Author's Note: This is a sequel to my other story "Ouroboros"

Until Death Parts Us

The hand around hers was warm, grounding. All morning her heart had been beating hard in her chest, racing with a fear she did not understand. It was astounding they had both made it to this day alive, she supposed, all things considered, and she had nearly convinced herself that it was the fear that their luck would fail, that the other shoe would drop in the hours leading up to their wedding that had been tormenting her for weeks.

Petunia had remarked bitterly over breakfast that everything always went perfectly for her; she didn’t have a thing to worry about. But Petunia had no idea what her life had become, and she worked hard to keep it that way. She had worked very, very hard to keep it from both her sister and her mother, and she thanked God daily that her father had passed not knowing. He had always had a way of intuiting things, pulling things gently from her, and she would not have wanted him to know the constant peril her life was in.

James’ grip on her hand tightened as the first strains of some unidentifiable classical piece her mother had chosen drifted through the doors to the sanctuary. Alice and Sirius pushed the doors open ahead of them and proceeded down the aisle. She and James followed. The church was slightly fuller on her side than on James’. No doubt there were distant members of the Potter family who would have refused to participate in or support so muggle a ceremony. The civil service at the ministry earlier had been simple, but she had definitely seen faces there that were not here now.

Her eyes continued to scan the crowd, her heart racing again as though she were afraid for her very life, and then they were there, turning toward one another, and the only thing she could see were James’ hazel eyes gazing lovingly into hers, the sea of unfamiliar faces behind him, and Sirius Black look devastating as always, and trying very hard to appear pleased to be standing there.

The man before them was clean cut and looked to be in his early sixties. She did not know him. Her mother had arranged the muggle service in its entirety.

“We have come together here in the sight of God, and in the presence of this congregation, to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony, which is an honorable state of life, instituted from the beginning by God himself…”

‘An honorable state of life’

Was it really? How honorable was the thing she was about to do. Why was she doing it? Why, really? Petunia would just sneer and tell her it was for the money, of course. Petunia thought everything in life was about money. She was marrying Vernon for his money, after all, or at least the money she perceived he would be making in the very near future. Mary McDonald had written from Canada to say that she was sorry she wouldn’t be able to make it, but that she approved, that of course she had known she would marry James, everyone had known it. He was so handsome. And then there were others, others she would not allow her mind to dwell on now, in this moment, who thought it was all about societal status, but were any of them right?

“……and holy scriptures command that all should hold it in honor. It is therefore not to be entered upon unadvisedly, lightly or merely to satisfy physical desires, but prayerfully, with careful thought, and with reverence for God, duly considering the purposes for which it was ordained.”

She had to work hard to fight back a smile. She and James had been satisfying their physical desires for nearly two years now in various and sundry ways, none of them very godly. It was the seventies, after all. The church really did need to revise its service. They’d not had to go through any such sermonizing at their civil ceremony.

The satisfying of her physical desires had been an almost insatiable need and a driving motivation since the middle of sixth year, and James had been there, more than willing to fulfill them, as he always had been. He liked to tease her sometimes, joking that she had the drive of a teenage boy, that she would start to make him look bad when he couldn’t keep up. He grew on a person, James did, and she had to admit looking into his eyes now, that there was real love shining out from behind them. She focused hard on returning it.

“…duly considering the purposes for which it was ordained. It was ordained for the procreation of children and that they might be brought up in the nurture and instruction of the Lord, to the praise of his holy name.”

She cringed inwardly and lifted the large bouquet of daisies a little higher in front of her burgeoning belly. She hadn’t even told James that yet. She had told only her mother, who had taken both of her hands, held them firmly in hers, and looked deep into her eyes, tears building in her own.

“Wait to tell him. He loves you, he’s admitted to that. He wants to marry you. Don’t…don’t give him anything that might change his mind.”

