Disclaimer: I don’t own Kingdom Hearts I, II or CoM. It belongs to Square Enix and Disney. ‘Under The Rose’ belongs to the band HIM.

Warnings: Rape, character death, insane!Riku.

Author’s Notes: For darling dearest Cassie-san, who has been having a hard time as of late. I LOVE YOU MY AHIRU. I know you’ve already read this, but I am up to my sightless eyeballs in other... pieces... of... written material. So, as soon as I finish Alyssa’s Original Fic, and Bianca’s RikuSora fic, I shall drown you – DROOOOWWWWNNN YOOOUUUU – in drabbles and cuteness. In fact, I have an idea for one fluttering about my mind right now. Anyways, I can’t remember when I wrote this, but I know it was her. It was a long time ago, anyways. A very long time ago. I hope you get your connection back soon.

I dream of the winter in my heart turning to spring…

While the ice gives way under my feet…

And so I drown with the sun…

It was kinda cold, but then again it was kinda hot. He never really understood these feelings, this odd mix of warm and cool, but he had never really tried. He just learned to accept it all, and allow the feelings to wash over him, sometimes making him sweat horribly from the intensity of the water that tended to swirl about him, so hot, when really it should of have been cold, and sometimes shivered when frozen flames licked about his pale body. He didn’t like it when the two feelings decided to clash at first, because it sorta hurt, a strange sort of frozen burn, but then he would simply close his pretty-pretty green-green-blue-blue eyes and let the feelings mend and blend and mix, and then they would fade, before coming back full force, and then it wouldn’t hurt, but it would actually feel pretty good - if one managed to ignore the blistering skin and numb fingers.

The strange people in white sometimes came and looked at him funny, murmuring in some sort of fuzzy language that sometimes, if he really listened, made sense, and he would simply smile at them and say in his innocent eleven year old voice, because that was when, as his brothers put it, he had ‘lost it’, “Can you bring Sora today?”

And they, in turn, would sigh and say, “Sora isn’t here, Riku. He never existed. Come on now. You remember that, don’t you?”

And then the horrible feeling that hurt - hurt and hurt and hurt and made him scream and thrash and want Sora because Sora made the hurt go away - would come and then the strange people in white would come rushing into the room with needles filled with funny coloured liquid and poke them into him and then Sora would peek over their shoulders, his pretty-pretty blue-blue eyes dancing, and say, Ignore them, Riku. I’m here, see? and then everything would go black - but the hurting would of have stopped.

When Riku was thrown into this odd sort of place, where he just floated, he thought. Sometimes he thought, I wonder what me and Sora are going to do today?

And then, sometimes, when he felt sort of cranky, he would think, Stupid Sora! He made me jump in front of that car! If I hadn’t done that then I wouldn’t even be in this stupid place!

But most of the time he just thought about the feeling of hot cold and cold hot, and wondered when it was going to go away. He did like the funny feeling, but he also didn’t like it. When the frozen flames and burning water came Sora would become fuzzy around the edges, and Riku couldn’t touch him. Sora would then sort of change, and he would open his mouth and suddenly it would be full of sharp teeth and his eyes would go red and he would start to yell, You stupid, stupid boy! How dare you! How fucking dare you?! You think you can escape me?! DO YOU?! and sometimes he would hit Riku and it would sting really, really bad and sometimes he would make the clear cool stuff that Riku breathed go away and sometimes he would just sit and stare, and then smirk and say, Run little rabbit, run as fast you can, but you can’t escape me, the butcher-shop-man! I’ll skin you and chop you up into pieces, making you dinner before your flowing blood ceases! I’ll roast you and boil you, before adding some carrots when I decide to broil you! So run little rabbit, run as fast as you can, but you’ll never escape me, the butcher-shop-man!

And then the frozen flames and burning water would go away, and Sora would hold the sobbing Riku in his arms, running tan fingers through moonlit hair, and whisper, You don’t need the frozen flames or burning water, Riku. You need me. And that’s all. But when you decide that you don’t need me, then I’ll kill you.

I've been burning in water and drowning in flame…

To prove you wrong and scare you away…

I have never minded the one back home…

Your heart under the rose…

It had been a really stupid idea, Riku realised as Sora pinned him to the harsh white wall, mouth twisted into a freakish scowl and eyes narrowed into blue-blood-red slits. The smaller brunette boy - boy? Or was it thing? - growled, and hissed, You’re a bad boy, Riku. You let the feeling stay… I have to punish you… foolish little boy…

Riku whimpered as Sora’s hands started to dance across his torso, burning a trail that was so like and yet so unlike the frozen flames and burning water, because this time it actually fucking hurt, just like that one time when he had been eight and Kadaj had gotten drunk and almost killed him, and then he felt the doctors screaming and there was an odd trail of pretty-pretty red trailing down his chest in several spots and oh, look, he was holding a sharp piece of glass from the window that he could barely reach and it was all bloody and Sora was glaring at the doctors, snapping, Uh, hello? He needed to be punished! No, don’t save him!

And the Riku decided he was so goddamn sick of all this - of the frozen flames and burning water and Sora - and he whispered to the nearest person, “Save. Me” only it came out as a gurgled whimper and he glanced at Sora, who looked positively murderous, and thought to himself as the needles were injected, Well. Fuck. and then he realised that maybe he was growing up.

