Remember this is an RPG with the same person who made 'Killing Loneliness' with me. Give him credit, too. Enjoy. 3

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Chapter 2: Nightmare

Papa, what'cha thinking about..?

Her tiny voice would invade the realm of his thoughts, stirring him back to the present moment. What had he been thinking about only moments ago? He could not really place a finger on it himself; he had already simply released those thoughts from his mind. She however was a young, curious child; he would have to come up with something to appease her question. "I was wondering how Uncle Matsu always manages to trip over his own shoe laces." he said as his eyes focused on her, his lips curving up into a creepy grin. His smile holding, even as she mentioned how much she loved him. Mixed feelings were always involved with this, telling he instrument of your lovers death that it held a place within your heart.

"And I love you.."

"Papa..?" her tiny voice would once more bore into his mind, shaking him from the hallucinations that came with his lack of sleep. He could have sworn only moments ago he was being tempted by some being to put an end to his daughter’s existence. Shaking his head, he would clear his thoughts. These thoughts sounded like something he would expect from a criminal, from Kira, not himself. His fist would close tightly as he balled his hand, anger rising in him. If only he could catch this man, he would not have to struggle so much with all the inner conflicts that kept berating him by the hour. "We'll go tomorrow, I have important business to tend to tonight." he said with a stern tone, poking her nose gently. "Sleep is the gateway to all happiness. Clear your mind and let it travel to a happy place, L will watch over you.. the Almighty L.." he said with a smirk, referring to himself by his code name.

"Shh..."

And with that single noise, she was already gone, leaving him once more to his own thoughts. Standing, L would gently rest her against the arm of the couch and move back to his computer chair, it was going to be a long night. Eating a sugar cube, his fingers would move once more with fierce determination over the keys, it was time to hunt the bad guys. "dn you, Kira.." he whispered softly as he raised a cube over his head and tilted it in an awkward fashion to eat it. Over the multiple monitors, images of the people he had murdered, addresses, and family members streamed across.

"Shinigami… love… apples.." he whispered.

The next thing she remembered was turning and whimpering. Her tiny nails digging into the apple and some of its juice getting onto her fingers which would make them sticky later. Small crimson eyes snapped open and she screamed. She screamed rather loud, too, as if someone had just put her in a great deal of pain. It was a scream filled with both fear and pain, twisted together to form a horrible screech that would make anyone cringe. Hisaye shot up and accidently swerved as she did, making her tumble off the couch and onto the floor.

Stunned, her eyes remained wide and staring forward as the memories surged through her mind. She remembered it so clearly as it went through that she thought for a few moments in her shock that it was real.

"Papa...?" Her head turned in every direction possible. "Papa, where are you? Papa!"
Moving off the couch she had just been sleeping on, Hisaye sat her apple down on the table. "Papa?"
Slowly she moved forward and began to search around the room. Was he playing hide and seek with her? He was always in this room! Where else could he be? With a small grin she jumped behind the couch. But no L was there...no papa. Frowning she looked for where else he could be hiding. He wasn't under the table where the computers were...

"Papa!" Hisaye called again, have a sense of loss wash over her. Where was he? Had he left her? No, he was probably somewhere else at the moment. He'd be back soon. She reassured herself but a movement was caught in the corner of her eye. She thought it was a foot, and her eyes glowed. He was playing! He was hiding! "Papa!"

Instantly the little girl ran over to the other couch, looking behind it. "Found y...!" Her words were cut off into a stunned silence. On the ground behind the couch laid someone she'd never seen before. Her hair was a long, rich brunette and her style of clothing made her look young. It was a Gothic Lolita style by what Hisaye could tell. But this young woman was covered in blood and there was a stab wound on her chest. Hisaye took a small step back, staring at her. She felt as if she were going to be sick. Who had done this? Who was she...?

The eyes of the woman opened slowly and moved toward her. Hisaye felt her heart skip a beat because those eyes, maroon pupils and scarlet irises, were how her father had described to her about her mom's eyes.
"M-mommy...?" Hisaye only managed a squeak, then watched the woman smile faintly. "M-mommy..." It was her mother...

"H-Hisaye..." the woman coughed blood, "g-get away...get away."

That soothing voice...it was the same voice that haunted her other nightmares!
"Get away from what?" Hisaye looked puzzled, but felt about to cry at the same time. It was her mother...dying...again. "Mommy, get away from what?"
"G-get away..." she whispered, eyes suddenly widening with terror. Hisaye felt a presence looming over her.

