Nintendo One-Shot Tales

Summary: A series of one-shots telling the stories of Nintendo's retro and obscure games (I won't do Kid Icarus because: the story would take much more than one chapter, there was a sequel, and likeliness of another sequel has brought it back to mainstream attention).

Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters are owned and copyrighted by Nintendo. I nor anyone else is making money using these characters.

Chapter 1: Ice Climber

The frosty peaks and summits of Icicle Mountain and Infinite Glacier sparkled like so many perfect diamonds. Just looking at it, you would never guess the trouble that was afoot.

"Help! He's getting away!" A snow farmer shouted as the nefarious condor who lived on the summit of the mountain flew back to his perch, clutching a few eggplants. The townspeople rushed out as fast as they could, but they were too late to stop the condor.

"Not again! What can be done to stop this stupid bird?" Someone asked. Nobody had an answer, so they all began filing indoors, dreading the return of the condor. Of course, following the bird to try and get the crops back was not an option. The bird lived at the top of the mountain, and the path up was dangerous and blocked by snow monsters called Topis, Polar Bears, and layers of ice and rock.

A blizzard began whipping up. If one had been looking out they would have barely seen the figures approaching. Bent against the wind, the two people made their way toward the village. Eventually reaching the inn, the duo opened the door to a very angry town meeting.

"I say we kill him and eat him! See how he likes it!"

"No! He's a living creature! Let's adopt him as the town mascot!"

A very awkward silence passed and the animal rights activist received many an odd look.

"Look, there's not much we can do." The mayor of the town shouted over the din. "The Summit is too dangerous to reach. Nobody's stupid enough to scale that mountain. It would be a suicide mission."
"You wanna bet?"

All eyes turned toward the door and the two newcomers were revealed. They looked to be pretty young and were dressed in Eskimo parkas, the male in a blue parka, and his female companion, pink.

"Who are you?" The mayor asked.

"I'm Popo. This is my girlfriend, Nana." The boy said as the girl shyly waved.

The mayor regained his composure and pompousness. "And who do you think you are that you can make such claims?"

Popo grinned. "Oh, only part of the greatest ice climbing team ever. Nana and I have scaled countless mountains together. We can take whatever Icicle Mountain has to throw at us."

The mayor didn't look convinced. "Alright, alright, say you can take the condor down. You'll surely want some kind of reward."

Popo looked down sheepishly. "Well, a place to stay for a while would be nice. Maybe some free food." Nana giggled at her boyfriend's sudden embarrassment and loss of confidence.

The mayor scoffed. "Alright then Ice Climbers, if you can regain the stolen crops and stop that blasted bird, you can stay here, for free, and you can have all the free food you want." Without a word, Popo and Nana went back out the door prepared to take the mountain.

Icicle Mountain was unusual in that the deadly layers of rock and ice wrapped all the way around the mountain in regular intervals of height. In other words, the mountain's face was basically striped in treacherous ledges.

"Okay, I can see a good starting point. Ready?" Popo asked. Nana nodded.

"You bet. Toss me up." With precision and trust that could only have come from working together for so long, Popo tossed Nana up to a ledge that was long and not too narrow, but still dangerous. Nana found a spot that was soft, but secure, and fastened the peg and rope.

"On, belay?" Popo called.

"Belay on!" Nana responded.

With professional skill that went beyond his sixteen years, Popo shimmied up the rope, and grasped Nana's hand.
"Okay. It looks like there's some rock blocking us from going any further up." Popo noted. Nana took out a large wooden mallet.

"It looks pretty weak. Want me to give it a go?" Popo nodded, prepared to catch Nana if she fell. Jumping up high, Nana swung the hammer at the rock and broke right through it.
"How's it looking up there?" Popo called.
"I can't see much, it looks like there's another layer of rock above. Jump on up."

Popo was about to oblige when he saw something out the corner of his eye. It was a Topi!

"Whoa! I've got company! Popo called.

"Here! Take this! Nana called, tossing Popo his own hammer.
"Die beast!" Popo screamed, completely overreacting, and smacked his hammer into the little bird-like yeti's skull.

"Are you okay?" Nana shouted. Popo did a ridiculous victory pose.

"I'm cool, I'm cool. How are you babe?" Nana sweat dropped. He was getting overconfident over one kill.

"Just get up here Mr. Half-of-the-greatest-ice-climbing-duo-ever." She grumbled.

Popo jumped through the gap that Nana had made. A noise alerted them to the presence of another Topi. This one was shuttling a block of ice the size of the hole Nana had made.

"Stand back, Nana! He shall sample my hammer!" Popo cried jumping out in front of her. The Topi shoved the block of ice at the Ice Climber at a great speed.

