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Chains of Memory: Part 43
I feel vaguely ashamed for breaking out the arranged marriage cliche, but hopefully I can do a little more with it than the stock 'rage against authoritarian parents' schtick. See, I have the characters rage against the authoritatian grand-parent, which is totally different...
On that note, where did all the confessions in Mako's exposition on Chikane go? If she was being accurate, random scenes throughout the anime should have been interrupted by people Chikane doesn't know confessing to her. Bonus points if this happened while she was in Orochi mode.
Mother sat at the table, reading the letter I’d given her. I sat opposite her. Father stood over her. Sarah sat off to one side, looking bored, while Hizuru was in the kitchen, ‘helping’ Otoha-san cook. In other words, it was getting unreasonably crowded again. I wish mother would leave her PA behind, at least.
“They’re serious,” mother said, lowering the letter. “Or at least, they make it sound like they are. This kind of timing really is surprising.” She passed the letter to father. “How to reply to this, I wonder? They’re not a family we can dismiss out of hand, at least. And the same goes for Shuusei.”
“You’re right that it’s sudden,” father said, taking the letter. “Shouldn’t we worry about their reason first and foremost? Are one of the sons in trouble?”
“Good point. They’re straight-laced, so it’s hard to believe, but it’s a possibility. Sarah, write that down. I’ll call some contacts later.”
“Yes, yes.” Sarah sighed, pulling out her laptop and starting it up. “Honestly, what generation are we supposed to be in?”
“Certainly, this kind of politically arranged marriage is a little unfashionable,” mother said. “But even I’ll admit that it has its place, at least for traditionalists. While I didn’t choose that path, fat- Shuusei did, and he at least was happy, after a while. Insofar as that old bastard was ever happy.”
“The important thing is how the child feels,” father said. “Isn’t that right, Kazuho?”
“Of course,” mother said, sounding slightly offended. “The Otori will know this as well, or at least they should. If they thought I’d compromise my principles for an advantage in this situation, they’re completely mistaken.”
“I know.” Father looked up from the letter briefly, giving me a worried look. “But it’s Chikane’s opinion that matters most.”
“It’s very sudden,” I said weakly. “Just as you say. It’s difficult to register an opinion. Whatever else, it’s best if I meet him a few times for form’s sake, isn’t it? There’s no necessity to go forwards, and rejection doesn’t have to wound anyone’s pride. So either way, we’ll be going forwards like that, right?”
“I suppose so,” mother said, resting her chin on her hands. “No, certainly. Though whether the Otori will stick to traditional forms… they’re a family that styles themselves modern, old-style patriarchy or not. It’s also possible they may be more forceful than we would like.”
“If that’s the case, we can react forcefully,” father said firmly. “It’s not like us to flatter people like that unnecessarily, right?”
“Certainly. Though whether you’re advocating that because it’s what we do, or because of what we’re discussing, I’m unsure myself.” Mother leaned back, putting her hands behind her head. “Of course, we have our own conditions. This can’t interrupt Chikane’s studies, nor will it interfere with her other duties. Whether engagement or marriage, it wouldn’t be a significant matter for several years.”
“Can the Otori really accept that?” I asked. “Senpai said she understood, but Enya-sama is probably different, no?”
“Perhaps.” Mother sighed. “Are we looking a gift horse in the mouth, I wonder? Those sons have no fewer suitors than you do. There aren’t many Japanese families left who can match our status.”
“Is that the statement we want to make, though?” father asked. “In the minds of our supporters in the branch families, we stand for change, not continuity. Do we really want to remain wedded- excuse the pun- to the aristocratic paradigm? There are hundreds of rich and successful people who don’t have that coincidence of blood.”
“It’s the opposite. To so many of the remaining traditionalists, we’re too threatening as it is. Even an attempt at a traditional miai might reassure them.” She sighed. “Though I doubt we’ll ever be able to fully reassure them. With good reason.”
“I wonder whether we have time to worry about them at all,” father said.
“Perhaps.” Mother sighed. “Hizuru, what do you think?”
“I think it’s an excellent match, Kazuho-sama,” Hizuru said smoothly. “I understand your alienation from the traditions, but we shouldn’t be irrational about this. Quite apart from anything else, the sons are excellent by all accounts. Chikane Ojou-sama is best suited for an outstanding person, no matter any other considerations.”
