Disclaimer: Total Drama Island is copyright to Tom McGillis and Jennifer Pertsch. Team Fortress 2 and its content is copyright the Valve corporation.

Eva and DJ charged right into a trap, but it was an invisible one. The intel was unprotected on the desk, spinning above the blue piece, without a single guard in sight. Izzy hid up in the rafters, crawling around like an animal, sniffing at the air to find her opponent's and mark her route to battle. Eva's manly scent and DJ's frightened timidness registered strongly in her nose. Her ax was tightly gripped in hand.

“This is too easy” Eva said. “Get on the other side” she commanded. She and DJ rushed to the other side of the desk and ducked down. “There's bound to be some sort of trap or ambush waiting for us. I say we wait it out, see if some back up arrives.”

“We're both MVPs” DJ pointed out. “If there is someone waiting, I could take the case, turn invincible and get it out into the open. Then, if there's someone out there, I can switch it with them!”

“You automatically drop the case” Eva said “if you go uber. It's a lame part of the game mechanics to prevent any cheap tactics.”

“Then you can carry it” DJ said. “I'll take the bullets for you, no problem.”

“That so?” Eva said. “I trust you on that, DJ, but I still don't think it would be our best plan. Let's just hang here for a bit until-” a sick fleshly slicing sound stopped her. She looked back and saw DJ, his face frozen with shocking pain, and the crazy girl who somehow defied gravity by suspending herself with her arms and her ax handle. Her legs were straight up in the air and her wicked smile was aimed right at Eva's head.

“””

“So much for trust!” Eva growled.”

“””

Eva crawled and then quickly hopped away with her shotgun out. Izzy leaped over the first attack and stayed low to the ground, crawling on her hands and feet, darting about like a feral wolf. Eva unloaded both rounds, reloaded both shells at once and then fired again from her double-barrel. Izzy flawlessly evaded all the attacks and skittered into the hallway to plan her attack.

“You can't hide from me forever!” Eva shouted. She took out her gatling gun and secured the intel to her back. She was going to move out, regardless of what dangerous creatures were in her way. She stomped her feet to the ground and made a brave roar of battle. “Here I come! RAAAAAAGHHH!!!!” Eva ran through the hall, all the way to the spiral walkway and finally opened her eyes. No Izzy was in her path. Rather, that manic girl was behind her, calmly stalking in a brisk jog, following the smell of adrenaline. Eva sighed with relief and just reached the top of the flight when Izzy stole the intel from her back and fled.

“What!?” Eva exclaimed. She looked back and just barely caught sight of Izzy's ankle as she ran at full speed back to the intel room with the briefcase in her mouth. Eva growled and prepared to give chase but she felt a dull blast of pain at her back. It repeated many times over until she was dead. Lindsay's baseball bat was bent into a fractured U shape from the constant slamming, but at least she had won.

“Whew!” Lindsay sighed. “I almost forgot that Gwen was on my side. I should have stopped Tyler...and Courtney when I had the chance! Darn it all!” Lindsay stomped down in anger. Izzy had already returned the intel properly, which sparked up a new event. A box of grenades suddenly spawned in the room where Lindsay was. Across the map another box spawned in the Red's respawn area. Lindsay made the move to pic hers up while Katie and Sadie 'fought' over who got the one at their base.

“You should have it” Katie said sweetly. “We could use the extra firepower in a pinch.”

“No” Sadie declined politely, “you should take it. That way you could heal two people at once and we could make a better attack!”

“I say you take it” Katie said, now a bit more demanding. “You're rockets can't turn corners, you know.”

“You can't heal two people at once without grenades” Said argued.

“Take them!” Katie said.

“You take them!” Sadie shouted.

“I'll take them” Tyler said as he made his way topside. The girls glowered at him and stopped him dead in his tracks.

“I'll take them” Katie said. “Thank you very much for offering them, Sadie. You're a great friend.” Her manner of speech wasn't entirely sincere, but it sounded forced to focus her anger at Tyler and make him feel bad.

