Payment for the pain

Chapter 15;

As they left the mess, Teyla pulled Rodney to one side. “Rodney, may I have a word.”

“What? Oh, of course Teyla.” He waited expectantly.

“Would you follow me, please?” Teyla asked quietly.

“Well, I have to get to the labs…”

“Rodney.” Okay, he knew that tone. You’re not supposed to argue with that tone even if it is quiet and polite. She doesn’t get violent if you ignore that tone she gets disappointed and somehow that’s worse.

Rodney glanced at Sheppard and Ronon for help and found them pointedly ignoring them and as they moved to pass them Sheppard leaned in and whispered with a grin, “Big needles traitor”.

Rodney sighed heavily. “Of course,” he said as he indicated for her to lead.

Teyla led him to the mediation room.

The doors opened and Teyla walked through, stopping when she realised that he was no longer beside her. She turned round to look at him with an eyebrow raised. “Rodney?”

“Yes?”

“Would you come inside, please?”

“Erm, why did you want to bring me here?”

“Please, follow me Rodney.” She walked into the gym to sit cross legged on mats lying in the middle of the floor.

Why couldn’t he learn to say no?He always had trouble saying no to Teyla as it was, but since the planet he still couldn’t lose that image. Of her pressed up against him, hand fisted in his tac vest suddenly so small and her voice so fragile. It was the first time since he met her that he felt she needed protecting, he thought it would be some time before he could deny her anything.

He followed her into the gym. “I suppose you want me to sit down there too, huh?”

“Please.”

He sighed heavily again as he sat down cross legged opposite her, fiddling, finger and thumb twitching. Teyla sat patiently, waiting for him to settle.

“I bought you a present, Rodney.”

His finger and thumb stopped twitching as his smile widened. “You did?”

She reached down beside her and handed him a dark blue velvet bag with gold thread weaving a scrolling pattern across its surface. Rodney reached out hesitantly. “What is this for?”

“Open it first and then I will explain.”

He watched her as he tentatively drew the bag to him, opening the drawstring, looking into the bag as he reached inside. He drew out the bantos sticks she had brought in the market.

“You bought these for me? You said they were for someone special.”

“They are, Rodney.”

“I… I don’t understand.”

“I told you how my Mother died. I have carried that with me since I was eight years old.”

He was tempted to ask how long that was, as none of them actually knew how old Teyla was and no-one had the guts to ask out right. Rodney decided he didn’t have the guts to ask subtly either and said nothing and let her continue speaking without interruption.

“Amongst my people, when someone helps you to lift the burden you carry it is expected to pay them in return. I don’t have anything that I can give you, except this. It is apt, that my mother taught me and now I will teach you, the person who helped me to remember her.”

“You want to teach me to fight with Bantos sticks!” He all but screamed unbelievably. Fragile or not, no, no, no. What on earth is she thinking!

Teyla maintained her calm exterior as always and responded in quiet, kind words. “I know you do not like physical exertion, Rodney, and I know you find it hard to close down your mind enough to concentrate. These are training Bantos sticks. I do not expect you to put in the time to become an expert. I thought it would be nice though if I taught you the warm up moves. It does not take a lot of physical exertion and you will not need much to carry them out, just a little concentration to focus the mind. However, it would give us time together and I think that the little exercise it would give you would enable you to sleep easier without having to work yourself to the point of exhaustion."

“There’s just so much to do,” he said defensively, already the words lining up for a rant about doctors doing their own dirty work and not getting other people to do it for them but Teyla leaning forward and placing a hand on his arm forestalled anything.

“I believe you,” she said, “but, I also think that if you slept easier then maybe you would not avoid your bed so much. When there are days that you work for avoidance sake, this will help you as you have helped me. I would also be pleased to find something we can spend time doing together.”

He really, really did not want to get into how she knew that sometimes it was due to the avoidance of dreams that he worked so hard because that way just lay too many questions he would have to answer. “You… you want to spend time with me?”

Teyla sighed. “Of course, Rodney, we have been team mates for four years. We eat together and we have our team nights but never just me and you. I see Ronon in here and John in here. It would be nice to spend time with you too. I cannot learn what you do, but I think you could learn what I do.”

“Yeah, right? I don’t think I’ll ever be able to kick butt like you do. I don’t think trained Ninja’s can kick butt like you do.”

“This is not about ‘kicking butt’ Rodney. This is about spending time with someone I consider my friend. This is my way of saying thank you for listening and thank you for helping me to remember my mother.” She placed a hand over her heart and her eyes were suspiciously bright when she continued.

“It was painful, it is still painful. Every time I thought of my Mother it was always of that moment and over the years I taught myself not to think of her as the pain was always too much. Now that the burden has been shared I can begin to see past it and remember the other things about her and it softens the pain. I would still carry that burden if it was not for you. You listened to me, cared for me afterwards. Please, just let me say thank you the only way I can.”

Although his thoughts were a little derailed by the utter wrongness of Teyla saying ‘kicking butt’ in her polite, clipped tones it was quickly forgotten as he listened to the rest of the words and more importantly he heard the emotion in them and was touched by them. And really, how am I supposed to say no to that, conniving wench. “How much time are we talking about?” He asked tentatively.

Teyla grinned wide and placed a hand on his forearm as she leaned towards him. “Only an hour. Say, twice a week,” and Rodney knew he had already lost.

“And no-one else needs to know, right? The last thing I need is Colonel-thinks-he-has-a-sense-of-humour and Caveman sidekick to come looking for a laugh.”

