Set during The First Commandment

Gods and Monsters

O'Neill settled in, his back against a tree, as the rest of his team began to disperse following the attack by the natives. Connor was gone, lost in the dark to the men who'd launched their quick strike against their camp. The whine of the zipper on Daniel's tent seemed loud to him in the suddenly still night, and he wasn't the only one to jump at the sound. Carter, still sitting by the fire, elbows propped on knees, her chin resting on her clenched fists, started almost violently at the sound.

The soft light of the dying fire made her features stand out sharply, almost as harsh as they were when she...they...were infected by the Caveman virus a month before. O'Neill watched as she sighed and closed her eyes, slipping her head down to rest against her hands.

Glancing around the campsite, O'Neill saw Teal'c settle into his meditative kel'no'reem position outside of Carter's tent again. Already he could hear the soft sounds of Daniel's snores and despite the grimness of their situation, he shook his head with a small smile.

Turning his attention once again to his Second, O'Neill stood and joined her at the fire. Taking the stick Teal'c had used to poke it earlier, he began to play with the dying flames.

Carter sat in silence, watching the darkness chase the light across the cold as air circulated around the embers.

"You okay, Carter?" O'Neill's soft voice barely carried to her, despite them sitting close enough that their shoulders brushed.

She answered just as quietly, loathe to disturb the others.

"Yes, Sir. Fine."

Carter waited a moment, then realized she owed her CO an apology.

"Sir? I'd like to apologize. For before, I mean."

O'Neill tilted his head in question.

"I've ah...never just said no to an order before so..."

"Ah." A few more pokes at the fire. "Well, let's not make a habit of it, shall we?"

"No, Sir."

The two sat in silence, their shoulders brushing occasionally as O'Neill poked and prodded the flames. Carter was comforted by his nearness, more than she wanted to admit to herself. Despite his joking with her after she was infected with the virus O'Neill called the "Caveman virus," she was still slightly uncomfortable being alone with the Colonel. She was very aware that of all the men at the SGC that she could have chosen while under its influence, she'd chosen her CO–a huge no-no in her books.

Janet had reassured her that it was Sam's own instinctual need to choose the strongest male for mating and protection that had driven her choice, but Carter wasn't buying it. Not for a minute. If she was after 'biggest and strongest provider,' Teal'c would have been the logical choice. Or O'Malley from the Marine unit. Even Sullivan would have suited more. All three were big, hulking specimens of male physique. O'Neill, for all that he was still in shape and cut quite a figure in his dress uniform...Carter shook her head, forcing her mind to jump that train of thought.

"What?"

O'Neill's voice startled her out of her thoughts.

"Nothing. Just thinking about...Captain Hansen. Jonas."

O'Neill turned to face her, half of his face lit by the firelight, the other in deep shadow. He studied his Captain, noting the soft flush coloring her features. The fire wasn't high enough to bring that color to her skin, but he wasn't going to point that out.

"What can you tell me?"

Carter sighed. She didn't want to talk about this, but knew she needed to. She took a deep breath and began, telling O'Neill everything she knew of her ex fiancé's personality, how he was likely to respond.

"...was actually okay when I gave him back the ring. I mean, he was mad, hurt, I guess, but... Anyway, when we met up at the SGC a few months back, he seemed okay."

"I can't imagine being just 'okay' with losing..." O'Neill trailed off, realizing he was more tired than he thought. "He likes being in control, you said?"

"Yeah, he's...well, he's scary sometimes, you know?"

O'Neill frowned and shifted closer, leaning in to catch Carter's gaze, forcing her to look at him. He hoped she wasn't saying what he thought she was.

"Carter? Did he...hurt you?"

"Yes...no. Not really, not..." Carter shifted, uncomfortably. "Colonel, it's just that Jonas...Captain Hansen, he likes, he needs to be in charge. In control. Sometimes he'd yell and get, well, physical. Not that," she said, reacting to her CO's startled look. "He needs to be the man, the one in charge." She lapsed into silence lost once again in her thoughts.

O'Neill let her sit, turning his gaze back toward the fire once again. As he turned, he settled his shoulder more firmly against Carter's. He felt her slowly push back against him, leaning into the subtle comfort he was offering.

Very softly he spoke up. "You know I'm going to need to use your information, use...you to get to him. I'm sorry for that, but I have to use every tool I have."

"I know, Sir."

"Just don't forget that you're a part of this team, a part of...us now. You don't owe Captain Hansen anything."

"Yes, Sir."

They sat in silence for a few more minutes before Carter yawned and rocked her neck back and forth, loosening the kinks. She rose, using the Colonel's shoulder as a steadying brace. Unconsciously he reached up and patted her hand.

"Good night, Carter. Remember, we've got your six."

"Yes, Sir. And Sir? I won't let you down."

O'Neill kept his hand over hers, holding it to his shoulder until she looked down at him. Her eyes were luminous in the dying glow of the fire as she gazed down at him. For just a moment O'Neill let himself drop into those eyes, wanting to ease the sadness that lingered from their talk, from her knowledge that someone she once loved could do so much harm to innocents. He knew she felt things deeply, passionately. He'd known that from their first meeting, when she'd challenged him to arm wrestle. When she gave, she gave her all, and this time the person to whom she'd given a great deal was a threat. How could she think he'd ever be worried that she'd let him down? It wasn't in her to do so.

"Carter...Sam. I am not, for one second, worried that you'll let me down. Never forget that."

Carter blinked back tears and quickly pulled her hand from under the Colonel's. She blinked rapidly, hoping he hadn't noticed her sudden weakness.

"Thank you, Sir. That means...everything."

O'Neill nodded silently in understanding as she turned and disappeared into the night. He listened as she quietly crawled into her tent, then turned his attention to the silent night beyond their fire.