“No problem” Sadie said, “that's what friends are for.” Katie absorbed the grenades and was equipped with a belt of glowing, Red balls swirling with foggy stuff. Katie started healing Sadie and beckoned for Tyler to follow.

“We're cutting through the middle” Katie said. “We'll get a start on storming them. Just watch out for sharks.”

“I can outswim them now” Tyler said. “I know how they swim. I've picked up on their attack patterns.”

“Whatever” Katie said. “If you die, we won't help you.”

“We'll be too busy” Sadie added “kicking ass.”

“Whatever” Tyler said, jogging after them.

“””

“Jeez” Tyler said. “Who gave them permission to be such royal pains, man? It's not like they're doing anything useful. Heck, up until now they were just a couple of bickering hens fighting over...some...kind of really good corn, or something. I can't do chicken analogies, man. They creep me out too much...”

“””

The digital dungeon revealed itself to Noah. A poorly, quickly assembled set of nearly endless walkways, staircases and blind corners, all build in a parameter without walls and a huge black void shielded by an invisible barrier to keep him in and other technical mechanics out. With his hack gun the dungeon was of little worry, but time was of the utmost essence and he couldn't just stand around and wonder on where to wander. He moved on instinct, straight forward, and took the first downward slope to his right.

“Well this is interesting” Noah said. “A whole bunch of nothing happening all over the place. The textures look like the interior of some lame, Gothic castle design. If they were going to make this gauntlet look as hard as they think it is, a more tech-savvy texture would have been better, like off-white paneled metal.” His own thoughts aside, Noah made a dashing run down the slopes to the ground floor. There were only two walkways leading up in perfect gradient slants, the rest of the floor was open ground with no ornaments or obstructions at all.

“Nice designing” Noah said. “Top class...” He added a sarcastic nod to enhance the effect of his skepticism. There was one door, which looked painted and poorly textured. Noah approached it, aimed his gun and scanned it. It was locked, which was obvious, but it wasn't locked under any kind of object code. It was locked under an 'event' code, meaning that something would trigger the door to open. Noah drew his gun away and took to the other flight of stairs. He was constantly working on his hacking gun, making the necessary changes to his default ammo and hot-keying his commands for easier, streamlined use.

Once he passed a specific threshold he heard the doors open seven stories below.

“And here's your host! Of enemies!!!” It was Chris' voice. That alone was enough to send cold shocks through Noah's body and force him to fall to the ground. From the door that swung open a small army of Chris replicas with textured, pixeled smiles and automatic guns, all wearing stylish matching combat uniforms and cargo shorts appeared. They simultaneously checked their guns, checked their clips and robotically reloaded. “Aren't they a good looking crew of killing machines? Only one chance to save yourself before the flood comes!”

“Damn” Noah cursed. The Chrises split up, eight one way and eight the other, the full force of sixteen coming up the stairs, ever dividing themselves as the paths diverged and winded beyond their control. Noah made a brave and rapid climb up. He found the first floor where he started and took the only ramp leading up. He arrived to a flat area and was under gun fire from far below. He was in no real peril but ducked as he ran anyway, hoping these Chris androids weren't equipped with anything else that could go past his guard of pixel-thin texture walkways.

“Top floor” Noah told himself. “How else do you escape a flood other than by getting to the highest ground available?” Noah continued to find the slopes that led up to the highest levels, making sure his path didn't get intersected or divergent. He didn't want to suddenly be falling down an impossibly steep grade. Noah's blind rush led him near the top floor, where he stopped temporarily to plan, shooting the ground with energy beams around him, and scanned his surroundings carefully. He saw each ramp as an individual pathway, ignoring the overlay and the underlay and all other layers not related to his ultimate goal. He couldn't, for the life of him, which was still in danger, see a single ramp that led there from where he stood.