“Of course. And Sarah?”
“It’s idiotic,” Sarah said. “She’s younger than me, and I’m too young. Besides which, has she even met these people at all?”
“Why am I not surprised by those answers?” mother mused, stretching her shoulders. “But you do both raise new considerations, I suppose.”
“Are you mocking us?” Sarah asked suspiciously.
“Putting the wider ramifications aside, it comes down to just two things,” mother said. “Assuming we accept the broad nature of the approach, Chikane accepts or rejects their offer. In the former case, certainly, we should move to engagement as fast as she is comfortable with to leverage this, though marriage should be deferred. In the latter case, we reject them tactfully but firmly. In either case, we should seek stronger ties with the Otori anyway. In the rejection scenario, an ideal outcome if we could deflect discussions into other terms more amenable to us. I’ll consider it later. Perhaps in politics, at least, it would be safe to work together more thoroughly. Especially if I succeed in gaining influence here.”
I smiled despite myself. That was such a mother-like consideration. She has a gift for this, keeping the many projects she oversees in her mind and linking them naturally. It’s a little reassuring.
“There’s one more thing though, isn’t there?” father said. “If we accept this approach at all, there’s no doubt it would be known. And in so doing, we effectively announce that we consider Chikane of marriageable age. That could cause many problems for her.”
“Certainly,” mother admitted. “Even if we rejected a large number of such proposals, the likely number that must at least be respected is going to be troubling. It might be best to avoid that, but such caution wouldn’t be without sacrifice. What do you think, Chikane?”
“I’ll do it,” I said.
“You’re pressuring her,” father said reproachfully. He looked at me. “You know as well as us that it could become a serious problem, especially if the Otori talks break down fast. It will take up your time and energy. Our concerns don’t have anything to do with this. If you don’t want it, you shouldn’t do it. That’s all.”
“I know it will be difficult.” I closed my eyes briefly, taking a breath before looking straight at my parents. “Even so, I will do it. Please let me do it.”
Father gave me an upset look. “Why?”
“No matter what, time won’t stand still for me. When I am an adult, this is something I have to face, as a Himemiya. Perhaps the Otori are simply reminding us of that.” I frowned. “I will be nineteen in a few months. And in any case, if I can’t keep up with this kind of duty now, it will only hurt me in future.”
“Silly girl,” father said, looking away.
“I understand,” mother said, ignoring him. “Leave the rest to me, Chikane. For now, concentrate on your studies. I’ll contact you in advance of the first meeting.”
I nodded.
“I’m impressed, though. You’ve become a strong person.”
“You do me much credit,” I said, with feeling. I know as well as father does that I’ve been misleading, and avoided saying the most important thing. A part of it is my ordinary fear. But my feelings as a child haven’t changed… I still don’t want to disappoint mother. I think that remains a weakness as much as a strength.
But that’s not our truth. Those memories are too strong, and feel too real. The Orochi exist. I can feel Chikane’s shell pendant around my neck. I believe in these things. And now I can remember with a little more perspective, as well, the incomprehensible weight that was placed on our shoulders at that time. I don’t think my past self ever really understood that, not in concrete terms. Even Souma saw me as the important person to protect with the world a secondary concern. Did Chikane realise? Did she understand, in her way that I can never imitate? Did she feel crushed by the overwhelming weight placed on her? I don’t know; I can’t ask. But our story is not a happy one, even if we let it have a happy ending now.
“What is wrong? Wearing such a thoughtful face.”
I jumped, turning my head and pouting at Chikane-chan. “Ah. You startled me.”
Chikane-chan giggled. “I’m sorry. Maybe I should have left you? You looked so far away, I was wondering whether I shouldn’t disturb your peaceful sleep.”
“I wasn’t sleeping or anything like that,” I said, waving my hands and smiling apologetically at her. “It’s just I’ve been thinking about a few things. It doesn’t matter too much.”
“Well, we both have plenty to think about,” Chikane-chan said, walking up to me and smiling. “That doesn’t change. But for today, please look only at me, okay?”
I flushed, nodding. “I will. That’s what I want to do, too.”
