|You can't go ahead without falling behind
Author: nutshak PM
Sequel to You never learn anything by doing it right. Twice the random stupidity, Twice the kataanginess, and twice the Cheesy one liners! Guaranteed you propelled from side to side laughing on the floor... AGAIN! *No refunds*Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Aang & Katara - Chapters: 3 - Words: 10,555 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 10-10-08 - Published: 08-10-08 - id: 4461981
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Heres to motivational Friday! I don't know what that is I just made it up. But it's Friday and I posted another chapter so, hooray! And I did it for the joy of writing, not for all the people who never review, and that's O.K. you guys are great. (You're not really.) ha-ha nah I'm just joshin ya but feel free to review on your way out. Enjoy!
"And that's how you play." Aang finished explaining to Breave and link how to play Eagle-snakes and ladders.
"Okay. But, there's no point in playing. We're about to land." Breave pointed to a crowded village.
"What's this place called?" Katara asked Well-hung.
"It's called Jokan. Parallel to Kojan. "
"Why are the houses so clustered together? There's heaps of open space top build them further apart." Aang said.
"Well," Well-hung started. "Because the town is so open, with no trees, they don't have much toilet paper. So by making the houses closer together, they can ask their neighbor for some if they don't have any and they're stuck on the toilet."
"That seems… reasonable…" Zuko looked disgusted.
Aang said: "Well I think it's a great way of conserving the environment."
"Or left. Whichever way you look at it."
"What if you don't look at it?" asked Toph.
"Then it would be west."
"Because west is best!"
"That was stupid."
Iroh chuckled before advising that they shouldn't spend too long at Jokan, as they had to get an extreme move on.
So, one they landed, swapped words with a few pooing neighbors, and gathered supplies, they were in the air again.
"So, who's up for some music!?" Iroh asked.
"O, O! I've been working on a song myself…" said Sokka. He reached around behind him and pulled out a banjo. Handing it to Iroh, he asked him to play some music.
"Okay… so. Yeah, that's good." Sokka clicked his fingers. "This is one of those, one of those Monday Tuesday, days of the week, type songs.
"Met my baby on a Monday, dumped the body on a Tuesday,"
"No wait, stop!" cried Katara. "Bit extreme, don't you think?"
"Why?" queried Sokka.
"Well, you don't have anything for Wednesday." She said.
"Thought I might… go to the play." He grinned.
"Went to the play on a Wednesday, went to the play on a Thursday, went to the play on a Friday"
"Sure go to the play a lot." Put in Aang.
Sokka looked angry. "Well I don't really have a girlfriend anymore!"
"I've got a good song!" Said Zuko.
Everyone looked shocked.
"What?" he asked.
"Nothing, nothing…" they all muttered.
Zuko gestured to Iroh. He started playing a soft tune.
"Her name was Maryanne, she made him feel like a man, I'm not saying that he wanted a man, I mean he liked them as friends but not he felt like a man the same way you'd, feel like an icy pole…"
Iroh sighed. "Okay, Zuko. From the top."
"Her name was Nicole… She made him feel like a hole…"
Well-hung looked skeptical. "Made her feel like a hole?" he asked.
"It… has to rhyme with Nicole."
"Just use her real name! We'll find a rhyme for it!" said Iroh.
"What's her real name?" Well-Hung asked.
Sokka piped up, "Magina! Hit it!"
Iroh shook his head. "No no, I've got one for Maryanne." He started up the tune again.
"Her name was Maryanne… she made him feel like a man… But she didn't even know he existed, but oh, whenever she walked past… his heart would stop…"
Zuko grabbed the guitar "So he was dead! Before, they even got started! Cus his heart had stopped, when he caught sight of her! It was death at first sight; they never made it one night!"
Well-Hung grabbed the banjo back. "He didn't fucking die! Alright? He didn't die!"
Zuko frowned. "But it said his heart stopped! What, is he the undead? I don't know what else to do!"
Well-Hung picked up where Iroh left off.
"Her name was Maryanne… She had the body of a goddess, and the face of an angel, every man's desire… She set his world on fire…"
Zuko grabbed the guitar again "So they where all dead! Before, they even got started! And they, cus they were in an in-century disaster! (Join in if you know the words!) Everyone was completely mele'd in horrible fire and destruction! The smell of burnt flesh would make you run, for the fence!"