Later, when he woke, he blinked, and suddenly the sweet-sweet intoxicating feeling of frozen flame and burning water washed over him and sighing, Riku simply revelled in it. He started, though, when a pair of hands wrapped around his throat and blood-blue eyes were glaring down at him, and Sora was hissing, You little bastard! You think you can defy me?! I am your Master! I rule your heart! I rule you, Riku! I--

But Riku just pressed his lips up against Sora’s and suddenly his clothes were being ripped off and his manhood was being stroked softly, carefully, and moaning Riku gasped, “Sora…” and Sora grinned and sighed happily when the feelings that Riku loved so much disappeared, leaving the boy to writhe and groan and choke on words as Sora lowered his mouth over the pulsing collum of flesh. It was hot and warm and gorgeously wonderful… yet it was neither wet nor slippery like Riku imagined a mouth would feel like…

“Oh my God!”

Suddenly Sora shimmered and vanished, making Riku blink and look down. His fist was secured tightly around his erection, and he cocked his head in confusion.

“You disgusting little freak!”

Riku looked up at the pretty red haired girl who stood there with the needles and a shocked and disgusted expression on her face, and suddenly he felt a horrible sense of foreboding.

Sure enough, the next morning he was being strapped to a bed, and being injected with more and more and more needles and he wondered briefly as the flames and water and black and tranquility washed over him, What day is it? I know something happened today… the 12th…

He caught glimpses of laughing children and happiness, and then they were gone, and as he let sleep take over him he heard the doctors murmur, “He’s loosing his sense of self. It was his birthday today, and he didn’t even know. He’s forgetting everything - everything but Sora”

I open my eyes with a sigh of relief…

As the warmth of summer sunlight dances around me…

That's you with the leaves in your hands…

A long time passed, and Riku was still stuck in that bed, unable to move, unable to see Sora. There was a strange tube stuck in his bicep that constantly made the burning water and frozen flames come, and Riku had had more than enough of the feeling. Now he wished he could feel Sora’s sharp talon’s, his calloused hands, feel the brunette deep inside of him. He didn’t care if Sora was hitting or hurting or making his scream in agony, but he just wanted to feel something other than this! He wanted the damned fire and water and soft to go away and leave him with Sora.

He wanted Sora.

“He doesn’t talk anymore, sir. Maybe we should lower his drug intake? I mean, he’s almost always asleep…”

“No, no. He hasn’t mentioned Sora at all, Naminé. It’s good”

“But sir--“

“Enough. Go and fetch his required medicine”

The voices of the doctors sometimes came, and sometimes they poked and prodded and said, “Do you know who you are?” or “Can you answer me, Riku?”.

He always ignored them though. He would stare ahead stubbornly, his pretty-pretty eyes dull and angry. Sometimes, though, a pretty girl with blonde hair and blue eyes would come and sit by him and ask, “Will you talk to me?”

And he would simply say, “No”

One day, though, she decided to change her tactics, and when she took her seat she asked, “What is that you want, Riku?”

Riku blinked, and looked over to her. She smiled at him softly, and he whispered, sounding lost and desperate, “I want Sora”

“Ah. But wasn’t Sora hurting you?” She questioned, pulling out a sketchpad. She flipped through to a clean page, and started to draw, while Riku answered, “Sora was angry at me because I liked the frozen flames and burning water. But the feeling made Sora go away and hard to touch, so he got angry whenever I let it stay. But I need Sora like Sora needs me. I love him”

The blonde nodded, and said, “What does Sora look like?”

Riku smiled a dazed little smile, replied, “He’s kinda small, but he’s really strong. He’s skinny and delicate and has the prettiest skin - it’s a sort of gold, but bronzier… and he has the coolest hair. It pokes out everywhere, and it’s a pretty mix of chestnut and red and dark blonde. He’s so pretty. And he has these eyes that are dark blue - like the sky. But when he gets angry his eyes go red and he gets claws and then he might start to yell. But he has a soft voice, such a pretty voice… and I miss him…”

The blonde simply nodded, and continued to draw.

A few hours later she held up her picture, showing Sora holding Riku, a black wing protruding from the brunette’s left shoulder curling around the silverette, keeping away the flames and water, while a white wing showed him protecting Riku from the doctors.

Riku smiled, and watched as Naminé unplugged the drip and led him out of the building where Sora awaited. He smiled warmly, and took Riku’s hand.

Come on. We’re leaving, He said, and the two boy’s disappeared into the darkness of the night.

Riku was found dead three days later, curled up and bloodied; yet looking happy and utterly satisfied.

I dream of the winter in my heart turning to spring…

While the ice gives way under my feet…

And so I drown with the sun…

I've been burning in water and drowning in flame…

To prove you wrong and scare you away…

I have never minded the one back home…

Your heart under the rose…

I open my eyes with a sigh of relief…

As the warmth of summer sunlight dances around me…

That's you with the leaves in your hands…

I've been burning in water and drowning in flame…

To prove you wrong and scare you away…

I have never minded the one back home…

Your heart under the rose…