“I see.” Chikane-chan blinked, looking sidelong at me with her catlike, languid expression. “I’m glad.”
Whenever she’s like that, it’s always a little exciting, even if she’s teasing. I smiled to cover my bashfulness, admiring her dress. “This is from when we met for the first time, right?”
“That’s right. And you… are wearing something completely different.” Chikane-chan smiled. “Even for us, there can only be so many coincidences at once.”
I giggled. “I suppose so. How are your parents?”
“The same as when I was talking to you yesterday,” Chikane-chan teased. “And the day before that, and the day before that.”
I pouted. “Fine. But I think they’re interesting, so it can’t be helped.”
“I’m flattered. In any case, they’re still fine. They’re going to be entertaining some businessmen at the hotel today, so I have my flat to myself for once.” Chikane-chan looked at me. “And how are you? Do you manage to finish your essay yesterday?”
“Somehow,” I said, smiling weakly. “I hope we have a break soon, I’m getting tired.”
“These terms really are tough,” Chikane-chan said. “I’m glad I have times like this to forget about it all.”
I didn’t believe her for a minute, of course. Or rather, I was sure she was glad to see me, but I suspect her work is pretty easy for her. She goes suspiciously silent about herself whenever she’s sympathising with my struggles; it’s a little cute. Sometimes even Chikane-chan can be obvious.
“Another odd smile,” Chikane-chan said, poking me playfully in the shoulder. “At least you’re looking at me this time, though.”
“Shall we go?” I offered, as the bus came to a stop in front of us.
Chikane-chan nodded. “Let’s go.”
We took open seats close to the back. I looked out of the window for a moment before returning my attention to Chikane-chan. “How is Mario Kart going? I forgot to ask, have you completed all the tournaments yet?”
Chikane-chan shook her head. “Not yet. I don’t get to play as much as I’d like, and perhaps I’m being bitter, but the result appears slightly arbitrary at times. But there are people who can very consistently win online, so there should be a strong skill element as well.”
“I see.” I said. “Sounds tough. I wish I could play, but Mako-chan’s clear that we can’t afford something like that.”
“I suppose they aren’t cheap,” Chikane-chan said. “Perhaps I should get you one for your birthday, since it’s shared with mine.”
“You can’t do that,” I said firmly. “You shouldn’t spoil me.”
“I know, I know,” Chikane-chan said, smiling. “It really is tempting, though. I’ve spent so many years being unable to justify spending much for myself, even though I could. But buying you presents feels like it doesn’t count.”
“It counts, it counts,” I said, smiling. “You can’t spoil yourself like that, either.”
“I see. In any case, this is a good time… or perhaps a bad one.” Chikane-chan reached into her bag, pulling up a slim volume wrapped in red paper. “In any case, I should give you this before your hair gets wet. Here.”
I took it hesitantly, looking at it. “Why?”
“In this kind of circumstance, it feels like I should give you something,” Chikane-chan said. “But the usual things are a little conspicuous, flowers and things like that. I thought you might like something like this best.” She smiled. “Open it.”
I unwrapped it, taking out the manga and looking at it. “Blackberry Crisis?”
“I don’t really know about these things, but I asked some of my friends, and it’s supposed to be enjoyable,” Chikane-chan said, scratching her cheek. “You don’t have it already, do you? I could always take it back.”
“No, I don’t have it,” I said, looking at the back cover. “But I’ve heard a lot about it. Thank you very much, Chikane-chan.” I smiled at her. “Though you’re still spoiling me, you know.”
“This much is normal,” Chikane-chan said. “Father always said that things like this are very important.”
“Though I like it, I wonder if it’s the most romantic present,” I said wryly, slipping it into my bag.
“I wonder,” Chikane-chan said delicately.
I flushed slightly, remembering myself. That’s right, we’re in public. I can’t say suggestive things like that. Though Chikane-chan’s also being like that, to be fair. “I’m a little embarrassed, though,” I said. “All I have are some snacks I made.”
“That’s more than enough,” Chikane-chan said, raising her hands. “I feel bad because I can’t do anything like that for you. All my hobbies are just for showing off.”
I giggled. “That again? Some things really don’t change.”
