|Hello, You Must Be My Sex Therapist
Author: venom with love PM
Bella is a sex therapist. Her new client just so happens to be Edward, who is a virgin that comes to her for help. All Human.Rated: Fiction M - English - Humor/Romance - Edward & Bella - Chapters: 7 - Words: 16,831 - Reviews: 495 - Favs: 515 - Follows: 854 - Updated: 08-29-10 - Published: 08-15-08 - id: 4475723
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
The sunlight was streaming in through the windows and I was slowly coming out of a dream that involved me, Bella, and little scraps of lace from some rather provocative lingerie on the floor.
I heard giggling to my left and I grumbled, wanting to go back to my dream, because it was just getting to a really fucking good part. Like, Bella-sinking-down-onto-my-dick good. The giggling continued and the softness under my cheek was shaking.
No. Stop. Sleep good.
"Easy there, loverboy."
My eyes snapped open and I was granted with the most beautiful sight in the world.
My face was nestled in between Bella's oh so soft and oh so braless breasts. I felt her fingers scraping through my hair and my morning wood was tucked between my body and her thigh, seeing as how I was practically wrapped around her.
I glanced up at her and she smirked back down at me slightly, giving a little tug on my hair before removing her hand to tap my nose. Morning Bella was decidedly adorable. Well, until she said her next words. After that, she was decidedly the sexiest creature in the world.
"Your hand is on my tit," she laughed. I glanced down and realized that she was telling the truth, because my hand was cupped snugly around her right breast. I squeezed my hand without thinking and was rewarded with Bella giving off a tiny gasp, pushing her chest a little further into my hand.
She was on top of me in an instant, straddling my thighs and I was able to see that at some point during the night, she had changed into one of my button down shirts, leaving most of the buttons undone.
Like I said, sexiest creature in the world. Seriously.
"I am going to take a shower, a cold one, and you are going to go out to the kitchen and eat the breakfast I cooked you so that we don't jump each other before we have a first date." With that, she slid off me slowly, allowing her nubile curves to brush against my body in the most sinful manner. She spared me a single, darkly lustful gaze before hurrying into my bathroom.
"Fuck me," I groaned, rubbing a hand over my face and trying to think of anything but Bella naked. In my shower. Soaking wet. Washing herself…possibly touching herself. My poor dick was already like a steel rod and I didn't know how much more it could possibly take without some release.
She poked her head back outside the door and laughingly said, "I'd love to, but we can't. Not yet, anyway," before closing it again and locking it.
After a really fucking long time, my dick finally softened enough to allow me to get out of bed. I threw some pants and a shirt on quickly, finally noticing that there was a delicious scent coming from my kitchen; something that smelled far more appealing than anything I had cooked in there.
And it was. Jesus, it was like she made every amazing breakfast food for me. There were pancakes and bacon and eggs and…how early did she get up?
Being a total caveman, not to mention starving, I dove into the food, grabbing a plate and filling it to the brink with as much as I could fit. Once my plate was near overflowing, I sat down in my dining room and hastily inhaled my pancakes, moving on to the bacon within minutes. I pigged out on a second plate soon after that.
"I see that you're enjoying breakfast."
Like a deer caught in headlights, I stopped chewing the mouthful I had just taken and looked up at Bella. Ohmyfuckinggod. my dick went to full mast in, like, two seconds flat, because she still had on my shirt from before…only her hair was dripping as she toweled through it, leaving the shirt to be almost completely see-through in the chest department.
I may have said some garbled thing like, "Ohsogarf," but I couldn't be totally certain. Bella smirked at me as if she knew what was going on with my body and my seemingly nonexistent mind. She probably did.
"Mind if I have some before I head out or do you want to bogard the rest? Either way, you're doing the dishes," she smiled at me and made her way over to the mountainous piles of food and filled her own plate, albeit way less than I did.
She sat next to me as she ate, allowing me to feel the heat of her body spread like a wildfire across my side. What I hadn't noticed before was that she had put on her skirt from last night, and that, along with what she had just said, brought me out of her sexiness-induced stupor.
"You're leaving?" I asked, disappointed that she was going to go so soon.
"I'm sorry, I have some errands to run today that I didn't have time to do last week," she said apologetically.
"Oh, um, that's alright," I said, trying not to let on how not alright it was that I wouldn't get to spend more time with her. I mean, I didn't want her to think that I was some sissy ass loser so early on in our…relationship (which seems kind of stupid considering how we met in the first place, but I digress). I felt her run her hand across my cheek softly before using it to turn my head to face her.
