Title: Whispers in the dark

Theme: 23:00—Coping with drastic change in a positive manner

A/N: She’s coping to change in a semi-positive manner. Anyways, there was a scene I originally planned to put in this one but no longer fit. If you still want to read it, then go to my VK one-shot collection (Sun and Moon) and read the second one-shot on it. It has the Zero/Yuuki scene that this whole story was built around.

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They live in a small, isolated world. A little bubble where nothing else exists, nothing else is there to drag back memories of what she left behind.

(Of what she leaves behind every night in her shadow-filled dreams, those nightmares that she jolts awake in the arms of Kaname.)

“It snowing,” she tells him as she stares out of the slightly frosted window, watching the small flakes coat the ground. Her fingers trace the cracks on the glass, signs of neglect from years ago, as she waits for his reply.

“Do you want to go outside?” he asks, watching her with those all too keen eyes. She turns to see him staring at her, his hair and eyes an almost mirror image of her own and she wonders how she didn’t realize the truth for so long.

Realizing she took to long to reply, Yuuki gives him a quick smile. “Not yet.” She turns back to the window, not wanting him to catch her expression. “I’d rather wait for it to finish falling.”

The snow is a light shade of grey and while it reminds her of that night Kaname saved her, she finds herself thinking of a little boy covered in blood more.

-x-

Dinners are silent affairs, the only sound her chewing and the clink of chopsticks and bowl. Kaname doesn’t bother with this pretence, the only substance he wants is her blood. Yuuki insisted on eating, though. Years of habit don’t disappear overnight.

“I think I’m getting better at this,” she tells him, grinning. She picks a piece of her chicken on the chopstick and waves it at him. “See? It’s not burnt this time. And the flavour isn’t as bad.”

“Is it?” He gives her a soft smile before biting the chicken. It’s hard not to jump in surprise; even now she isn’t used to his speed or her own.

“Well, it’s not as good as—” she stops her words, swallows them down and kills them before he can notice what she was about to say. “I hoped, but it’s the best I can do now.”

He eyes her and she fears that he caught her pause. Just like that night (was it only a year ago? It feels like another lifetime) when he caught her after Zero drank. That fear never left her, that fear that comes every time she betrays his trust.

“It’s my Yuuki’s,” he says as though it settles the matter and for all purposes, it does. She almost sighs with relief before another thought hits her.

Why does even mentioning Zero feel like a taboo, even if it just to say his cooking is better than hers?

-x-

“Do you ever regret this?” He doesn’t ask that question as much as he used to so it catches her off guard.

“No,” she replies, leaning over to hug him. It’s a little awkward, with him sitting on the chair, but she manages to anyways. “I don’t.”

And it’s true. He’s been good to her, almost too good, and she can’t fully believe that she got what she wanted so easily. Kaname’s always soft around her, a pillow that she buries herself deeper and deeper in. With no arguments or yelling, life is pleasant and she can’t say she regrets that.

It’s only sometimes she finds herself choking on the polite gestures and comfortable silences. When she’s about to fall or when she does something she knows is wrong, she expects a quiet but sharp rebuke coming her way. A hand that’s calloused and rough when it grabs her, a raised eyebrow, and a mocking grin appears when she does something stupid.

Then she blinks and realizes the hand is gentle and the eyes are concerned. She’s staring at Kaname instead of Zero. She tries to remember where she is fast enough but it’s hard to get rid of the lingering traces of her memory.

“I never regretted it.” She isn’t sure if she’s speaking to Kaname or the illusion behind him.

-x-

She isn’t used to sleeping during the day but she makes that adjust for him. At first it was very hard. She’d stay awake long after he fell asleep, her eyes resting on his chest. Sometimes, if she could stay still and hold her breathe long enough, she could hear the blood rushing through his veins.

If she listened hard enough, she could convince herself that there is a heart beating behind that and it isn’t her own fingers tapping his skin.