"Shut, the fuck, up!" Well-Hung snatched the guitar back from Zuko.
"I don't know what else I'm supposed to do! You said his world had caught fire!"
"It's a metaphor! Alright!" The fortuneteller's dad said.
The two glared at each other angrily before Zuko said, "I reckon my mom could beat your mum in a fight."
"My dad could beat your mum in a fight." Well-Hung rebutted.
"You suck." Said Zuko.
"And so does your mum."
"Hey! Say what you like about me, leave my mum out of this!" Zuko yelled.
"Y'know I think I can save this Maryanne song." Said Sokka. He took the guitar and gave it back to Iroh, who started up the tune again.
"Her name was Maryanne… She was looking for a man… her silhouette was unmistakable; she stood out in a crowd… She had a shapely, head! And a long flowing… Nose!
"She was hideous! A walking disaster! A craggy crone, a picture of disgust!
"She caught his eye…"
Zuko, once again quickly grabbed the guitar "And returned it promptly! He was glad that she could catch it! But they couldn't, re-attach it. He was blinded for all time…"
Iroh laughed and took the guitar. "And they lived happily! Because he couldn't see! That she was so ugly! I'm glad it wasn't me… and they lived happily…"
"Is that so? Well, maybe I might give him a visit…" muttered a young woman to her friend. They had just been discussing possible ways to alter their physical appearance without taking special herbs or having to be cut open by a doctor. The woman was deathly scared of knifes, and she was positive that taking herbs and leaves that tasted that bad were doing more harm than good.
"Where does he live?" The woman's friend had told her about a magic man that could enlarge her chest without laying a finger on her.
"The next village straight east. I'm not sure what house exactly, but ask around. I'm sure he'll be quite famous."
"Okay. Thanks, Kal. My husband is gonna love you!"
"No, he's going to love you. Like he does now. No matter what you look like."
"Yeah. Okay, I'm going to leave tonight!" The woman strolled from her friend's house and packed a few supplies for her short journey.
"So are you going to join us?"
The gAang had landed in a forest used to store the evil army's supplies. It was also inhabited by the Fighters of freedom. The two were constantly at war, the F.O.F working tactically to destroy the army's supplies so as not to provide them with food, making it easier for the band of rebels to fight the soldiers.
"For sure. Any opportunity to stop the army is a good opportunity." Said a young man, and obvious leader of the group.
"Excellent!" exclaimed Iroh. "Sokka, if you please." Iroh gestured for Sokka to show Kit where their meeting point is. They had planned it all out previously, pin pointing the location that the army will be in four days time.
"You just need to be ready to meet us here in four days. We'll have the element of surprise on our hands, so we should have an advantage."
"Oh I love advantages! Especially when it's over the Firenation."
"Good. We'll need your support."
Aang, Katara, Sokka and Toph where sitting around the campfire when suddenly a log blew up and shards of flaming wood flew everywhere.
"Aah!" cried Aang as he put out most of the flames with a gust of wind. "I wonder what brought that up."
"Maybe it was hollow?" offered Sokka.
"Maybe we should put the fire out before it happens again and someone gets seriously injured." Said Katara.
"Aww man." Aang whined.
Toph laughed. "Would you like some cheese with that whine?"
"Ha, ha, very funny." Aang huffed. "Katara, let's go for a walk." He said.
"But we just walked twenty eight miles-"
"But it's such a nice night." Aang cut in.
"Fine. But only because I'm going with you. Just remember that the next time I want you to do me-"
"Oh yeah that's fine."
"… A favor." Katara glared at him, but hooked her arm through his and leaned her head on his shoulder nonetheless. "So what brought on this mysterious walk?" she queried.
"Oh, nothing. Just needed a breather."
She rolled her eyes. "Aang, you're an Airbender. The last problem you have is needing to breath."
