

“Thanks for really understanding,” Sirius said sarcastically. He sat down on the sofa. James looked at him for a second, trying to be serious, and then started laughing again.

“James, I’m not kidding. Shut up.” Lily said, coming in the room with a tray and three tea cups on it. Sirius took a cup when she placed the tray on the coffee table.

“You don’t have anything stronger than tea, do you?” he asked, staring wearily at the cup. Lily sighed, and waved her wand, and a bottle of firewhiskey flew towards Sirius. “Thanks love,” James said, opening the bottle, and taking a long drink. He felt the hot liquid burn his throat as it went down, and he forgot all about his troubles for a second.

“Well, tell us what happened.” Lily said. And then Harry started crying form upstairs, and Lily sighed angrily. “I told you not to laugh so hard!” she said, as she got up, and walked up the stairs, and returned with little Harry looking disoriented and tired. She placed him on James’s lap, and sat down next to him. “Now, go on.”

“Well,” Sirius started. “I’m sure you know what happens in order to conceive a child Lily. I hope I don’t have to explain that part.” Sirius said snidely, and James laughed again.

“I don’t mean that stupid. What happened when she told you?”
“We were sitting in her flat, eating, listening to the wireless, and she just flat out dropped it on me. ‘I’m pregnant!’” he imitated Cian. Well, after that, she just sort of wigs out on me, and is telling me that we’re going to get married and all that, so I stop her right there and then, and tell I’m not going to marry her. And when she asked if I ever wanted to get married, I said yea, just not to her.”

Lily groaned, and James slapped a hand to his face.

“Okay, are you that thick?” James asked, his hand muffling his voice. “You always tell a woman what they want, even if it’s not true. Remember back in seventh year, when we all went to Hogsmede, and Lily asked me if that dress looked good on her, and I said yes, even though I thought it was the ugliest thing in the world?”

“What?” Lily asked angriy.

“Oh, sorry. I forgot you were in here for a second,” James said nervously. Lily was glaring daggers at him.

“Anyway, always tell the woman what she wants to hear. Especially a pregnant one.”

“James, that is not the way to go! Don’t just lie to a woman to get them to shut up! That’s horrible. I admire you for telling the truth Sirius, but you didn’t have to do it so brutally.”

“Well, too late for that now.” James said. “Hey, you never said what’s wrong with your face.”

“Oh yea,” Sirius said, feeling his bruised eye again. “After I told her I didn’t want to marry her, she decked me in the face. She’s got a fast arm. Didn’t even see it coming. D’you got anything that’ll help this Lilyflower?”

“Yes, but I won’t help you. That’s what you get for impregnating a girl, then doing a bunk.”

“I didn’t do a bunk! I’m not going to ditch the kid! I’ll pay for it!”

Lily sighed angrily, stood up, and picked up Harry, who fell asleep in James’s arms.

“Looks like you’re kind of screwed then,” James said, when Lily walked back up the stairs.

“Ya think?” Sirius asked, leaning back, and covering his face with his hand.

“I’m gonna try this whole honest thing, if that’s what Lily wants. And I’ll start right now. Lil,” James said, as Lily descended down the stairs.

“Yes dear?” she asked sweetly.

”If I’m going to be honest, then I have to tell you. Your new hair cut does not flatter you at all.”

Lily’s eyes instantly narrowed. She pulled out her wand, and pointed it at James. She cast a spell, then walked into the kitchen, smiling. James turned around, and his hair had turned bright pink, and he had a large, WANKER sign on his forehead.

“And that is why you always lie to woman.” He said, sitting back down.