-x-

“I have a surprise for you,” Kaname whispers in her ear as he leads her down the stairs. Her bare feet sink into the carpet and she imagines that’s how it’s like with him. Then she takes a step and that feeling is lost as she slides over the tiles.

“What is it?”

He shakes his head, his hair lightly brushing her face. Where it touches, her face feels warm, but the sensation disappears just as fast. “Would it still be a surprise then?” Seeing her reluctant agreement, he gives her a hint. “It’s spring.”

“Yes…” she slowly replies, mystified. He leads her past the kitchen and to a door she never noticed before. Opening it, he ushers her through and she closes her eyes to the sudden light.

“I thought you might want one.”

Yuuki can’t reply. She simply stares at the large garden in front of her, ready to almost fly into it. Glancing at him, she hesitantly touches a firey tulip. Not stopping, she moves through the garden faster and faster, almost running to see all the plants around her. Dahlias, climbing vines, marigolds, there were dozens of plants surrounding her. Some where nothing more than stems and green leaves, steadily growing buds for that moment in the summer when they would bloom while others where casting the last of their strength into a flower before they disappeared with the spring.

“I love it.” She finally tells him when she returns. “I love it.”

-x-

Kaname usually drinks her blood, only taking others when it is necessary. Yuuki is a willing victim, having wanted this for a while.

(you want him to do this, don’t you?)

He’s always gentle when he does it, even if he’s impatient and waited for days.

(She didn’t lie to Zero. Her feelings changed after but she didn’t lie back then.)

His teeth sink in and she sees apologetic eyes staring into her own, trembling fingers holding her and feels her blood greedily sucking her blood in. Bathroom tiles dig into her back, the blood flowing out of her faster before stopping completely. A head leans on her, sated but sorry, tired and angry at himself.

It’s only after that she realizes that they are lying on the bed and he’s confidently pulling her up.

(She didn’t lie.)

-x-

“Do you miss them?”

A deep question, weighing heavily on her mind. The answer can go two ways, sending her to two different worlds.

“A little less everyday.”

The die is cast and she finds herself clinging to what she lost again.

-x-

She can’t escape him in the night. The silver moon shines brightly, the shadows warp themselves around her body, and she’s running on the school paths again.

Running faster and faster—he’s leaving again, he’s trying to bear this alone, she has to stop him—the loud footsteps and the harsh sound of breathing break the silence.

She sees him, shoulders set determinedly, and tries to grab him. “Don’t go! Don’t leave!”

He turns to her, his eyes as blank as the rest of his face, and she wakes up panting and sweaty.

You’re the one who left.

-x-

Kaname’s friends visit from time to time. They had wanted to stay with him, pleaded him for hours, but to no avail.

It’s our home, just Yuuki and me, he had told them. And after he had waited for years for this, they couldn’t protest.

They wanted his happiness more than they wanted to stay.

Still, they couldn’t leave him completely and would return to him, the lost pet returning to his owner. They’d appear together, staying for days on end.

It is during one of those visits that Akatsuki turns her world upside down.

“It’s not true,” she stutters, hastily trying to erase his words. “It can’t be true.”

He looks at her, almost right into her, before he replies. “It is.”

“No!” She almost yells that and starts desperately looking for an exit. “It’s not. Stop lying.” Kaname enters the room but she ignores him. “It’s not.” She repeats it, a mantra, as she runs out of the room.

“You told her.” It’s a statement, not a question, but Akatsuki answers anyways.

“Yes. She would have found out anyways that he died.”

“…”

-x-

She sits in the garden, staring at the falling petals from the (flower that means remorse). Akatsuki’s words echo in her head, playing on and on in a loop. It’s hard to believe them, to swallow that bitter pill when she doesn’t want to believe they are true.

It’s harder still when she can see him walking down the garden paths, smirking at her with a light tease on his tongue. She can almost touch, almost hear him, and he seems more real than any words that Akatsuki told her.

But he’s not and every time her fingers graze him, they fall through. Fall through and out and she finds herself falling on to the ground, tears streaming down her cheeks as her hands still reach out to the apparition.

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