“It’s true, though,” Chikane-chan said. “And it’s still true, even though you’re doing photography now.”
“You do too much anyway,” I said. “It’s unreasonable. But I’d like to hear you play again. Piano and violin, right?”
Chikane-chan nodded. “If you’re the one listening, I’ll play gladly.”
I blinked, holding eye contact with her. “I’ll look forwards to it.” The more time I spent with her, the more I think these weekly meetings aren’t enough. I just think of more things that I’d like to do with her. Go somewhere where I can take photos again. Do something Chikane-chan’s interested in, but has never done. Go somewhere where we can drop our guard a little and show intimacy in public. She’s so close to her, and I’d like to lean on her, but I can’t. We can’t even hold hands. It’s hard.
“But it’s just those two instruments, being so typical,” Chikane-chan said, pouting. “What would people do if I liked, I don’t know, jazz?”
“Do you like jazz?” I asked, giving her a dubious look.
“Well, no. It’s just an example.”
I giggled. “I see. So it doesn’t matter too much, then?”
“Well, I suppose not,” Chikane-chan said, frowning. “But it’s the principle that counts.”
“What kind of music do you like?” I asked curiously.
“It’s strange to say, but I don’t really have much preference for anything,” Chikane-chan said. “I don’t listen to music regularly.”
“That’s unexpected,” I said. “Not even classical music, or things like that?”
“Not since I left Kobe, anyway. I’m sure I’d find music I’d like if I put in the time, but I never have.” Chikane-chan smiled apologetically. “A boring answer, I know. But it can’t be helped.”
“It’s fine. No one says you have to like music, after all. I was just surprised, that’s all.” I smiled at her. “Maybe I should try you with my pop music, and see if it makes you squirm. I like it, though.”
“That could be interesting. I’ve never really listened to music like that,” Chikane-chan admitted.
“I’ll bring some next time,” I said. “Even if you don’t like it, it’s a start, right?”
“True.”
“Though it’s not comparable to playing something for you myself,” I said.
But still, I’d never be able to suggest something like that when I first met Chikane-chan. Even though some things have stayed the same, some things have definitely changed. And on the whole, it’s definitely for the best.
It was busy when we arrived at the water park, even at this time in the morning. There were a lot of families and groups of friends as well. Some couples, as well. I wonder what we were seen as?
“It would be great if we could get through the day without anyone hitting on us,” Chikane-chan said, joining the line. “Last time was beyond annoying.”
“If it does happen, maybe you could be a bit more circumspect,” I suggested. “You were very hard on them last time, after all.”
“You think so? I thought it fair enough, considering the circumstances.” Chikane-chan sighed. “People like that are a pain.”
“I’m sure they were very nervous, too,” I said. “Doing something like that isn’t easy.”
“They shouldn’t do it, then, that’s fine.” Chikane-chan shrugged. “Well, maybe I don’t have a reasonable perspective on these things. It’s not like I’d ever be interested.”
I blinked, surprised by her honesty. “I see. I suppose that makes sense.”
“Besides, I was a little jealous,” Chikane-chan said, smiling at me. “There was no way I could let them have their way in front of you, right?”
“I’m flattered. But it couldn’t be helped, since you were so cute,” I said. “Besides, you were wearing a bikini like that. Maybe they considered it encouraging?”
“And you’re making me wear that again,” Chikane-chan said lightly. “That could be a problem.”
“Well, it wasn’t just them who found it encouraging,” I said. “Bear with it.”
“The things I do…”
Chikane-chan brought the tickets again, and then we went to the changing rooms together. It was crowded but we managed to get two next to each other. I ducked into mine, closing the door behind me and putting my bag on the bench. Then I took my coat and put it aside, beginning to undress.
I barely caught a slight rustle over the noise as Chikane-chan began to do the same thing. I tried not to think about that. It’s not as if I haven’t seen her naked before now… in my past life, which doesn’t really count, after all.
Once I’d almost undressed, I took out my secret weapon and looked at it nervously. I know it made logical sense… if I’d specifically asked for Chikane-chan to wear her bikini, it would be unfair of me to turn up in my old swimsuit again. I know that. I even chose it yesterday to be as revealing as I dared. But yesterday in the quiet of a changing room is completely different from a noisy place like this. I haven’t even shown it to Mako-chan. I know my figure isn’t terrible, but I don’t really have any confidence. And I’m going to be next to Chikane-chan, who has a real model-like body. It’s almost unfair, the degree to which that comparison will be unflattering.
