Decorum: Chapter 2, Months 4 through 6.

A/N: For Gothy, since I love her. My seme is so good to me! Sorry so so much for the insane wait on this.

Betaed by: Corybee

Pairing: Byakuya/Renji.

Fandom: Bleach

Warnings: Mpreg, and quite a bit of it. OOC.

Disclaimer: The characters are not in any way mine.

"I need to learn more..."

Byakuya bit his lower lip anxiously, hating this slight feeling of nervousness that washed over him. He really wasn't sure how to deal with this situation...

He was pregnant, he could not deny that; and his body was already showing slightly, although according to Unohana, he could be much larger at this point. He was carrying well, looked as he usually did in the general sense, and for now, the secret was in no danger of being revealed.

He did as Unohana instructed; taking care of himself and avoiding things that might cause undue stress to the unborn child , but if he was honest, the whole situation was a stress to deal with. This was not supposed to happen! He couldn't understand how he had been the one to conceive! Renji was the one who should be carrying the child, damn him! He wished that he was the pregnant one! And what if the child... looked like Renji? He'd never live that one down...

He wasn't even sure how he felt about the child, for that matter.

He couldn't hate it; he had no right to. The child didn't ask to exist, and it certainly didn't ask to be born to two such dysfunctional parents.
He just wasn't sure that he wanted it yet...

The poor thing was going have a difficult time of it; that was for sure. Children needed calm, warm, cuddly, stable people to raise them and to train them in the ways that will be suited to responsible living...

He was not a clingy, nor overly emotional person, how was he expected to properly nurture and care for a child at all? Although he had family, nobility was rarely raised as a normal child needed to be, that much he could admit to himself without shame. Most of his rearing had been at the hands of servants whom had treated him from birth as a little lord; he could not remember any attempts of normal socialization.

He seriously doubted that he could learn to do so in a few short months.

And then Renji- his loud, brash, but good hearted submissive. He might be a good balance. A warm heart to nurture, whereas he could be the elegance, the decorum. But the problem with that was that he still wasn't sure yet if Renji could even actively be a part of his own child's life without risking the secrets of its existence.

Oh, that would be disastrous. He'd be the laughing stock of every man of rank in the entire Soul Society. This was the kind of situation that commoners should have to deal with, not men of noble birth! Not even men for that matter, women!

He had a feeling that his family and Hisana were rolling in their proverbial graves...

Well, he really had little choice in the matter at this point, and he had to face up to the facts; he was bearing the illegitimately-sired love child of his bondage whore submissive.

Oh, suddenly denial seemed like a much better plan...

He did know one thing, though; he would have to take up Unohana on her offer to arrange a luncheon between him and the other man whom she was currently supervising the pregnancy of. She had assured him that he knew the person, and that they didn't hate each other, so all was well.

She was so confident that this would be good for both of them that he was starting to think that she was right. He really didn't think that there was anything to lose. The other man would hardly be a threat to reputation or a blackmailer, and Unohana would not intentionally put a patient in harm's way. At worst, it would be an annoyance and a waste of time; at best, he would have a sympathizer in this dark time of confusion and need.

Either way, misery certainly loved company.

He gathered his pride, and went to Unohana to have her make the arrangements. He had a lot to learn, and an ally to make in the war of maternity.

He was unsure of what to expect.

It had been almost a month since he had decided to seek out the company of the Soul Society's only other male that had found himself 'in a family way' and he really only had one thing in mind: Who was the other male who had conceived?

Was he someone he knew closely? A lieutenant perhaps? That Kira boy certainly was a pretty one; he seemed the type to submit... Or maybe someone more obviously feminine? What was his name? Yumichika? He was practically a woman as is... Or what if it was another poor dominant who had ended up in a similar shameful situation?

He allowed himself a moment of giddy snickering at the mental image of someone like Kenpachi heavy with child. It was so absurd! Or someone known for their love of women, such as Shunsui. It was just too funny!

Then he remembered his situation, and was considerably less amused.

He really hated being with child at the moment and he hoped that whoever his companion for lunch would be was suffering as much as Byakuya was, and much fatter!

According to Unohana, the reason it had taken a month to set up the private meeting was that the other pregnant male was rather delicate, and had been temporarily hospitalized. That meant, in Byakuya's opinion at least, that the other male would look and feel awful at the meeting, and thus would help Byakuya feel much better about himself.

Perhaps it was an unpleasant point of view, but at this point, Byakuya was beyond pleasantries. He had to fake enough of them every time he was in public. His inner thoughts were his, and he felt quite entitled to be as bitchy as he desired to be.

He was currently seated and waiting in a small private residence owned by Unohana, which would serve as a nice place to eat and as neutral ground. Obviously both sides were considerably nervous about this event, so neither wanted to host the event at their own home.

He sipped his tea and sighed, pausing to pull out a small mirror and check his appearance one last time.

It was less than desirable...

He really hadn't gained much weight, but that wasn't the issue, rather it was how he carried. It wasn't that he wanted to look pregnant, per say, but he would have much preferred that to looking like he had 'let himself go'. He had always heard the rumors of the alleged glow, and of lovely skin and nails, but he struggled with oily skin and dark circles. All in all, he had decided that pregnancy was disgusting and miserable, and he was ready to see how his fellow man suffered.

"Ah, hello! What a surprise!"

He looked over at the familiar voice...

Jūshirō Ukitake.

Ukitake smiled happily, before making himself comfortable and serving himself a large portion of rice and soup. He smiled again, ready to be friendly and engage in conversation, and Byakuya felt his stomach twist again.

Damn him...

Damn him to hell, Heuco Mundo, and a lifetime of cleaning sewers and other like such horrors!

It just wasn't fair!

Ukitake didn't just look good, he looked breathtaking. No, more than that, radiant and incomparable and oh-so-warm and maternal. His hair was thicker than he had ever seen it, falling over one eye for a moment, before he fixed it back into place. His skin bore the infamous 'glow', his nails were lovely, and his belly was huge, but it didn't look a bit like fat at all. Byakuya had never seen him look so good, not ever...

Lucky bitch.

Byakuya nodded politely though, and decided that, like him, Ukitake had probably worked his proverbial ass off to look good today, and was suffering immensely. The details would come out in the end.

"So, Ukitake, how do you feel? Unohana mentioned that you had been ill."

"I'm doing well, I was under the weather for a bit, but I feel wonderful now."

Unfair! He was supposed to be miserable!

Ukitake smiled again and ate more, rubbing his huge belly shamelessly and chatting on about how excited he was, and how much he wanted to meet his child. He was so happy that Byakuya couldn't help but to feel pleased as well. This was what pregnancy was supposed to be like- warm and happy, and absolutely in love with someone that would see you as nothing more than a source of food and warmth for the first few months of its life.

Ukitake embraced that, and his desire and pride made Byakuya want to embrace that feeling too.

They talked more, and soon Byakuya confessed of his situation with Renji, his cravings for pickled onions, and of how his feet were swollen dramatically. Ukitake told Byakuya of the horrors of sore nipples, and of how he struggled with such intense boredom from the strict rules that Unohana had forced upon him for the sake of his health and the baby's survival. He hated how he was rarely let out of the hospital, even though it was a good cover for hiding the pregnancy. That, and he had vomited upon himself in front of Yamamoto, and then, to make things worse, he vomited on Yamamoto when he tried to stand and leave.

"I wished for death at that moment..."

Byakuya struggled to keep a straight face. The story, especially the way it was told to him, was just too amusing.

"Understandably so."

"So, Ukitake, since you know of whom the father of my child is, I would like to inquire as to the one whom sired yours. How is your relationship going with him? How did he take the news? Were you afraid to tell him?"

Silence followed his question.

"Ukitake?"

"He didn't say anything..."

"Why not?"

"Ah, well, I didn't tell him."

Byakuya had no clue as to how someone could be so old and wise, yet so stupid at the same time.

"Foolish man, why would you avoid something so important? Doesn't he deserve to suffer in this as well? He did this to you!"

Ukitake smiled weakly, and shook his head.

"He's young, and our joining was... perhaps a bit more casual than I would have liked. He's too young to know what love really is, and I doubt he wishes to spend his life chained to me. He doesn't deserve to be burdened with an unwanted child. I can raise my baby by myself anyway."

Ukitake spoke boldly and with confidence, but Byakuya could see through the facade.

"You are a fool... How can you really expect to raise a child alone?"

A warm smile graced Ukitake's face, and he allowed himself one more portion of rice.

"I have plenty of support. Believe me. With Shunsui, and Unohana to care for me, I need little else."

The rest of the meeting was held in relative quiet, and Byakuya could not help but to worry for Ukitake...

They may not have been the best of friends, but no one should have to carry such a burden alone. Byakuya silently swore that if all else failed and the need came about, he would make sure that Ukitake was supported.

Ukitake would not have to suffer by himself.

Expectedly enough, a strong friendship came about between the two captains, both seeking the other's support and company.