"I really would love to spend the rest of today with you, but I need to get those errands done. Besides, we're going to have our date as soon as possible, aren't we?" She smiled and gave me a small peck on the lips before returning to her breakfast and making small talk with me.
Apparently, she had a fascination with musicians. Namely, piano players. I made a mental note to remember that little tidbit later on.
All too soon, she was finished eating and had gathered her things from the night before, ready to leave. She came over to where I was standing near the door and wrapped her arms around me, laying a few kisses on my chest before looking up at me.
"I'll call you later today and we'll figure out our date plans." She bit her lip before leaning forward and kissing me slowly, sensually. I groaned, my hands coming down to clasp her hips and pull her tighter against my body, sandwiching my re-established hard-on between us. She let out a breathy whimper and moved against me, eliciting a whimper of my own, and she used that as an invitation, sliding her tongue in slowly, exploring my mouth. I turned us around and used my body to press her against the door. Her hands ran down and gave my ass a squeeze, making me groan into her mouth and press my hips harder into hers.
She pushed at my chest lightly, making our kiss end, and she sighed, leaning her head back against the door. I stepped back a little to give her some room after basically devouring her mouth while rubbing myself against her like a madman.
"I really can't believe that you're still a virgin." She whispered, eyes fluttering closed as she hummed in appreciation. My ego inflated to the size of one of those car-dealership's gorilla balloons at the aspect of having this kind of an effect on someone like Bella.
"Shocking, huh," I whispered back. "Thanks for breakfast, Bella."
She leaned forward again to give me another kiss, a quick one, and gently pushed me away so that she could open the door. As she stepped out into the hallway, she turned back and smiled, saying a quick goodbye to me before closing the door behind her.
"Fuck," I whispered, leaning against the door, taking a few moments to gather myself.
Groaning yet again, I pushed myself from off the door and went back into my room to take a shower. Not a cold one this time, because dammit, I was so painfully hard that I needed a good wank. Or three.
Of course, I had yet another surprise waiting for me on my bathroom counter. Bella had apparently left her black as sin, lace panties for me, whether it was on accident or on purpose.
Fuck, those panties set me off. I took them…and brought them to my face like a depraved pervert, inhaling the intoxicating scent of Bella's pussy. After I was done being the weird smelling-Bella's-panties-guy, I turned on the warm water in the shower, pulling my clothes off as fast as possible and submerging myself under the water.
Before I did anything remotely cleaning-like, my dick was in my hand, the other hand supporting me by slapping against the wall. I let loose, snarling like a goddamn animal as I moved my hand against my cock, tightening my grip as much I could, fucking whimpering each time I touched the sensitive head.
"Bella," I hissed, moving my hand furiously, imagining that it was Bella's hands and mouth getting me off. I used my nails to lightly scratch the underside of my shaft, seeing in my mind that Bella was using her teeth to work me over. I felt myself twitch at that thought and my tugs grew harsher, almost painful, but I could feel my release so, so fucking close that a little pain was definitely not going to stop me.
You're all I want, Edward. God, just like that, I could practically hear Bella, screaming as I finally stroked into her tight, hot pussy after hearing her beg for me to fuck her senseless. I squeezed the head again, shivering a little bit and brought my other hand down to squeeze my balls. My hips bucked and then I was crashing, releasing in spurts that were instantly washed away by the water.
I leaned my forehead against the wall, trying to regulate my harsh breathing before finishing up my shower, toweling off, and getting dressed.
Finally having a clear head, no pun intended, I realized that I had neglected a lot of my household chores and some work over the week. Sighing, I made a mental list of what I had to do, adding mine and Bella's date needing to be planned, and got to work.
Unfortunately, my peaceful working environment was interrupted only about an hour later when the monster that is known as Emmett came barreling into my apartment without knocking.
"Dude, I'm in love," he boomed, grinning stupidly as he pushed my papers off the couch and fell down next to me on the now-empty cushion.
"Um, okay?" And thanks for knocking down all my shit. It's going to take forever to get that back in order.
"With Rosalie. She's the hottest, feistiest chick I've ever met. Plus, she's on a roller derby team, Edward. Roller-fucking-derby." He sank down further, his face taking on a dream-like quality as he most likely fantasized about his "love" for Rosalie.
"So you spend one night with her and you're in love? I see how that's plausible."
"Lay off, Eddie, I'm not, like, in love, in love, but there's something there and I'm going to see where it goes." He said, and he was nothing but serious. I blinked; surprised that Emmett was actually talking about pursuing what seemed like more than a one-time thing.
And then he went back to being the Emmett I know and want to strangle sometimes.
