Disclaimer: Who took my hairdryer? Oi! Deidara have you seen my hairdryer? I need it. –looks over at Masashi Kishimoto who’s trying to get Deidara’s hair out of the hairdryer- Er . . . you held it the wrong way again, didn’t you? How many times do I have to tell you not to use female property. You. Will. Not. Ever. Succeed.

Kisses and Suicide
Written by MrsHellman June 16th
Beta-d by Carrie2sky

.:Chapter twenty four:.
W h a t H a v e Y o u D o n e?

Naruto slowly opened his eyes as he heard vibrating sounds coming from his desk, the desk his head was currently lying against, accompanied by a certain song filling his ears; his ringtone.

“Hold up!”

“Wait a minute!”

“Put a little love in it!”

“DU-DUN-DUDU! DUN! DU—“ (1)

He hit the button on the red phone and opened his eyes. It had been Kushina who called. What did she want?

Consciousness filled him as well as a tired feeling; he didn’t want to get up! The morning sun shone through the curtains of the classroom and there was one little gap that hit Naruto’s face exactly, letting all the sunlight blind him.

He groaned as his eyes began to burn due to said light.

“Good morning Mr. Uzumaki. Taking a nap during my class, how honored I feel.” A man with brown hair and equally brown eyes was glaring at Naruto. His tanned face showing one out of annoyance.

He sat up groggily, then yawned widely and raised his hand above his head, stretching in the process. He heard a small ‘pop’ and let his arms fall back on his lap with a small thud. His eyes were slits and his mouth open; he was so freaking tired! But he knew that he’d have to get up sooner or later anyway, his teacher – said man who was glaring at him – wouldn’t be all too happy if he fell back to sleep. Iruka Umino was a man you didn’t want to mess with; his voice was extremely high-pitched when angry. Naruto should know.

“Sorry . . .” he said with a yawn, and then, the rest of the class he spent chattering with Kiba.

What a lovely day . . .

“You want some more?”

The male’s bleary voice awoke him from his light drug induced slumber, making his breath hitch. He took a look outside and finally noticed how dark it had become – November had always been dark, hadn’t it? – and he didn’t think about the consequences of coming home after midnight again.

He turned his head back into the bus, and hooded eyes fell upon a flickering light, indicating that the light bulb needed to be changed. The light from the bulb illuminated the bunks and the front lounge of the bus. It was dark where he sat together with the man in the nearly empty bus; the driver and three other passengers being the only other people onboard.

His winter coat was supposed to keep him warm, but he had to admit that the drugs were doing a better job of it. It made him feel all fuzzy though, its soft fabric moving against his sleeveless arms inside the coat. Why the heck had he only put on a t-shirt today? He should have taken the turtleneck instead.

Damn . . .

His knees were huddled against his chest and made it hard for him to breath properly, but at the same time, it made the rush last longer. At least it felt like that. His arms lay motionlessly against his stomach, and rested partly against his legs, his hands were a pale blue thanks to the coldness of the bus. Had they never heard about a heater before?

Idiots.

He should sue the bus company for not providing the busses with heat during winter days like this. Yeah . . . sue them . . . sue them for their idiocy . . .

They were twitching though.

His hands that is.

Well, rather this fingers. It seemed as if his entire body could feel the rush from the last hit.

Suddenly, he felt equally cold fingers poke him in the back of his head. His blue eyes shot up from where he had been studying the flickering light on the floor. He looked into brown eyes that held a tint of crimson in them.

“You want one more kiddo? Feels good doesn’t it?”

The other man is blurry, and he blinks rapidly in an attempt to get a clear vision. It fails, so he simply smiles and let a sigh escape his lips. He removes his arms from his stomach and pulls the sleeve up to his elbow. He let the arm hang limply by his side as he looks away from the man and out through the window again.

“Yeah . . . hit me.”

His voice is raspy, and it sounds as if the said voice is breaking. The young boy is hazy and has got no idea what’s really going on around him. His mind is just as hazy, clouded with dreams the drugs have created, and in all honesty, those dreams are quite funny. Dreams are the only thing that graced the minds of those who had ever been high, those who have soared high above everything else, feeling superior for a moment, before crashing down. Hard.

