DISCLAIMER: Capcom’s. I’m just using it for fun.
NOTES: Written for the Phoenix Wright Kink Meme. I searched for some scary, ‘oh God how could anyone use that’ sex toys, but instead found Fun Factory, a German sex toy company. For the record, all these products? TRUFAX.
PROMPT: Franziska forces Miles to buy a sex toy for her.

————

The more embarrassing the sex toy, the better.“Foolish shop, applying their foolish rules to all but the older fools interested in their foolish merchandise!” Franziska growled, stomping furiously—and unannounced—into her father’s study. Grey eyes blazing, she set her sights on the one person she had been looking for.

“You! I require your assistance.”

Practical Prosecution for Perfectionists suddenly became much more interesting to Miles. Whenever the youngest von Karma “required his assistance”, he knew one of two things were forthcoming: a task that humiliated Miles (yet Franziska could accomplish without so much as batting an eyelash), or a harsh whipping during one of her tantrums provided he refused to do her bidding.

He was always careful to weigh his options. Although she was still a sixteen-year old girl, Franziska von Karma had one highly developed whipping arm.

Franziska smiled. “What I need from you is simple, Miles Edgeworth… There is a certain store that does not allow women of my age in. Your task is to go and get what I need.”

“Franziska,” Miles said evenly, “if they do not allow you in, there must be a reason. If it’s alcohol you want—”

“What sort of fool do you think I am!?” The girl crossed her arms petulantly. “It’s nothing like that. But you must obey me, little brother.”

“When will you remember that I’m seven years older than you?”

She ignored him. “It should take you no more than twenty minutes,” Franziska said, “Unless you would prefer an hour on the receiving end of my whip?”

He didn’t. At all.

He also knew that he wouldn’t be left alone to study up on his next case if he refused to do her bidding. With a sigh, Miles acquiesced. “What is it you want, Franziska?”

--

Miles walked into Eroemporium, head ducked far down into the dark overcoat he’d borrowed from Manfred’s closet. He was already beet-red and feeling out of place. He looked down at the list—a list, for God’s sake—Franziska wrote up for him, describing, in detail, exactly what it was she wanted.

How in the world was he supposed to find such specific toys when he was surrounded by aisles and aisles of dildos, vibrators, videos, so many phallic novelties and whatever those things were—

“Can I help you?”

He’d planned on staying just another face in the crowd; though, logically, with the coat and such, Miles came to the conclusion that he probably stood out quite a lot considering the surroundings. Also he’d been standing by the doorway, gaping like an idiot; that likely hadn’t helped him.

“I…” He cleared his throat. “Yes, I’m… looking for… Ah…”

The aging cashier stood and waved her hand. “No need to be shy, now. After workin’ in this store for so long, I’m pretty jaded. What’ll ya have? We got a great selection of anal be—”

“No! No, nothing of that sort!” Miles interrupted. “At least, I…” He consulted the list.

The woman smiled as she rounded Miles, eager to help him find what he needed—and boost her sales commission for the week. “Oh, very specific! You’re in luck. We got all the Fun Factory products in their own lil’ section. Follow me.”

Reluctantly, Miles did as he was told, keeping his eyes to the floor.

“Here we are!” the cashier said cheerily.

Looking up, Miles gaped at the large assortment of brightly colored sex toys on display. They were in the shapes of flowers, animals, other spiraled contraptions… it looked like he was standing in front of things children would play with, not for adults to defile.

Miles’ blush deepened.

“Ya wanna browse, or should I help you?”

Silently he handed over the list.

The cashier took a minute to look it over, nodding appreciatively. “Your girlfriend doesn’t think very highly of your memorization skills, does she?”

“My what?”

“Anyway, let’s see,” she said, consulting the list before looking up at the products before her. “A Sally Sea. The both of you can use that one. It’s got this great lil’ nub; if she uses it that can be used for clitoral stimulation, and if you stick it in your—”

“I won’t be using it!” Miles sputtered. “Just… hand it to me, will you?”

The cashier shrugged and took down a pastel pink vibrator. It was seven inches long and looked like a seal, a little face and tail included. Miles took it gingerly as if he was afraid the toy would infect him with some sort of disease.

“Next… oh, here we go. Whirly.” She handed Miles another toy—this one blue, short, and, true to its name, was in the shape of a dolphin. “That one is mostly designed to give your prostate a nice workout.”

Miles didn’t even want to know why Franziska, a female, would ever want something for prostate stimulation.

Before he could begin to wonder, the woman plopped another package into his hands. “Wayne’s Wings. That is the cutest cock ring I’ve ever seen. Your penis will look like a little angel!”

He wasn’t even going to correct her on the fact that again, he would not be using it, and for another thing, his genitalia was not little and he did not appreciate the insinuation that it was.

“Alrighty, Flexi Felix.”

Miles’ eyes bulged as the cashier reached up for something that advertised itself as silicone anal beads but appeared more to be a light blue, happy little wormy alien, complete with antennae.

Now he knew for sure that Franziska had done this just to torture him. Miles should have known better than to stay with the von Karmas while his apartment complex was undergoing renovations.

“Last but not least…” She looked down and frowned. “A harness? You need one for BDSM, or a strap-on?”

“I don’t… she… it…”

The cashier pursed her lips. “Well, considering all the other stuff you’re buying, I’m gonna go ahead and assume you need one for your Dolphin butt plug. It’s short, but it doubles as a dildo, you know. See that base ther—”

“Yes, fine, it’s for… that!”

“Small, med—”

“Small!”

He was raising his voice now and getting needlessly angry, but dammit all, he did not want to be in this shop any longer. There were other customers, and what would happen to his career if he ran into someone on the police force? How would he respond to them when his arms full of anal beads and butt plugs, or ever show his face in court again?

“D’you need some lubri—”

“No, this is quite enough, thank you!”

Unalarmed, the cashier made her way back to the register and rang up his purchases.

“Enjoy your strap-on, sir!” the cashier chirped cheerily as Miles left the store, completely, utterly, thoroughly mortified, carrying a bright pink bag filled with over 250 dollars’ worth of sex toys.

--

“Very good, Miles Edgeworth. Everything I asked for.” Franziska began opening the packages; Miles grimaced as the “new toy” scent filled the air.

“Yes, and now that I’ve fulfilled my duties for you for the next century, I’ll be taking my leave.”

As he turned heel, Franziska ordered, “Stay where you are!”

Miles stopped. Now what!?

“Did you think I would send you on such an errand without the least bit of thanks? Fool!”

A reply of Actually, I was under the impression you would, played on the tip of his tongue, but Miles decided that after all the humiliation he’d suffered that day, a whipping would simply add insult to injury.

“Here, Miles Edgeworth. Your reward.”

Miles turned around, blinked, looked down at the little blue dolphin Franziska had tucked through the hole in the black vinyl harness, blinked again, and choked.

“Get undressed.”

“You cannot be serious.”

Franziska smirked.

“I’m leaving.”

“Miles Edgewo—!”

He slammed the door shut behind him, shivering. From that day forward, Miles vowed to never again do any personal favors for Ms. Franziska von Karma.

Ever.