"She smells like fucking haven if you know what I mean." He waggled his eyebrows and I felt the bile rise in my throat, knowing he was about to say something I could go without hearing.
"Oh wait, little Eddie boy doesn't know what I mean. Man, it's such a shame that you've never known the experience of being up close and personal with a sweet little kitty cat. Especially one as nice as Rose's."
Too pissed and grossed out to tell him that I had, in fact, gotten a sample of a certain someone's (panties count, right?), I punched him right in the shoulder.
"That's fucking disgusting, Emmett. And please don't ever refer to a vagina as a 'kitty cat'. Like, ever again"
He held up his hands in mock surrender and then rubbed his shoulder. "Jeez, sorry, Eddie. You didn't have to hit me, asshole. Anyway, what happened with you and Bella?"
I felt my face grow hot, not wanting to answer his question, and he caught onto that shit really fast.
"You got some, didn't you? You finally lost your virginity," he wiped away a fake tear, "I'm so proud. How was it?"
"I'm not saying anything to you," I snapped. He merely smirked at me before deciding to be a nosy shit, and sifted through my papers before he settled on snatching my laptop from off the coffee table.
"Fancy restaurants. That good, eh?" He muttered, clicking through the pages I had open. I made a grab for my computer, but he just shifted out of my reach and continued perusing.
"Dude, you're so lame. Dinner and a movie? Fuck, be original." He muttered.
"Yeah, alright, I'll listen to the guy who hasn't been on a real date since high school." I snorted, finally getting my computer back when he was apparently finished with his nosiness.
"Pssh, at least I've been getting laid since high school. Besides, I'm taking Rose out next Friday."
"Oh? And what are your amazing and oh so original plans?"
"Car show. She's got a thing for old cars and since I've got a thing for her andcars, it's like a triple win." He shrugged, getting up and disappearing into my kitchen, probably going to finish off the fuckawesome breakfast Bella made once he finds it.
"Score!" He yelled.
Yep. There goes my food.
I was about to yell out to tell him not to eat everything in my kitchen when I noticed a flyer sticking out of the stack of mail I forgot I had brought in earlier. I leaned over and picked it off the coffee table, looking over its contents. I was about to throw it in the pile of trash I had accumulated over the course of the day, regarding the information for a planetarium show as useless.
But then a thought pricked at my mind, taking me back to this morning when Bella had let me know a little more about her. Trying to ignore the yeti in my kitchen eating all my food, I smiled as I went to the website from the flyer and got to work on the best fucking date in the history of ever.
"So, you're not even going to give me a tiny bit of a clue as to what our date is going to be like?" Bella asked in an exasperated, but playful tone.
"No, but I will tell you to wear something comfortable tonight…and warm. It might get a little chilly." I laughed when I heard her groan on the other end of the phone.
"Alright, did you call just to tease me with little pieces of information that make no sense?"
"Basically. I really just wanted to confuse the hell out of you to overshadow how nervous I am." Which, if we're being honest, I'm about as nervous as a teenage boy asking someone to prom, but that's okay.
"There's no need to be nervous, Edward," she replied sweetly, "besides, I'm sure I've got something that will…uh…help with your nerves tonight."
I almost dropped my cell phone at the sound of her slightly deeper, darker tone. Is she suggesting something…like that? Even though I had just finished jerking myself to no return to prepare for a night in her presence, I felt the familiar tightening in my crotch and I groaned.
"I have a feeling this is going to be a very interesting night." She laughed.
"I...If," I cleared my throat, "If you think that'll get me to tell you more about our date, you're wrong." Actually, if you just say one more thing in that voice, I'll sing like a canary for you.
"Fine," I could practically hear the pout in her voice, but I was also glad she didn't push the subject anymore.
"I'll see you soon, Bella."
"You, too, Edward. Oh, and I hope you like purple." She hung up before I could even begin to ask what the fuck she meant by that.
Unless…did she mean her…?
"Fuck," I grumbled, stalking to my room to get dressed. I felt like a girl, trying on a thousand different outfits to see which one didn't make me look like a douche. Finally, I settled on a faded pair of jeans and a nice, plain blue button down shirt before trying to tame the beast that was my hair. After grappling with that for a few minutes, I gave up with a huge sigh and went to grab my keys, lock up my apartment, and leave.
Following the instructions Bella had given to me earlier in the week, I made it to the apartment she shared with her friend in about half an hour thanks to traffic, but I was still a little early, so it wasn't too bad.
That is, of course, until I was face to face with her front door, hands shaking crazily as I knocked three times. I heard two distinct voices laughing from the other side, which did nothing to ease my nerves.
