I couldn't get the door open. The hallway was silent except for my sobs and my fists banging uselessly on the hotel room door. A cold white hand slipped over my shoulder and put the swipe key-card in the slot. A low beep sounded as he pulled the swipe key out and twisted the latch.

I hadn't even heard him follow me. I was too sick to wonder how I felt about it. How could they have done this, let this happen? I bolted into the room and headed straight for the bathroom feeling like I was going to throw up. I closed the door, but didn't lock it, knowing that he could come in anyway if he wanted to. I leaned over the toilet and retched. I stayed like that for a few minutes before I heard his voice.

"Bella?" His voice sounded anxiously from the other side of the door.

I couldn't get the vision from my dream out of my mind. A dark alley, a hooded figure advancing on an unsuspecting victim. Only this time the victim's hair was chestnut, not honey. It was Katarina, a stranger, not Angela. I threw up again.

His voice turned pleading. "Bella please? Are you alright?"

I was so confused. How could I blame them for something they, technically, hadn't done? And yet, how could they stand by and let an innocent stranger die in my place?

I thought of Edward. Of how he loved me. Of how I had once thought him to be a superhero and of his reply "what if I'm not the hero". He had tried to warn me but I hadn't listened. Deep down inside though I knew he had gone along with it only because he loved me and couldn't bear to loose me again. Still the betrayal stung.

I went to the door and opened it, knowing there was no alternative.

He arms were around me in an instant, pulling me into his chest. "Bella, Bella, Bella." He said my name over and over, rubbing my shoulders and holding me tightly. I wept into his chest soaking his shirt.

After a long moment he held me away from him so he could read my face. "I'm so sorry."

I couldn't say, 'it's okay.' I couldn't say anything. I couldn't let it go. I couldn't forgive him; not yet anyway.

"I should have known you would feel this way." He pulled me back to him, and I didn't fight it. "I had to tell you though, Bella, you had to know the truth. You have to believe that it was the only way to save you. Do you think I'm a monster for wanting that?"

I still couldn't find any words. I needed time to think. The last few days felt like weeks. Months. Years. Too much had happened. I needed to be alone to sort through everything; my feelings, my options, my future. I couldn't think with his eyes penetrating mine, with his scent clouding my thoughts, and his stone arms holding my heart.

"Alice said you wouldn't understand, that it would be too much." He continued. "She didn't want us to tell you, she said that it would be a mistake, that it would hurt you." He murmured into my hair and he held me. "Please tell me it was right. That telling you was the right thing to do."

"It was right." I knew this for certain. I would have found out eventually. It would have hurt more to find out later, some other way. I was grateful, at least, for his honesty. "I'm glad you told me. I just wish…"

"I know." He whispered, when my voice trailed off. "I'm so sorry."

"Edward." I pulled away, feeling more in control of myself; having just made my decision. "I need time to think."

I saw the worry and panic in his eyes. "You want me to leave?"

"No." I said slowly. This was going to hurt us both, but we were being honest. Even as the words came out of my mouth, I knew it was right. Excruciating, but right.

"I just…" I tried to get my bearings. "So much has happened lately, I just… I need to sort it all out. I need to know, for certain, how I feel about it."

He was searching my face. "Have your feelings for me changed?" His careful mask was in place, his eyes and voice unreadable.

"I don't think so, no." How could I say this so that he would understand? "A week ago I was putting my life back together. I was… not happy, but I was getting there. I was so certain that you didn't want me anymore. And now… It's just a lot to take in. The fact that you left me because you thought it would keep me safe. That alone. Even without the Volturi and Demetri and Lazarro and the torture and Katarina." Her name burned my throat on the way out. "None of it is sinking in. I just need time to process."

"I understand." He said it carefully, "What do you need to do?"

"I need time to sort through this. I think I am going to take Charlie's advice and visit Renee. Just for a week or so."

"Alone?" He couldn't keep the mask in place, it wavered, and I caught the pain and sadness in his eyes.

"Yes." I looked down, unable to bare that look any longer.

"Bella…" He let me step away but reached for my hand.

"I just think it would be best." I said as I started to throw my clothes in my bag.

"Look at me." I did. And it was more than sadness now, it was fear. "Have we not spent enough time apart? I can't bear to let you go."

"It's just a week." I had to stay strong but I couldn't help feeling the injustice of it. He had left me once, without explanation.

"I can understand you needing time to think, but please, let me come with you. I really don't think I could survive another day without you, without your face. I need you so much Bella." The last part was barely above a whisper.

My heart skipped a beat, or five, but I had made my decision.

"Please understand I need to do this and I need to do it alone." I tried to hold back the tears and the knowledge that I didn't know how I was going to survive another day without his face either. But I had something I hadn't had before, and it was the knowledge that he'd never stopped loving me. He'd only left because he thought it would be best. I was doing the same thing.

I was throwing my meager belongs into my duffle-bag. The only way to survive this was to keep moving. I had always thought that making decisions was harder than following through on one that I'd made, but now I was reconsidering – this was going to be more than difficult, it was going to be near impossible.

He was beside me in an instant, reaching for my shoulder to hold me in place. "Please." He whispered. "Please don't run away from me."

I froze and couldn't look up, I toyed with a balled up sock I'd just picked up. "I'm not." I wasn't sure whether or not that was true. In a way I was running. It wasn't the way I usually approached a problem, but I couldn't face them, any of them.

For the first time since I'd met them I couldn't see them as the angels they had once been in my eyes – the very best the human or vampire world had to offer – instead I could see a flicker of the demons that Edward always claimed to be. How could they be so callous? It was my own fault. It was a possibility that my mind had always refused to grasp, to understand… to accept.

A small part of me felt guilty that I wasn't disgusted by him. A small part of me didn't want to be comforted by his touch. A small part of me questioned whether or not I could still desire to be part of his world, part of the family who had condoned such a horrible act. But what disturbed me most of all, was that it was only the small part of me that felt this way.

I knew my going back to Forks with them would only make things more complicated. Their relationship with the wolves, Victoria, Charlie, Jacob… If I didn't stop and think now, I knew I would miss my chance. I would get swept into this world of myth and magic without a choice or a look back. This was my opportunity to take a step back and a deep breath. I was at a crossroads, the crossroads, of my life. My decisions would affect more than just me. This was the climax of my existence. I could feel it.

Renee, despite her wild, care-free, harried life-style, was my rock. I could think clearly in her presence. I could feel loved unconditionally and peacefully. I could find a balance and the right answer.

There would be no goodbyes here, I couldn't face them now. I knew they would understand and accept my decision. All but one.

"Don't make this hard Edward." I reached up and put my hand over his on my shoulder. You can all go back to Forks and… get settled. I'll meet you there." I tried to smile. I could see he wasn't going to make it easy. "I have to."

He was watching me so intensely. "If that's what you need to do." He picked my bag up off the bed. "At least let me take you to the airport."

I nodded.

He let go of me and lead the way to the door, defeated.

"Edward." I hated the distance between us. He turned to look at me sadly. "I'm not doing this to hurt you."

His crooked smile was a little off, his arms as they came back to wrap around me were a little too tense. "I know love. I just wish I hadn't messed things up so completely."

"It's not your fault." I whispered, "This is just how life is for us."

"You have to come back to me." The desperation in his voice shot straight through my heart.

I didn't know what to say.