Author: cdunbar PM
Geeky Edward thinks he has absolutely no shot with the popular, beautiful Bella. Is he right, or will she be one of the many girls who thinks geeks make for better lovers? M for language, sexuality, and some underage drinking. A little OOC...ok, a lot OOCRated: Fiction M - English - Humor - Edward & Bella - Chapters: 22 - Words: 95,911 - Reviews: 5,338 - Favs: 5,948 - Follows: 5,117 - Updated: 12-13-11 - Published: 08-30-08 - Status: Complete - id: 4509651
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Summary: Geeky Edward thinks he has absolutely no shot with the popular, beautiful Bella. Is he right, or will she be one of the many girls who thinks geeks make for better lovers? M for language, sexuality and some underage drinking. A little OOC… okay, a lot OOC.
A/N: I love geeky Edward with all of my heart and wanted to do something with him. Don't expect weekly updates on this or anything. This story is purely for my own amusement and a way to get geeky Edward out of my system. I'll only work on it when I feel led to. (However, reviews always lead me along nicely.)
I doubt it'll end up being that long, since it's going to be pure fluff. Just need to get my geek out for its annual airing.
Disclaimer for the entire story: I do not own the Twilight series or its characters. I'm just making them say and do OOC things for my own amusement.
Song For This Chapter: "White & Nerdy" by Weird Al Yankovic
I'm nerdy in the extreme
Whiter than sour cream
I was in AV club and glee club
And even the chess team
Only question I ever thought was hard
Was "Do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?"
Spend every weekend at the Renaissance Faire
Got my name on my underwear
"And just what seems to be the problem?" I asked, already bored out of my mind and I wasn't even half-way through my shift.
Normally I loved being on-call for the university's tech support, which was located in the basement of the library, or the "dungeon" as many people in called it. Being surrounded by computers, random technical parts, and bookshelves lined with "How To" guides wasn't everyone's ideal working environment, but I felt at home down here. Especially on days like this, when I was alone. But today was not a normal day.
"It just won't work! I did everything the instructions said to do, but nothing is working!" the girl on the phone whined. Loudly.
Why do all freshman girls sound the same when whining? Is it something they're taught before they leave high school?
"Okay, just calm down and we'll go over it step by step," I said in a, hopefully, soothing tone. "Did you install the program onto your computer?"
There was silence on the other end, and then a small voice asked, "What program?"
And we have a winner!
At least this one was solved after a minute. Most of these "help me set up my internet" calls usually lasted 10 to 15 minutes.
"The program found on the installation disc that comes with the instructions and Ethernet cord," I explained.
"Oh… well, let me try that and see what happens. Thanks!" she said before hanging up.
Seriously, how hard was it to install a simple Resident Internet program and set up the university's internet access? A monkey could do that, in his sleep.
I wasn't normally so hard on the fairer sex, but being stuck behind a desk, answering phone calls similar to that one for the past three hours would eventually get to anyone. It's not like I'm a saint.
I signed off and sat back in my chair right before I heard a voice float down the corridor.
The nice thing about being in the basement was the advantage you had when someone entered. People didn't just randomly wander down here. If someone came down, it was for a reason. And it usually gave me, or whoever was down here, enough time to look like we were working on something important, instead of goofing off. Which is what we did about 90 percent of the time.
"And these are the tech support offices," a guy whose voice I recognized said. It was Mike Newton, the head of student workers in the library. He must be showing someone around. "Usually they're full," he continued, "but since move-in at the dorms isn't officially until tomorrow, there's only one person on-call to answer phones and such."
Even though Mike was in charge of all the student workers in this library, he only ever chose the girls to show around. But not just any girls. No, he chose the pretty ones. The ones he thought he had a chance with, even though he wasn't supposed to develop a relationship with a student worker.
Not that you could call what he did with the willing ones a "relationship".
Poor thing probably had no idea what was about to hit her. Or hit on her.
I saw them once they rounded the corner of the corridor, heading my way. Mike was pointing out various things and the girl beside him feigned interest. I say feigned because you could tell she didn't really care.
Well, most people could tell. Obviously Mike didn't notice, otherwise he wouldn't be so happy to explain every little thing.
I took a second to look the girl over. She was hot from afar. I could see why Mike picked her. Petite, thin, but not unhealthy looking, curves in all the right places, dark brown hair up in a messy bun, and a heart-shaped face. Very girl-next-door meets sexy-librarian.
