Heart and Soul — XVIII

Rukia was happy. No…smug was a better word for it. She relaxed back in her corner, relishing in the feeling of having been able to move her arm, the memory of controlling her own body, even just for a moment. And hey, she'd gotten to slap Ichigo! This all made for one very happy Rukia.

Summer, well…she was panicking. Rukia very much wished she was more then a detached voice in the back of her head; she wanted to roll her eyes.

Calm down.

It took Summer a minute to answer. When she did, she sounded slightly hysterical. Calm down? Calm down? I told you to step back, didn't I? Did I not say—

You told me stay calm. Didn't work. Rukia felt a slight rush of anger as she thought about the way Ichigo had been bullying Hinamori. Stupid oaf…

Summer cringed. You're going to get us killed.

Or maybe I'm keeping us alive.

Summer jerked suddenly. Rukia saw the soul duck their head, looking away from Ichigo. Then she ran.

Rukia sighed, mentally reclining. You have a very specific fight or flight response, don't you?

I respond to what will salvage whatever life I have left, Summer shot back. Rukia felt a little bad for making the soul panic like this. But really…

Summer couldn't believe it. Rukia was proud of herself, of what she had done! Ichigo as probably looking for Summer right now, ready to choke the life out of her…

Wham!

Summer ran into something hard and solid. She stumbled back, but two strong hands grabbed her shoulders, holding her steady. She looked up, embarrassed, preparing to apologize…and the words froze in her throat.

"What the heck are you running from?" Renji asked, sounding genuinely curious. Summer's breath escaped in short, unsteady gasps.

"Nothing." She managed to say, tucking a lock of stubborn hair back behind her hair. Renji didn't look convinced; before he could argue, though, more footsteps caught their attention. Summer flinched, but it was only Hinamori and Nanao. Both looked shocked.

"What happened?" Renji demanded from both of them. Hinamori stuttered a bit as she answered.

"K-Kurosaki-kun…he wasn't happy, you know, about earlier, I guess Hisana told him…and he was yelling at us…well, me, really, and Summer, she…she slapped him."

Summer's first instinct was to deny, to say it had been Rukia, not her. But that wouldn't have gone over well.

Renji's eyes widened. He looked shocked — and amused. "Did she? God, I wish I could have his face—"

"No."

Nanao's voice, low and understanding, interrupted Renji. "It wasn't Summer." Nanao continued, recoiling a bit when everyone turned to look at her. She, in turn, looked directly at Summer. "It was Rukia, wasn't it?"

Summer jerked her head in a quick nod. Damn straight, Rukia whispered, smug as ever.

"Rukia?" Renji and Hinamori repeated in one, confused voice.

Yeah, surprise. I'm still here.

Nanao and Summer exchanged weary glances. The former took charge of explaining. "It happens sometimes. Humans who know what's going to happen before they're captured…if they're strong enough, they retain a presence in their minds after insertion."

Renji and Hinamori looked shocked now. "Rukia…is…still in there?" Renji finally managed to say, sounding strangled. Summer nodded slowly.

Hi.

You're starting to give me a headache.

"But that's…good, right?" Hinamori asked slowly. "I mean…if we tell Kurosaki-kun—"

"He won't listen." Renji interrupted. "He wants to kill her — he'd call this a lie and use it as an excuse."

Summer flinched. She was surprised. Renji and Hinamori seemed so willing to believe her…

"She can take control?" Renji asked suddenly, turning to Summer. The soul nodded, weary now. "How?"

"I don't…really know, she just does sometimes…when she feels strong about something…or she doesn't want me to do something." Summer paused, remembering the night she'd found out about Hisana, remembering how strong Rukia had been then. "She's wanted to hit Ichigo since we came here."

Renji and Hinamori both laughed. Summer shifted, feeling uncomfortable. Rukia, well…she was happy. Of course she was happy.

"You ever noticed how it's always raining here?"

Ichigo looked over his shoulder at Kyoraku, who was standing in the cave entrance, his hands in his pockets, looking up at the sky.