The door swung open and I had to look down a little to look the tiny, black-haired woman in the eyes. She squealed and grabbed my arm, hastily dragging me inside and pushing me down onto a well-worn couch, seated directly across from Rose, while simultaneously introducing herself to me
"Hi, Edward," Rose said, smirking at my obvious discomfort.
"So, Edward, where are you taking Bella tonight? How old are you? What do you-" Alice jumped straight to interrogation-mode, but was cut off by Rose in an instant.
"Alice, take a breath and chill out. Anyway, Bella will be out in a few minutes. Someone," she gave a pointed look to me, "interrupted us when we were trying to help her get ready and she, uh, escaped."
"Escaped?" I asked, worried for some reason that by escaped, they were politely trying to hint that she was trying to get away from me.
"Oh no! Not like that. Bella just doesn't like us dressing her up, so when you called, she went to her room, locked the door, and started getting ready on her own." Alice said, taking in the horrified expression on my face. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"That's good, I guess."
"He's so cute, Rose! I swear if I didn't have Jazz, I'd be all over-"
"Stop drooling over my date, Alice," Bella said as she walked into the room and took my breath away. She had on some sort of shirt-dress…thing that was loose-fitting, but synched at her tiny waist with some…tights? Leggings? I didn't know how to classify them, but they made her look beautiful so the point was moot. And then her shoes, God, they weren't extremely high heels or even remotely flashy, but they did wonders, making her legs look longer.
I tried to discretely ogle her, but she caught on and simply raised an amused eyebrow at me with a smirk.
"Why don't you guys ever let me talk?" Alice's pouting brought me out of my stupor with a shock. Rose and Bella shared a look before Rose told Alice that it was because she was "annoying as hell", to which Alice responded by flipping her off and stalking off to her room, slamming the door harshly.
"Don't worry; she's not really mad at us." Rose smirked. "Have fun on your date tonight. Oh, and Edward, do anything to hurt Bella and I'll make it hard for you to reproduce, okay?"
Her words, along with the sickly sweet smile she gave me as she made her hand into a claw and twisted it, made my balls almost cringe and I think I might have moved my hand to cover them, but I don't know.
"Uh, yeah, Bella, we should go…now." I gently grabbed her hand, both of us whispering quick goodbyes to Rose as we walked out the front door, where I was immediately hounded about the date. Again.
"Please tell me where we're going. I hate surprises, Edward." Seeing her pout was so attractive that I almost cracked and told her where we were going, but I had made this far and I really wanted to see her face when she finally found out what we were doing.
"Hmm. No, I think you'll just have to wait. It's nothing bad. It'll be fun, I promise."
She pursed her lips, but finally nodded and let me guide her down the elevator and to my car. My fingers brushed her sides when I opened the door for her and helped her in. I blinked, still not used to the electric current that ran between us when we were in direct contact. I was glad to note that at least she felt it, too, by the way she jumped in shock.
I shook my head and closed the passenger door before getting in the driver's seat and pulling out of the parking garage. We drove in a comfortable silence, each of us trying to be discrete about sneaking looks at the other, but failing miserably.
"You look really beautiful tonight, Bella. Uh, not that you don't look good every night, tonight you just look…really…more…shit." Even when I was giving a compliment I screwed up.
"Thanks, Edward." She laughed, giving my knee a slight squeeze before withdrawing her hand. "For the record, you look really great, too."
"So, what do you think about The Beatles?" I smiled to myself, knowing she would be confused as to why I so randomly changed the subject, but that would become apparent to her pretty soon.
"Well, I mean, even though it would probably be like sacrilege to say I don't like them, I really do enjoy their music, not just because they're supposed to be, like, the music norm or whatever." She shrugged, confusion evident in her tone. "Why?"
"No reason, just trying to know more about you."
This segued into more talk about music and movies and everything from favorite colors to what we were like in high school until we had finally reached the parking lot of the local planetarium.
"Hmm, are we seeing a show about the stars?" Bella asked, looking a little bit excited.
Looks like this might turn out as great I hoped.
"Not really, but we are seeing a show." I smiled to reassure her, and then got out to help her out of the car, placing a hand on the small of her back to guide her to the entrance. She looked around, taking in the signs advertising what we were going to see and I swear she almost squeaked.
"This is going to be so cool! Thank you, Edward!" She turned, wrapped her arms around me, and gave me a chaste peck on the lips. Her small hand clasped my own and then she was dragging me inside, trying to search for the, and I quote, "perfect seats".
We made more small talk, excited whispers between us, until the lights dimmed and the show started. It seemed that the theme wasn't really going to be central to just one album, but rather a random spattering of songs.