Byakuya made liberal use of Renji for late night snack runs, and in secret, when no one was there to see their shame, there were mutual back rubs and pathetic knitting attempts. Byakuya had also gained a powerful ally in Ukitake in this dark time, one whom was cuddly and warm, and very understanding . Ukitake would allow Byakuya to have a crying jag, and pretend it didn't happen. Ukitake would bring lots of lovely sweets, which he had been craving, without being asked.

From Ukitake, Byakuya learned all of the fine arts of hiding a pregnancy, not that he planned on having another, and of how to make reasonable, rational excuses. And Byakuya taught Ukitake how to speak them in a way that made the strongest of men cringe in fear, and refuse to question them in return.

Today they sat together under a window in the grand Kuchiki manor, lounging lazily like cats, loving how the sun felt as it heated their bellies through their robes. Black had a lovely way of collecting warmth, and making one warm and comfortable. It was such a lovely day, and all seemed well.

Ukitake smiled, and wriggled a bit, the size of his poor distended abdomen making it almost impossible to sit very comfortably at all. He was quite a bit further along than Byakuya, and was due in just a few short weeks. His back ached under the weight of the child, and despite all of his bold reassurances, he was scared senseless, totally afraid of facing this task alone.

He hated himself for seducing the youth, the sire of this child, and for taking advantage of him in the way he had. He had suffered in agony when the one he had loved was still among them, but he would never take a man from his wife. He had more honor that that. And he knew that Kaien had loved his wife dearly, so he doubted that he could have stolen him even if he had wanted to.

So he had held his peace, and bit his tongue, and had pretended that he wasn't head over heels in love with his lieutenant. The pain had stayed, even after Kaien's death, and in the end, he had been foolish enough to think that a one night stand with someone with a similar face and heart would heal old wounds and help him forget...

And one night had been too good, too wonderful, spread out on his back, both of them crying out the names of another, and for a bit, they could simply pretend. He would never be the one that the youth wanted or desired, nor would the youth ever, no matter how many traits he shared with Kaien, replace him in Ukitake's heart. It was simply not to be.

However, it had not stopped them from lying together as a man and a woman should, time and time again. Ukitake felt safe with him, his gentle soul wrapped in fierce resolve and fiery youth. He was gentle in his dominance, and had never forced himself upon Ukitake, or harmed him in any way.

He acted towards Ukitake just as Ukitake had craved for Kaien to act towards him...

And yet, they stupidly clung to opportunities lost, and denied any real feelings for each other. They pretended that they were not in love with each other, and that they were simply with each other as a salve to the emotional wounds left behind by the ones whom had not wanted their love. When Ukitake spread his legs, and accepted him as his lover, he was not in love... He couldn't be... No one was Kaien, no one, not this boy, or any other. He would sleep with him, but not allow love or any real connections...

He really hadn't expected conception.

That had kind of thrown a wrench into the 'no connections' plan.

Why did life have to be so complicated?

Worse, he was denying the father of the child he carried the right to know his child. He had at first believed this to be the best and only way to handle the situation, but now, he was unsure. Would the child look like his father? Would he be loud and impulsive? And would he have been a good father, loving and devoted? Would he have held him, and sang, and smiled at Ukitake, telling him what a good mother he was? Would he have married him? What if he would have been that good? What if he was thinking of him?

It broke his heart to think of it.

He leaned back and grabbed a sweet off of the table, and tried to think of less painful things. If he didn't think about it, it wasn't real, and it didn't matter...

He growled at himself for trying to rationalize like a child.

It didn't matter how much he denied it, he was a man, and an old one, pregnant outside of wedlock through an affair with an insanely younger man, and he had hid his pregnancy from almost everyone with Unohana's help.

He was so stupid...

He stood, a bit wobbly, and left a note for the snoozing Byakuya. Ukitake had some truths to reveal, and some rights to make wrong, and he needed to do them before he went into labor. This was going to be so much trouble.

He had a hell of a lot of hell butterflies to send out.

By the time that Byakuya awoke, the entire Soul Society was speaking about how far that their beloved captain had fallen.

It was mind-boggling to most, not only that this was possible, but that a respected and honorable Captain had seen fit to spread his legs and be used like a woman. How could he let another man do such a disgraceful thing to him? And if he hadn't, and it was rape, how sad that he was so weak, and that no one had protected him. Where had his third and fourth seats been during this? Had they helped hide it? Or were they also victims of his lies. And poor Shunsui and Yamamoto...

It was shameful, when they had thought that he had been bed ridden for months due to illness, that he was also hiding the fact that he had some disgusting demon spawn that was growing in his womb, if he had one that is. Was he a woman? A common whore? Even a woman should marry before having a child! He was somewhat pretty, but he looked male enough...

No, he was most certainly male, and thus, the child was a monstrosity. Perhaps it was a child of hell and filth, a hollow beast that was growing in his intestines? Or worse. And who would be depraved enough to mate with him?

Unohana has stood before the crowds, and had spoken on Ukitake's behalf, explaining to them about how a soul reaper's body was a fascinating and exciting thing, always adapting. She spoke of how Ukitake's body had gained the necessary organs to carry and bear the child, and that there was nothing unwanted or unnatural about this. She answered questions, and reassured, and many people went back to their usual routines, feeling much more accepting of Ukitake's predicament now that it was explained.

Others, however, did not.

They continued to speak out, and act rudely. They protested, and demanded that Ukitake be not only removed from his post, but jailed as well. They said that even if the situation was natural and acceptable, that it showed that Ukitake suffered from a lack of morality and judgment. Ukitake didn't respond, and Yamamota gave but one comment.

Cease, and desist.

The protesters refused.

There was even a riot, and many were jailed. It was really horrifying how supposedly intelligent, respectable, responsible people acted like idiots when something scared or offended them. All of a sudden rationality went out the proverbial window, and good people behaved like idiots. Byakuya didn't understand how it affected them at all. Ukitake was sick anyway, so it wasn't a lie, just an exclusion of part of his personal life. It didn't hurt them, or affect them at all.

What right did they even have to comment?

Ukitake took the situation in stride. At least publicly and with Shunsui by his side, he seemed to be dealing well. Byakuya watched the events daily from his window, both proud of Ukitake for his strength and honesty, and with shame in his heart for himself. If he confessed his sins now, he could marry Renji, and all would be dealt with. He could stand by Ukitake, and they would support each other, and it would be less of a shame...

But his pride just wouldn't let him.

He wasn't that strong, and it was a cross he just was not prepared to bear.

Less than a week later, Ukitake gave birth, to a tiny sickly child, weak and ill, and like him, it hung on, determined to survive. Neither of them was doing well, but they both struggled to live. Ukitake looked so happy, he was proud of his child.

And Byakuya was damned proud of him.

He really wasn't sure what to say.

He really felt like Ukitake should be offended at him for not supporting him publicly. He was Ukitake's friend and fellow sufferer, but his pride had kept him from being there when he needed him. Even now, he was afraid of people finding out about this shame...

He hated himself at this moment.

"Ukitake, why am I here?"

Ukitake just attempted to smile at him, fighting back a coughing fit. The child wailed, and Unoahana went to get him from his crib. Byakuya was shocked at just how tiny he was, and how frail and unhealthy both mother and son looked. He would be greatly surprised if either survived to the next winter. They were just too ill…

His stomach twisted, and he was forced to excuse himself, so he could suffer the waves of nausea in peace. He was so afraid. He wasn't sure if he would even get to have a normal relationship with his child, or the father of the child, yet Ukitake might not even survive to see his son grow. If the infant even lived that is. Ukitake's son wasn't doing well, and even Unohana had admitted that it was a miracle that it had held on thus far. How long could he live, in that state? If the child died, he was unsure if Ukitake would be able to live without him. What if Ukitake died? Who would raise the child? As far as he knew Ukitake had not told the father, and Shunsui was hardly parental material.

He supposed he could raise him...

He didn't want to dwell on that issue right now.

He washed his mouth out, and returned to the room where Ukitake and his child were, just in time to see the child feeding, struggling to stay latched on, but still trying. He had inherited quite a bit from his father it seemed, so stubborn and determined. Ukitake was calm and patient, and the look on his face spoke simply for his love for his son.
Perhaps they would survive after all.

"What have you named him?"

"Kaito"

Byakuya smiled at the name. Of course he would choose something like that. It was a good name, a strong one. It was both an encouragement, and a silent tribute in itself. At least Ukitake had been more creative with his child's name than Ukitake's father had been in naming him.

"It suits him."

Ukitake nodded, and continued to feed the child. He was so concerned, so focused on the baby. Byakuya wondered if he would feel that way about his own child? What if he didn't? Could he still be a good parent? He really wasn't feeling maternal at all.
Maybe it would come later.

Finally, the child had gotten enough in his stomach, and he fell asleep, curled up safe in Ukitake's arms. Ukitake handed him back to Unohana, and turned towards Byakuya.

"Stay a bit longer? Kaito's father will be here soon, and I really don't want to face the confession alone."

Byakuya nodded, and sat next to him, ready to be a comfort, and if needed, a protector. Even pregnant Byakuya was still a formidable force, and if necessary, he would defend Ukitake. He seriously doubted that Ichigo would do anything rash or foolish, but he had seen the darker side of the youth, and was not about to risk anything happening to Ukitake or Kaito.