Turning back to the computer screen, I logged in the last caller I had, trying to appear like I had been working the entire time.
"And this is Edward, our go-to guy for all things technical, and the supervisor of all the other tech student workers down here," I heard Mike say, which was my cue to turn around.
I pasted a smile on my face and looked up to the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life. Words couldn't begin to describe her.
Had I really thought of her as hot from afar? Because up close, it was a completely different story. She wasn't just hot, she was beautiful. Beyond beautiful. A goddess. How did I miss that before? No one could really be this beautiful… could they? I thought girls like this only existed in fantasies, comics, and those porn videos Emmett loved to watch.
I felt my jaw drop as she smiled at me and waved politely. The smallest little crinkles in the corners of her eyes appeared when she smiled and I had the strangest urge to kiss them.
"Hi, I'm Bella," she said, her chocolate brown eyes pulling me in like a siren's call. I lost myself in them, swimming happily along in their depths.
I don't know how long we stared at each other, but it was long enough to make Mike clear his throat impatiently.
Dragging my eyes away from her and running a hand through my hair, I managed to stammer out, "Sorry. Hi."
"Hi," she repeated, blushing a little.
Oh, god. That blush only added to her beauty, if that was possible. And her voice. Did I mention her voice before now? It was soft and musical, washing over me and setting off a ringing noise in my head. Not an annoying ringing noise, but rather one that said to me, "Wake up. Pay attention. Make her speak again."
"Anyway," Mike began, dragging out the word to get Bella's attention. I could tell he was eager to be off; he never liked staying down here too long. "Let's get you back upstairs and finish that paperwork so you can start tomorrow."
The goddess turned her head and gave Mike a half-smile. "Okay."
I did nothing but stare as they walked out, leaving me alone once again.
Did that really just happen? It seemed more surreal than anything else had before in my life. Not even that time when I got to meet Joss Whedon at the ComiCon two years ago was as surreal as that had been. Fucking Joss Whedon just got topped by that girl.
Bella. That was her name. Bella. It means beautiful in… Italian, I think, which fit her perfectly. Her parents really knew what they were doing when they named her Bella.
But it wasn't like I stood a chance with her. I was just some full-on geek, glasses included. She probably had a jock boyfriend who could knock me out with a single punch. I couldn't compete with someone like that, for someone like her. It wasn't even a competition.
So I pushed her out of my mind. There was no point dwelling on her, especially if I couldn't do anything about it. I would just chalk the last five minutes up as a dream and only pull out her image when I needed to be reminded that angels did walk the earth.
My cell phone rang then and I picked it up to look at the caller ID screen.
"Hello?" I said, answering the call.
"Dude. You have to come to this epic party we're having tomorrow night to kick off the new school year," Emmett yelled over the phone. He always yelled at me. The guy only had two volumes: normal-loud and party-loud. Party-loud was a deeper, more booming kind of loud. Plus his words were always a little slurred in party-loud.
"Ugh, Emmett. You know I hate going to those SAE parties."
"Don't sweat it, man. You're a junior now. Upperclassman. You're golden when it comes to these freshmen girls."
"I don't know. I'll think about it," I promised, hoping he would forget about it by tomorrow.
Emmett was a great guy, whom I had known since junior high, but sometimes he could be a little too much. Too much of a party animal. Too much of an aggressor. Just too much.
We lived next door to each other all through junior high and high school, and became friends before the cliques of high school demanded we not hang out with each other. But Emmett had been the exception and ignored the closely respected rule. It was like some sort of John Hughes movie – the king of campus and the lowly nerd becoming friends, even though they really had nothing in common.
He was one year older than me, but that one year could easily be mistaken for ten. While he had developed a body that every woman in a five-mile radius drooled over, I had stayed on the gangly side. Not exactly lean with muscles, but not stick-crazy thin. Somewhere in the middle. No girl had really been interested in me before, not when Emmett was around to distract them with his muscles and golden-boy good looks.
And to top it off, he was the President of Sigma Alpha Epsilon, or SAE, the most notorious fraternity on campus. Everyone knew who he was. He boosted something like 800 friends on Facebook. It was insane how popular the guy was.
I was lucky to have enough friends from my classes and from work to break into the high 50s on Facebook. But I was fine with that. Most guys I befriended couldn't believe I knew Emmett because it was too bizarre for them to comprehend how we were friends. I never knew how to answer their incomprehensiveness because I didn't know how Emmett and I remained friends either.