"Meep!" Popo cried ducking. Nana sighed.
"Boys," she muttered. Gently pushing Popo out of the way, Nana swung her hammer back like a baseball bat and hit the ice block back at the Topi, effectively knocking it out. Popo, noticing the danger had passed, looked up to see a half frustrated, half amused Nana.

"Heh, guess you handled it okay." He said sheepishly. Nana giggled.

"Popo, you're overreacting to everything. Just stay cool and let's keep going." Still embarrassed, but no longer convinced that Nana thought he was a complete idiot, Popo agreed and took out the layer of rock above them. They went on in silence for a few hours, making good progress. They looked below them a few times to see Topis undisturbed in their work covering up the holes that the Ice Climbers had made. Suddenly, Nana gasped.

"Popo, how are we going to get down?" Popo facepalmed himself.

"Crap. I didn't think of that. I guess we'll worry about that later. Right now, I think we should rest for the night." Nana nodded in agreement. A few minutes later, the duo had discovered a cozy little cave that would keep them warm if they could get a fire going. Fortunately, Popo always kept some firewood in his pack, so it wasn't long before the entire cave was filled with warmth and light. Nana stripped her ice-boots so she could warm her feet, and lowered her hood, revealing her shoulder-length brown hair.

"Popo?"

"Yeah, Nana?"

"Why do you think the condor keeps attacking that village?" Popo shrugged.

"Condors are natural scavengers. They scout out their prey and snatch it after he's dead. Maybe that's the case. He's just a normal condor, but he's a vegetarian. Or maybe he's a kleptomaniac, I don't know. Anyway, don't you have some of that fish that we caught this morning? I could use some food." Nana dug into her pouch and pulled out a wrapped fish that Popo had caught that morning and kept fresh with the plentiful snow. After a small, but filling meal, the two crept to opposite sides of the fire and fell asleep.

The blizzard had died down, but a gentle wind was blowing into the cave. Nana shivered and woke up. The fire had gone out. Sighing, she leaned over to wake Popo up. She stopped. She was fully awake now, and fully aware that there were two polar bears (oddly enough wearing pink shorts and sunglasses) in the cave.

"Popo! Get up!" Nana cried as she slapped her boyfriend, hoping to wake him.

"Mhnnn….no bonus?!…...huh? Ah!" Popo screamed as he woke up and noticed their predicament. The polar bears that had been lying in wait advanced now that their prey was moving.

"Give me your hand!" Popo shouted. Nana gave him an incredulous look.

"Popo this is hardly a good time to be romantic!" She screamed.

"Just do it!" He shouted. Nana obliged, taking his hand, and keeping hold of her mallet.

"Spin, Nana, spin!" Popo shouted.

"Are you crazy? We'll fall and be even more vulnerable!"
"Not if I can help it!" Popo shouted as he twirled Nana around, using the opposing forces and slippery floor to become a human tornado, smacking the polar bears into each other. Nana had been right however, and she and Popo ended up falling due to their lack of ice-climbing boots at the moment. Popo groaned from his position on top of Nana.

"Popo,"

"Yeah Nana?"

"Get off. Now."

"Aw, but it's comfy up here." Nana shoved him off, her eyes livid.

"Are you saying I'm fat?" She asked, the manic side of her personality coming out. Popo hadn't witnessed this much but he knew that when Nana was angry, there were likely going to be some bones broken.

"N-no, I'm just saying that your parka is poofy and…"

"I knew it! You think I'm fat! Well then, I guess we'll do some exercising! I'll race you to the top of the mountain!" Popo gaped.

"Are you crazy? You can't do it by yourself! Neither can I!"

"Oh, so you're saying because I'm a girl I can't do it?" Popo was getting tired of this.

"Grr…fine! We'll race. First one to the top of the summit wins."

Popo had been a lot lonelier since he and Nana had parted ways. Barely noticing the surreal features of the mountain, namely clouds that were thick enough to stand on, and ice so slippery that it acted like one of those horizontal escalators at airports. He scaled a few more levels and stopped to take a rest, swatting at Nitpickers (small annoying birds who were native to this area) that dared come near him.

"Why does she have to be so self-conscious?" He muttered to himself as he watched the sun rise higher and higher, signifying the coming of noon.

"Maybe I should just let her win and soothe her ego." He thought. The chances of that were unlikely. Nana was going to be mad at him for a long time unless he did something spectacular to make up for it. Popo was starting to get bored, and considered moving on, when he felt something nudge the back of his hood. Turning around slowly, he saw another polar bear.

"Ah! What's with you guys? Is Ice Climber the special today or something?" Popo yelled as the polar bear reared up. Popo readied his hammer, preparing to strike the bear when it came nearer, when the polar bear jumped into the air and landed with a thud.

"Huh?" Popo said, "What was that supposed to do?" His answer came in a low rumbling noise.

