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Midnight Musings

Even under the thinnest of sheets of his comfortable four poster bed, Caspian was feeling hot. It was a sultry summer night, and the heat of the summer-sun lingered in the castle even at night; that alone was enough to keep him awake. But the night’s events had heated up his body further, and even though his panting had subsided, a sheen of sweat still covered his body. If he had been alone, Caspian would have laid on top of the sheets, but he was unsure whether or not Susan, who was lying against his chest, was still awake. If she wasn’t, he didn’t want to wake her. And if she was; Caspian was much too happy to have her in his arms to let a minor detail such as the heat ruin the moment.

Susan’s face was hidden from sight; if Caspian turned his face to the left he could see the top of her head, where she was resting, just a little under his shoulder. His left arm was pinned to his side uncomfortably by Susan’s body, and it started to tingle slightly, but Caspian didn’t mind. How long had he wanted this; to lie in bed with the woman he loved? How long had they teased and flirted? How often had they turned away from each other, only to find each other again. How long had it taken them to fully accept what they had tried to deny? Caspian listened to the sound of Susan’s steady breathing and smiled. She was a Queen of Old; a woman far beyond his league. And he listened to the stories of her good deeds as a little boy with awe and admiration. Their love couldn’t be… shouldn’t be… yet here they were. And something that ought not to be had never felt more right.

With his free and untingling right hand, Caspian stroked the soft and slightly damp strands of hair that lay on his chest. He twirled one of Susan’s auburn stands between his thumb and index absentmindedly, unable to keep his mind from wandering. What would happen if this new step in his and Susan’s relationship became public knowledge. How would his people react? How would the other Kings and Queen react? His affection for Susan had not been a secret, certainly, but this… This was something quite different.

“Caspian?” A soft whisper broke the silent night, and Caspian dropped the stand of hair he had been playing idly with.

“Yes?” He whispered back. It felt odd to be whispering. They were alone, and no one could overhear them.

“Oh good, I thought you were asleep.” Susan didn’t look up to meet his eyes, but shifted and snuggled a little closer. Caspian took advantage of the fact she was awake by removing his almost numb left arm from under her body and laying it on top of her instead in a way that felt both possessive and protective.

“No, it’s too warm to sleep.” Caspian wondered why he was still whispering, but felt that speaking out loud would somehow break the peaceful calm. Susan did not reply, and Caspian allowed his mind to wander again, his finger tracing small circles on Susan’s smooth skin.

The High King would be most angry with him if he found out, Caspian knew. It was better if he didn’t. But Caspian would need to ask Peter permission to officially court Susan soon; Caspian knew he couldn’t keep his love for her a secret; not when he wanted to shout it from the roofs. But what if he refused? What if the High King thought Susan out of his league, just like Caspian did? Could he stay away from Susan if Peter ordered him to?

“Caspian?” His whispered name sounded again and reminded Caspian that, whatever lay in their future, she was with him right now. And that was all that mattered. He pressed a kiss on her hair before he answered.

“Yes?”

“I’m worried.” The sentence hunt between them for a while, and Caspian realised that her thoughts too, must have wandered. “I’m worried what we might have caused tonight.” Caspian tightened his arm around her just slightly and pressed a second kiss on her hair.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure Peter will accept.”

“Hm? No, I mean,” Susan propped herself up on one elbow and a curtain of brown hair fell between them. Caspian brushed the curtain aside and tucked it behind her ear, finally able to see her face. “I mean we didn’t… use any protection.” She looked away, embarrassed, and Caspian’s eyes widened as he realised in which direction her mind had wandered. “It’s not unthinkable,” Susan muttered when Caspian didn’t reply, “what if I end up-”

“Pregnant?” The word sounded strange, coming from Caspian, and it hung heavily in the air. Susan nodded.

Images flashed through Caspian’s mind; a picture of himself getting up in the middle of the night to rock a wailing infant to sleep. A picture of a smiling Susan, balancing a toddler on her knee. A picture of a lost little orphaned boy resembling himself, growing up in a cold and indifferent castle. A picture of young twins sitting in front of him as they drove on Destrier into the Shuddering Woods. A picture of Susan, peacefully combing the long strawberry blonde hair of a little girl in a night dress.

“Caspian?” Susan asked nervously. Caspian smiled at the wonderful woman in his arms.

“I could think of nothing that could possibly make me happier.”

Relieved and satisfied, Susan settled down on his chest again, and Caspian’s hand returned to her hair. “Good.” She muttered. There was a moment of silence until Susan asked, “You were worried about Peter?”

“I was wondering what would happen if he refuses when I ask him for permission to be your suitor.” Caspian explained, though he could no longer summon the nervousness he had felt earlier; it was hard to be nervous when everything was right. He had deliberate said; ‘when I ask to be your suitor,’ instead of ‘if’, and even though Susan didn’t comment on it, Caspian was certain she had noticed.

“He won’t.” Susan growled. “He knows what’s good for him.”

Realisation that the Gentle Queen had just threatened the High King dawned on Caspian, and he let out a surprised, barking laugh. Susan looked up with twinkling eyes, and Caspian pressed a kiss on her forehead. “Thank you,” he whispered.

Susan’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. “For what?”

“For being who you are.” Caspian simply, and Susan laid down her head on his chest again.

“You’re welcome.”

Thank you Sedri for being the High Beta you are! :cuddles: