Title: Serious on Crack

Rating/Genre: T/Humor/Romance

Summary: COMPLETE SUMMARY: Are YOU the only one that likes a weird pairing? Are YOU looking for some fics about your favorite crack pairings? Look no further! This is a collection of short drabbles and stories about our favorite crack pairings! Chapters are alternated between crack and serious fics per pairing. Suggestions for following pairings are welcome. Thanks to my fellow members at the Pairings forum. Rated for language and suggestive themes. 8D For Cateclysmic Eclipse.

WARNING: Lots of OOCness!

Disclaimer: I don’t own ToS.

A/N: After you read this, I will not be offended if you think I am on crack. I actually do not take drugs, but my mind is a bit on the perverted side and when you meet others that only magnify that type of stuff, then this is the result.

ALSO, CAT YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS. HERE IT IS.

First up is Colette/Kratos.

Chapter One: In Which Colette Proceeds to Top Kratos

Colette Brunel was an innocent blonde girl from the small town of Iselia. She was on a mission to save the world from mass destruction. Everyone pretty much knew she was the Chosen, which is a person that is CHOSEN (hence the title) to unlock the seals and become the Goddess Martel’s vessel. She was not unloved anywhere except by the evil Desians, of course who were trying to stop her. That was a while ago though. That journey is over and the worlds of Tethe’alla and Sylvarant are now combined into one world.

…Of course…there was a slight turn of events after the journey in which something VERY STRANGE happened.

Let me introduce you to Kratos Aurion. He’s pretty much the opposite of Colette. For one, he wears purple and is very mysterious. He’s a mercenary, or soldier for hire…or rather…he WAS a mercenary until Lloyd & Co. found out about his real identity. Kratos is seriously serious and looks a little emo. His son is Lloyd and he had a wife named Anna except things went “not as planned” and he wound up killing her. To make a long story short, Kratos was NOT interested in another sexual relationship with anyone, be it with a male or female (sorry all you yaoi fans).

It was a peaceful afternoon and Kratos smiled as he looked up into the clear blue sky outside of Lloyd’s house. He was having flashbacks of when he used to gaze up at the stars with Anna snuggled in his arms.

“Mr. Kratos?” Colette’s face appeared over his.

“Chosen.”

“You don’t have to call me that anymore…I’m not the Chosen anymore.”

“I suppose it’s become a habit.”

“Well anyway, could I talk to you for a minute or two?” Her ears turned a slight pink.

“I have no objections,” Kratos nodded and stood, brushing the grass off his purple spandex. Colette led Kratos into Lloyd’s bedroom.

“Mr. Kratos?” Colette blinked innocently at the tower-like swordsman.

“What is it, Chosen?” he replied.

“Lately, I haven’t been able to look you in the face…every time I see you, my heart starts pounding…and I have these sudden desires…which is why I wanted to ask you if you wanted to…umm…ah… …you know…maybe…sleep with me?” Colette’s ears turned a deep scarlet as the words tumbled out of her mouth. She saw the Seraph freeze.

“WHAT.”

“GET DOWN!” Colette shoved Kratos on the bed.

Insert Promiscuous Girl-ing and Ice Ice Baby-ing here Scene Missing

“HOLY CRAP COLETTE WHAT THE—” Kratos attempted to get out of the bed but was blocked by the girl’s non-existing cleavage.

“Oh yeeeeaaaahhh Kratos…” Colette snuggled up to Kratos’s bare chest.

“Too…much…can’t…handle…” Kratos gasped. At that moment, the door opened…

…and Lloyd walked through the door.

“Hey Dad I need to ask you a—HOLY MARTEL FUCKING—WHAT IN MARTEL’S NAME ARE YOU DOING?”

“HOLY SHIT! LLOYD!” Kratos turned away from his son.

“Oh! Lloyd!” Colette blushed deeply.

“OH. MY. FUCKING. MARTEL. MY BEST FRIEND WAS JUST FUCKING MY DAD. HOLY SHIIIIIIIIII…!” Lloyd walked out of the room, mentally scarred by the image. It is believed that he never recovered. In the meantime…

“Well…now that THAT’S taken care of…” Colette winked at Kratos and licked her lips.

“HOLY SHI—SOMEONE HELP!”

You know the saying…If the tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it…

...well I think you can figure the rest out for yourself...

A/N: …Don’t say I didn’t warn you. For all you people looking for serious Colette/Kratos (let me know if you’d rather it Kratos/Colette), the next chapter will be serious so that I can (hopefully) please the crack and serious lovers. This chapter just happened to be the crack one. Wish me luck on attempting the serious chapter! –laughs-

Want your favorite crack pairing to be next? First-come-first-serve basis!