“Ah, crap” Noah sighed in exasperation. “Looks like I've gotten myself into a fine mess already...” Noah selected something on the control panel of his gun and stood up. He aimed to gun at his feet. A Chris drone came up the ramp and started charging at him with a shotgun, trying to get lethally close. The floor dropped out from under it, just as Noah planned when he detached the square tiles of texture from the surrounding structure. He was technically standing on a floating piece of pathway that wasn't attached to the others at all, and that was his main victory plan.

“Slowly” Noah told himself. “I don't want to kill myself in a stupid way...” He began lifting the entire structure up, the entire section of walkway, with the hacking power of his gun. He had free reign of all created objects in this game with that gun, though he lacked the ability to make any objects himself. He used that advantage to take over the kinetic properties of the floor and move it up and over like an elevator to the top floor. Then, as he hopped off, he disengaged the beam and let the pathway fall. It crashed against the other solid structures, bounding off of them and settling suddenly against several other paths. It had crushed two of the Chris' to death, and the one that fell had fallen all the way to the bottom...

“Up next!” a drone said as it pulled out a rocket launcher, “Your gruesome death!” It fired an erratic, spiraling rocket propelled grenade that snaked its way all the way to the wall where Noah was hiding. He was blown away by the shaking explosion and stumbled close to the unguarded ledge.

“Damn!” Noah cursed. He fired a desperate shot into the wall and made it ripple strangely. Then he fell. He braced himself for an impact, gliding just past all the walkways and seeing the pixel-faced Chris drones marching up the slopes. The ground floor was coming at him fast. It would be an instant death impact...

The teams were up again. The Katie-Sadie super team was making their way through the harsh rain and toward the bridge. However, Trent was up top and spotted them through his scope in the little sniping shanty at the top of his battlements.

“Sayonara” Trent lowed. A blast of thunder obscured his vision and deafened his ears. The girls were undaunted by the blast and pressed forward, hopping across the drifting, shattered bridge pieces to the other side.

“Watch out for sharks!” Tyler warned. A shark came up and tried to eat him again. He jumped and double-jumped away defensively, arriving at the other side with a solid plant. Trent started firing his automatic from above. Tyler ducked inside the base and blasted down Beth, who was pressed against the wall, waiting to snap around the corner. Justin got revenge with a point-blank shotgun to Tyler's head, spun the gun around his finger and blew on the barrel.

“””

“I learned how to twirl guins” Justin reminisced “when I was doing this photo shoot. They said they wanted authentic cowboy. Well, guess who redefined authentic that night? Every time I wear chaps, people just have to ask how many acres of ranch I own. Heh. It's tough being pretty...”

“””

When the smoke was billowed away Justin died from a stab in the back made by invisible Harold. He returned to sight and ran off, jumping up through the square hole that led to the Blue spawn room where Owen and Gwen were waiting. He turned invisible and began stealthily running but his presence was announced by the soft crush of hay under his feet.

“Fire!” Gwen ordered. Owen began spraying bullets randomly, hitting blood from the thin air and killing Harold with the element of counter-surprise. Owen pumped his arm in victory, but it was short lived as a rocket flew up into the room and startled him back to his guard. Katie and Sadie had made their way back in and went gun-to-gun against MVPs Owen and Gwen. They didn't last long and their damage was quickly healed.

“Should we move down now?” Owen asked.

“No” Gwen said. “This is working. We defend this spot and Leshawna can defend the other one. Cody's already got his turret up in the intel room and Izzy's down there with him.”

“Do you find it odd” Owen asked “that the first thing she asked me to do was gouge out her eyes?” Gwen cocked a brow at him to test if her was serious about asking or not. “Me neither. I wonder if that's bad.”

“Bad or not” Gwen said “she's better left to defense if she's going to be playing weird like that.”

“So our offensive force is on their own?” Owen asked.

“Pretty much” Gwen said. “Both Heather and Lindsay have already proven how capable they are as individual rushers for the intel. We can count on them. At least, I hope we can.”

“As long as we've got hope” Trent said with a shrug.

“””

“Idea for war song” Trent said, noting the idea in his mind, “'There's always hope'. It can be about the hardships of war and the pain of losing love on the battlefield...yeah. Yeah!...No, that's cheesy.”