The man’s pale skinny fingers took the arm and held it so he could work properly; he laid it in his lap.

Though the boy’s eyes weren’t looking at the man or what said man was doing, he knew that the other guy was high as well; a bundle of nerves thanks to the last hit he had himself.

The red head waited, anxious for what was about to come. He wanted it so badly; he wanted to forget everything he had gotten to know these past few weeks. As he waited though, he tried to focus on his breathing and the way the steam was condensing on the window.

He giggled as he leaned his head against the said window, removing some steam in the process.

In, out, in, out . . . gotta breathe to live, he thought with that smile still gracing his lips.

He turned to the man as he tied a worn-out cloth around his upper arm.

He smiles as he flexes his fingers and thereby his muscles, feeling the anxiety inside of him grow even bigger and stronger. He wanted it so badly by now, that every nerve in his body was screaming. Suddenly the cloth broke, because of him flexing his muscles. It was the only usable piece of cloth they had.

“Oh fuck!” the boy exclaimed.

His eyes widened in horror as he gasped. The only feeling he felt tight now, was desolation. All anxiety was gone with the worn-out cloth that fell to the floor.

“You’ve got to be shitting me!” the boy said as the man tried to hush him with a finger pressed closely to his lips. He didn’t want to attract attention from the other passengers in the bus, it would mean problem. A kid taking drugs on a bus isn’t something you want to read about in the newspaper, right? Not to mention, it wasn’t legal. They could both get into a lot of trouble.

The red head held his breath, knowing that his parents and family would find out about this if he wasn’t careful. Their secret would be revealed . . . Desolation and anger would appear and tear him apart from the inside out, as well as it would literally rip his family into tiny pieces. Only God knew of the melancholy it would bring . . .

Suddenly, the man grabbed the hem of his own shirt and ripped it off his body. With his teeth – in sheer desperation – he ripped off a part of fabric from the sleeve, unscrambling black wool in the process. The heat in his eyes could be mistaken for insanity, but the boy knew that it was contentment. The eyes were also proving that the man was eager; more desperate than anything else in this world, to give the boy another hit. The boy himself was too out of it to comprehend anything, or to even ask himself what he thought of the man’s behavior.

With the long piece of cloth, the man took the boy’s arm in a new grip and began to wrap the cloth around it. The younger of the two noticed that it looked all too familiar to him as his veins pressed against his skin, that’s not a good sign, but he could care less for the moment.

He wanted that feeling of relief.

He bit his lower lip as the tip of the needle touched his blemished skin from previous injections. The man pulled the piece of cloth tighter around the red head’s arm, with his teeth, concentrating as hard as you would as if you were shooting yourself up.

The boy took a sharp intake of breath as the needle was pushed through his skin, a tiny layer of fat, the tissue, and into the blood vein; ejecting pure adrenaline that comes with heroin into his blood stream. Slowly, but surely, the heroin started to spread and the man re moved the needle. He untied the cloth and then looked at the boy.

He was already feeling the effects.

“You liked that didn’t you?”

The boy didn’t answer at first; he just smiled as his eyes rolled back in his head, a giggle escaping his cracked lips. He looked insane and the man next to him wore the same kind of expression on his lips.

This was the very last conscious thing the boy did.

At the moment when the heroine had been injected into his system, into his blood, into his body, his brain fell into an entirely different world, filled with dreams, hopes and lies. He was flying; he was flying again . . . flying high above everyone else, just as he’d hoped, and known would come.

No one could touch him; he was unreachable.

All the bad things in life disappeared.

Nothing mattered.

Not the fact that the man grinned, made a call, and said; “Hello Pein.”

Scratching his right under arm, Naruto stood up from his bed where he was currently writing an essay, and made his way towards the bathroom. He walked past a calendar and smiled as he noticed that it was already November; winter was almost here and since it was his favorite season if the year, he couldn’t be happier.

He splashed some water on his face and did the things you normally do when going to the bathroom. He was washing his hands when he looked up in the mirror and titled his head at the view.

