A/N: Another backfiller for Season 1. Enjoy. Reviews, as always, are saved, savored, and answered. Thank you. Oh, and to those wonderful reviewers of my last piece, Within Reach (#8 in this series), those to whom I cannot respond because I have no way of doing so...your words really blew me away. Especially "USAFA grad." Thank you.

Set after Politics with reference to There But For the Grace of God.

Volo, Non Valeo

Sam stuffed her hands into her pockets and waited for the Colonel and Daniel to take a break in their sniping. "All right. Daniel, when you were in this alternate reality, were there differences?"

"Yes. Uh, Teal'c was leading the attack on Earth. I wasn't even part of the program. You and Jack were engaged to be married…"

Sam's eyes widened at Daniel's almost offhand comment and she sucked in a startled breath.

"Excuse me?" Jack's voice was thick with disbelief.

"What?" Sam's exclamation came on the heels of the Colonel's question and she whipped her head around to stare at her CO. She watched as O'Neill's expression changed from shock to speculation. Quickly, before the Colonel could say anything else, Sam asked, "Okay, um, even if you did actually experience the alternate reality, doesn't the very fact that there were differences mean that we won't face the same fate?"

Daniel winced as the doctor continued to patch up his arm. "Yes. But the defining event, the death of Ra, took place in both worlds."

Teal'c looked pensive. "An attack of retribution."

"Yes! And the same thing is going to happen here unless we stop it."

O'Neill's voice cut through Daniel's rising agitation. "All right. Wait a minute. Let…Let me get something straight here." He paused, flicking a glance between Daniel and Sam. "Engaged?"

Slightly exasperated with him, Sam turned and snapped, "It is theoretically possible."

"It's against regulations!"

Sam's jaw sagged for a moment as she realized he was seriously thinking about Daniel's...vision. That he thought she was referring to them...or another them...being engaged. Oh no, Samantha, nip this one in the bud! "I'm talking physics, Sir. Though the whole concept of alternate realities, entire alternate universes, was predicted by Einstein a long time ago…"

Hammond came in then, followed by that slimy eel Samuels and Sam's attempt at an explanation was cut short.

"You almost ready?" O'Neill's abrupt knock on the door and curt voice pulled Sam out of her thoughts and she quickly shoved her feet into her sneakers and left the guest room. It had been her idea to get the team together tonight, though she'd begun doubting the wisdom of that idea since she'd arrived. General Hammond was in Washington trying to convince the President and...if he really had to...Senator Kinsey to keep the Stargate program operational. From what she'd heard from Sergeant Harriman, things didn't look good. Harriman had hinted that there would be new orders cut in the next week for all of the program's personnel. It looked like the General's attempts weren't going to work.

Sam glanced outside and saw the Colonel circling the small firepit. His normally smooth stride was jerky, almost uncontrolled. She could almost feel his anger from here. With a sigh Sam reached into her pocket and dug out her cell phone, wondering where Daniel and Teal'c were. Daniel picked up after the fourth ring sounding out of breath.

"Daniel?"

"Yeah, Sam. What's up?"

Sam eased open the sliding door and slid it closed behind her. Cupping the phone to her ear she descended the wooden steps and crossed the yard to where O'Neill still circled the fire like an angry wolf. "What do you mean, 'What's up'? Where are you?"

"I'm at the base. Didn't Jack tell you?"

Sam pulled the phone away from her ear and scowled. She replaced it and transferred her unhappy look to her CO. "No, Daniel, why don't you tell me?"

O'Neill stopped his circling at her words, then as understanding apparently dawned he shrugged his shoulders and, despite his obvious anger and frustration, gave Sam a small smile.

Sam drifted off for a moment. One simple half-smirk from her CO was enough to draw her attention from the chattering archaeologist on her phone.

"...m? Sam? Did I lose you? Sam!"

"Oh...sorry. Must be a bad cell spot, Daniel. So...why aren't you here?" Sam heard a loud clattering and a sharp thud over the phone and she winced in sympathy. "Daniel?"

"Look, Sam. Just ask Jack, okay?"

Sam stared at the now disconnected cell phone, disconcerted with how quickly the call had ended. She looked up to find her CO watching her. She shrugged and tossed the phone onto the picnic table, shoving her hands into her jeans pockets. "So...Sir? What's going on?"

"Don't really know." O'Neill shrugged, then sighed loudly. He scrubbed his hands through his hair, unknowingly forcing it to stick straight up on his head. "He called while you were getting your bag from the car. He's got some wild idea and he's determined to...I don't know...look stuff up."

"Oh." Sam looked around, suddenly uncomfortable. "I, ah...should go. You know. Since the guys aren't here it's kind of silly to have a 'team night,' so..." Sam trailed off. She didn't really want to leave but she was aware that she really shouldn't stay.

