Author’s Notes

I’m quite happy with this story to be honest. It came out just the way I wanted it to. The story was inspired by two Lifehouse songs, Broken and Storm, that are personally connected with me and I felt it fit perfectly. I find that most Lifehouse songs describe Leslie’s and Jesse’s relationship. Feedback is appreciated!

Copyright notice; Katherine Paterson owns the characters.

Holding Onto You

“Hey Aarons! You running?” Gary Fulcher taunted from the end of the muddy field, a tickled expression in his voice. It was always the same everyday. At recess, the fifth grade boys would run to see who would hold the title of “Fastest Kid in the Fifth Grade” for the whole semester. When school first started, Jesse Aarons had been dead-set on becoming that kid; that one kid who “made a difference”, so to speak. He’d trained all summer for it. But on that first day – and the days that followed – he didn’t win. But it wasn’t his reason for deciding not to race.

Jesse shook his head, his eyes on his worn-out sneakers as he strode across the field, up the hill to where his little sister, May Belle, sat with her friends. They were much younger than he was, but he didn’t care. He just didn’t want to face Fulcher and his cronies that day. It’d been the same way for weeks.

“Jess!” May Belle called out happily has she watched her older brother climb the hill and sit on a grassy patch under a shady tree. She ran towards him and plopped herself next to him, gazing up at him even if his face was blocked by a mat of hair.

“Go away, May Belle,” Jess mumbled.

“But…”

“Just go.”

He meant what he said and May Belle frowned as she stood up and stumbled away. Her brother hadn’t always been this way. In fact, for awhile, they’d been so close. Now, things were so much more different. He never did anything with her anymore, nor did he seem to want to do anything he liked, like running.

The bell rang a few minutes later and everyone slowly began to trudge back to class. However, Jesse remained where in his spot under the tree, caught in his own thoughts.

Fulcher punched him in the arm though, bringing him back to reality. Jesse rubbed his sore arm as he grudgingly went to music class.

He stared up at her wondering what he ever saw in her. She wasn’t Leslie; she wasn’t special.

But you liked her anyway, a voice prodded at the back of Jesse’s head. It wasn’t his own. He shook his head hard, brushing more of his chocolate-coloured hair into his eyes, avoiding Miss Edmunds’ gaze. He knew she was gaping at him – everyone did and they always wore the same expression. “Are you okay? Will you live?”

‘Of course I will,’ he retorted at nothing in his head. ‘I’m perfectly fine.’

Well, you’re certainly not acting it, the secondary tone continued to nudge.

‘Shut up. Go away.’

Who are you telling to shut up and go away?

“I said, shut up!” Jesse yelled, startling himself and the class. Miss Edmunds stopped strumming her guitar.

“Jess?” she asked, a little worried. “A-are you okay?”

Jesse realised that everyone other person in class was staring at him. Fulcher even kicked his seat from behind and snickered.

“F-fine,” he muttered. “I’m fine.”

“Well, see me outside the classroom for a minute.”

x

“Jess, I know what happened with Leslie’s hard to…”

“Look, I don’t want to talk about it, okay?” He was close to tears again. He fiercely swiped at his eyes and blinked furiously, forcing them to subside. This happened time and time again. How was he supposed to be the man his father wanted him to be if all he did was cry like a baby when things got to him?

“Maybe we should’ve asked her to come with us…”

“Don’t talk to me about Leslie,” Jesse snapped. He had never been this rude to a teacher before, but he couldn’t help it. “You just can’t.”

He turned and went back into the classroom, leaving Miss Edmunds standing stiffly in the corridor.

The wind blew in Jesse’s face as he ran. Every day after school, he dropped his backpack outside his house and made a mad dash down the uneven dirt path that ended in the forest in the distance. He remembered when he used to do it with Leslie, when she became his friend and when things were looking up for him. As he ran past her old house, he felt a lump form in his throat, but did not stop in his tracks.

He ran all the way, deep into the forest, until he reached the river where a ratty, old rope hung from a thick tree branch over it, looking desolate. It was once long enough for Jesse to reach with a lengthy branch and long enough for him to use to swing across to the other side of the ravine, but now, it had been reduced to something much shorter, having been broken one Saturday.

Jesse crossed the gorge via a fallen tree trunk. He walked on and on, wandering through the woods he knew by heart. It had been his sanctuary. Nobody was allowed here except him. Well, him and Leslie…

Jess! the subliminal voice called out. It wasn’t in his head anymore, it was…deep in the forest. Jess, where are you?