"I think it's the rain season." Ichigo muttered, looking back down the mountain.

"Even when it isn't though…"

Ichigo decided not to answer. He was pretty sure Kyoraku was here to give him some kind of lecture, and he wasn't in the mood to listen.

Kyoraku looked up at the sky, his eyes distant. He didn't speak for a long time, and eventually Ichigo went back to staring at the clouds.

"You're being a jerk, you know." Kyoraku said finally, his voice conversational. Ichigo didn't answer. "You don't even want to give her a chance, do you?"

Ichigo snorted. "You're the last person who should be lecturing me." He informed the older man icily. "I've seen Nanao's scar."

Something in the back of his mind told him he was crossing a line. He didn't care.

Kyoraku didn't hit Ichigo as he expected. Instead he just contemplated these words for a moment. "Does that make you better then me?" He asked finally. Ichigo was pretty sure this was a trap, and didn't answer. "It's hard, seeing everything you've fought for fall apart." Kyoraku continued as if he hadn't expected an answer. "You and Rukia-san, you were together for a fairly short amount of time — or it would have been short in our world. Seven years is practically forever now. Enough time to fall in love no matter which world you're in, though. And you and Rukia-san had something special — a very small glimmer of hope in a dark world."

Ichigo closed his eyes, thinking hard. "How did you feel," he asked slowly, "when you found out Nanao had been taken?"

The silence that followed the question was long and heavy. "It felt as if my heart had been physically ripped in two." Kyoraku said finally, his voice older than Ichigo had ever heard it. "For awhile I just forgot to function, forgot why it was necessary to live. She was my reason. Without her…it seemed useless to keep trying.

"I was a pretty pathetic sight, I'll admit. I retreated into the forests, hid myself, but I always wondered why I made the effort. Why not let the parasites take me, erase me, make the pain go away? It had to be easier then living without her." Kyoraku's face darkened, then, to Ichigo's surprise, he laughed a bit. "Then one night, out of nowhere, I saw Nanao-chan in my head. And boy was she ticked off. Fiery little thing, you see, never afraid to slap me around, put me in my place. Anyways, I see her in my head, and she's yelling the walls down, telling to get off my ass and get over it and to keep living no matter what, and for God's sake stop being so damn pathetic." Kyoraku chuckled. "That's my Nanao-chan."

His voice was wistful now. "You miss her." It wasn't a question.

"Don't you miss Rukia-san?" Ichigo scowled. "I loved Nanao-chan, I can't make that go away, and even if I could, I wouldn't. But I love the Nanao-chan I have now, too. That's the problem, I think, with souls. You want to hate them, but they're so…innocent. You just can't."

"They're not innocent, they're murderers." Ichigo snarled. "They took almost every life on this planet. They are not innocent."

"We killed chickens to have meat." Kyoraku pointed out. "Were we murderers?" Ichigo didn't answer. "There's a fine line between murder and survival instinct."

Ichigo narrowed his eyes, annoyed now. "Did you come out here to make a point or what?"

Kyoraku laughed heartily. "Does everything have to have a point?"

Ichigo gave the man a bewildered look.

Heart and soul.

Summer groaned. She was currently laying on her stomach, her face buried in her pillow. This again? Really? Drop it already Rukia.

I spend all day trapped in the back of my head, Rukia shot back. I need something to do.

Why are you so obsessed with this? Summer demanded. Rukia was quiet for a minute.

I never used to be, she admitted. But then, I never believed it was possible for a person to exist in their head with a soul. Recent events have forced me to re-evaluate my beliefs. So. Heart and soul?

Same, Summer said, hoping that would placate Rukia for now. But the woman would not be silenced today.

Your soul is your self. Your survival instinct. It guides you in the safest direction. Your heart doesn't have to agree though. My brother killed himself to protect me. He followed his heart. Did his soul think that was the right choice?

Now Summer was confused. I have no idea what you're talking about.

Before Rukia could answer, something heavy fell on Summer's back, knocking the breath out of her, and a triumphant voice yelled, "Gotcha!"