“””

Lindsay was making a daring dash of her own, swimming through the water and trying to maneuver away from the electric eels that were chasing her. What didn't make her task any easier was the schools of ferocious piranha that swarmed around the bottom and swam up to nip at her constantly. Still, with her super-speed shoes, she managed to frantically kick her way through the tunnels and out of the water with such force that she slammed against a wall in the Red base.

“Ow” she groaned. An invisible force pried her from the wall and set her up on her feet. Heather appeared in her stylish black skin suit and gave her a positive thumb up. Lindsay mirrored it, swaying slightly, and Heather was off, making a leap and a grab for the square hole that led up to the Red spawn area. The Reds, unlike her team, didn't have the great defenses and had no one defending the ramparts. She took the advantage and disguised herself as Courtney so she could engage in sniping without any suspicions. She ran out into the battlements, gave Trent a peace sign and dove into the roost area. Trent saw her and knew the plan. He leaned back and cocked his gun with a smirk.

The real Courtney, meanwhile, was down in the intel room with Geoff and Bridgette for safety and Duncan's proximity mines on the intel. Duncan himself was patrolling the walkways to and from the intel, making sure no spies or attackers were making their way in. He was just reaching the top of the stairs when Lindsay jogged into the ruined rampart courtyard. Duncan took careful aim and fired a grenade that blew her back into the room she came from. As she sat rubbing her head a violent volley of grenades fell and decimated her. Duncan wore a sick grin and started running for the other door, which he had built a ladder to for easier, more painless ascent, and climbed up to the other spawn room.

He dripped on the floor and shook his mohawk, straightening it with a quick comb of his hand. He made a break for the battlements and saw Courtney, whom he had just seen downstairs. Without a warning he began lobbing his grenades only to get sniped by Trent. Heather jumped from the window onto the bridge and intercepted a rushing Eva, alone, without a medic.

“Where's DJ?” Heather shouted over the rain. Eva just revved her gun at her. She smirked with Courtney's face, dissolved the disguise into a puff of smoke and leaped over Eva's head. Eva anticipated the assassin tactic and made a fierce kick from behind.

“Almost!” Heather said. She was on top of Eva's head, balancing her weight on her palms and swooping down to kick Eva right in the face. She then stepped on the face, forcing the giant girl to fall backward, and flipped back onto solid ground while Eva went through the floating bridge wood and sank into the water. A shark ate her swiftly thereafter. Heather celebrated with a victorious arm pump but was pushed into the water by DJ from behind.

“You!” Heather growled. “What are you doing?”

“It ain't my fault” DJ said “if the sharks get you. You better hurry!” Heather was shocked at this aggressive side to DJ. Shocked so much that the other shark swallowed and instantly killed her.

“””

“People might see that” DJ explained “and say bad things about me, like how I'm not really the kind of guy that I make myself out to be. That's a lie. I'm not just trying to kill her in some passive-aggressive way. I'm seriously just trying to help out my team, and even if I have to kill someone to do it I'll do it. I mean, it's just a game.”

“””

“Sounds like we've got trouble” Courtney said. “Eva's down. I'm going up to take care of things. Can you two keep off of each other long enough for Zeke to get set up down here?”

“No problem captain” Bridgette said.

“Yeah” Geoff agreed. “We'll blast anyone stupid enough to try and get past us, no prob!”

“You better” Courtney said. She went off with her tommy gun drawn out and tried calling Zeke from purgatory again. “Zeke, are you alive yet? We need a turret in the intel room ASAP.”

“Alrighty” Zeke said. Courtney ran past the spawn room door next to the straight stairs and Zeke ran right out behind her. He went straight for the intel room and accidentally intruded on Geoff and Bridgette in one of their many candid make-out sessions. They froze in place when they saw Zeke and casually parted to return to their defensive position. Zeke just shrugged it off, put on some goggles and ran to the corner to built his turret.

“How's it going, dude?” Geoff asked.

