Timetables

A/N: This was so incredibly fun to write, that I’m thinking of making a Mrs. Cope series: “The Misadventures of Mrs. Cope” or something along those lines.

Also, I was planning on just putting Edward and Bella in this story, but Alice is just the cutest little pixie-vampire and she threatened to rip my throat out if I didn’t write her into more of my stories. So, enjoy.

Disclaimer: It all belongs to the genius Stephenie Meyer.

It was just another dismally dull day in Forks. Even the student gossip here was dull- they were all yapping away to each other about that Isabella Swan girl falling down some stairs. How riveting. I think not.

It was boring work being a secretary for a school as small as Forks High, but I was nearly finished for the day. The school bell had rung a while ago, signalling the end of the school day for the students. I hoped it could also be considered by the head as my cue to leave. I had to get home in time to watch that new soap opera starting tonight…

A tinkling laugh interrupted my thoughts as footsteps sounded outside the office. Moments later, one of the Cullen children- a girl, unfortunately –came through the door, with extraordinary ballerina-esque grace. The spiky-haired girl smiled at me as she held the door open for her companions.

“Careful now,” said a handsome voice in an amused tone. “It’s taken a lot of effort on my part to keep you alive and more or less in one piece. I don’t want you tripping over your crutches.”

I knew that voice. I’d recognise it anywhere. It was another one of the Cullens: a Cullen boy. Edward Cullen. Any T.V. shows I’d been planning to watch could wait. Whatever reason two of the Cullens were here, it had to be much more interesting.

“Edward.” I heard a girl sigh, and I frowned. Isabella, again. Why did she have to be here too? Didn’t she ever leave him alone?

“Edward,” she said again. “I told you, I’m perfectly capable of using crutches by mys- Edward! This isn’t funny! Put me down!”

The pixie-ish Cullen, who had been looking out the office door, now laughed her tinkling laugh again at whatever was happening. The footsteps and Isabella’s voice sounded much closer now and I anxiously straightened my glasses and smoothed down my blouse, eager to look smart and sophisticated in comparison to the Swan girl, when he came in.

“Thanks Alice.” I heard him say to his sister as he walked through the open door and into the office, with her looking disgruntled but slightly mollified in his arms.

Idiot child. I thought angrily, but then looking at him put the situation into clearer perspective for me and I once again reminded myself that he was too young- only seventeen for Christ’s sake!

Edward frowned darkly; scarily, but then grinned. It was as if he had been deeply offended, but then amused only seconds afterwards.

Weird. But then, all of the Cullens were weird. Hot, yes. But also weird and slightly creepy. God knows how Isabella Swan could stand to be in their presence for so long. I, myself, would be constantly terrified.

“Um… Edward?” Isabella asked at that moment. “Can you let me down now?” I noticed that Edward was still cradling her in his arms; the crutches were slung over his shoulder. He looked like a model for a help-the-needy campaign.

“Of course.” He replied smoothly, setting her down easily on one of the office armchairs and gazing at her fondly. After a few seconds of watching him watch her, I decided he needed a distraction before the lovesick-teenager air made me sick.

I cleared my throat and put on the sweetest voice I could muster. I didn’t care if the Cullens were too young: right now I was just furious that the only single one left had been taken.

“Hello Edward.” I cooed, ignoring the girls. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

From the corner of my eye I saw Alice smirking and the Swan girl looking grumpy. Edward frowned again, and without looking away from the girl, he answered, politely as always.

“Yes, Mrs. Cope. I was actually wondering again if I could change my timetable. Only, this time, I’d like to stick with biology and change the rest of them if you don’t mind.”

I had been so busy listening to the perfection of his voice that it took a few moments for his words to sink in. When they did, needless to say, I was shocked.

“Ch-ch-change all the rest of them?” I spluttered, forgetting to make my voice sound sweet and girly.

“That’s right.” He said. “And Alice here would like to change a couple of hers, too.” He looked away from Isabella, to lock eyes with Alice for a brief moment, then nodded to himself. Alice grinned and sent a beautiful smile my way.

“I hope it’s not too much to ask.” She said graciously, minding her manners like the perfect Cullen she was.

“B-but… I’m sorry, it’s just not possible.” I stammered. “You can’t change all your classes, Edward. I might be able to change a few, but not all of-”

I broke off as Edward turned to face me, those strange amber eyes of his blazing, pleading with me. Alice turned to me too, her eyes, so similar to those of her adoptive brother, pleaded silently with me too.

Whoa. Oh my. What had I been saying again? Had I even been talking?

Edward gave me a half-smile. “Please?” He asked. “I’m sure we’ll receive no complaints from our new or previous teachers.”

No. Of course not. Especially if those teachers are women. Or have eyes.

“Well,” I murmured, aware that I was ogling at Edward and Alice, but not quite sure if I could stop. “Well, I’ll see what I can do. Which subjects exactly did you want me to change?”