"Got somewhere else to be?"

"What? No." Flustered, Sam blurted, "Samuels asked me to dinner."

"Ah. Well, then. Since we're not doing our thing, then..."

"God! No. I mean..." Sam glanced around again, wishing she hadn't opened her mouth. "That's not what I meant, Sir. I...you asked...and that just came out, and..."

"Relax, Carter." The Colonel laid another log on the fire.

Nodding, Sam nervously picked at a thread hanging from the cuff of her sweatshirt. She didn't know why she'd brought up shifty-eyed Samuels' dinner invitation, kind of a knee-jerk thing. The thought of leaving here...leaving him...to have dinner with that... She shuddered at the thought. However, all things being equal... Sam reluctantly took a step away from the fire. "Still, Sir. I shouldn't really be here...you know..."

O'Neill looked up from the fire, his eyes warm and deep brown in the dancing amber light. "You don't have to run away, you know." He glanced at his watch. "In another five days I won't be your CO and it won't really matter if you're here for dinner alone or not."

Sam's heart stuttered to a halt at his words and she narrowed her gaze, trying to discover any hidden meaning behind them. He returned her look, his face almost expressionless, his gaze unwavering as it held her own. Sam sighed softly. He's just being kind, Samantha. He doesn't mean it in any other way than–

"Sam. Stay for dinner. Neither of us have eaten, and really...who'll care now?" Apparently taking her silence as assent, the Colonel strode away from the fire to the grill. He opened it and spent a few minutes busily turning the steaks he'd placed there earlier.

Sam watched him for a moment before giving in and stepping closer to the fire. She settled herself onto the cushion and crossed her legs, resting her back against the wooden frame behind her. She tipped her head back and rested it atop the bench seat, letting her thoughts wander where they would while the smell of their dinner washed over her on the evening breeze.

The sun had set long ago behind the ever-present mountain leaving the sky that deep indigo blue that faded so seamlessly into black. Sam could see the stars beginning to peek into sight, small pinholes in the growing inky blackness. Suddenly the loss of the Stargate, the fact that she'd never again see stars in other formations, never experience nights...and campfires...on other planets wrenched at Sam's heart. She closed her eyes against the sting of unexpected tears and turned her head away, hoping the Colonel hadn't seen.

"You okay?"

Sam lifted her head and surreptitiously wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her sweatshirt. "Yes, Sir. I'm good."

"Glad somebody is."

"Sir?"

O'Neill set their plates aside and joined Sam on the cushion she'd come to think of as 'theirs.' He copied her pose from moments before, resting his back against the wood and tilting his head back against the bench seat. He studied the darkening sky for a moment before shaking his head. "Nope. This isn't gonna cut it. C'mon." O'Neill abruptly stood and thrust his hand down toward Sam.

Dinner forgotten, Sam automatically placed her hand in his, her mind awhirl in confusion as he–quite literally–dragged her toward the house. Sam's heart thudded in her chest and she fought to catch her breath. At the last second O'Neill swerved away from the porch steps to swing them both around the side of his house. There she saw another set of wooden steps, these leading, she knew, to an upper-level porch. O'Neill released her hand only as they reached the top of the steps and stepped out onto the small wooden deck. He waved her forward, toward the small stool that was set at the base of his telescope. Uncertain, Sam glanced back at him in surprise.

O'Neill gestured toward the stool again as he pulled the larger deck chair closer. As Sam sat herself upon the stool, O'Neill settled onto the front edge of the deck chair behind her. She barely stopped herself from jumping in surprise as he inched the deck chair closer, his thighs straddling her hips.

Sam caught her breath as the Colonel leaned forward. His back rested against hers as he half-stood to reach up and uncover the front of the 'scope and she closed her eyes and bit back a sigh as he slid back into place. He rested a hand on her shoulder as he popped the cover off of the eyepiece and set both into the tray mounted to the 'scope's tripod. His hand was still on her shoulder and Sam could swear that she could feel the heat of him on her skin. He gave a quick squeeze and sat back again, his hand sliding down her back and away. She immediately missed that warmth.

His voice was low and gruff in her ear as he asked, "What do you want, Sam?"

Sam leaned to her left and half-turned on the stool, facing him. Her emotions were all over the place and she was having trouble getting a handle on them. Still slightly out of breath from both their rapid change of position and her reaction to his nearness, she could only shake her head, her wide blue eyes expressing her confusion.