Turning she only saw him for a split second before the knife had come down. But he had been there...it was he...a scream erupted from her. It was her father...

Taking in heavy, ragged breathes the dream slowly began to lose its detail. But tears were already forming in Hisaye's eyes. She gave a quiet sob, gripping even tighter to the apple.
"Papa..." she whined, the tears beginning to roll down her cheeks. Why had she dreamed that? Why had she dreamed her murder at the hands of her father...?

Here it comes, for me..

Sleep once more threatened to over take the detective, his heavy eye lids drooping as he leaned forward. For the first time in what seemed like weeks he would sleep, however at the last moment such a miraculous event would be over shadowed by a scream. The ear piercing screech of Hisaye would fill the room as his eyes suddenly snapped open. Falling from his chair, he would land upon the ground with a loud thump, a soft "Oof" following soon after. He would not even take the time to consider the pain of his head hitting the floor, parental instinct over powering his pain causing him to instantly crawl over to Hisaye who writhed on the floor. Stuck in what seemed like a nightmare, he could not make her calm, not until it was over. "Hisaye! Get a hold of yourself, Im here.." he called softly, trying to reach through what seemed to hold her.

"Please, snap out of it.."

Finally she seemed to become conscious once more, her tiny eyes staring blankly at the ceiling. Whatever it was, it must have been horrible to cause such a powerful physical reaction, a frown formed upon his face. Ever since she was little she seemed to be sad, disturbed, and insecure.. just a little. A little girl with no mother, perhaps one of the hardest ways for any child to grow up, and to top it all off her father was always busy. Running his hand through her hair gently, he would attempt to gain her attention; his natural curiosity demanded that he figured out what could cause such a violent explosion. "Im here, I've got you...” he said in a slow mono tone, hoping to calm her down. Unknown to him, he was the cause of it all, the dream centering around devastation that he had caused. "Hisaye, what happened?" he asked as he set her up, placing his thumb gently against his lips.

"Are you both okay..?"

Even Watari had been disturbed from his slumber after such an outburst, the old man standing there in his usual uniform. It made L wonder sometimes, did he ever change into anything else or underneath his suit... was there just another suit? Perhaps a very inappropriate inquiry for this moment in time, he would force it to the back of his mind. "We will be, Watari...” said L slowly as he took note of the time, the team would be returning any moment now so he would have to take care of this as soon as possible.”Hisaye, I need you to tell me what happened...” he said softly as he stared into her eyes. "If you don't, I can't make everything okay.." he said with his smile cropping up on his face, being told by Good that a smile could make everything better, his, so he would always smile towards her even when he had no reason to.

Spasms of shudders were running through her body even after she had awaken. Her crimson eyes were blank with pain and terror as she stared up at L. Her whole being tensed up but the tension disappeared after another shudder escaped her. Her breathing would ever so slowly begin to turn back to normal. But she still heaved for air as if her lungs were not working properly. Her small body slowly worked its way out of its shocked state. This was not the L she had seen in her dream. This was her L...her papa. She reminded herself of this so many times as she stared up at him. Her mind kept confusing him with the one in her dream, excepting him to take a knife to her any moment. But she knew...she knew better then this. Her papa would never hurt her, he loved her. Her heart ached a bit, didn't he? What if he didn't love her because she killed mommy? She hadn't meant to! The tears were suddenly falling faster and a sob broke from her. She all out began to cry, feeling horrible. Feeling the guilt that she knew she shouldn't have. The guilt of being the one to tear her mother away from her papa. She never wanted to do that...but she had hurt him so badly. It was so obvious, wasn't it? She was only 3 and she knew he was aching from losing her. Would it be better if she just didn't exist? If she hadn't existed better in the first place her mother would've never died! Then papa could've been happy! He could've been happier if not for her...who could ever love anyone who did that? How could he ever love her...?

"Papa..." she managed to weakly get out, feeling now that that shock was going away the ache on where she had fallen on her head. It felt like she had a minor headache or something stuck in the back of her mind. But didn't she deserve it? She had caused so much more pain then she could ever feel. His fingers going through her hair hurt when they touched the bump, but she said nothing of it. "I-I...dreamed y-you killed mommy and me..." She only managed it in a whisper, her crimson eyes staring wide at him. The tears seemed to go even faster if such a thing were possible. She felt so horrible...her mother must've been unhappy. Why would she have dreamed like that if she weren't?

