I haven't written something THAT short since a lot of time...
I still don't know if I like it... It's... wacky... I don't know...
I feel weird toward this oo...

Désolée pour les lecteurs francophones, je crois pas que je vais la traduire, celle-là .. ...

I guess this is inspired by Hora's song which is titled the same as my fic...
It's also the first time ever that I use Hora as the main character...

Distant Voices

Things are so different now that Schwarz Stein is over. Really different. And I know what's wrong, I know what's going on... I know that he's seeing someon else. I know who that someone is. I know that he has only been playing with me. I know that, in those 3 years, he got bored of me. Why can't just I admit it ? Why am I still hoping ?

I thought that if I was continuing to work with him, eveything would get fine again... But, in the end, I feel like he've never been so far from me. He's using me again. He needs me to get his things done. How long will I still stand this ?

Why did I had to fall in love with him ? Wasn't it evident that he was one of this kind ? Why does he have to be this attractive, this pretty ? Couldn't he be as charmless as I am ? Couldn't he be just normal so I wouldn't feel like I'd need him forever ? Couldn't he sing again for me ? ... My blood stained angel...

"What does that mean, Hora ?"

I made him angry... It's something rare...

"You really think those things ?"
"Why are you so mean with me ?"

"Mean ?"

"You think that I haven't seen you... ?"

"Hora..."

He put the book away, maybe he isn't really angry, after all... Maybe that I'm just too stupid...

"What does what you wrote in your journal means, Hora ?"

"Isn't it clear enough?"

"It is..."

"... So... ?"

"So what ?!"

"I'm not good enough for you ? That's how you feel it ?"

"I never said such a thing !"

"What about Juka, then ?!"

Silence. I'm not crying, I don't want to. He has a smile on his face, not a too happy one. He's laughing, an ironic laugher...

"What do you think there's between Juka and me ?"

"He's fucking you !"

"As you and Kalm and Loki and Sizna and Tsubaki and also Kamijo do ! And Mana did too !"

He shrugs his shoulders.

Why do I had to love someone like him ! Why ?

"Was Schwarz Stein such a small thing to you ?"

"What are you talking about ?"

"What we've done together ! Isn't that important to you ?!"

"Yea, but what does it have to do with a fuck story ?"

"Why are you playing with me ?"

"I'm not playing with you... Well... I..."

He's still daring looking at me.

"You know what I feel... You know it from the begining ! You knew that I would never said no to you if you would ask me to live with me ! It was easy for you ! You have nothing to pay, you're living on my back and you're acting like if you was loving me but you never did ! You NEVER did ! I've only been an entertainment to you... I'm just a toy... A puppet..."

"Stop it ! I'm... I'm not doing that !"

I can see he feels uncomfortable, but I'm still going on.

"You are nothing but a whore ! I've been used by a fucking whore ! And I still find a way to love it..."

"You love me... ?"

He seems not to understand. It can't be clearer ! What's wrong, then ?!

"Have you ever thought about me ?"

Why is he asking me this ?

"Have YOU ever thought about me, Kaya ?"

"I'm always thinking about you, Hora ! You're a very good friend to me, I swear ! But I think you missunderstand some things..."

"A friend, that's all ? Why... ? I... don't understand..."

"Well... there's no reason I should give... I'm not in love with you... Not anymore..."

"Not... Anymore ?"

"There was a time where I could have said that I was loving you, but... I wasn't 20 yet... I thought that it was something clear between the two of us..."

And I feel him so far again...

"I don't like this..."

"Would you prefer me to tell you I love you al day long and know that I'm sleeping with someone else at night ?!"

"You're already doing it."

He sighes.

"But I don't say that I love you."

"Why don't you told me that you wasn't in love with me anymore ?"

"Because the feeling went fading away... And I didn't realized it until... Until now..."

"Liar..."

"But it's true that they fade away..."

"Why are you still living with me ?"

"Because I still like your presence, after all..."

"Why are you still having sex with me, then ?"

"Because I need it. I'm not chained to anybody, you know !"

"Okay..."

He looks like a stranger, now...

"Don't be so sad, Hora..."

He tries to take my hand in his, but I avoid it.

"I'm leaving you the appartment... Now just let me go..."

"... Leave, then..."

So cold...

"I only hope that you can afford it..."

So cold... How am I doing ? I need him... Where am I going ? Why do I know that he will never see me again ? Why do I know that I'll still be following him as always ? Why am I convinced that my ghost is a better companion for him than my oneself ?