“Alright” Zeke answered.

“Cool” Geoff said, trying to keep the mood casual. “...cool.”

“””

“I like Geoff” Zeke said “and I kinda envy him. It'd be pretty sweet to be kissing a betty like Bridgette eh? Wait...not betty. What's a better word for a hot girl?”

“””

Courtney arrived in the courtyard and made a dash through the rain and up the ladder where she met up with Duncan. He ran over and was about to stab her with his knife but she stopped him with the butt of her gun against his forehead just a half-step from a lunging stab.

“Heather's been through here, hasn't she?” Courtney asked.

“You could say that” Duncan said. DJ arrived, climbing up the ladder, and shook off the rain from his white lab coat.

“Hey guys” he greeted. “I got rid of Heather, but I couldn't save Eva. Sorry.”

“No problem” Courtney said. “Team up with Duncan and make a rush. I'll defend from here. And watch out for Trent if you can. He's more than likely got some backup up there to cover himself.”

“And what'll you do?” Duncan asked.

“Obviously” Courtney began “I'm going to take out their defenses from a range while you two do it from inside. Try and get a bigger force together before you rush their intel. Who knows what kind of defenses they've built up by now.”

“Roger” Duncan said. DJ pulled up his white contagion mask and gave a thumb up. The boys ran out into the rain and dropped down to the ground. Trent prepared to duck out and fire but was scraped by a bullet shot by Courtney.

“Oh, I see” Trent said with a nod as he hid again. “Alright, Heather. We'll play them right into your trap...” His trusting nature of his stealthy, duplicitous teammate ended up in an impromptu firefight with the real Courtney, leaving DJ and Duncan to be ignored. Just as they reached the sloshing, torrential overflowing border of the water and prepared to make a harrowing dash across, the rain stopped and the sun spontaneously started shining. The storm was over and a massively humid heat wave ran through the field. The water level lowered and evaporated swiftly, and less that ten seconds later Duncan and DJ could see the sharks flopping like flounders all over the slushy, moist mud and the dead piranha bodies.

“””

“I hate this game, dude” Duncan said. “I really, ****ing do.”

“””

“Attention fighters!” Chris called. “The rain storm is over! Now, since we're technically in the desert, comes the super-powerful heat wave! Don't forget to wear your sunblock, fastidious soldiers! If you stay out in the sun for too long you could catch fire! Stay in the shade, or your conveniently air-conditioned bases, to stay energized and safe!”

“Oh, perfect!” Courtney growled. “Now how are we supposed to coordinate a proper offense!?”

“We run!” Duncan said. He and DJ hopped down into the muck, avoiding one of Trent's shots. Courtney aimed up and him and shot him through the metal siding he hid against. He realized now that he wasn't play-fighting at all, and that he was in serious danger. To that effect he went prone and started rolling around, popping up to find Courtney and then ducking back down to avoid her fire. He was outdone already, but as long as he could distract her he knew someone could come and help him out. He just had to bide his time.

DJ and Duncan waded through the thick mud, nearly losing their expensive Italian shoes as they trudged over the fish bodies and avoided the sharks that crawled at them on their fins. Duncan threw his gun up into the tunnel and hopped up, abandoning his shoes. He then gave DJ a hand up, trying hard to pull him but ultimately dropping him and falling onto the metal pipe chest-first.

“No good, dude” Duncan said. “You should have gone up first.”

“Sorry” DJ said. “I think I can jump it. You keep going.” Duncan nodded and picked himself up. He rounded the tunnel corner just as DJ made his way up. He lost his shoes, but saved his feet as the sharks made weak jumps up to bite at him just as he rolled back into the pipe. “Sorry, sharkies. I don't wanna be food for you today.” The sharks snapped their fins...somehow, and dropped dead, leaving an elevated platform right under the Blue sewer tunnel. The advantage went to the Reds.

