|My Bucket of Water, Her Bucket of Ice
Author: Ein Kampf kann eine Lebenszeit PM
An unexpected guest arrives from Jasper's past. He's sent into memories he would prefer didn't exist. How can Alice tell him who's coming without hurting him? Please read and review.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Alice & Jasper - Words: 3,638 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 4 - Published: 08-12-08 - Status: Complete - id: 4468415
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
This, this is my new baby. It's a bit long, but I love it. I think I did it well. Please please please tell me what you think of it.
"Jasper, did Maria have any powers?" I asked suddenly, recovering from a vision. Most of them were welcome, of course the future was always welcome for me, but I didn't like this vision. It would bring back too many memories for Jasper, and his memories weren't the best kind.
"She didn't, why?" Jasper replied, not looking up from his book. Good, he couldn't see my panic, but he could most likely feel it.
"Oh, I was just wondering," I said, waving it off with a small laugh. I stood up from my spot on the couch, and he looked up.
"Where are you going?" he asked curiously. Usually I talked to him first and foremost about my visions, but this one I was going to discuss with Carlisle first. Jasper might not be able to help me with this particular vision.
"Just to talk to Carlisle. Don't worry, nothing's wrong," I said quickly, bending down to kiss his forehead. He smiled as I did, and then I bounded up the stairs to talk to our 'father'. I knocked lightly on the door, and didn't wait for a welcoming message. I opened the door and slipped in his office quickly.
"Carlisle, I think we may have a problem," I said low enough for only him to hear. He looked up from his papers, and his attention immediately switched to me. He nodded to the chair opposite his on the other side of his desk and I sat in it quickly. He then nodded for me to continue. "I saw someone scarily similar to the vampire Jasper described as Maria at our door," I said in my low tone.
His face went rigid. We all knew about his past, but we didn't know what would happen if it came back to haunt him… literally. "Does Jasper know about this? When did you get the vision?" He asked urgently.
"He doesn't know, I only got it a few minutes ago, and I came to talk to you. Jasper says she doesn't have any powers, so we'd be only dealing with a regular vampire. But still, what will this do to Jasper?" I said quickly.
"I'm not sure, but we'll be able to deal with it, I'm sure. Perhaps you two could go hunting when she comes. Do you know when?" he asked, running through the situations in his head. I shook my head as there was a knock on the door. Edward slipped in.
"I heard about who's coming. What do you think we should do?" he whispered. Why couldn't he mind his own business? The fewer amount of people who knew about this, the better it would be for everyone… Well, only Jasper, and that's all who mattered to me right now. And now that Edward knew, Bella would be told, and Carlisle would tell Esme, and it was all very difficult. And at the same time I felt bad about keeping this, of all things, from Jasper, but it was for his benefit. I had to convince myself of that. I felt Edward's hand on my shoulder. It was comforting, and I knew why he was doing it.
"I think, since we don't know when she'll be arriving, that we should tell Jasper. Maybe then it won't be so hard on him when he sees her standing in our doorway," Carlisle said slowly, making sure he was using the words he wanted to. I nodded. I suppose that was better than just having Maria show up and say hello. Maybe this way he would be somewhat prepared for the onslaught of his past. "So, Alice, you go down and talk to him about it, and please use tact, and Edward, you return to your room. We should treat this delicately," he said, relaxing a bit. I nodded again, and Edward and I left his office. Edward continued to his room, and I went down the stairs to talk to Jasper.
How would I break this to him easily? I didn't know why she was coming, but it couldn't be because she just wanted to have a friendly visit. How would she even know where he was? Was she just going to ask questions until she found him? Even then, was that how desperately she wanted to see him? There must have been some force behind her decision. If only I knew what it was…
"Jasper?" I asked quietly when I reached the side of the couch. He put his book down and looked at me. He knew I had something to say, and I'm sure he could feel just how hesitant I was to tell him. He was wonderful, always so patient.
"I don't know how to tell you this, but my vision showed someone coming to visit, someone you aren't so fond of," I said. A look of confusion spread across his face, and I knew I would have to tell him the details. Who else would he not be fond of? She was the only one I could think of. "Now, I don't know when she's going to be arriving, but I saw Mar – "he raised his hand suddenly. I was silenced, and hung my head. I didn't want to see his face. I didn't know if he would be sad, or angry, or what.
"Alice, why didn't you tell me? Why did you have to speak with Carlisle about this?" he asked. Was he mad that I hadn't told him, or was he disappointed that I couldn't share that with him without talking to Carlisle first? It scared me, and I didn't look up.
"I didn't tell you because I wanted to keep you from hurting. But Carlisle said it would hurt more if she were to just show up and you didn't know about it while we did," I said quietly. I felt despair, and I wanted to bury myself under a rock.
"Not even you could stop this from doing some damage to me," Jasper said. His voice was so hard, like he didn't care about anything anymore. Usually he didn't mind when I didn't tell him something immediately, but he was never this angry or upset about it. Granted, this was his unfavorable past coming back, and he had every right to know, but he would never be so cruel to me. It hurt. He got up, placing his book on the table with a slight thud, and I stayed where I was.
