Follow the Yellow Haro!

Follow the Yellow Haro!

Author: pratz

Disclaimer: Sunrise. I'm only a poor fanfic author.

Notes: written and posted first on my LJ for the Gundam 00 Community. This is my attempt in writing crack fic. You read and tell me whether I do crack or don't.

Once upon a time in a not-so strange land of gigantic mechas, some of them piloted by brainless pilots and some of them not, there are four travelers on a road not taken by anyone before.

The story begins when a typical homesick sugar boy, whose only remembrance of home was a rusty riffle and who calls himself Setsuna instead of using his real name that sounds like an Iranian actor’s name, strands himself in the strange land. Bewildered and disoriented in his first straying, he meets Marina the Purple, the Witch of East, who tells him to find Graham the Blue, the mightiest wizard in the land, and ask him for a help to escape this magical world.

“And in your journey,” she says, “you will have three companions. Keep them close to you, treasure them, and if you’re thinking of some kind of foursome, don’t forget to let me know.”

So Setsuna leaves the witch, muttering something about a daydreaming closet fangirl, and begins his journey to find Graham the Blue.

The first companion he finds is a nerveless lion, whose compassion even for enemies exceeds his will to live that he splits himself into two personalities to bear the guilt—thus makes it all the better for fangirls. He calls himself Allelujah, but in case his other appears, he is Hallelujah.

“Why did you do that? Having split personalities, I mean,” Setsuna asks.

“Because I’m afraid of tainting my hands with blood,” answers Allelujah the Lion.

Setsuna snickers. “I think mercy only fits a genteel blonde in pink shirt and dark vest I once happened to come across.”

Allelujah the Lion laughs good-humoredly. “Well, this is the Land of Sunrise. Everything can happen, so don’t mind it.”

The second companion Setsuna finds is a brainless scarecrow, who concedes to nothing but pretty boys—especially pretty boys with old-school bob-cut hair and in pink, frilly cardigan—that he once challenges a giant crazed monster with only a single riffle. In their first meeting, the friendly tinman, who goes with the codename Lockon, offers Setsuna a glass of milk and Allelujah the Lion coffee.

Setsuna stares disinterestedly at his glass of milk. “Do I have to drink this?”

“It’s only polite if we take what’s served, Setsuna,” Allelujah the Lion says.

“Or you may want to have something else to drink, perhaps?” Lockon the Scarecrow licks his lips coyly.

“Lewd.” Allelujah the Lion wrinkles his nose. “Lust is one of the seven deadly sins, you know.”

“Well, unlike you, at least I fuck others, not my own head.”

“Don’t mind it.”

Dearly dear Setsuna wonders what on earth he has done to be stranded in this land—except killing his own parents, of course.

So the three of them go to find Graham the Blue, but at first, they need to find the last wheel of their strange party. And Lord please have mercy on them, they find him, a tinman, who has an arsenal of handguns instead of an axe with him. He looks deadly, Setsuna thinks, and soon he knows that the tinman is deadly.

“Geez, what’s with you?” Lockon the Scarecrow grumbles after he is almost snipped. “Don’t be so heartless!”

The tinman, who calls himself Tieria, gives him the finger. “I am heartless, you doofus.”

“But not loveless, aren’t you? Have a little mercy on us.”

“Loveless? It’s nothing but an old story when catboys roamed the land,” Tieria the Tinman throws back and launches several medium-sized missiles to the three self-proclaimed troubadours.

“God knows what more he stores inside that tin body of his,” Allelujah the Lion says.

“Did you say thin?”

“Tin, my friend. Mind the phonology class, please.”

“Oh, good then. He’s not thin for me; he’s sexy.”

And it is only luck that Lockon the Scarecrow manages to escape the bazooka launched by the furious Tieria the Tinman.

Thanks to Allelujah the Lion’s persuasion, Tieria the Tinman somehow is pacified and agrees to go with them in the journey. But no thanks to Tieria the Tinman’s cynicism, the jolly mood among them drops down colder than the metal of expensive Gundam mechas.

“Well, if his tongue’s that sharp, I wonder what else he can do with his tongue,” Lockon the Scarecrow scowls a bit louder than he intends to.

“Want to try?” Tieria the Tinman challenges defiantly. “And let that brainless head of yours know that I’m not a robot, not weapon storage, not a bazooka on feet, but a tinman.”

“I beg to differ. You’re just as same as us. But if you insist to try... it’s not really my place to disagree.”

“Gentlemen, we have young audiences, please,” Allelujah the Lion interrupts sharply.

“Well, that’s what bushes are for, isn’t it?”

Both Setsuna, who schools himself not to be traumatized further, and Allelujah roll their eyes.

After a long, tiring journey, they finally find the house that belongs to Graham the Blue. The wizard himself comes out to meet them, accompanied by his trusted right hand, a long-haired wizard.

Setsuna steps forward to ask. “First question: this is the land of Oz, isn’t this?”

Graham the Blue rolls his eyes. “No, you dolt. Don’t you watch the news like Marina the Purple does? OZ has long gone with Treize the White’s death. This is now the land of Union.”

“Uh—right.” Lockon the Scarecrow swallows. He eyes the wizard next to Graham the Blue. “And this is?”

The wizard bows and lifts the edge of his robe a little. “Billy the Brown at your service, gentlemen.”

Tiera the Tinman snorts not-so secretly. “And here I thought I’m the only one you’re interested in.”

Lockon the Scarecrow slings an arm around Tieria the Tinman’s shoulders easily. “Worry not, gorgeous. You still have my eyes on you.”

Graham the Blue rubs his chin. “If I may counsel you, Lockon the Scarecrow, a joke about eyes isn’t as harmless as it seems.”

Setsuna coughs loud enough to gain their attention back. “So? Any way for me to go home, please? Or at least something to able me to be a Gundam here?”

Graham the Blue mutters something about a red thread of destiny under his breath before answers, “Well, there’s a road that leads to your home. The problem is only Haro knows where the road is, and only Haro is able to guide you on that road.”

“Who’s Haro?”

“Well, you could say that Haro is the bastard child of Tinkerbell and Chobit.”

Setsuna’s face twists in mild disgust. “I didn’t know they’re lesbian.”

“There’s more for you to know, Setsuna,” Billy the Brown tries to ease Setsuna’s worry. “You still haven’t found all answers to all your questions, have you? That’s why you’re sent here. You’re here to find the way, to find the answers. It’s your mission.”

“Please,” Allelujah the Lion cuts in. “Is that the answer of this world?”

Both Graham the Blue and Billy the Brown only smile.

It is decided that they will spend the night in Graham the Blue’s house. Lockon the Scarecrow is the quickest to agree—no wonder, regarding the fact that he already has his hands on very strategic parts of Tieria the Tinman’s anatomy. No one has even a little doubt in mind when the two of them excuse themselves for the night much, much earlier. Allelujah the Lion is half embarrassed and half mortified to witness such scene. Or, perhaps, as Billy the Brown suspects, Allelujah the Lion already has something planned in his minds—yes, plural.

“And it all comes to this,” Setsuna says to himself as he lies on his bed that night. “Mission is still incomplete.”