Chapter 2: The Puddin' Epidemic (DAY 0, NIGHT 1, 8:19pm)

How did I get myself into this?! thought Jack. I'm going to be the worlds youngest future 'hitman with style', and HERE I AM BABYSITTING the little Harlequin from HELL! ...Wait a sec, he chuckled to himself. I kinda like that...should use that one someday...

"And why in the hell would you ever want to call me, Puddin'?!"

"'Cause I'm hungwy!"

"Hungwy?"

"Yeah! Hungwy!"

"Don't you mean, hungry?"

"No, Puddin'! Hungwy!"

Jack let out a long sigh. "Kid, isn't it past your bedtime?" Jack turned around to glance at the clock in the kitchen where Harley was making her way towards the frig. "Hey! Get out of there..." he wined the last four words, jumping over the back of the couch to catch up with Harley.

Harley reached for the refrigerator handle, opening it just a crack, when Jack jumped out of no where and pushed it shut with a slam.

Jack burned a swift glare into Harley's eyeballs. " Alright. Since you're probably gonna end up bugging the ever living shit outta me anyway, I'm gonna make you a deal." he started as he reached for a pot out of the cupboard. "I'll make you your snack, and then it's off to bed, alright!?"

Harley blink in sheer glee. Jack's eyes became little slits.

"ALRIGHT?!" he snarled, leaning in close to her till his face was nearly touching hers.

"'Kay..." Harley coward.

"Good!" he walked towards the cupboard. "Now what do you want!" he tore open the pantry.

"Ummmmmm...Ummmmmm..." Harley put her index finger in her mouth to purposly signal that she was thinking in her 'cute' mode. "Ummmm...Um...Ummmmmmmmm--!"

Jack rolled his eyes. He hated when other around him tried to act annoyingly cute...especially girls. Even in school, it annoyed the crap outta him. "WELL, SPIT IT OUT ALREADY!"

"Ummm...Puddin'!!" Harley smirked.

"What are you talking about! There is no P--! Oh..." The whole top shelf was covered from top to bottom in as many different varieties of pudding that the mind could think up. "Geeez, girl! Are your parents pudding fanatics, or something?"

Harley shrugged to her fullest.

Jack shook his head, rolling his eyes with a glare still on his face. "What flavor?"

"'Nilla!"

He snatched at the vanilla pudding and opened the box, eyes skimming the directions. Harley was still standing there as if waiting for an order.

"...Go watch TV!"

"'Kay..."

Harley made her way towards to television...But paused. She couldn't help but feel the butterflies flutter around in her stomach as she stared up at Jack as he prepare her vanilla pudding.

"Organic pudding? BLEH!" he noticed while skimming over the cover.

Harley let out a long sigh. The kind of sigh that signified the first signs of heart slits forming in her eyes. Then continued walking back towards the TV.

Harley bounced her way onto the couch, turning the channel to The Three Stooges.

After a while, Jack walked into the living room, stirring away at Harley's bowl of pudding with a wooden spoon. He glanced over at the television set at all three characters mindlessly hitting each other with their fists. Jack was merely appalled. "What are you watching!?"

"A funny show." Harley replied.

"Nooo! Nonononono!" Jack grabbed the oversize remote from Harley's tiny hand. "This is not a funny show. This," Jack flipped the station to Abbott and Costello. "is a funny show."

Harley kicked her feet playfully against the couch. "Here," Jack handed her the bowl of pudding. "Watch and learn, kid. Now, these two were true geniuses of their time. Their burleque routines revolutionized the comic world!" he explained in an enthusiastic tone. " A true art of their time! Without them, comedy just wouldn't be the same! It just wouldn't! You understanding me, Harley?" Jack glanced from the screen to Harley.

Harley, who was gracefully scooping up her pudding, managed to get half of the bowl all around her face.

Jack's mouth dropped open and closed, open and closed, and then open and closed again.

Harley took the back of her spoon and smeared more pudding above her eye, onto her eyebrow. She smiled at Jack.

"HARLEY!"

Jack took the bowl of pudding and set it on the coffee table, grabbed Harley by the waist, carrying her all the way to the kitchen. "How do your parents DEAL with you!?" Jack wet a dish rag, and started wiping Harley's face clean, then ran into the living room to grab the rest of Harley's pudding.

Harley started jumping up and down with sheer glee in her eyes. She loved any attention she could possibly receive from Jack. She felt in her heart that this would be the start of something special.

"You see this?!" said a very irritated Jack, shoving the bowl at Harley. Now, I want you to go over there!" he pointed to Harley's miniature Play Skool table at the end of the kitchen.

"And I want you to finish this bowl of pudding!" he set the bowl of pudding on the miniature table and grabbed Harley around the waist again, sitting her down, situating her in the chair. "And since you've proven to me that you can't keep yourself tidy, you'll have to wear one of these." he said as he tucked a bib in Harley's shirt. "Ya see! There. Now eat!"

"Puddin'?"

"Whaaat?!"

"I gots to tell you somethin'..."

"What?"

"Come! Here!" Harley emphasized.

Jack scoffed. He got face to face with Harley. "WHAT. DO. YOU. WANT?!" he hissed through his gritted teeth.

Harley shoved the bowl of pudding right into Jack's face, covering it entirely with vanilla pudding. He brushed off some of the pudding away from his eyes.

It was at that moment that Jack realized, in his own twisted mind, that this sweet, little, innocently twisted girl existed for one reason and one reason only. To piss him off...And not because she disliked him...Oh NO. She did it because she loved it. It was fun.

"That's it!!" Jack pointed at Harley like an evil monkey. He looked around quickly for something sharp, yet something that wouldn't put out her eye. He didn't want to deal with that kind of confrontation when her parents returned home. There was nothing of the sort laying around, so he grabbed the next best thing: A Pumpkin Pie!

He snatched the pumpkin pie and through it at Harley's face. It was smeared all over her face, slowly sliding down to the rest of her clothes, smearing all over her red shirt and black overalls. She jumped and jumped and--

"QUIT JUMPING!" Jack screamed.

Harley ignored Jack and continued rocking back and forth.

"I want you to go to bed! NOW!" Jack pointed in the direction of her room.

Harley stood there with her hands smearing the pumpkin pie/pudding mix all over her face. "Now you gots to give me a bath!" She jumped up and down.

Jack smashed his head on the counter. "Go put a bathing suit on..." he said, realizing the consequences of the mess. "Now! MOVE IT!"

Harley skipped down the dark hallway and disappeared into her room.

Jack dropped his head on the counter. What…A…Fucking…Handful….

A moment later, she skipped out of her room wearing a red bathing suit.

"I'm gonna murder that kid..." Jack murmured, his head still laying on the counter.