Disclaimer: Bones and all the characters therein are owned by FOX, Hart Hanson and Kathy Reichs.

Time seems to move the slowest when there are too many thoughts swirling through your mind. But amidst the chaos, which I call “mind”, a solitary thought prevails and you focus on that one thought which could perhaps bring you towards a sense of orderliness. That one thought makes you breathless and everything around you seems to disappear and everything seems to be trivial; even your own existence. In that moment, you are truly alone in this cosmos. This thought gives you the warmth of the morning sun and sooths you in your dreams while you sleep. It makes you want to scream, to cry, to laugh, to run; its makes you irrational. There are millions and millions of questions in this world. They make you ponder, make you crave for the knowledge that the answers could bring and sometimes they drive you to distraction. But unfortunately, when you ponder and search for answers, moments pass by, life happens and you would have missed out on almost everything. Once you realize that years have passed by and you have no or very little proof of actually being a part of it, all that you can do is mourn for the loss time. In the course of actions and choices that have led you have too deep an impact on you to even recognize regret when you have one. You have everything and you have nothing. The only way to escape this darkness is to hope that someone would reach out a hand and lead you towards light; towards life.

The note ended there. He recognized the handwriting; he understood the underlying meaning and fell in love with every word written on the paper. The paper was actually a receipt from a Chinese take-away. It looked as if when inspiration stuck, she simply grabbed the first available plain piece of paper and jotted down the words before they faded away from her mind. He knew that she was very articulate, but never pegged her to be honest about herself or her thoughts when she wrote. For a few minutes he wondered how this note had ended up in their paperwork. He was sure that it was not intentional on her part. Because as far as he knew her, she kept her thoughts very private and she rarely shared it with him. He had read her work before, her novels, some short stories and some articles for journals; never had he come across any piece of work which was so beautiful and so honest. He almost felt like a voyeur taking a long glance at her when she has stripped herself bare. But he could not look away from the note. He reread it couple of more times to get himself familiarized with the words. It felt as if those words were his closest kin and why wouldn’t they be? They were after all her words. He contemplated on calling her and asking about the note. She might deny at first, then demand to return it to her and after returning the note, she would probably ignore it completely. He pocketed the note and got back to his work trying to ignore the words which were currently haunting in his head.

She was sure that she kept it in her file. She was very sure that it was her file. She was searching for it for almost two days now and her confidence level was dropping down by the hour. She could not understand what made her write those things on a stupid receipt. It wasn’t her style, the words were not exactly the ones that she generally used for her novella, but they were written because something inside her had stirred. She had realized that shift in the air, heaviness in the ambience that surrounded her when the words started to flow. These words were just not words; they were defining her, her memories, emotions, insecurity, longing and loneliness. There were flurry of emotions rushing out of her head and her fingers couldn’t keep up with the speed in which her mind was dictating the words. Once the flow of words had stopped, she had exhaled a shuddering breath and stuffed the paper into the first file that she got her hands on. After that, she never saw those words again.

When she realized that she had lost that slip of paper, she felt as if she was punched in the gut. Everything that she had come to love was taken away from her and she hated that pattern. Now, she lost the words that she had come to love and had lost the opportunity to read them again. She had checked every paper present in her house and had gone through every file that she had worked on since then. She had received strange looks from her colleagues when she told them that she was looking for a misplaced receipt. She wasn’t scared about someone finding it. She was terrified that Booth may find it. Now she had a sinking feeling that the file in which she had put this slip of paper could be their paperwork from the last case that they had closed. There were numerous possibilities of what Booth could do if he found her note. He wouldn’t make fun of her and that she was sure of. He could try to make her feel better by dropping by her apartment more often than usual. Or he could let her drive. Or he could simply ignore the whole thing and throw away the note. She knew there was no one in this world she would share that note with except for him. He was her confidant, her support during her worst days at work, her friend during rough patches in her personal life and a strong shoulder to cry on when things were overwhelming. She shook her head to clear the invisible cobwebs in her mind and hoped that if he did really find the note, then he would just return it to her and would not make a big deal out of it. But knowing Booth, it could turn out to be life changing experience.

He chose the most deserted location in the park. He wanted to think, he wanted clarity on what he thought, what he felt and what he wanted. He knew all of what she had written in the note, of course. The information had come in bits and pieces during their partnership. She had never revealed about herself but when he had asked, she had answered him as casually as possible. Now she had expressed herself in most sincere way and he was clueless about his next course of action. He could ignore the note by convincing himself that it’s the right thing to do. There was after all, a line which is not meant to be crossed. But then again, things cannot be always about doing the right thing. It could be the ideal course of action for their respective careers, but personally, she would break a little more with each passing day and he would be distanced from her a little further. In the end she would be too broken to be mended and they would have a chasm between them. He didn’t want that. It was his move now and he had to make a wise decision.

It was almost a week since she had last seen that slip of paper. She had met and talked to Booth few times and he had not broached the subject of her misplaced paper. She was sifting through a file that Booth had left with Angela in the morning. He had left a message on a post-it stuck to the file stating that he would be in meeting all day and he would call her in the evening. Her breath caught in her throat when she stared at the paper in front of her. It was the receipt which she had been desperately looking for stapled with another slip of paper. She couldn’t stop smiling as she started reading the note in his familiar scrawl. She knew that everything was going to be alright now on; they were going to be OK. She couldn’t do anything about the time that she has lost until now but his words had given her a hope of a different life; the one that she often dreamed of. She realized that her future had changed irrevocably and wasn’t surprised to find that she didn’t want it any other way. Her fingers caressed the words he wrote as she read the note again.

Sometimes being ourselves is not enough, yet we somehow manage to get through this life. But sometimes, you honestly wish that there was someone else to share the things that you are going through however bad it might be; just so that you could be understood better. I stopped looking for that kind of person when I met you. What people don’t realize is that nothing is forever or permanent. People fall in love, sometimes get married and have kids. In the process they get swept away by life and become oblivious to everything around them. It’s not like a person stops caring about the other overnight; it’s a gradual devolution. Everything has a lifespan and a shelf life; even love, even commitment. Given the state of things, our jobs, our attitudes towards life, you would want to know these answers. Will we fall out of love? Not if we are equal partners in the relationship. Will we be together for the rest of our lives? We might if we continue to learn things from each other and nurture our relationship every passing day. Will we be happy? I am certain that will be; as much as our jobs and our pasts will allows us to. So the verdict is – I cannot honestly reach out and pull you from darkness since I am a mess myself and I have my own demons to fight. All I can do is open my arms to you and together, we can find a way out of this darkness and our pasts towards the light, towards our future; as partners, as equals as ‘us’.