It had made her wonder about Petunia, about odd little comments she had heard her father make when he’d thought there was no one to hear. And it had made it a little easier for her to understand her sister’s suspicious attitude, and seemingly unjustified resentment of her and even life itself. Petunia had always been good at math.

“It was ordained so that those to whom God has granted the gift of marriage might live a chaste and holy life, as befits members of God’s beautiful creation. And it was ordained for the mutual companionship, help and comfort that the one ought to have of the other, both in prosperity and adversity…”

Help and comfort…James had been that to her in spades, and she had done her best to do the same by him. Even Sirius had grudgingly admitted once that he wasn’t sure that James would have made it as long as he had, if he had not had her there to bind his wounds, and sooth his wounded pride when an Order assignment had gone particularly wrong. But mutual companionship? Did she really view James as a companion? That indicated friendship didn’t it? That insinuated a level of mutual knowing that she had never had with him, and probably never would. His heart beat to the rhythm of a different drummer. It was a rhythm she could follow, but which her heart would never adopt itself. There was only one whose heart had ever beat in time with hers, and then, suddenly, it hadn’t…

“Into this holy manner of life James and Lily come now to be joined. Therefore if anyone can show any just cause why they many not be joined together, let them speak now or hereafter remain silent…”

The hammering against her chest picked up its pace, the rush of blood in her ears almost deafening in the quiet of the church. James looked so calm, so assured. Of course he was. Who could possibly object? No one spoke, and the man turned next to the two of them. She wondered why she suddenly felt so tired.

“I charge you both, as you will answer before God, who is the judge of all and from whom no secrets are hidden, that if either of you know any reason why you may not lawfully be joined together in matrimony, you now confess it. For be assured that those who marry otherwise than God’s word allows are not joined together by God, neither is their matrimony lawful in his sight.”

James just smiled at the man, but her mouth felt dry, and her head light and stomach queasy. She should have eaten more at lunch. ‘Lawfully’, the man had said, ‘any reason why you may not lawfully be joined together. There was no lawful reason. None at all. She concentrated on her breathing, on controlling it, slowing her heart. And she loved James and he loved her, and she was going to have his child. Yes, everything would be alright…

And then the man was looking at James.

“James, will you have Lily as your wife, to live together, as God has ordained, in the holy state of matrimony? Will you love her, cherish her, honor and protect her, in sickness and in health, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her, as long as you both shall live?”

“I will.” No hesitation. It was so easy for him.

“And Lily, will you have James as your husband, to live together, as God has ordained, in the holy state of matrimony? Will you love him, cherish him, honor and protect him, in sickness and in health, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him, as long as you both shall live?”

A set of black eyes and a contemptuous sneer in an alley less than a week before rose before her, sending a surge of electricity racing through her veins. “I will.” Well done. No hesitation. How many times had she practiced that in her head? And she would too. She had practiced it until she had meant it, until she had felt the truth of it. Turning, she handed her bouquet to Alice who smiled at her warmly. She smiled back. Alice and Frank had such a comfortable and warm love. She envied them.

“Members of the families of James and Lily, do you give your blessing to this marriage?”

“We do!” A chorus of consent, even on the Potter side. She wondered if they meant it.

James was looking at her now, repeating after the man at their side. “I James take you Lily to be my wife, according to God’s holy ordinance: to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. And to this I pledge you my word.”

His eyes were full. Was he crying? James never cried. Why was he crying now?

Her turn. “I Lily take you James to be my husband, according to God’s holy ordinance: to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to…to…”

“To love and to cherish” the old man beside them prompted gently with a smile.

“To love and to cherish, until we are parted by death…” Her voice cracked. Good she was crying too, but for some reason she imagined that it was not at all for the same reasons as James. She took a deep breath to steady her nerves and quell her emotions. “And to this I pledge you my word.”

And then a simple band of gold was being slid onto her finger. It was the same band that he had slid on it earlier that day at the Ministry, but for some reason the whole process seemed more serious this time around, with the old man standing before them, the masses of family behind them and the dark pain and love filled eyes of the used and beaten man hanging on the cross above them, boring into her like hot coals from behind a curtain of lank black hair.

