A/n: Just a prologue for now. AU, written as though the incident at the bar never happened, and Jo and Blair are roommates. Will be updated…whenever. I don’t really know. Things are rough right now, but I’d like to be able to continue it someday. Also, if you’re not into femslash, this probably isn’t for you. Just a little warning.

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I’ve never seen a sunrise. I’ve never experienced the impression in which I’ve heard that one leaves upon you. I’ve never felt weightless or on par with another person. To me the world did not house such things; it didn’t open its doors as wide as it should. I was in the dark about far too much. I assumed this year would be the same as the years before it; ridiculous amounts of work with not enough time to complete it in, countless dates with mildly attractive yet forgettable boys, and more high-pitched beseeching from none other than Edna Garret. True, she did manage to squeeze in valuable advice, but it had come to the point of predictability. Something you heard from your mother when you were small.

Words that could in no way mend what I had undone. Then again, there was a certain comfort in all of it, in knowing that everything would be the same, so there wasn’t a thing to fret over. I did appreciate that. Appreciate and loathe. Never a medium, but that’s how life is. Especially life at Eastland. Once more, I’d get the most lavish of dormitories, with a roommate who would double as a personal secretary. She’d be at my every beck and call, or be sleeping on the floor until she straightened out.

Silly girls. Not aware even in the slightest of just whom they were in the presence of, or how above them I truly was. I’d dealt with many rebellious ones in my day, but none like her whatsoever. How do I even begin to unravel this girl, this Jo? She’s certainly not silly. She has the most serious of eyes I’ve ever seen; there’s just something about that face of hers. Something she exudes. When she clenches her jaw, so tightly and locks her eyes dead on your own, a funny thing happens to you. You want to dissolve into the cracks in the floor. You just want to erase her from your memory, and hope to God you’ll never have to look into those eyes again.

This day has been a whirlwind. I’ve lost count of how many hours I’ve laid awake, staring into blackness, into nothing, listening to her snore in the bed across from me. Remembering our spats, how she looked at me, each and every word she breathed. It’s too much to handle. I turn over, my back to her slumbering form. I shift my gaze over to my alarm clock. 5:58. Sleep just won’t come. I’ll finally get to see a sunrise after all.

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Limbs heavy but mind still abuzz with everything it had earlier digested, I sat down by the window, sweeping away the curtain ever so faintly. Blue light shone brightly through, engulfing me inside of it, my drowsiness momentarily halted. I kept my eyes trained toward the sky, waiting for it to gradually illuminate with each passing second. I don’t know how long I sat there waiting, but it seemed like an eternity. I knew this moment was to be savored, I could just feel it, my body inwardly telling me that this was it, there’d never be another. If this was shattered, it would never be the same if I were to sit here again. But alas, I felt myself being drawn back to her, and looked over my shoulder. She now lie on her back, frown engraved into her lips as though she’d never worn a smile. Arms up by her head, legs tangled in the blankets.

What if I woke her? What would she do? I didn’t need to feel her eyes carving scars into my skin, or her acidic words contributing to yet another sleepless night. I just needed this moment; I needed it all to myself. To heal. To reassure myself that I’d make it through another year at Eastland as I pretended my way through the halls with a well-practiced on my lips.

I could take the comfort that was streaming in through the window and use it as a bullet-proof vest. Nothing would be able to touch me if this moment was left undisturbed. As the sun made its slow ascent, I let the breath I’d been holding escape just as slowly. For one single second, just taking in the precious sight made want to confess my secret to everyone, to bare myself, and let them all know who I was, even though I wasn’t entirely sure of that. I knew enough to be able to string together a couple of sentences, perhaps a couple of paragraphs. I didn’t know everything, but what I did would be good enough for now. I had a hold on time. I was all alone in that room, and the moment belonged to me.

I’d like to feel weightless next to her. I’d like to completely let down my guard, and not feel weakened as I glance into her eyes. I would like her to know me, to unravel all that she can, because she’s the only person that I would let past.