DJ rounded the corner, hoping to see at least Duncan's advancing backside, but was instead stopped by the barrel of a filed-down shotgun and the cold, warring glare of Lindsay. DJ was frozen in fear and reeled back with disasterously wide eyes. Lindsay fired until he was dead, then fired an extra shot for insurance against him. Beth came around the corner as Lindsay lowered her gun and glared down at DJ's body, a stern and apathetically cold look on her face. Lindsay turned to Beth and immediately squealed with victory. They latched hands and began hopping one foot at a time in celebration.

“We did it!” Lindsay cheered. “We stopped them! We're awesome!”

“We are awesome!” Beth confirmed. “Now, let's get to the base!”

“Right!” Lindsay said. “I'll go ahead and wait for you in their sewer stairs!”

“Got it” Beth said. Lindsay sprinted off, becoming a sonic blur, and hopped straight up into the Red tunnel. Beth carefully slid down into the muck, which she was able to walk across without sinking, and grinned evilly.

“””

“Muahahahaha!” Harold laughed. “Just as I had planned, Lindsay was won over by my debonair acting skills. Too bad I couldn't save Duncan before I killed and replaced Beth, though. That would've made my strategy a lot more useful...”

“””

It didn't matter now. Lindsay was being hunted and she didn't even know it. A rain of fire fell around Harold in Beth's form as he made his way into to Red tunnel, all from Courtney who gripped her gun tightly in rage.

“Two incoming through the sewers” Courtney called. “Tyler, Lindsay is coming up with Beth. Choose the one you're less likely to make out with and kill her!”

“Got it” Tyler said. He disconnected the feed and sighed in defeat, running from the ramparts area to the sewer stairs area with his gun drawn out. “I wish she told me to do the opposite...of both...”

Noah continued through the halls, ducking bullets and shooting watermelons filled with bricks at his pursuers.

“Thank god for the 'Portal' function on this thing” Noah said. He continued shooting while running and turned a particularly sharp corner in the blandly textured maze he ran. “If I didn't have that I'd be dead.” Noah browsed through his action functions and attaches light thrusters to his back. His body was propelled forward but his legs continued to kick the ground under him at a pace that he wasn't at all comfortable with. Therefore, he added wheels to his feet and began racing through the halls with the comfort and ease of a true pro.

“This map is a lot more bland” Noah said. “The last maze was at least in 3D. This one is too flat to be fun.” Fun, however, was the furthest thing from Noah's mind. He fought now for survival against seemingly impossible odds. Chris clones equipped with long-range automatics and secondary two-shot RPG launchers that were kill on hit with massive splash damage. Noah was already deeply injured from the first one that nearly killed him from the altitude drop. His radio only picked up the general channel information. Whatever Chris or Chef had to say to the contestants. The latest twist wasn't sitting well with him.

“They're steadily corralling everyone inside” Noah said “and making it harder and harder for either team to keep scoring. It's not even noon yet and they're already making it borderline impossible to meet their deadlines. The score's only 4-2 Blue. We're a good seven scores away from saving what face we have left.

“Capture, Blue!” Chris announced. Noah sighed with relief and took a wide left turn on his wheelie feet as a wall of clones blocked him out and shot at him. Noah smirked to himself and wondered what had gone down and who would get the shaft this time, unable to hear anything else.

“””

“I got no problem with this” Geoff said. “In fact, most of my friends already know about it. This one time I went to a carnival for a date with this totally hot babe. We got on the ferris wheel cause, you know, chicks dig that thing, and we got up to the top and started making out. Anyway, I had just had, like, three whole bowls of chili from a bunch of chili dogs I had eaten earlier. The ferris wheel operator thought it would be a good idea to stop it when we got to the top.” Geoff started snickering under his hand. “So, obviously, we were stuck up there together and my stomach started growling so loud that the whole wheel heard it. I even shook our seat. Hahaha! Then, and this is the best part, I didn't crap myself, she puked chunks all over my lap! Didn't see that coming, huh? Nah...” Now he became oddly reserved. “I was stuck in a porta-potty for a really long time, though, and I never saw her again either. I actually slept in a john that night cause I couldn't move off it, and when I got out I smelled like a toilet for a whole week. Why's that so embarrassing? Because that's what I had to tell people whenever I had to cancel all my plans for that week. Seven party-less days aren't funny, dude.”

