Disclaimer: I don’t own Kingdom Hearts I, II or CoM. Square Enix and Disney does.

Warnings: Gweh.

Author’s Notes: For Akuroku day. It’s kinda crappy, but I’ve never been that great at writing Akuroku in the first place.

Roxas hates it when Xemnas starts to preach. He puffs himself out – like some sort of male bird, all dark feathers and grey crown and glowing eyes of amber – and shuffles a little, before straightening to his full height. He looks out over the twelve others, all gazing up at him blindly – oh so blindly, because, really, without him they really are nothing – and says, “We must make more Heartless, we must collect more Hearts because...”

And on it goes. Usually by the end of it the weird, faint, not-quite-there-and-yet-they-completely-are emotions are back, usually a feeling of quiet – oh so quiet – depression and sadness and hate, so much not-really-hate. They sliver through Roxas’ mind, a bit like those damned elusive memories – RikuKairiIneedtofindyou – and he imagines they look like snakes made of shadows.

Axel says Xemnas can’t feel them.

Because, surely, if he could, then maybe they are something, right? Not Nobodies, but maybe Somebodies. Roxas can feel, because he can cry, and he can hate and he can laugh, so he must have a Heart in him, somewhere. Maybe Nobodies are built differently, he says to Axel, maybe our Hearts are hidden away, far away, where no one can reach them because it’s safer to hide them away. They can’t dragged from your chest by Heartless, then.

It takes Roxas five Fadings to realize that maybe Axel was lying to him.

Axel can’t feel, Axel just can’t. He wouldn’t have done what he did, right? He wouldn’t of. Roxas nods to himself, and pushes away the snakes - ! – and closes his eyes. He wants to cry but he doesn’t. He just pushes Axel away and plans his Great Escape.

He will find Sora. What he will do to him, with him, Roxas doesn’t know, but sometimes he imagines bloodied limbs and choking gasps, and sometimes he imagines slicing a ruby red heart in two, pushing one half into Axel’s chest and one into his own. Then Axel will love him too. It is this foolish notion that really makes him go looking.

Because maybe if Axel has even half a heart, everything will be better, and he will love Roxas back.