"Where are you going?" I asked weakly. I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt me, but that didn't make it any less hurtful.
"To talk to Edward. To tell him to keep an ear out for unfamiliar voices in his head," he said sharply. The only time I had ever seen him remotely this uncaring was when we had first met, and he wasn't used to kindness in his life. It was almost as if he were preparing to leave with her when she came. At this thought, I frantically searched for any sign of him leaving me, leaving us, but couldn't find anything. All I saw was Maria leaving alone. This gave me some sort of comfort, to know that he wasn't leaving, but at the same time it made me more uneasy because I had no idea why he was acting like this.
Had I done something wrong? Was it really so horrible of me to have spoken with Carlisle before speaking with him about this? Had my momentary feeling of indecision caused the largest fight we'd ever had? What if he never talked to me again in the kind voice that was his and his alone? What if he never touched me again? What would become of our relationship? Could this be the downfall I had been praying wouldn't happen? My worries were cut off by two hands on my shoulder. I didn't know who it was, but I had a very good guess.
"You shouldn't worry so much. He's just putting mental blocks up so she won't hurt him more than she already has, even if she doesn't know it yet. He has a hard enough time already, knowing that you know his past. He's ashamed of it, and now it's coming back for him… he never wanted this to happen. It's not you," Edward said soothingly. It did explain a lot, I had to admit, but my fears were still there. It worried me that he was acting this way simply because I'd never known him to be so cold, and emotionless. Especially emotionless. If it were possible, tears would have been flowing freely from my eyes.
I didn't want Edward's soothing voice, reassuring me that Jasper still loved me. I didn't want Edward's hands on my shoulders. I didn't want Edward to be here at all. I wanted Jasper to be telling me he loved me, and that I had done nothing wrong. I wanted Jasper's loving hands on my shoulders. If I could have had anything in the world at that moment, it would have been Jasper. My Jasper, not some monster waiting for another one to come and have a little chat. Before I knew it, I was clutching at Edward's shirt, sobbing dryly and loudly. I was asking "Why?" over and over, and Edward didn't say anything. His arms were around me, his head resting on mine as I sobbed. Oh how I wish I could have cried at that moment. I would have given up almost anything to have been able to shed one tear. Just one.
I had heard with crying, all the emotions you wanted to let go went with the tears sliding down your face, but this dry, meaningless sob did nothing. If anything, it made me sob harder. The missing tears, the missing Jasper, why couldn't I just have it? Why did it all have to be gone, even if one was only momentarily gone? I don't know how long we stood like that, or how I had come to be sitting on the couch in Edward's lap, but that didn't matter. To anyone watching, I would have been no more than a shaking ball in his lap, letting out horrible sounds of a dry cough, forming incomprehensible words.
They would try to empathize, I was sure of it. Say that all this pain, this hurt, this betrayal I felt would pass in time, and I wouldn't have cared. I would have said they were wrong. The feelings were so strong, how could they ever go away? My Jasper, my wonderful husband, wasn't as caring as he had once been. Now he was, truly and entirely, ice. He was ice when we had met, but I'd melted him to water, and now he was freezing up again because, for some reason, I wasn't in his life the same way. For over fifty years he had been my bucket of water, and now he was turning into someone's bucket of ice. It wasn't fair!
We were made to be together. The short with the tall. The hyper with the calm. And now everything was out of balance. Who was she to just come here and mess everything we had up? Who was she to just come and take my bucket of water away and make it her bucket of ice? She hadn't seen what everything she put him through had done to him, what it was doing at the time. She didn't care about him. Why was she coming back? She had no right. She was an evil, foul, pathetic excuse for a – my thoughts were cut off by a knocking on the door, but my sobs continued.
Rosalie was at the door in an instant, and I knew my vision was here. She was here. I couldn't let this happen. I wouldn't let my bucket of water turn to ice. I couldn't. She opened the door with a smile on her face, obviously not knowing who this unexpected visitor was.
"Hello. Is Jasper Whitlock here, by chance?" she asked in a sickly sweet southern accent. I turned my head from Edward's chest, and moved his hands out of the way. This couldn't be the woman from his past, could it? Her voice and figure were deceiving, and I instantly saw why he thought she had been beautiful. Simply the fact that she was beautiful was enough, but her clothes were exquisite, for a southerner.
"He is, let me get him for you," Rosalie said nicely, inviting this vampire into our house. Her eyes were a crimson color, so Rosalie didn't waste time. She ran up the stairs at vampire speed, and the vampire who should have been dead long ago closed the door and walked over to Edward and I. His arms were around my curled form, other wise I would have been trying to rip her to shreds. It was a fight lost before it had even been thought of. She had many more years of experience on her hands than I did. I wouldn't have stood a chance. She took a seat on the couch opposite us, and gave us a smile. I couldn't even force a small grin on my face. It must have shown hatred, because she busied herself with looking at the lack of decorations in our house, though I suppose it would be more decorations than she'd ever seen.