Summer groaned as she lifted her head to look over her shoulder. Hisana was sitting on the soul's back, grinning widely. "What are you doing?" Summer managed to ask. Hisana giggle.

"I surprised you." She said, sounding triumphant. "Were you surprised?"

"Very." Summer said, taking Hisana's arm and tugging her lightly, sliding her down onto the bed so Summer could sit up. She was weary now. Her last encounter with Hisana hadn't turned out the best results. "What are you doing here, Hisana?"

"I wanted to see you." Hisana chirped, bouncing up and down. "But don't worry. Daddy's not here. He went for a walk."

"Is that safe?" Summer echoed Rukia's worried thought. Hisana shrugged.

"Daddy's reeeeeally careful." The child said. "He'll be okay."

And with that Hisana bounced into Summer's lap, nestling back against her chest. "Daddy's not really mean." Hisana said quietly after a moment of silence. "He's really, really nice, and he loves me and Momma. I don't know why he's mean to you."

Summer swallowed hard. "I know he's nice." She whispered as disjointed memories flashed through her mind. "I know, Hisana. Don't worry."

Hisana was quiet for another minute. "Do you like Daddy?" She asked Summer suddenly. Summer didn't know how to answer. It wasn't that she didn't like the murderous man — she really wasn't sure how she felt. "Do you like him like Momma likes him?"

Summer was suddenly aware of how raptly Rukia was listening to this conversation. She wanted to hear this answer too; she was thinking of Kyoraku and Nanao. "No one," Summer spoke quietly, "likes your dad as much as your mother. What they had — have," Summer corrected herself hastily, "is very special." Hisana didn't hear the wistful note in Summer's voice. Rukia did. "Your parents very lucky."

Hisana seemed to accept that answer, falling silent and playing with her shirt.

You're jealous.

Summer didn't say anything. That's a very negative, human emotion Never-Ending Summer, Rukia teased, trying to cover up her shock.

There a three reasons, Summer said quietly, why a soul would choose a planet to stay on. One, they were born on the planet and are comfortable, don't want to leave. Two, they acclimate to a planet and want to stay. Three, they find a partner, Rukia didn't seem to know what to say. It isn't very often a soul finds him- or herself feeling out of place in a society, feeling the need to move as much as I have. I've only ever heard of one case where a soul has moved more then me. It's unheard of, you know? Everyone always fits in.

Fitting in is overrated, Rukia whispered, recalling for Summer a very old memory, from before the end of the world. A group of older neighborhood boys who used to tease her about her height, eye color, anything they could find to pick on her about.

Different worlds, Summer reminded Rukia. The woman was quiet for a minute.

You want to fit in? She guessed finally. Summer went through Rukia's memories, pointedly picking out memories of being with Ichigo, Ichigo and Hisana, Renji, and all the others in the caves.

You have something beautiful here. I won't deny that I'm envious. I've been to five planets, and never found a home. You…you barely left the place you were born in…and you found a place where you belong. That's more then I can say.

Hisana shifted suddenly, and Summer looked down to see that the girl was fast asleep. There's a home for everyone, Rukia said. Summer just shook her head, too weary to answer.

A noise in the doorway surprised Summer, and she looked up. Her blood ran cold.

Ichigo was standing in the door.

Oh goody, Rukia hissed. A tremor ran through Summer's body. The look Ichigo was giving her was completely unreadable. He was soaking wet, drops of rain falling — plip, plip, plip — from his clothes and hair, onto the stone floor. His eyes shifted to look at his sleeping daughter, and his face softened. Without sparing Summer a second glance he stepped forward and took Hisana in his arms, turning and walking out.

Summer's bones turned to water, and she fell back on the bed, shaking hard.

Jeez, Rukia sighed. Summer rolled onto her stomach, pulling her blanket over her head.

I think I should have skipped this planet.

Author's Note: Love it, hate it? Review either way, please! Seriously. Please review. I'd beg, but that's a frightening sight XD — Sam