The Colonel reached behind him and opened up a small wooden chest. From it he pulled out a well-worn folded sheaf of heavy paper. When he carefully opened it up Sam could see that it was a star map. Not the kind you'd find in a kid's store, but a professional astronomer's reference map. Looking closer she could see several annotations in the margins and still more mixed in amongst the celestial bodies printed on the map. O'Neill gently tapped the sheet, bringing her gaze back up to his. "They can't take it all away from us, Car– Sam. We can still look."

"How did you know?" Her voice was quiet and she wasn't at all proud of the quaver she heard. But for the first time she didn't feel like she needed to pretend to be strong. Not tonight.

"Because you looked like I felt. Like someone had taken away from you one of the things in life you love most."

Sam caught her breath again and this time didn't catch the tears in time before they slipped down her cheek. "Oh." She closed her eyes to prevent more from falling and didn't see O'Neill's hand as he reached out to wipe her cheeks. She jumped slightly as his warm fingers brushed against her skin and when she opened her eyes she was startled to find his beautiful brown eyes impossibly close to her own. "Sir?" Her barely audible question hung in the air between them.

"It's okay, Carter." O'Neill leaned to the side and pulled out a pristine handkerchief. He gently wiped the last of her tears and then sat back slightly. He held out the hankie to Sam and she took it, absently curling her fingers around the wash-softened material. He reached out and placed his hands on her shoulders, gently turning her back toward the telescope. He reached around her and set the star map on her lap, then rested his chin on her shoulder. "I meant it, Sam. Kinsey. He can take the Stargate from us, but he can't take this away." Once again he tapped the map resting on her knees. "So...what'll it be, Captain?"

She glanced down at the map on her knees, not really able to see the type or notations in the dark or through the blurring of her own tears. He was giving her this, the continuing dream of exploring space. He knew how important it was to her, how...freeing...it was. How much she needed to contribute. And despite his own obvious pain he was reaching out to make certain she knew that he understood. And wanted to make it better for her. Some of her sadness lifted and Sam felt a small smile cross her lips. She realized he was still waiting for her answer and she picked a nebula that was sure to make him smile.

"M27. It's 1.2 thousand light years away, so it might be a little tough to find."

"Nah. You'll be surprised at how big the lense is on this baby." Once again O'Neill was pressed against her back as he leaned forward to check the position of the 'scope. He pulled out the small controller and punched in the designation she'd named and together they watched while the 'scope realigned itself.

Sam smiled again, this time wider. "That's cheating, Sir."

"Hey, why do all that math when someone's already done it for you. Wasn't Einstein the guy who said, 'Never memorize anything you can look up'?"

Sam blinked at her Colonel in surprise. "I'm...ah...beginning to think Daniel's not the only to be in an alternate reality. You just quoted Einstein. Correctly."

"Ah, Carter. I have many skills." As they waited for the 'scope to finish adjusting, he asked, "Does it have a name or..."

"Dumbbell."

She could feel him chuckle against her back. "Hey, Carter! That's not nice. After all, I –"

Sam smiled over her shoulder at him, reveling in his closeness, in the current she could feel running between them. "No, Colonel. It's called the 'Dumbbell Nebula."

"Oh." The Colonel quirked a small smile at her, then his expression quickly changed to one of suspicion. "Hey...wait. Why'd you pick that one."

Sam swiveled the stool around, telescope and celestial bodies forgotten for the moment. "Because I knew it would make you smile, Sir."

"Oh."

O'Neill's expression was nearly invisible on the now complete darkness, leaving Sam to guess at his mood. Suddenly she found that she wasn't nervous any more. If she'd overstepped the bounds, who cared? As the Colonel said, what were 'they' going to do? They'd already done the worst they could as far as she was concerned. They'd permanently grounded her and in a few short weeks she would be losing her new-found family. People with whom she'd found a home. Someone with whom she could imagine... Sam shrugged her shoulders, knowing O'Neill would feel her movement, as close as he was sitting. "It seemed only fair, Colonel."

"How so?"

"You made me smile."

"Ah." O'Neill cleared his throat. "I think we're good, Carter."

Sam turned back toward the telescope and set her eye to the viewer. She gasped as the green and orange gaseous formation suddenly brought closer. She reached to bring it into focus and then simply stared with wonder at the sight. I've been there, she thought. I've been to planets near that point in space and never appreciated what was before me.

She leaned aside so the Colonel could take his turn. He leaned forward, balancing a hand on her knee to steady himself and Sam allowed herself a moment of indulgence and she rested a hand on his back. She savored the moment and made a silent vow never to let herself take the wonders before her for granted again.

The Earth continued to spin lazily in its orbit around the sun, bringing new and extraordinary phenomena into view, while together the two military officers of the soon-to-be-disbanded team continued their exploration of the night sky, bound to the planet by design, but bound together by so much more.

Afterword: The title is Latin and means, "I am willing but unable."