Jasper came down the stairs stiffly. He'd asked Edward to keep an ear out for her, but seeing as Edward was comforting me, he didn't really have a place to complain. This vampire, Maria, stood up, a new smile spreading across her face. This smile was full of recognition. Jasper only nodded in response.
"Jasper, it's been such a long time," she said sweetly. Could she not sense the hate and unease in the room, or was she just ignoring it? Jasper nodded stiffly in response, and she continued. "I don't know if you've heard, but the others are creatin' more vampires. They're plannin' on takin' me and mine down, so I came to see if you'd be interested in helpin' me," she said. She didn't directly ask him, but it was obvious she was willing to beg if it got to that. She must have been mentally ill to even think that Jasper would return to that hell of a life. Couldn't she just find another Major in the army or something to step in for him?
"You seemed to do well the last time I left, Maria. You obviously aren't dead, so you must know how to do something," he said. His voice was like a – well as humans would say it, his voice was like a razor blade. I wouldn't know, but it did cut the air with ease and it had no feeling. It was just a noise making words. It was so different from my Jasper, the Jasper whose every word had some kind of emotion behind it, be it love, or adoration, or anger, at least there was something there. Now there was nothing. He didn't even look like Jasper. I couldn't help the new batch of sobs that escaped my body. I was looking at him, and he didn't even bat an eye. Did I really mean so little to him now that his creator had arrived?
"I was just offerin'," she said sweetly. It didn't sound like she had taken any offence. And she didn't pronounce any of her "g's" and it made little sense to me. I had never lived in the south, but apparently their dialect was much different than my own. Jasper only had a small accent, barely noticeable, and I suppose he had a stronger one when we had met, but I couldn't recall perfectly, my memory was clouded by him. That was all I could say, is my memory was clouded by him, and hat was a very good thing. If I could only have my vampire memories, I would most definitely want him to be the main star.
"And now you have offered, is there anything else you wanted?" he asked, his voice still cold and sharp. I flinched at his words, and Maria seemed to notice this. She may have finally put my sobbing and his emptiness together.
"You found a companion," she stated more than asked. I wanted to look at the two, but kept my head in Edward's chest. He was my refuge right now, and I was taking joy in the fact that I had one.
"I have," he responded quickly, showing protection in his voice. This made me happy. Over joyously happy. He still loved me! He would attack Maria if she did anything against me. He was still my bucket of water, he just had an icy surface!
"I understand," she said in that ungodly accent. The silence grew and my sobs became quieter. I moved my head to look, but Edward's hand wouldn't let me. I wanted to protest, but Jasper's next statement made me understand why Edward had blocked my vision.
"I think you've overstayed your welcome," he said even more coldly than before, if that were even possible.
"Very well then," she drawled out, and I heard the door open and close. Edward unwrapped his arms from me, and I was about to protest before I felt Jasper's arms replace Edward's, and his body replace the other one. I was in the air, but still slightly sobbing. After the longing to see him, I suddenly didn't want to see his face, but I felt his eyes on mine.
"Alice," he said quietly, almost whispered. I shook my head, telling him no to his unasked question. He sighed. He wasn't frustrated, but the emotion he was sending to me was understanding. This confused me, because the only time he ever showed understanding was when he did something wrong, and what had he done wrong this time? This was my fault. I must have put a feeling of self-blame in the air, because he continued.
"I over reacted. I shouldn't have blocked you out like that. It was unfair to both you and Edward. I hope you understand why I did it though, and you must know that none of this was your fault," he said, almost pleadingly at the end. I squirmed, wanting out of his arms. He set me on my feet, and I opened my eyes.
"None of this was my fault? Are you kidding me Jasper? If I had just told you in the first place, instead of going to Carlisle, we could have avoided this entire mess, no matter how short a time period it was. And don't tell me that you would have blocked yourself off regardless, because I know you Jasper Whitlock Hale, and I know you would have told me what you were doing first. Instead you chose to make me feel like my heart was turning to ice and that you would never be yourself again, and then you sit there and tell me this is all your fault. How dare you do that to me! How dare you make me believe that I had lost you! How dare – "I was cut off by his soft lips. It caught me off guard, and I couldn't do anything. My hands were half raised in the air, seeing as I was in the middle of my rant when he had cut me off. He was doing this on purpose. He was trying to make me forget what I was so mad about, but I wouldn't forget. Not this time, not now.
"What were you saying?" he asked, kissing my jaw line and down my neck. I swore I wouldn't forget.
"I, um, I was, I, um…" I stuttered. He made me forget. AGAIN! He would pay, he had to. His arms were around my waist, his mouth at my neck, his cool breath being followed by the slight pressure of his lips. I was lost.
"Now, how can I ever pay you back?" he whispered in my ear, seeping me off the ground in one swift movement. I didn't know where we were, so when he set me on the bed in our room lightly, it surprised me. He didn't break away from my neck though, and I wasn't about to complain.
"Do I really have a say?" I asked, breathless. I felt him smile into my cheek and shake his head.
"Not really," he said, and began kissing me once again. This was going to be a moment I would cherish.
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