He was still dead tired from Iruka’s that lesson he had had with Iruka Umino, and to say that he needed sleep was an understatement.

He studied his face in the mirror, and noticed that he looked a little childish, he had to admit; no matter from what angle he looked, his face screamed ‘boyish face!’ and there was probably nothing he could do about it. It was rounder than before, and you couldn’t see his cheekbones as much anymore – he had started to eat a little more again, because Kiba was like a dog, seriously.

A guard dog!

The dude knew exactly when Naruto had done something that wasn’t good . . . may he sigh? Please?

He was in the ‘cute boy’ category all right, and it made him sigh – may he laugh now? – and it was pretty darn irritating. Why couldn’t he be a little more like the other guys? Sasuke, Kiba and Shikamaru were all over 1.70 meters and had broad shoulders accompanied by slender legs and arms; muscles hiding under their skin. And then you take a look at Naruto; he was short and thin – he only had himself to blame – and like he just said; he had a boyish face.

For all practical purposed, he felt like a boy, not a man.

Go to hell you cruel world . . .

“Why, oh why?” he asked to no one in particular, burying his face in his hands, rubbing his eyes in the process. He was still tired, and he couldn’t understand why.

He looked at himself again, and sighing heavily, as he nibbled on his lower lip. He followed one of the three lines on his cheek with his fingers, noticing that even though these scars marred his face, he was lucky. He didn’t have acne, nor did he have freckles; as said – lucky. Even Hani had a few freckles, but she looked adorable with them.

He walked out of the bathroom and took a look at Sasuke who was sleeping soundly in his bed – it was now five in the afternoon, but the dude was tired as hell.

Maybe there was something wrong with him? He should ask later on, the blonde decided.

As pretty much everyone knows; you move when being asleep. Well, technically, very few people can lie still during an entire night’s sleep, but most people move, and Sasuke was one of those that barely moved at all – of what Naruto had noticed.

The said raven was still lying on his back as he had when he went to bed half an hour earlier, but his hands were a little different than before, as well as his head being titled the other way, facing Naruto instead.

The blonde smiled as he decided to call his mother back. It had already been a few hours since her call, because he’d forgotten about it after Iruka’s lesson. He’d gone to his next lesson instead.

He opened his phone and brought up his mother’s mobile number. Since it wasn’t six yet, she probably wasn’t at home.

He brought the phone to his ear and held it there with his shoulder. He walked around in the room in the meantime and picked up some clothes from the floor, and made sure that he had all his things in the right places. He knew that there was another essay he had to finish for his father’s class.

“Hello?”

He finally reached her.

“Hi Kaa-san, it’s Naruto,” the blonde answered with a small smile on his lips. “You called a few hours ago, but I was in class and couldn’t answer. I forgot about it later on, but now I remembered again.”

“Oh, thank God! Naruto, listen to me. I don’t want you to panic, but things at home are complicated for the moment,” Kushina said on the other line, as Naruto’s smile faltered and turned into a frown.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

A lump was created in his throat. There was always something that had to happen concerning his family.

When would it stop?

“First off; I don’t want you to home again, because in all honesty, there’s no need to, but I want you to know, okay?” Kushina’s voice was unsteady on the other line, and her voice broke more than twice during that one sentence. “IT does concern you in one way, and—“

“Something bad has happened, hasn’t it?” Naruto cut her off abruptly, and not giving her time to answer, he went on. “Tell me what it is, I don’t care if it’s about me, but I need to know what’s going on.” Naruto was anxious to know and in all honesty; he was scared to hear it. Maybe he had done something. Had they found something in his room? What was it?

“There’s nothing you’ve done sweetheart, it’s just that . . . I’m—“ a sound was heard on the phone, that reminded Naruto of paper. “You remember the walk we had when you were home the last time? It was before I wrote your medical record concerning the trial.”

Naruto clenched his teeth as he heard the word ‘trial’ but quickly calmed down after shaking his head. He focused on that day instead, what had he and his mother been talking about.

His eyes widened as he remembered.

A blush crept onto his cheeks.

“Yeah . . . I-I remember, Kaa-san . . .” he said with a low-voice as he raked a hand through his hair that getting longer since Sasuke had cut it. It grew pretty fast he noted.