But that’s not the important thing. I should just forget about other people, since it’s Chikane-chan I’m doing this for. But even that makes me nervous. It’s ridiculous, I know. It’s not as if she hasn’t seen me naked before… in her past life. But that only makes me blush at the memory, something I didn’t fully understand at the time. There’s nothing for it, though. I didn’t bring my spare for exactly this reason. So I have to go with it. I put it on, looking at myself nervously in the mirror. A pink two-piece, similar to what Chikane-chan was wearing. I frowned at myself, glad there was nothing major wrong.
There was a gentle knock on the door. “Is there anything wrong, Himeko?”
I blinked. I’ve probably been keeping her waiting, worrying like this. “Nothing. I’m just packing up my stuff, okay? I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Okay. I’m sorry to interrupt.”
“Not at all.” I hurriedly put my shoes at the bottom of my bag, piling my clothes haphazardly on top of them. I picked up my coat with my other hand, clumsily opening the door and staggering through. “I’m done.”
Chikane-chan was leaning against the wall of the cubicle, waiting for me. She looked up, smiling at me, then blinked. For my part, the sight of Chikane’s body in profile momentarily halted me. Maybe that bikini would be less revealing on other girls, but at that size there’s an awful lot to reveal. I hurriedly looked up, making eye contact, only to find her doing the same thing. For a moment, we said nothing, but there was a little excitement amidst the embarrassment. We both know we were both staring at each other’s bodies, as more than just friends. It’s definitely the first time I’ve experienced something like that.
“You look… good,” Chikane-chan said. “I’m surprised.”
“How cruel.”
“No, not like that,” Chikane-chan said, shaking her head hurriedly. “That’s not what I meant. I’m just surprised you wore a bikini, that’s all.”
I smiled, given a little confidence by her slip. “A bad surprise?”
“No. It does look good,” Chikane-chan said. She smirked at me, evidently having recovered her poise. “You shouldn’t tease me, though. Not more than you are already.”
“Well, I’m glad I insisted, too,” I said. She has beautiful eyes as well. “Though it’s the first time I’ve done something like this in earnest.”
“Me too.” Chikane-chan abruptly looked around, remembering our situation. “In any case, we’d better put our things away, right?”
I nodded, following her. “Okay.”
Honestly, seeing her like this for the second time, I have to wonder what I was thinking the first time. She’s sexy, but it’s in a dignified way. Just as ever, she has that unmistakable strength and poise… how could I not fall for her just with that? Or perhaps I was already in love with her at that time. I’ve never been very good with those things, after all.
I stood close by as she put her bag in the locker, then passed her mine when she turned to take it. I’m still nervous, but not as much as before. Chikane-chan’s complimented me. She’d do that no matter what, but I know she was sincere this time. Feeling attractive to her… that’s definitely an exciting kind of nervousness. But I can’t linger on these thoughts. We have to keep to innocent things today.
We warmed up together, swimming up and down the pool several times with different strokes. Chikane-chan was as graceful as ever, holding back slightly to let me keep up. After that we tread water in the centre of the pool, looking at each other. “What do you want to do first?” Chikane-chan asked. “The slides?”
“I’m not sure,” I said. “How about the wave pool? We didn’t use that very much last time.”
Chikane-chan nodded, swimming to shallower waters then standing and walking towards the other pool. I kept close to her, walking by her side. I didn’t want to lose her in the crowd, or so I’d tell myself. Her wet hair stuck to her shoulders, dark blue against the light-blue water. “This place is as noisy as ever,” Chikane-chan said. “It will probably get worse later, too.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “There has to be somewhere out of the way in the pool, right?”
“Presumably,” Chikane-chan said. “Do we want a water wing?”
I nodded. “It looks fun, right? And that way I can rest my legs a little.”
“Are you tired?” Chikane-chan asked, giving me a surprised look.
I shook my head. “No. I’m just pacing myself for later, okay?”