"Oh no," he gasped. The bear's jump had caused an avalanche! Popo began running trying to see where the snow would be coming from. The rumbling became more intense, so Popo pressed himself against the mountain, bracing for the inevitable. By a stroke of luck, the snow went right by him, filling the areas of the mountain that he and Nana had already been to. Deciding he'd better get out of there before the polar bear came back and caused another avalanche, Popo jumped to try and make another hole. The ice wouldn't budge. It was too hard, or too thick, or both. Moving over a little bit in hopes of finding a good place, Popo tried again. As with before he was unsuccessful in breaking it, but he managed to chip away a lot of it. With another hit, he managed to get through the layer of ice. The next few levels were very similar to what Popo had encountered. Most of the ice was too hard, but there was an occasional gap already there, (had Nana been there already?), or there was ice that was thicker, but easily disposed of. Popo encountered very few Topis or Nitpickers, but when he did, he mostly avoided them, preferring to move quickly. After about five more levels, he heard a scream: a girl's scream.

"Oh no. Nana!" Popo gasped as he rushed forward. Nana had been cornered by two polar bears. But the worst part was the she hadn't noticed that she was right underneath a large icicle that would drop on her head at any second.

"Get away from her you animals!" Popo screamed as he charged the polar bears as the icicle dropped. With split second timing, he bent down and swung upward, shattering the icicle into little shards, which conveniently blinded the polar bears.

"Let's move!" Popo shouted, handing Nana her hammer and grabbing her by the hand.

"Popo, I just wanted to say I'm sorry I got mad at you like that." Popo didn't respond. Nana reached out and touched his shoulder.
"I know you have every right to be mad at me, and I was a little, okay, a lot harsh with you, but can you forgive me?" Popo turned.

"I guess. I just don't get why you thought I thought you were fat from saying that you're comfy. Our parkas are really poofy and you're cuddly like that." Nana had to stop herself from laughing.

"I'm cuddly like that?" This was Popo talking! "Who are you and what have you done with Popo?" Popo looked confused.
"I figured I'd have to say something like that to stop you from breaking up with me." Nana laughed.

"What, you think saving my life isn't good enough?" She kept laughing as Popo turned red, and began walking faster, looking for weak spots in the ice.

"I think we're almost to the top." Popo said. He and Nana were both exhausted. They had barely had any breaks in the last few hours and now night was falling. Nana gasped.

"Look," she breathed. An auroras borealis shimmered across the sky which was getting blacker by the second, stars coming out like fireflies.

"It's so pretty." She said, leaning against Popo. Just then, Popo caught a whiff of something.

"Um, I hate to ruin a moment like this, but I smell food." Indeed, Nana could smell it too: various vegetables. She couldn't make out individual scents there were so many.

"Over there!" She pointed to a ledge on their left, which housed a basket full of eggplants: the condor's most recent catch. More ledges dotted the rest of the mountain with more baskets containing carrots, cucumbers, cabbages, ears of corn, turnips, pumpkins, mushrooms, and potatoes.

"We did it!" Nana cried as she and Popo began gathering the baskets. However, their victory was short lived. The condor wasn't about to let two teenagers steal all his food. He swooped down, nearly making Nana drop her baskets.

"I'll handle this, Nana!" Popo said as he gently set his baskets down and climbed to the top of the mountain.

"C'mon, Klepto! Bring it on!" The condor struck, nearly pushing Popo off of the ledge he was on, but the condor hadn't noticed that Popo had grabbed his legs.

"Not so tough now, are you?" Popo asked. He took a rope out of his sack and tied it to the condor's talons. He and Nana jumped up and down in victory for a few seconds, as Popo planted a flag at the summit.

"It's still really beautiful." Nana said, looking down the mountain. From the top, she could see glaciers, the ocean, what looked like a man with balloons on his back flying away from a fish (future chapter!), and several miles of white, only broken by one or two villages and the small groups of seals and penguins.

"It is. But we've got to go. This guy here will solve our descent problems. Grab on, Nana." Popo had a few of the baskets in one arm with all of his gear in his sack on his back, and the other hand clutching the rope connected to the defeated condor. Nana smiled as she followed Popo's example, and placed the baskets on one arm, put her gear in her sack, and took hold of the condor alongside Popo. Another day, another mountain conquered for the Ice Climbers.

Author's Note: This isn't my first fan fiction per se, but it's the first one I've written that I'm actually going to post. I got the idea for it the day I got my account started, and banged out this chapter in two sittings. So, reviews are appreciated, constructive criticism would be nice. Oh yeah, I'm definitely doing a Balloon Fight chapter. That wasn't just a reference to the fish being on the Summit in Brawl. Probably the next chapter or third chapter will be on Balloon Fight. Popo calling the condor Klepto was going back to what he said about the condor being a kleptomaniac. And I also think it would be cool if the condor was Klepto from Super Mario 64. R&R!