I guess he was just too stubborn to not be my friend.
"I'm not going to take that 'I don't know' crap, Eddie," Emmett demanded, bringing me out of my thoughts. I hated when he called me Eddie, but I didn't have the nerve to tell him that. "You're coming. That's final. You need a girl too much. I mean, good god man, you're 21 and still a virgin!"
I grimaced as he laughed his ass off from his last statement. He thought it was a big joke that I remained a virgin until I met the right girl. Why did he have to say that sort of stuff out loud?! It was one thing for him to know, but that didn't mean I wanted everyone to know my personal shit.
"Emmett, you know that's a personal choice for me, and I would really like it if you stopped saying that I'm a… virgin… out loud," I spat out, hissing 'virgin' like someone was going to hear me. "But if it'll shut you up, I'll come to your stupid party."
"Yes! You're not gonna regret it, bro. KD is our sister sorority this year and they're co-hosting this little shindig with us," he explained, getting louder with each sentence. "They've got some serious hotties in that sorority, and I'm sure I can set something up for you."
"Good to know," I grumbled, already knowing whatever he 'set up' for me would fall through once the girl got a good look at me. No pretty girl really goes for the geek, unless said geek is rolling in the money, like Bill Gates. For the rest of us, it didn't happen. That was something that only happened in the movies. "I'll see you tomorrow then. I need to get off the phone and go back to work."
"Sure, sure. See ya tomorrow!"
I hit the 'end' button and let out a disgruntled sign. Stupid, overbearing jock. I knew he only had my best interests at heart, but who's to say that going to a party was in my best interest?
For a split second I wondered if I might see Bella there, but then I quickly dismissed it. It would do me no good if I started thinking about her again.
Ugh, I hated parties more than anything. Well, Emmett's type of parties, with the dirty dancing, alcohol and general debauchery. I loved going to my kind of parties, which involved Red Bull, LAN-ing, and Unreal World Tournament.
The hotline phone rang and I picked it up, resigning myself to yet another clueless freshman girl's inability to correctly follow instructions.
It was going to be a long 5 hours until my shift ended.
A/N: A few definitions for words/things you might not know –
Ethernet cord - that magical little cord that connects your computer's local network to a modem or cable Internet connection. Basically, it's what brings you online goodness.
Javascipt, Flash, and Python – different types of coding that you can use, each one existing to fulfill a different need within the computer-coder universe. (I don't really know the pros and cons of one over the other, so please don't ask me.)
Joss Whedon - a freakin' brilliant guy and creater of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer", "Angel", "Firefly", which I love with all of my heart, "Serenity", the movie tie-in to Firefly, "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog", which was hilarious and I loved (as you can tell from my avatar on my profile), and the new Fox series "Doll House". Seriously watch every single thing this guy has done. It's all amazing. You won't regret it.
ComiCon - a conference held in San Diego every year that brings out all the loners, losers, geeks, nerds, sci-fi nuts, and movie studio execs to discuss all things Comics, Sci-Fi, and Geeky. I wish I lived close enough so I could go, but alas, I have to watch footage from G4 like everyone else who is not there.
John Hughes - brilliant screen writer who defined 80's culture, and teenager life in general, with movies like "Sixteen Candles", "Ferris Bueller's Day Off", "The Breakfast Club", "Pretty In Pink", and "National Lampoon's Vacation". (Seriously, if you didn't know who this guy was, you've either been living under a rock your entire life or you were born in the last 13 years. Either way, you need to watch all of his movies because they're amazingly good.)
KD - Kappa Delta, a national sorority. I had a lot of friends in KD when I was in college, which is why I chose it.
LAN-ing, or LAN parties – what happens when several nerds get together and hook up their computers to the same network so they can play multi-player PC games, or share things between themselves without having to go through another network. Mostly guys do this, but on occasion, I have been to a LAN party and had a really good time. So don't knock it 'til you try it.
Unreal World Tournament – a freakin' awesome game where you see who can shoot people on the other team the most. Much like multi-player Halo, but better. Especially when you get the lightening gun.
Hope you liked it, or at least found it amusing. If you happen to be a freshman girl who has called Tech Support about something - I meant no harm. I was one of those girls, too. That's just how my Edward thinks. No offense intended.