“I know it’s uncomfortable to talk about it, but . . . I know that you like— that you’re g— that you like another male. Sorry . . .” Kushina had a hard time trying to form a good sentence, and Naruto felt a bit uneasy as he heard his mother talk like that. It was a sore spot to talk about, to say the least. He just recently found out himself and it made him scared himself. “Believe me when I say that there’s nothing wrong with it okay? I’ll always love you, no matter what. You’re my son.”

“Thanks.” Naruto wasn’t sure if he meant it.

“To the point then . . . why I brought that up, is because Yuuki was there when you . . . when you confessed. I guess you could put it like that, and . . . well, Yuuki, he—“

“Has something happened to Yuuki?” Naruto felt worry edge its way towards the surface. “He hates me, doesn’t he? Even though he didn’t show it back then . . .”

“No! It’s not like that! He loves you, he does! It’s just that—“

She had said that too fast for it to be true, and Naruto told her that as well.

There was a long pause. “I’m sorry sweetheart . . .”

“So he does hate me then? Is it because I like another guy?” Naruto asked, as he feared the worst. This was something he was very afraid of; his family’s reaction. His mother had taken it pretty well, because she was all hyper about it, and it had felt extremely good when her reaction had been like that. The fact that Yuuki’s reaction was well…total opposite was something he’d expected, and frankly; he’d been prepared for rejection from his siblings, but he hadn’t been prepared for the pain it would bring.

“No, really, he doesn’t hate you, but I can’t say that he’s accepting of it either. But that’s not the biggest problem here, Naruto . . .” the red-head on the other line was calmer than before, and her voice told Naruto everything he needed to know for the moment; be quiet, listen and pray that this is nothing all too serious.

“It’s the way he’s dealing with all of this.”

“He did something bad?” Naruto asked quickly and cursed himself for not being able to mask his fears.

Kushina had noticed the panicked tone in her middle son’s voice, and it made her sigh. Naruto heard it. “Yes, he did something, but that’s simply because he’s got no idea how to handle his emotions. We’ve never talked about . . . homosexuality before, so this is something new for him. I’ve encountered it before, within my profession and personally as well—“

“Personally?” Naruto asked before he could stop himself.

He slapped a hand over his mouth and closed his eyes. This wasn’t something he could bring up like that, and what his mother said next made him feel ever guiltier.

“That’s something we can talk about another time, but we are going to talk about it, I promise; but about Yuuki. I had a talk with him about this, and I mentioned my personal experiences on it, so he calmed down a little. But . . .”

The blonde couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Please just tell me, Kaa-san.”

“He’s doing drugs.”

The sound of the phone crashing into the floor awoke Sasuke, who sat up with a drowsy appearance. His eyes were narrowed as well as his hairstyle fitting into the stereotypical bed hair category.

Naruto hurriedly picked up the phone from the floor as he walked to his own bed and sat down. His eyes were focused on Sasuke as he continued to speak to his mother.

“Sorry, it just shocked me.”

The blonde’s eyes were focused on Sasuke as said boy narrowed his eyes; he knew something was wrong. Terribly wrong . . .

. . . but what?

“Yeah, but how did you find out?” Naruto continued his conversation as if he hadn’t woken Sasuke up.

“Last night he came home, and he was so high we had to take him to the hospital. They made sure that he slept it all off, and for the moment I’m there with him,” Kushina answered. She knew her son was shocked to hear this, but he had to know.

“Okay . . . do you think he’ll be alright?” Naruto was scared because he’d never expected someone of his own flesh and blood to do drugs. Even though he himself had thought about lots of ways to keep his mind off of all the complicated things in life; he’d never done drugs. It was something he’d never fallen for, and hopefully never would; but you never know what’s going to happen in your future, do you?

“He’s probably going to get questions as to where he got the drugs and all that, and spend a few more hours at the hospital. If we find him doing drugs again, I’m afraid we’ll have to ask professionals for help. I don’t want him to destroy himself.” Kushina was scared. It was all too obvious.