"Oh yeah? What happens if I'm stuck out at sea and suddenly a huge octopus grabs my legs and pulls me under and then an evil dragon swoops down into the water and eats the jellyfish and me with it so I'm inside the dragons belly and the only thing that is around me is a bone and a line of fishing wire so I tie the bone to the fishing wire and throw it up the dragons nostrils and then pull really hard on the fishing wire so it goes tight then use the line to climb up the dragons nose and then jump out of the dragons face but I fall into an active volcano and inhale heaps of smoke so my lungs go bad then the volcano erupts but I narrowly escape by enveloping myself in a bubble of air so I just get shot up really fast so I'm in the air and then a small comet hits me in the side of the head so I'm unconscious and then I fall back into the sea while I'm still unconscious and there a geyser of steam erupting from the water at the time so I t shoots me back up into the air so high that I go into space and I can't breathe because I'm in space and my lungs are bad so my lung span doesn't last for that long and I run out of breath pretty quickly and then I wake up but fortunately another meteor is speeding towards earth so I Earthbend a seat into the meteor and sit on it but when I am zooming through the earth's atmosphere I go blind because of the force but then I land in a healers hut and thankfully they heal my eyes because the wounds are still fresh so I get my eyeballs back but then I realize that the healer is actually a pedophile who has been painting pictures of me while I have been sitting there so run out really fast but as I exit the hut I fall down a cliff and land in a cave that has no exit or entry which is weird because I wouldn't have been able to get into it if there was no entry but I'm in there and there is mole people and they put me in a pot of boiling water but then I realize I'm the avatar so I break free and escape the mole people only to find that there is no more oxygen in the world so I can't breathe."
"Yeah well it wouldn't be the last thing on your priority list then, but any other time…"
Aang had a smug look on his face. As they strolled through the forest, they came across a tall tree with a flat branch about half way up it. On impulse, Aang picked Katara up and launched himself up to the branch.
"Aaaaaaaaaang!" Katara screamed, but sighed with relief when they landed on a tree branch. "Well this is… nice." Katara summarized.
"Yeah, it is, isn't it?" the branch looked like a platform, almost, and plenty wide enough for two people to sleep on. Aang grabbed some thick leaves and vines to act as a makeshift bed and blanket, then lay down next to Katara.
"Katara, there's something I've been meaning to tell you…" Aang said seriously.
"What is it, Aang?"
"Today I saw a pink eagle. No really I swear, it was AWESOME!"
Katara rolled her eyes, not for the first time that night. "Aang, don't you think we should tell the other's where we are? They could get worried."
"Oh yeah… O, I got it!" Aang whipped out his Bison Whistle and gave it a quick blow. About twenty seconds later, Appa crashed down through the canopy and landed next to their tree. He grunted in question.
"Appa, I need you to tell the others that me and Katara are here, fine and safe."
Appa gave Aang a look that said "You seriously woke me up for that?" And sent a gust of air at Aang before taking off again.
"Aang! You shouldn't use the whistle unless you really need to." Complained Katara.
"Would you like some cheese with that whine?"
"Aang, seriously, Toph said that not ten minute ago."
"Yeah, but it was a good call…" he trailed off.
Katara, once again, rolled her eyes. "Yes, it was. Now go to sleep, Airboy."
"Is Airboy a good thing?" he asked.
"Really depends how you look at it. Goodnight, Aang." She leaned over and kissed him.
He kissed her back. "G'night, Katara."
"So how does this work anyway?"
"Well," started a shaman who mastered the art of body shaping. "… Jasmine, was it? What I will do is cast a spell on you that will alter your breasts as you wish them."
Jasmine was put off by how casually the man had said… Breasts. "He must do this all the time, stop being so stupid." She scalded herself.
"Okay. Well, let's do it!"
So they did.
After the shaman had danced around in circles muttering words that no one could understand, absolutely nothing had happened, and Jasmine voiced her concerns.
"Oh yes, did I forget to mention? When I said 'as you wish' it means that every time you hear a certain word they will get bigger.
"Oh. Well that seems… reasonable. What's the word?" she asked.
"The word is pardon."
"Right. Well, gooday, sir." She left the curious man's house quickly, not wanting to be in his presence any more. She knew she shouldn't have expected to have gotten any results, but it was all she could do not to get her hopes up. Deciding to go and buy herself a slice of her favorite fruit to cheer herself up, she headed to the town market and ordered a cut up papaya.
The manner of the small fruit vendor handed her the grocery, and as Jasmine went to turn around, a large man bumped straight into her and squished the papaya on her stomach.
"Oh, pardon me, lady." He said.
Jasmine felt a small tingle, and, looking down, sure enough, her breasts had grown, if only the slightest bit.