”With this ring, I wed you, with my body I worship you, with all that I am and all that I have, I honour you: in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

She pressed the ring onto James’ finger in turn, attempting to ignore the eyes above her. But it was impossible. They were all she could see, even as she stared into his. ”With this ring, I wed you, with my body I worship you, with all that I am and all that I have, I honour you: in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

James’ eyes were glowing, his face was flushed and he looked happier than she had ever seen him. She smiled back as he took her hand, and they turned to face the congregation, and bowed their heads in unison.

“Let us pray. Eternal God, preserver of all mankind, giver of all spiritual grace and author of everlasting life, send you blessing upon this man and this woman whom we bless in your name, that as Isaac and Rebecca lived faithfully together, so James and Lily may surely perform and keep the vow and covenant made between them, of which this ring, given and received is a token and pledge and may ever remain in perfect love and peace together, and live according to your laws; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

“Those whom God has joined together, let not man put asunder.”

James’ hand was incredibly hot. Either that or hers was uncharacteristically cold. The man behind them continued.

“James and Lily have now witnessed to their mutual consent before God and this company, they have pledged their solemn word to each other, and they have confirmed it by the giving and receiving of a ring and by the joining of hands. I therefore declare them to be husband and wife, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

And just like that it was done. There was more, of course – the signing of the register, the closing prayer. And then there was an unending stream of people congratulating her, her mother with tears in her eyes, Petunia hugging her stiffly and then shaking James’ hand briefly and coolly before disappearing again into the crowd.

Alice stood close beside her, and whenever she caught her eye there was an odd sort of softness there. She didn’t understand, and felt much too tired to try. Sirius just looked bored, and still there was dinner with the wedding party and close family. All she wanted was to go to bed and god knew when she would have the opportunity to do so.

The sun had already set when they finally left the church. She smiled and giggled as the guests rained down handfuls of birdseed on them as they dashed down the stone steps of the church to the car waiting below. It had started to snow, and James held onto her waist firmly in order to keep her from slipping on the icy stairs. She rewarded him with a kiss once they reached the bottom.

He ducked into the car first, and gathering up her skirts around her she ducked down to follow, but stopped as she felt a gentle tugging on her sleeve.

The small boy was dark, and filthy against the bright white of the snow, the stone, and the satin of her dress. He looked up at her from beneath long dark lashes. His pale cheeks flushed suddenly in timidity and he looked over his shoulder briefly, staring down the length of the dark street behind them for God knew what, before returning his dark eyes to hers. Reaching beneath his oversized wool coat he pulled out a single pure white lily, and pressed it into her hand. “For you Miss.”

The tears that had plagued her earlier returned, and she knelt down in the snow, despite her mother’s protests that she would ruin her dress. “From whom?”

The boy shook his head. “I don’t know, Miss.”

She looked down the street in the direction the boy had only moments before. “Has he paid you yet?” she whispered.

The boy’s eyes shifted slightly. “No, Miss.”

The cheeky little…Oh well, it was her wedding day, and the boy looked like he could use a pound or more above whatever Severus had already paid him. James was leaning out of the car now looking at her with undisguised irritation. “Lily, for Merlin’s sake…”

“Have you any money, James. He just wants to sell me a flower.”

“You’ve got a whole bouquet of flowers. What do you need another for…?”

“Please James…”

He sighed and dug around in his pocket. She knew he had mostly Galleons. Finally he yanked out a wrinkled five pound note, and thrust it into her hand. “Here, now let’s go. The reservations were for seven.”

She pressed the note into the boy’s hand, and he looked at it, rather pleased, before smiling up at her. He motioned for her to come back down to his level, and then leaned in and whispered into her ear. “There’s a message too, Miss.”

“Oh?”

The boy pulled away and grinned. “Yeah. See you around…” And then stuffing the money deep into his pocket, he dashed into the night.