Finally recognizing what it was, he ran after it.

“Leslie?! Leslie!” he yelled after nothing, his gaze flitting past bark, shrub and vine. He looked everywhere for her, but couldn’t find her.

“Where are you?!”

Jess!

He finally stopped running at the tree house, the ruins of the “castle” that had once stood tall. Panting, Jesse climbed the tree, went into the house and sat down on the planks. He closed his eyes and leant back against the wall, letting his tears flow down his cheeks, but never making a sound. He kept his anguish in; it was how it’d been for months, even before Leslie came into his life.

Jess, the voice was soft, as though it was whispering in his ear.

“Leslie?” his own tone was thick from crying, but he didn’t open his eyes. His breathing eased as he felt the wind on his face and heard her soft whispering.

Don’t cry, Jess…

“Don’t cry…”

You’ll be okay.

“When?”

I…I don’t know. But you have to believe me.

“Is it my fault?”

No, it isn’t. It’s nobody’s fault.

“Then why aren’t you here?”

Silence. There was only silence that followed for a long moment and Jesse felt helpless once more. But he still didn’t give in to the darkness he put himself in; he kept his eyes shut, savouring the feel of the soft rippling breeze on his damp skin.

“Leslie?”

I am here.

For a moment, Jesse almost opened his eyes – just so he could see her – but he refrained when he heard her speak again.

No, don’t open your eyes, Jess. Keep your mind wide open and I’m there. I’ll be right here in your heart, Jesse. Trust me.

He believed her. “Okay, Leslie.”

Jesse did what he was told; he expanded his horizons, re-imagining Terabithia. It had been so long since he had even thought of returning to it. After Leslie had fallen, he had put imagination to the back of his head. Her death sealed his hardened heart. But as he kept his mind in fiction, as he saw the big trees, the trolls, the golden leaves as opposed to muddy brown ones…he saw everything again. He smelt a sweet fragrance on the air, he heard birds chirping a familiar, happy tune. He felt himself smiling as he walked through Terabithia, looking up at the clouds in the sky and remembering the feeling of flying.

He looked down again and there she was; Leslie. She was still as beautiful as ever and her smile was bright as the sun above them. It made him grin more and Jesse started to make his way to her.

His first question for her was, “Why’d you have to do it?”

I don’t know, she shrugged as they began walking through the glade. She began picking up fruit from the ground and pulling the stalks from them. I guess…I guess I was upset that wherever you went that day, you didn’t ask me to come along. So I decided to come to Terabithia to get over it…and I did. I’m not angry anymore, but I had to give myself up as sacrifice.

“Sacrifice?”

Oh, Jess, you know! The Dark Master! He didn’t want both of us ruling Terabithia, Jess. It’s why he had to get rid of me. But I know you’re stronger than that, which is my reason for taking the fall. Although, you haven’t come back here for so long, so I had to go looking for you.

Jesse couldn’t believe it. What was Leslie saying? Could she still play games even when things took a turn for the worst? He opened and closed his mouth a few times, but he was unsure of how to react, so he just didn’t say anything.

He turned to face Leslie. She was eating the fruit she’d picked. When she saw him staring, she grinned and held it out, offering some to him. In the distance, Jesse heard the rough voice of his father calling out to him. It was cutting into his thought-train and he felt himself drifting back to reality.

“I can’t take that, Leslie. I…I have to go.”

Okay, Jess. But hey, everything’ll be all right, okay? Believe in yourself; you’ll do good, kid, she smiled and waved one last time before Jesse turned and walked back down the path. He looked back towards her, but she was gone.

Jesse opened his eyes to the glaring sun, only to find fresh tears on his face.

The next day at school, Jesse seemed happier. It had been weeks since anybody had seen Jesse Aarons smile the way he did. He said hello to every teacher and every student – even Fulcher and his buddies. He still hadn’t apologised to Miss Edmunds about his behaviour the previous day, but he certainly wasn’t cold to her anymore.

During recess, Fulcher asked him again, “Gonna run, Aarons?” It was a routine Jesse never escaped.

Do it, Jess! he heard his best friend’s voice murmur into his ear. You’re going to beat Fulcher to a pulp!

“Sure Fulcher. I’ll run.”