“””

Back in the game, Lindsay wiped her brow and got a generous heal from Cody's turret so her arm could regenerate.

“Great job, girl” Leshawna said. “I'll take your point while you heal up, alright?” Lindsay raised her remaining thumb and smiled until it hurt. Of course, it hurt immediately, so she didn't hold it up for long. Leshawna went out of the room leaving Lindsay, Cody, Izzy and Beth alone to wait and defend. Izzy was crawling around on all fours, her eyes purposely cut with the serrated edge of her own ax to give her an entertaining handicap.

“Someone is close by” Izzy said. She sniffed at the air, taking short animal wiffs. “I can smell them...I can smell their fear!”

“What else can you smell?” Lindsay asked. Izzy sniffed in her direction.

“Blood” Izzy said. “Can you have a period I a virtual world?” Cody looked uncomfortable and retreated to manage his turret. Beth moved closer and glared from the corner of her glasses. It was still Harold, unfortunately, and he had a plan.

“What was that!” Beth exclaimed, pointing across the room. “I just saw a blur of invisible energy!”

“Harry!” Izzy growled. She took her ax into her mouth and began an animal dash down the hall. Harold placed a quiet, time-delayed sapper on the side of Cody's dispenser, then pulled out his fake bazooka and ran after Izzy, placing another tiny sapper on the underside of the turret. Lindsay closed her eyes and started sniffing around.

“Ew” Lindsay said. “I smell gas.” Cody nervously looked away and continued working as Lindsay's arm began to finally regrow from the medical energies of the dispenser. Izzy kept sniffing the ground while Beth, a sword in her hands, silently approached from behind.

“Lost it” Izzy said. “I smell something else now. Wood burning...no, baton-burning....and......aftershave.” Izzy grabbed her ax and turned around, catching Harold's blade just as his disguise dissolved. “Hi, Harry” she snarled pleasantly. “How's it going?”

“Better for me” Harold said “than for you!” He broke away and quickly pressed on his watch. Izzy leaped and pressed herself down with her ax near his thraot. He kept it back with his blade, palming the blunt edge to give himself additional force, but his trap was already sprung. Tyler appeared from under a box against the wall. How he got there was a bit of genius distraction planning.

“””

“Okay” Tyler began. “Harold's ingenius plan was to get me under some cover and then let me into the Blue base as someone on their side. I found a box and thought, you know, what else? He distracted Gwen and Owen with some bull crap victory story of how she saved Lindsay from certain doom when all he really did was follow her around an talk to me out of her sight. Anyway, with them distracted, I just ran up the stairs, went down the straight staricase, and hid until I saw him fighting Izzy. It was easy, man. Even I could have thought of it...maybe.”

“””

The dispenser and turret started beeping rapidly, a warning blaring that they were about to explode even though their damage meters were empty.

“What the heck?” Cody said. “Why're they going off?”

“Maybe they're sick” Lindsay said. Suddenly both machines exploded violently, Cody's face fatally absorbing both blasts and Lindsay's butt being blown apart by the impact of the dispenser she sat on erupting. Now she had no butt and was near death and in great pain. Tyler came running in and grabbed the intel. Before he was ready to run out he went to Lindsay and scooped her up into his arms.

“Hey babe” Tyler said. “I'm really sorry, but I've gotta take this.”

“I understand” Lindsay said. He believed her completely. She was a very understanding girl when something was as simple as this. “Before you go, is my butt okay?” Tyler looked down at her hips, which were broken and ruptured terribly, then back on the floor where her body had just flown over. He cringed at the trail of blood and giblet chunks, then turned back with a forced smile.