“Hmm . . .” Naruto didn’t really know what to say. He just wanted to speak to his brother, but in all honesty; he felt extremely guilty.

Yuuki had obviously been doing drugs for quite a while, and all because he knew that Naruto – his older brother and the person he looked up to – liked someone of his own sex; another male.

“Don’t feel guilty honey,” come his mother’s soft voice from the other end. “I’ve already talked to him about this, and for the moment he’s just confused and bewildered. I’m going to talk to him some more after he’s out of the hospital, you just focus on school. Okay, sweetie?”

Naruto didn’t answer at first, only when he heard his mother sigh on the other end, did he answer. “Uh, okay, if you so say so, Kaa-san, but I’d like to talk to him as well . . . if he wants to that is.”

“He doesn’t hate you, you know. As I said, he’s—“

“Confused, I know, but still . . .” Naruto interrupted her with his eyes closed. He was bewildered himself, and that made him feel so alone somehow.

Kushina coughed before she spoke up again. “It’s good you know. I’ve already told Akane, and she was to tell Haruki. You don’t have to worry about telling them, since they already know, but if you need someone to talk to you can go to them and—“

“Wait! You told them about me?” Naruto quickly asked as he heard this. His blood ran cold at the thought of his siblings knowing. He wanted to be the one to tell them, otherwise it would feel as if he was hiding something, and frankly; he was, but—

. . . this was so heartbreaking.

Utterly heartbreaking.

“No, I just told them about Yuuki’s condition, not the reason as to why he’s done what he did. I’d never tell them something I know I’m not supposed to tell them. It’s up to you if you want to let them know or not, and when.”

The blonde loved his mother.

He smiled as he let his body fall back on the bed. His legs hung over the edge of said bed as his right hand lay of the side of the bed. His left hand was still holding on to the phone as he closed his eyes and mumbled a small ‘thank you’ to his mother, before they said their goodbyes to each other.

“What was that about?” a dark voice came from the other side of the room, and for the first time since the blonde woke the raven up, he looked at him with his deep blue eyes.

Naruto swallowed as he saw that Sasuke was sitting up, completely awake by now. As he saw his lover look at him like that, he thought about Yuuki and his little brother’s condition. It was because of him liking Sasuke.

Fuck.

How the hell was he supposed to tell Sasuke all of this? Could life be any more complicated? Why couldn’t life be a long road without curves? Why did it have to contain curves, bumps and cracks? It was never simple, and forthrightly he wanted to cry and never stop. Maybe listen to the song “Cry Me a River” (2) as well as eat chocolate and drink soda until he threw up in a—

He stopped his thinking at that moment.

He wasn’t supposed to think like that. He’d made a promise to Kiba, and there was no way he’d let the dog-loving boy down. He cared extremely much for Naruto even though they barely knew each other, and it made the blonde feel all warm on the inside; he was loved by someone else than his family; it was a first, well now there is Sasuke also, he was a second in that category. But it was still a new experience for the blonde.

“It was my mother . . .” he answered Sasuke quietly as he turned his head away from the other boy.

He didn’t want to talk about this.

This was about Sasuke just as much as it was about Naruto and Yuuki.

Since he was someone who’d always solved his problems via self-harm, he harmed himself by turning his head away from the person he thought he loved, and loved the blonde in return. He wasn’t sure if it was real love, simple liking or a mere crush or fling . . .

The last thing made him wince.

“What did you talk about?” the raven asked softly with that wonderfully dark voice of his. It had always been monotone, but it made Naruto like it as much as he did.

“We—“

What was he supposed to say?

The truth?

. . . or a lie?

“It was a dream I had, and I called her since you were asleep.” Naruto felt as if someone clenched their hand around his heart and crushed it.

He lied.

“A dream? You could have woken me up, you idiot. That’s one of the reasons why I’m here,” Sasuke said, feeling indignant as well felt a clench around his heart. Didn’t the blonde trust him enough to tell him about it?

The blonde rubbed the back of his head. “Well, you know, it was just a dream about my family…and when I woke up, and I just had to call home, you know to…uh…make sure it wasn’t real,” he told the raven sheepishly. “And I just . . . I didn’t have to heart to wake you up. You looked really tired, so I let you sleep.”