Chikane-chan nodded, going to fetch a ring from the side of the pool. I followed her more slowly. My real reason was so I could talk to Chikane-chan more easily. Though I enjoy playing around the water, I’m here because I’m here with Chikane-chan. But it’s also true I’m not very good at swimming…
“Here.” Chikane-chan placed the ring between us, taking hold of one side. “How deep shall we go?”
“Let’s see how far we can get, shall we?”
We took the ring between us and swam into the centre of the wave pool, despite being lifted and moved backwards every time a wave came through. We eventually settled in a good space about two thirds of the way in, treading water and looking at each other across the ring. “It’s like pushing a boulder up a hill, isn’t it?” I said.
Chikane-chan giggled. “Something like that.” We were both lifted up by the next wave. “It’s enjoyable, though. I like things like this.”
“I see. That’s also a little unexpected.”
Chikane-chan smirked. “You have a fairly boring image of me, don’t you?” She prodded me in the cheek. “I’m a little offended.”
“Don’t be,” I said, giggling slightly as a wave lifted me up again. “It’s not that your reputation is boring. Just so classy no normal person understands it.”
“That sounds fairly boring to me,” Chikane-chan said. “But as you know, that’s not all of me.” Her hair trailed in the water as she rested her chin on her arms, eyes glittering with amusement. “I’ve been proven amenable to soft toys.”
“You like home cooking, but you can’t cook yourself,” I returned.
“I’m insecure about my interests, and enjoy philosophising about their insincerity at inappropriate moments.”
“You’ve liked playing Mario Kart, ever since you were introduced to it,” I said.
“Certainly. And I’ve worn a pendant given me by my father for more than half my life.” Chikane-chan lifted herself up a little. “Even at the pool.”
“I’m the same, so I can’t be happy about that,” I said. “But you do everything you do for your parents’ sake, not for your own.”
“I’m not sure I’m quite that noble,” Chikane-chan said. “After all, I am here with you.”
“This isn’t for your parents’ sake?” I said, mock surprised.
Chikane-chan nodded. “Since I can also fall in love, and wonder what to wear, and what presents would be best, and phone them evening after evening just to hear their voice… I can also do things like that.”
“Me too,” I said tightly. Whether anyone’s watching or what, I don’t really care. “I was also surprised. I only ever dreamed of doing things like this, before I met you.”
Chikane-chan held my gaze for a long moment, then slipped back into the water, resting her forehead on the ring. “Thank you.”
“Chikane-chan?” I asked anxiously.
“It would be great if we could remain here, just like this,” Chikane-chan said. “Our past, the Orochi and Ame No Murakumo… my parents and my duty, the things I have to do… it would be great if we weren’t troubled by those things, and we had just this. Considering my feelings for you, I should be happier than I am. But time won’t stop for us.”
I sighed, smiling at her, then reached across and touched her hand with mine. “Then let’s run away. That’s fine, right? We can leave everyone behind, friends and family, the Orochi… it’s true that sometimes it feels everything is only in our way. And in that place, we wouldn’t have any reason to hold back. It would be tough, amazingly hard. You wouldn’t be able to live in luxury any more. But we’re young. I think we could do it. And if I had you, sometimes I think that would be enough.”
Chikane-chan looked up at me; her face lined with worry. “Himeko…”
I smiled. “You can’t do that, right? I couldn’t do that, either. The Chikane-chan I know would be even more unhappy, and even more guilty, if she abandoned everything else. Of course, that doesn’t mean you’re not going to be guilty about things here and now, either. You’re that kind of person.”
Chikane-chan looked at me for a moment, then laughed. “That’s certainly true. Is it a bother?”
I shook my head. “No. It’s reassuring, since I’m similar. I don’t have confidence, I never fully trust my judgement, I tend to dwell on my weaknesses without bothering to correct them… but since I met you, I think I’ve been able to change a little. I’m glad you’re just as you are, since it makes you the same as me.”
“You say some nice things,” Chikane-chan said playfully. “Though I’d find it silly if they came up in a movie.”
I prodded her in the nose, a little revenge for myself. “I know. But that’s fine too, right?”
Chikane-chan nodded. “Because it’s you.”
For that reason, a lot of things are possible. Despite everything else something like that lets us be happy, even in this world.
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