After a half hour wait, Ichigo Kurosaki was allowed into the room. He seemed a bit confused, but Byakuya had expected such a reaction. Ichigo had been called from the living world without being given an explanation, had been forced to wait, and then was dragged into a hospital room to see his former lover. It was hardly a comforting scenario, and Ichigo already was starting to seem a bit hostile.

"Ah, you're here! Hello! How are you?"

Ukitake's usual warmth and kindness shined through despite the state of his health. Ichigo's scowl faded, and he seemed to calm at that voice. Byakuya was almost jealous, his cold ways were proper and acceptable, but did little to further relationships or reassure others. All Ukitake had to do was greet Ichigo to calm him. When he greeted Renji, all it served to do was make Renji tense and worried. For a moment, he wished that he could be like that, but decorum, as usual, kept him from acting as he pleased. Byakuya watched as Ichigo was sat down, and the shinigami pregnancies were explained to him, about how all it took was desire to reproduce and mingling soul energy to create a new life, no matter what the gender of the parents.

"Yeah? What does that have to do with me? And why the hell have you been avoiding me?"

Ukitake's smile faded a bit at that.

"Why I've been avoiding you? Ah, well, that's completely my fault. I apologize."

Byakuya watched as the corners of Ichigo's mouth tugged upwards ever so slightly, despite his attempts to keep a firm expression. It was impossible for him to stay angry at Ukitake for very long.

"That didn't answer my question though."

"No, it didn't. I suppose you want the answer now? The reason I avoided you for so long was because I had conceived, and was ashamed of what had happened to me. I used you for my own needs, and felt that I should have to deal with the consequences on my own. I'm fine, as is the child, and you have no need to concern yourself with this."

Ichigo just stared, stunned, and Ukitake gathered his resolve, and continued to speak.

"You're young, and handsome, and have no need to be saddled with an unwanted child, and an old man. There are no hard feelings, and you can walk out, and go on with your life. Don't worry about us, we'll be fine."

Ichigo's scowl returned quickly.

"Ok, so you're saying that I knocked you up and you weren't going to tell me? And then that you think I should just walk away?"

Ukitake nodded.

"You're so young Ichigo, too young to know what love is, and to be a father. What I tempted you into was shameful, and I am quite sorry for it. I could never ask you to help deal with the conse-"

Ichigo interrupted harshly.

"Fuck that. I want to see my kid."

Byakuya watched as Ukitake spent the next ten minutes trying to unsuccessfully talk Ichigo out of taking part in Kaito's life. The argument ended with Ichigo holding Kaito protectively, and trying to plan out living arrangements with Ukitake.

Although Ichigo was obviously still quite upset at Ukitake, he smiled with pride at his tiny son, and seemed to be rather excited at the prospect of family life. Ukitake was curled up against Ichigo, smiling to himself, and he seemed equally excited. The three had a difficult start to domestic life, but Byakuya thought that they would do just fine in the end.

He just wished that things could work out that easily with Renji.

/

XXXXXX/b

Although Byakuya had done well to keep himself unemotional and calm thus far, it was about two weeks later when he finally threw what might be considered a fit. His stupid Renji had disappointed him, and he believed that he needed some serious punishment.

"Take him away."

"What?! What did I do!?

"You know how you've failed."

"But... Please! Forgive me! I'll fix it, Captain! I'll try harder!"

Byakuya turned away, not interested in dealing with the situation any longer. He refused to even look at the second class filth that had failed him. How dare he even show his face here?

It was pathetic how the fool couldn't even succeed in one simple task. Worse, he saw how obviously distraught Renji was as he was dragged out, the child biting his lip as if that small pain could distract him from his out of control emotions, and could suddenly make him less of a emotional mess and more of a man.

The idiot was pleading.

How shameful.

Had he no pride?

That answer was obvious of course.

He was, perhaps, being too harsh, but it was his right to discipline Renji as he saw fit. And currently, he saw prison as a fit punishment for his failure today. He planned to let him out after a day or so, but he would teach him to listen and pay attention, and not to get him chocolate pudding when he had wanted vanilla flavored.

Oh, how far Renji had fallen.

He was weak, and needy, just like an unwanted wife. Byakuya found it irritating, he was the one bearing the brat, why did Renji have any right to act like an over emotional woman!

He sighed, and faced the truth. He may have been the one that was carrying the child, but Renji was most certainly the mother.

He went about his daily business without so much as a blink of an eye, or a shred of guilt for tossing his lieutenant in prison for a trivial mistake. He might feel bad later, but for now, he savored the fact that his mood swings put people in solitary confinement.