Once the songs started up, a beautiful, but entirely dizzying display of lights shot across the darkness over our heads, weaving in and out of the classic beats and lyrics, stretching with the notes and going dark with the rests.
"Look at those designs!" Bella whispered in an animated tone. I glanced briefly at the colors before gazing back at her. The show, while beautiful, could do nothing to capture my attention when I was sitting next to Bella.
Her eyes were wide and sparkling in the colors, darting around to take in everything and anything they could. When she wasn't mouthing the words along with the recording, she was smiling so damn brightly I couldn't help giving in to my desires to give her short kisses along her neck, her chin, up to her soft lips.
"Mmm, I love this." She sighed when I finally stopped my gentle attack on her mouth.
"Me, too," I smiled. Bella smiled back brightly before returning her attention to the show, but not before snuggling closer to me and laying her head on my shoulder.
I watched the rest of the show with her in this suspended place with this beautiful, sweet, amazing woman and wondered how the hell an awkward, socially inept person like me could ever get the chance to be with her. I smiled as she turned her head to give me another one of her breathtaking kisses, only ending when the show itself was over.
When we were leaving the parking lot and stopped at a red light, Bella turned, bighting her lip shyly with her eyes full of mischief, an odd combination.
"Can we go back to your place?" She asked and even though we had already done this before, I was nervous, because tonight it felt bigger, more significant than the last time. Too afraid of another nervous voice-crack, I nodded and sped the whole way home, trying to get us to my apartment faster than I've ever done before.
On our way up to my apartment, she was all over me, encircling my waist with her arms, kissing me, breathing me in…
Is this how it feels to fall in love? Is this why she's the only one who can get me this worked up with things as simple as just holding me close?
I might have dropped my keys a few times with my shaking hands but Bella took it all in stride, reaching down to get them herself before opening my door.
We were inside, sitting next to each other on the couch, tension crackling around us like lightening and I, of course, broke the silence with something so fucking stupid in a situation like this.
"We could order some food if you want? I know it's kind of late for dinner, but I didn't eat and maybe you didn't either?"
She mulled this over, looking for all the world that she was planning something, but I wrote that off as being paranoid. Finally, she smiled at me and nodded.
"I'm going to use the restroom while you do that. Just order me whatever you're getting."
A bit miffed by her sudden need to use the bathroom even though she had gone right before we left and the planetarium was only a few miles away. I shook my head and called my favorite Chinese place, looking over the menu and ordering some simple things to make sure I had stuff Bella would eat.
I waited for a few moments, flipping through the channels, for Bella to emerge from the bathroom down the hallway, which was closest, but she never did. After a few more restless minutes, I decided to see where she got off to.
Maybe she went to the library? She said she wanted to see it, but I didn't get around to showing her.
I checked every room with no luck finding her, until I came to my own room, with the door ajar and the light on. I sucked in a breath.
She went in there? Does this mean…
"Edward?" I heard her voice through the open door. I pushed it open slowly, holding my breath, because even though it wasn't logical, I was imagining her naked in my bed.
But she wasn't naked in my bed.
Oh, no, no, no, no she wasn't naked.
She was just, you know, lying on top of my sheets in the most provocative position, wearing nothing but little scraps of deep purple fabric disguised as underwear. When she saw my wide eyes and slack-jawed expression, she giggled and ran her fingers over the straps of her bra.
"It's a little unorthodox, but I think I'm going to start up our lessons again." One strap slid lower on her arm as she spoke.
"I want you to tell me what you want me to do to you. Or maybe… what you want to do to me? We're going to work on your confidence, Edward." She got up and crawled across the bed so that she was closer to me. I felt numb, surprised that this was happening.
I really hope this isn't a dream. Pleeease tell me I'm not dreaming.
She pulled me down onto the bed, positioning our bodies so that I was almost all the way on top of her.
"Where do you want to start?"
A.N: So, long wait + cliffy = author wanted dead, right? I apologize again for the lateness of this chapter. I will try to respond to all of your reviews (possibly with a nice little teaser). Classes started for me a couple of weeks ago, and I am pretty much only taking difficult classes that require a lot of time and effort, and I also took summer courses, so that is why I didn't really have too much time to write.
Thanks to my lovely beta, sweetishbubble, for her amazing skills. Check out her fics, because she's not only a very good beta, but an amazing writer.
You can follow me on twitter (VenomPwnage). I don't tweet too often; it's mostly updates about chapters and the like.
Anyway, thank you for sticking with this story, and sending me lovely reviews; I read and enjoy every single one of them, and am so happy to hear what you think.