The man was looking at her strangely, but she just excused herself and went to get cleaned up. Once the sticky goo was whipped clean from her blouse, she thought her plan through.
"Okay, so I'll head to the town hall and bump into as many people as I can and see how polite most of them are. Then I'll head home to Garra and celebrate!"
Jasmine raced over the short distance from the public dump site to the town meeting place in record time. The room was crowded with people, some important event was obviously going on. She wasn't interested in the least at what it was, though.
The strong willed woman set her plan to action as she pretended to be slightly drunk from too much ale and bump into everyone she got close enough to. Some weren't as polite as others, of course, but by the end of an hour, her chest had filled out as much as she wanted it to.
"My husband is going to love me for this!"
"Who would win in a fight? A Platypus-Bear, or a Gorillatang?" asked Sokka.
Iroh considered the question. "Well, is it a big Platypus-Bear?"
"Fully grown male."
"A big Gorillatang?"
"Same as the Platypus-Bear."
Iroh stroked his beard for a time until he asked: "Where are they fighting?"
"In the forest, with lots of trees." The soft, cold wind bit at Sokka's face as they drifted past the still sky.
"Has the Gorillatang got fighting experience?" the rest of the group had started listening intently.
"Only as much as a regular one has."
The retired General nodded slowly. "Does the Platypus-Bear have big claws?"
"As big as the next Platypus-Bear." Sokka said.
"Is the Gorillatang very strong?"
"Strong as a Gorillatang."
"… And are they both at full health?"
"Yeah, they are both fully healthy and both well rested."
"Are the vines in the forest strong enough to hold the Gorillatang's weight?"
"Well, considering all those factors, what is the weather like?"
"What does that matter!?" Sokka had lost his patience.
"Well, if it's raining, it would make the trees more slippery."
"Okay, it's a fine sunny day. "
"So sunny that it would blind someone if they look up, or just sunny enough to feel it on your face but not be very bright at all?"
"Yeah, the second one."
"Right. I would have to say the Platypus-Bear."
Katara gasped. "What? Why? The Gorillatang could climb up one of the trees and then jump down on the Platypus-Bear."
"Yes, but the Platypus-Bear could easily gut the Gorillatang with its claws."
"But Gorillatang's are smarter than Platypus-Bears!" Zuko put in.
Link spoke up: "And they could pick up a big log and use it as a club."
"Yeah, but the Platypus-Bear could break the log!" said Breave.
Well-Hung decided he would take part in the debate. "A platypus-Bear has natural weapons. His claws, and his teeth. Platypus-Bear wins."
Aang jumped up from his spot steering, "Yeah, I'd have to say a Platypus-Bear. They are a lot taller, Even though the Gorillatang is stronger and smarter, and the Platypus-Bear could take out the Gorillatang with one hit."
"I say we vote on it." Said Sokka.
"Okay. All in favor of the Platypus-Bear winning, raise your hand."
Aang, Well-Hung, Momo, Iroh, and Toph all put up there hand.
"Now say Aye if you think the Gorillatang would win."
Sokka, Katara, Link and Breave said Aye.
Link stood up, "I hereby declare the winner of this match, the Platypus-Bear."
The group sat in complete silence for the better half of five minutes until Sokka piped up; "What about an Elephant-Lion and a Rhino-Pig? "
Jasmine burst through her front door yelling; "Honey! I'm home!" she was greeted with her husband sweeping her up in a hug.
"Where were you? I was so worried!" he said.
"What? Didn't Kal tell you?"
"No. She said she hasn't seen you."
"Oh for f… Never mind that, Look!" she gestured to her chest.
"Wow." He said after a few minutes. "You look amazing! How did you do that?" he asked.
"Secret. Now common, let's go out to dinner!" she dragged him out the door without a second thought. When they arrived at the most expensive eat-in in town, they were greeted with smiling faces and polite waiters. They were shown to a table, quite a nice one, located near the back deck to let the cool breeze drift through.
"I'm just going to go to the toilet." Said jasmine as she rose from her seat. Her husband smiled and nodded his head.
As she was about to enter the ladies bathroom, A waiter from the kitchen burst through the doors next to her and stumbled into her.
Jasmine was winded somewhat, but otherwise unharmed. Being in a rush, the waiter simply said:
"A thousand pardons, lady."