“Here’s a list of all my subjects.” Alice said, prancing forward and snapping me out of my trance. She pointed at the list and then at the subjects she wanted to swap. “I’d just like to change these two for these two here.” She said. “I hope that won’t be a problem.”

I looked, and found to my relief that it wasn’t asking too much.

“I’m sure that would be quite acceptable.” I replied, and I hurriedly typed the changes into my computer, before printing off a new timetable for her.

“Thank you!” She squealed in delight as I gave it to her. She jumped up and down in glee and kissed Isabella’s cheek before stepping back from the desk and letting Edward come forward. I gulped. His list of subject changes looked much longer than Alice’s. This was bound to be problematic.

Edward looked at me again, his golden eyes gentle and warm in his perfect face. A smile was playing around his lips.

Damn. You are old enough to be his mother. I reminded myself sternly. Don’t start thinking about his lips.

“I’d like to change these subjects here.” He murmured softly, pointing at what looked like all of his subjects, except biology. “Please? I’d be ever so grateful.”

In her chair, Isabella snorted angrily. Alice giggled next to her, looking at me as though she found my reaction to this strange event in my dreary life very entertaining. But I scarcely noticed them, because Edward Cullen was still smiling at me and his last words had my head spinning, whirling in different directions.

On the one hand, if I completely re-did his schedule, there would be angry teachers, an even angrier boss and a hellish amount of paperwork for me to get through. But on the other hand, Edward Cullen would be ‘ever so grateful’ towards me. And maybe that would up my chances a bit. At this point in time, his age and the weirdness had completely slipped my mind. So what if he was young and somewhat frightening? He was a Cullen. That was all that mattered.

“Let me see if I can do that for you.” I said, reverting back to my sweet-voiced charm. Edward smiled encouragingly before turning back to Isabella and laughing at her furious expression.

“It’s alright, love.” He cooed, twirling a strand of her hair around his fingers and bending to kiss her forehead.

Urgh. Behaviour like that in a public place was just sickening. Who did that Swan girl think she was, to demand attention like that?

I hurriedly began to change the subjects in Edward’s timetable for him. Something that gooey-eyed Bella couldn’t do for him, I thought smugly. I knew I was acting like one of the teenagers who went to school here, but I couldn’t bring myself to care.

“Is it done?” Isabella asked rudely, a few minutes later. She looked like she most definitely wanted to leave. Maybe to lock her boyfriend away from the eyes of all other women in the world. It’s what I would do if I were as lucky as her.

“Nearly.” I replied, looking at Edward instead of her, as if it was him who had asked. “I’ve just got to change your last period to gym, as requested.”

“What?” Isabella shrieked. “No! Edward, you promised you wouldn’t! Mrs. Cope, please, just leave it as it is. Please.”

I frowned. “If it’s what Edward wants…”

Edward bent down in front of Isabella’s chair and gazed at her in a stare that would have had me swooning if I had been on the receiving end of it.

“Please, Bella.” He murmured. Isabella’s eyes glazed over for a few seconds, before she snapped out of it and shook her head, stubbornly.

“No.” She said. “Absolutely not. I won’t allow it. And don’t think you can dazzle me into agreeing with you. It won’t work.”

I was a bit miffed that Isabella Swan was pushing him around, but I had to admit, she’d phrased it well. Dazzle. Yes, I was dazzled whenever any Cullen or Hale came into the office.

“Give it up, Edward.” Alice advised from the corner. “She’s not going to give in, I’ve seen it.”

I had no idea what Alice had seen- I even peered in the direction she’d been staring it, but it was just the wet parking lot. However, Edward seemed to trust his sister’s judgement because he sighed and relented.

“That’ll be all then, thank you Mrs. Cope.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to swap biology any more, Edward?” I asked, wanting him to stay for a while longer. “You did seem quite determined last time…”

He grinned, heartbreakingly. “No, that’s quite alright.” He said, lifting Isabella gently to her feet and handing her the crutches. “I’ve got a perfect reason to stay in biology, now.”

Isabella beamed up at him and I scowled. I searched for her records and brought her timetable up on the computer screen in front of me.

“What about you, Isabella?” I asked. “Would you like your timetable changed too?”

Isabella scowled as I pronounced her full name, but then laughed. “No thank you.” She replied. “That won’t be necessary.” She grinned conspiratoringly at Alice as Edward grabbed the printed timetables from the desk.

“Thank you then, Mrs. Cope.” He said. “We’ll be off.” And with that, he swooped Isabella up again and walked quickly through the door, ignoring her protests. Alice smiled at me, then skipped out behind them.

It took me a while to tear my eyes from the door they had exited from, but when I did, a horrible sight met my eyes. My computer screen still showed Isabella’s timetable, and I couldn’t quite believe I’d deluded myself into believing that by changing Edward’s timetable I might stand a chance with him or another one of the Cullens.

For there, on the computer screen was almost an exact copy of the timetable I’d just printed out for Edward.

A/N: Just in case anyone thought I was being serious: I’m not making a series of Mrs. Cope stories. That was just my lame attempt at being funny.