"Papa..." she started again after a few moments silence.”I-I'm sorry...I'm sorry I killed mommy..."
She gripped onto his shirt, barely aware of Watari being there. The only person who she was centering her attention to right now was L, her father. Seeing his smile, it pierced her soul with a million pieces of small glass. He was trying to smile for her, trying to make things better. Yet it was he who needed to be better, not she. It made her feel selfish and undeserving of the smile. She wanted it to disappear from his face. "I'm so sorry, papa! I didn't mean to."
She hid her face in his shirt, sobbing, "I didn't want to kill mommy, I really didn't! I miss her, I want her here..."
Another shudder ran through her small body, "so you could be happy. I wish she were here..."
Hisaye was trying to pull herself together, but she was young. Young kids could have such a fragile state of mind. What had happened had broken it. Hisaye's fragile mind was broken right now and needed mending. But it would be hard to mend someone who doesn't feel she deserves it. Slowly she was succeeding at making her sobs quieter, but now she was shivering. The guilt was tearing her away piece by piece.
"Please do not smile, papa...do not smile for me..." she murmured, "I don't deserve your smile..."

"..I'm here, Hisaye."

She was awake, which was a good thing after a fall like that. She had hit her cranium on the hard floors, enough force to at least cause a minor concussion. For now that was a minor detail, dark occult would drift over her form slowly, making sure that she was responsive, despite the fact that she was speaking. "That was quite the scare you gave us, be careful next time." said L, his normal tone present which would serve to hide the angst he felt inside. L should have however known about the phrase, watch what you wish for. Having asked for the reason behind this, he would receive an answer unlike what he would be expecting. Eyes widening with shock, he would only gap at the young girl for a moment, unable to process what she had just said for a moment. This was perhaps the single most terrible thing he had ever felt, the thoughts that creeped up along with her statement. In a way, he had always felt responsible as well, she didn't create Hisaye alone. "It was just a dream, Hisaye. There is no need to over react, Shh." he would say softly, although with an authorative voice.

A moment of silence passed over the two of them, L still cradling the girl within his arms. "Watari, please get Hisaye something to drink and some medicine." asked L in a low tone. It did not have to be repeated twice, Watari would nod and immediately duck out of the room with amazing speed for his age. "I'm sorry I killed mommy..", L's eyes would go wide with shock, such thoughts from such a little girl. From what he was aware of, children her age should not have even been conscious of things like this. He however had most likely passed on alot of his genes, so he should have most likely expected something like this, she had always been beyond normal child intelligence. "I know you didn't want to, nor was it your fault. We all want her here, however that cannot be so we just have to make due with what we have." he said with a slightly cheery voice, even if on the inside he was burning alive. The smile still held tight to his visage, he could not let her feel his sorrow, she was a child.

A reassuring hand would move through Hisaye's hair, her father’s warm gaze cascading down upon her. "What gives you the impression I am not happy? I have my daughter, Watari, and one of the best friends anyone could ask for." said L slowly, of course by friend he was referring to Light. She was so much more aware of her environment then the other children L had seen when Good had him spend time around them. He, having been afraid of the child prospect, was introduced to them slowly via someone else's children that Good thrust upon him. The smile only widened on his face as he thought about this, it had been quite a funny time. His face however would not change when she asked for him to not smile; it was the only thing that could warm such a dark night. "I smile, because I have you. You did nothing wrong, mommy was very sick anyway. I smile, because it's our smile… not just mine." he said slowly, referring to smiling for both of them instead of just her.

"Dry your tears; you’re too pretty to cry." L said with a smirk, as he stood up. Taking the medicine Watari would bring in off the tray; L would turn towards Hisaye and offer her some Tea. "For your head." he said with a simple smile. After that, he would make his way over to the desks and press a few buttons upon the keyboard. "I want to show you something...” he said in a low voice as he opened a folder containing several pictures of Good. “Just press this button here to change the image you see."