The raven didn’t answer at first, and it made Naruto think that said raven knew he was lying.

“What was it about?”

Oh, what a wonderful question!

Naruto mentally slapped his forehead out of mere stupidity.

“Nothing of any real significance, just one of those crazy dreams, you know. Did you dream something?” Naruto said quickly, changing the subject just a quick.

Another slap.

Note to self; never change the subject that abruptly, the Uchiha will know at once that something’s off.

Sasuke sighed as he closed his eyes for a few seconds. His head titled downwards as he opened his mouth. “Actually, I did,” he said with that dark voice of his, and once again it made Naruto’s skin crawl. Gosh! What a voice!

“Yeah? Dreams are quite interesting, don’t you think?” Naruto asked as he tried his best to sound as normal as possible, but fear as well as him being extremely uncomfortable made it quite hard.

“Yeah, they are. When I was younger, I used to write stories based on dreams. I wrote them in a small book until I was old enough to use my brother’s computer,” Sasuke answered with a small bow of the head.

Naruto heard it pop.

“I didn’t know that,” the blonde answered nonchalantly as he swallowed again, and sat up. He still didn’t face Sasuke; he still didn’t dare to. “Was it blue or red?”

“Pardon?”

“The book.”

The Uchiha smirked as he heard this; he wore a lot of blue and red clothes, maybe that’s why the blonde asked? “Black, actually, why the sudden interest?”

“Just wondering. Is it black because your dreams are the same color?”

Sasuke smirked again. “Baka.”

“Why thank you. You’ve already said that I’m an idiot in English, and now in Japanese. What’s next; Spanish? Idiota!”

“Naruto.” Sasuke spoke Naruto’s name very firmly.

“What!?” Naruto nearly screamed the word as he suddenly stood up on his feet. His face red as well as his hands clenched into fists. He was shaking, and why?

Sasuke didn’t know.

“What’s going on Naruto?” The raven asked in a gentler tone. Something was really wrong with the blonde and to say that Sasuke was worried was an understatement; he was apprehensive over the fact that Naruto’s humor suddenly was out of control as well as his temper being the same. He knew that there had been an important discussion between the blonde’s mother and the blonde himself, and even though he wanted to know what it all had been about, he didn’t want the blonde to get mad at him.

“Don’t ask! Okay, don’t ask!” the younger of the two squealed with his head turning towards the Uchiha, but head lowered so that his bangs covered his eyes. “I don’t want you to know, okay . . . ?”

Sasuke was silent.

“I can’t promise you that . . .”

“You fucker!”

Naruto’s scream, as well as the blonde calling him a ‘fucker’ made the raven frown as he stood up from his position on the bed. Something was extremely wrong, and when Naruto tried to hide things from people his mood changed as well as his ability to communicate with people the way he usually did.

“Fine. You don’t have to tell me, but please; calm down.” Sasuke was trying his best not to anger the blonde further as he walked over to the boy.

Naruto’s head was once again turned away from him, so when Sasuke hugged the boy sideways over the shoulders he tensed up dramatically. It made Sasuke’s embrace loosen.

“Sorry.”

“I’m the one who’s sorry . . . “ Naruto said as he felt heat radiate from his lovers arms. It made him calm at the same time as his head began to spin with thoughts concerning Yuuki.

Damn it all.

He wanted to speak with his younger brother so badly right now.

He wanted his brother to fell better again.

He wanted to help . . .

. . . and he knew how.

(1) For you who are wondering, this is one of my favorite songs called “Love Addict” by the most amazing group “Family Force 5”, so no . . . I don’t own the song . . . darn it . . . -.-“

(2) Don’t own this song, and I think you know about it, so yeah . . . xD

To be continued

My writing style has changed a bit, and I hope it’s for the better :] I’m doing my best to make this story, a story you’ll enjoy reading more than anything else!!! xD But I think I’m failing miserably . . . -_-” Another thing; it took me three months to finish this chapter . . . sorry TT______TT My new fandom is Harry Potter and I just love it!!! xD

© MrsHellman 2008-2009