“It's great, Linds” he said. “It's always perfect.” Lindsay smiled. He took his pistol and gave her a mercy kill so she could respawn in better health. Then, stoically stowing his weapon, he began the mad rush out of the base via the straight stairs. He knew Owen and Gwen were coming down. He ran out, jumped on the wall to avoid the rolling fight between Izzy and Harold on the ground, and began his victory lap back to base. Gwen and Owen showed up just as Izzy rose shakily to her feet, blood all over her grinning face and eyes totally white. She sniffed the air and darted her head to them with a nasty sloshing sound as she parted her teeth.

Gwen and Owen were stunned with fear. Gwen started to retreat while Owen nervously smiled and waved his fingers at her. Izzy was breathing heavy and started a stern walk for the supply room to heal, an ax in one hand and a sword in the other. Berserk Izzy was reborn.

Tyler's only obstacle was running through the muck where he passed by Eva and DJ on their way for their own raid. Without Harold and with a super MVP double-team match up close at hand, more help was obviously needed for a consecutive capture. Tyler promised to send someone once he got back. He navigated through his base and delivered the intel to an empty room. He looked around for a moment just as Heather decloaked behind and drove her sword straight through him. She swung the blood off, sheathed it and made a high leap up into the rafters to continue her campaign of camping.

“””

“Okay” Lindsay began, “this is, like, mortifying for me to even talk about. Okay, I was out shopping once with my friends and they were having a sale on baby-tees, one free with every matching skirt. I didn't know that the sale was being run because they got a bunch of stained skirts and tees in stock from a recent factory mishap. No one did. So, when I came out of the dressing room to pose to my friends, I had a powder-blue tee and a jean skirt on, but the shirt had two stains from, I guess, a nursing mother and the skirt...I don't wanna talk about the skirt. Wait? I do? Really? It's bad! It was sooo bad. I looked back at my butt and there was this huge brown stain on them. How could someone do that to such a cute skirt!? How!? Is there no humility in the world? I mean, humanity!?”

“””

Not surprising, of course, but still shocking for her. Lindsay respawned almost immediately and began a mad dash through the battlements, being hit by the sudden ruthless heat from the sun and dodging a sniper bullet by but a hair's breadth, and was immediately pitched into a firefight between Owen and Eva. The back-and-forth of bullets barely left a drain on either Heavy's health, however. Gwen had a very eager grin on her face, waiting for her uber to charge, not knowing that she and DJ had the same idea in mind.

“Now!” Gwen called.

“Do it!” Eva commanded. Both guns stopped revving and both ubers went up. There was an awkward, still silence. “Well, this kinda sucks.”

“What do we do now?” Owen asked.

“You can suck it” Eva shouted. “We're taking your intel!” Eva and DJ ran off for the straight staircase. Owen and Gwen gave chase along the ramparts. They caught each other at the crossing of the steps while Lindsay took a more proactive approach and ran through her own base to get behind Eva and DJ when their uber wore off. She sprinted down the winding walkway, made a quick side-step away from a blinded, blood-eyed Izzy that pounced her way. She turned the corner sharply, looked up and ran up the unblocked steps. She almost neared them when the huge mass of fat that was Owen came tumbling at her. She tried to run, really tried, but in the end she was flattened and killed instantly. Eva stood at the top of the steps, Gwen's head in one hand and her body in the other, without a medic to keep her healed. She was, however, backed up by Duncan.

“Let's go, big girl” Duncan said. Eva slapped him with Gwen's corpse.

“No nicknames” she said. They ran down the steps while Leshawna silently tailed them, her grenade gun eagerly cluthced in hand.

“””

“Ooooo” Leshawna groaned. “Eva, girl, you're a cold, brutal woman. I don't think you're gonna quite like fighitng a losing battle. That's just what you're gonna get against me, though, if you ain't careful.”

“””

What an exciting game! One capture after another, an yet another soon on the way! While Noah braves the between-space dungeon to get back into the game, will his team keep on the tactical route and manage to win? Or will Courtney and her team be the ultimate victors, plowing through the Blue strategy with the sheer force of their offensive power? The battle continues next time on Total.
Drama.
Team Fortress!!!