Of course what she said had shocked him. Who would expect his three year old daughter to dream he had killed her? Let alone the very woman who had helped create her and one he had loved so much. Hisaye listened to the silence the dull pain in her head making her eyes feel heavy. She just wanted to close them and go to black but for one that shouldn't be considered a good thing once you hit your head and two she didn't want to dream again. Maybe she shouldn't have told him about what she had dreamed. Maybe she should've lied and told him it was something else. Because it was plain horrible to tell him about a dream like that. But despite how horrible it was he persisted on comforting her. On trying to soothe her when she knew, somehow, deep down inside that he was hurting. It had been three years since her mother had been taken away from him and three years since she was born. Hisaye's birthday, October 10th, was a day of mourning yet a day of celebration. For the loss of a life and the gaining of a new. But which was more important? She figured her father would tell her that her birthday was more important. But that wasn't true, her mother was more important then a birthday. October 10th shouldn't be a day of celebration; it should be a day of mourning. A day where they visit her mother's grave so she's not so lonely...

Watari had left before she had broken down and apologized profusely about killing her mother. Hisaye was sort of relieved by that because she only wanted her father to hear her. She only wanted her father to know just how sorry she was. But yet again it sent him into a shocked state and she wondered why. Hisaye was pretty smart, definitely over average for her age. She was quite well aware of the things that happen around her and she was well aware what death was. She wasn't going to fall for the "she's just sleeping" trick and never had fallen for it. Because that was just illogical and stupid. Death was death and the sooner a young individual learned to accept that fact the better. That way they don't figure it out later and have their heart ache over it. Because a parent may think he or she is 'protecting' the child but all they're doing is hurting it.

But it is my fault, it is... Hisaye thought quietly as he said it wasn't and he knew she didn't want to. She could've gotten rid of me and stayed alive. It's so simple...why didn't she get rid of me?
Had she been more precious to her mother then her own life? Hisaye's tears slowed and she felt her eyes going dry. Soon there'd be no more tears to cry.
Light didn't want her here... She thought absent-mindedly as she recalled him muttering something along the lines of 'good riddance' once when her mother had died. Apparently nobody had heard him but her. But mommy heard it, too. I hope mommy is ok...

"Mommy isn't here, and she hasn't been for three years," Hisaye murmured when he asked why he wouldn't be happy. "It's just not complete, the family puzzle..."
You say he is, but Light isn't really your friend, is he? Her almost identical eyes shifted to stare into his as he mentioned a good 'friend.' If anything, you should befriend Matsuda. Not Light, he's different...I can't see what I can see in others. She had never mentioned the fact she had shinigami eyes to anyone. She thought everyone had them.
"...Have you cried yet, papa?" She asked quietly, watching him intently. Crying could be considered a last stage of healing for loss. A good cry to let it all out seemed to help a whole lot. "If you haven't, you need to cry...for momma's sake."
Because if you don't cry she'll know you're clinging onto her and will feel bad...

Listening to why he smiled she sighed and her tears had long since stopped. She didn't feel so bad now because the tears had helped her let her sorrow out. Her face was warm as if she had a fever but it was only from her tears. Now she remained silent, curled against him and just listening to his voice. Hisaye closed her eyes and still wanted to fall into darkness but wouldn't allow herself to. She was too pretty to cry? She was pretty? Hisaye opened her eyes, giving a soft frown. A negative thing she had taken from her mother was a rather low self-esteem. But if he said so...her father actually rather helped, though he may not know it, with her self-esteem issue.

He moved and she watched him go but he soon returned with medicine and tea. Her tiny hands moved and grabbed the tea, setting it beside her as she took the medicine. Like a good girl she took the medicine, though she grimaced at how horrible it tasted, and then drank the tea.
"Thank you," she replied, since it was polite.
He wanted to show her something? Hisaye hopped up and followed after him to the computer. Ah, the computer...the thing she just loved to play on. She was actually not too bad at some of the things you could do with computers, too. Her eyes had slightly widened as the folder opened and she saw pictures of a familiar woman.

"Mommy..." she murmured and moved forward, gazing at the first picture of Good sitting in the park. She had a puzzled look as it seemed she was just realizing her picture was being taken. Then there was another one where her whole face had seemed to turn red. Was she embarrassed that he was taking her picture? Hisaye felt slightly amused and slowly a small smile spread across her face. She looked through each one, being slow about it, too. She would stare at one and take in every detail before going to another. Her mother was so beautiful...Hisaye wondered why she often thought she wasn't. Then she had learned about the low self-esteem issues.
"Hey papa, why did mommy not have a name?" She asked, knowing 'Good' was a mere alias. But she never knew the true reason why.