“It will be our time,” she replied seriously, “They will not be welcome even if they know what it is we do.” And woe betide them of they do if that tone is anything to go by, thought Rodney

Rodney nodded, if anyone could keep them out then it was Teyla. He couldn’t believe he was agreeing to this. “Okay.”

Teyla beamed and he knew he had made the right decision, just to see her smile that way. He sighed inside. Outside, he tried to respond in like and gave a smile back, it may not be as wide and beaming but it was the thought that counts. “So, when do you want to start?”

“No time like the present,” Teyla said.

“I’m not dressed for it.” He stated sharply. He realised that he had already been thinking that he would be able to find a way around it, given time.

“It is not about physical exertion, Rodney. If you want to you can go back and change before we start and you can dress how you want to at our next session. It will be fine for our first session for you to be dressed this way.”

“Okay.” He resigned himself to the situation.

Teyla rose from her current position, smooth and purposeful. Rodney struggled to his feet, already feeling inadequate in comparison. He stood tense, waiting for instruction.

Teyla walked over to the bench and picked up her bantos sticks. Rodney realised he had left his on the ground. He picked them up and put the blue velvet bag on the bench. When he turned round Teyla was waiting for him. He walked over to her and stood opposite, raising his bantos sticks in front of him at angles and waiting tensely for the impact.

She smiled, “As I said, Rodney. These are practise movements that are designed to relax you and train you in the movements for fighting. Our sticks will only touch as part of the dance. To start with, we will only move through the forms without involving them, but if you will still hold them so you are used to the weight while moving through the forms. Now, if you will just mirror my movements we will move through form after form. Concentrate on the moves, learn the moves and this will help to focus your mind and shut out stray thoughts.”

He nodded in response. Dance, right, he could do this. They began to move, he stumbled through to start with. He concentrated on her movement and began to see the pattern in the movements, he was good at patterns. As his movements started to smooth out he saw her eyes light up and she smiled. It made him try all the more. As they moved through the first routine for the fourth time without error she brought her bantos sticks up and he hesitated.

She smiled ever patient. “I will not harm you, Rodney. The sticks will meet in a semblance of fighting but they will meet softly, as part of the dance. Now you have learnt the movements, it should not take much more for you to learn when and how the sticks will meet. Then we will slowly extend the form session by session.”

“Easy for you to say.”

He took the first position, raising his sticks and nodding resolutely at Teyla. She smiled serenely and they started again. She was right, it was not anything physically exerting in the running out of breath, chest of fire sort of way. His body warmed up with the movement and he could feel his muscles stretch slightly, but it was not pushed to anything near its fullest capabilities.

The gym was quiet, just the sound of their breathing with the occasional gently sound of the sticks meeting. The sound itself almost hypnotic and again he noticed the pattern. They moved through the forms he had learnt so far again and again. Suddenly she stopped and held her sticks to her sides as she gave a short bow. “Thank you, Rodney.”

“What? What did I do something wrong?” He glanced at his feet and then back up to her.

“It has been an hour, Rodney.” She cocked her head to one side, watching him, smiling.

“Already?” He realised the time had passed without him knowing, very rare thing for a man with an internal clock that was correct to the second. He also realised just how relaxed he was. Maybe she had something.

“Okay, when is our next session.”

“Two days?”

“Okay, I’ll… er… I’ll see you tomorrow at the briefing.” He walked over to pick up the blue velvet bag and was just about to walk through the door to leave when he remembered something. He turned round and gave an uncomfortable short bow. “Thank you.”

He gestured over his shoulder with his bantos sticks and hit the door with them, making himself jump. He fumbled them against his chest, saying a short, “night,” before he turned and left.

He walked to his quarters, thinking about the session. He and Teyla were close, close in that they valued each other. They would risk their lives for each other but in the four years he had never done something that was just the two of them except for drinking the tea of the Ancestors ceremony. That was once a year and although he knew she valued it, it was never discussed outside of the ceremony, and it was always a sad time.

This was different. He entered his quarters and stood inside looking at the bantos sticks in his hands. She had bought them for him and she had said they were for someone special. It made him feel warm inside to know that she felt him a friend. That he wasn’t just accepted because he was part of her team, because Sheppard accepted him. It was something that occurred to him sometimes. He still wasn’t sure how Ronon thought of him but now he knew that he and Teyla were friends in their own right and that meant a great deal to him.

She not only accepted him but had done this for him. To say thank you. He lay the bantos sticks reverently on his bedside cabinet, with the blue bag as a cushion for them. He glanced at them again with a small smile as he went into the bathroom and showered, getting ready for bed.

When he came back into his bedroom he sought them out again. He set the alarm for the briefing in the morning and realised he hadn’t thought about ZPM’s in all this time. Maybe she had something about the sleepless nights too. Although, now he would be up all night with excitement about their trip tomorrow, thinking about the things he would do when he got back.

His mind started to race again with all the possibilities. He wasn’t going to sleep tonight. He might as well get up and start working now. He turned to the side to grip the blankets to pull them back and saw the bantos sticks again. He smiled as he remembered going through the forms with them, the quiet sounds broken only by the rhythmic pattern of the sticks hitting each other. He remembered Teyla’s words Spending time with someone I consider my friend.

Rodney McKay fell asleep, with a small smile on his lips and a warm feeling inside.

THE END.

I would like to thank Barcardicider and Jayne Perry again for their Beta skills and support. I hope it is everything Barcardi wanted in her challenge. I still can't believe it went to so many chapters. I could have included the return trip to the planet, but then I would have to include the upgrades to Atlantis and then I would have had to included how they helped in their struggle and it would have turned into a life project so it ends here.

I hope you all enjoyed it.

Mirthxx