a/n: Final chapter! Dedicated to anyone who is still bothering to read it :)

Disclaimer: If I was talented enough to have my own tv show, I would. As it is, I don't own this or anything else.

As he scrubbed the last of the silver glitter spots from an indignant iguana, Howard was feeling a tiny bit annoyed with Vince. The zoo was closed, it was getting dark and he was beginning to suspect that Vince wasn’t even going to come back and help. He knew that he was more annoyed because he just wanted to see him than because he was having to clear up after him (after all, he was used to that by now). And that just made him annoyed with himself.

Vince paused in the entrance of the amphibian enclosure when he caught sight of Howard. He was wrestling a komodo dragon for a coat Vince had made for it out of the fur from a pair of out-of-fashion ugg boots. Annoyance clung to him like a pair of tight trousers. Vince began to think about Howard wearing a pair of tight trousers and felt suddenly hot under the collar. That witch-woman had said he hadn’t come back wrong, but having lustful thoughts about a man flailing around with a lizard clinging to his moustache was clearly not right.

Vince stepped forward and grabbed the lizard from his friend.

“Alright, Howard?” he said as he deposited it back in its tank.

“Yeah, no thanks to you.”

“What do you mean? I just saved your moustache from a vicious tonguing off that dragon!”

“That’s the ninth lizard I’ve had to deal with this afternoon! Where were you when I was sorting out the other eight?”

“I went to see a mystical wise woman who read my aura.”

“Not even in the top ten.”

“What do you mean?”

“Of your excuses for being late. A bit far fetched and not even all that funny.”

“But it’s the truth!” Vince protested. “Anyway, you’re always going on about how you’re a trained and experienced zookeeper, how come that lizard was getting the better of you? You weren’t trying to get off with it, were you, cos you know that only works on llamas…”

“No of course I wasn’t. Lizards just don’t like me, that’s all. I mean, look at it, staring at me with its beady little eyes…”

“You’re calling his eyes beady? What about yours, they’re like two lost raisins embedded in a giant scone.”

“Thanks a lot, Vince. I don’t know why I was bothered about you being late, I think I preferred it when you weren’t here. At least it was quiet.” He knew it wasn’t true even as he said it. He remembered the ghastly silence of the hut when Vince had been dead and how even his lame excuses and insults were better than going back to that. He remembered how he’d told himself he’d give anything even to hear Vince’s god-awful music, as long as it meant he wasn’t alone anymore.

“Yeah, right. You know you can’t live without me, really.” Vince smirked. He’d said it before, or words to that effect. But this time it was different, because this time Howard knew it was true. But maddeningly, Vince didn’t seem to realise this. Howard was torn between grabbing Vince and smacking his head against the wall and grabbing Vince and kissing him hard on the lips. As it turned out, of course, he did neither, but something much worse.

“I think you’ll find I can live without you perfectly well, Vince, after all I did last week and it didn’t kill me.” It was a lie, of course, just another put down, after all they’d both had years of practise at it. It wasn’t until he saw the look of hurt on Vince’s face that Howard realised the mistake he’d made. He didn’t know what to do, what to say, he opened his mouth and closed it again like a socially inept goldfish.

Vince turned and ran out.

…

Howard found him by the antelope enclosure, leaning dejectedly against the fence.

“Vince!” He didn’t look round. “Vince, I’m sorry!” Vince mumbled something and kicked the fence sullenly. “What?” Howard asked, coming closer. Vince turned round, fixing him with a defiant look.

“I said, I wish I’d never died.”

“I’m so sorry. I never even asked you what it was like, the afterlife…”

“It was crap. But it’s not that, it’s…people.” He looked down. “When you’re dead everyone has to be nice to you, but when you come back to life everyone realises how annoying you are bein’ late and stuff…I guess I’m not so lovable when I’m actually alive…” Vince looked at him, biting his bottom lip. Howard’s immediate reaction was Of course you’re lovable, I love you! But aloud all he said was,

“Um…”

“You jazzy Northern bastard! You bloody liar!” Vince shouted suddenly, turning round to face him. “You said you loved me!”

Howard just stared at him. Vince took a small card from his pocket and threw it at Howard. Howard didn’t need to read it. He knew what it was and what it said. He took a deep breath as he realised that maybe it was time to stop lying. He walked carefully over to Vince and put one hand on his shoulder. Vince shrugged it off and turned away. Howard pulled him back, turning him to face him.

“I do,” he said, quietly, stupidly embarrassed. “I do love you.” He leaned in and kissed Vince softly on the cheek, once, twice, then again, covering his face with butterfly kisses before finding his lips. Vince kissed him back without hesitation, letting out a small moan as their tongues slid together. “Oh Vince,” Howard breathed, “I love you so much…”

Suddenly he found himself kissing thin air and opened his eyes in shock. It was although the needle had been ripped from a record playing a smooth, romantic jazz song. Howard shivered at the imaginary sound. That was no way to treat a record. Or a kiss, for that matter. He scratched his head (metaphorically, he didn’t want to look like he had nits, if anything would make Vince run a mile, it was that) trying to figure out what he’d done wrong.

“Do you?” Vince said, staring at him crossly, hands on his hips. “So how come you never said anything, then? The other night…well to be honest, I can’t remember what you said, but the other night when we…you said it was a mistake!”

“I never said that,” Howard said firmly, “I never even thought that. It was the best thing that happened to me since…well, ever.”

“Really?” Vince said, warming slightly. “Um…me too,” he added shyly.

“Really?” Howard said, his small eyes opening wide. “We…we are talking about the same night, right? When we…um…you know…”

“Yeah,” Vince said, thinking about how adorable Howard was when he was all awkward, and how this was just as well since awkward was one of Howard’s more usual states of being. “So…how come you said we should just be friends. Do you love me or not?” he demanded.

“Yes,” Howard replied honestly. “I love you. I love you. I never even realised how much until…When you died…it was hell without you. It hurt every second you were gone…” he broke off, grabbing Vince’s hand and kissing it feverishly as if afraid to let him go again. “I was just scared of losing you again.”

“You idiot,” Vince said, grinning and wrapping his arms around Howard. “As if I would ever leave you.”

“But you did. You died.”

“Yeah well that was hardly on purpose. I didn’t mean to die. Anyway, if I hadn’t, you’d never have realised that you love me. Lucky for you we live in a surreal world with lots of magic and stuff,” Vince said, leaning his head against Howard’s chest. Howard thought about what he’d said, wondering if he ever would have realised his feelings for Vince if he hadn’t been killed. Maybe he would. Maybe it just would have taken longer. Maybe he would have repressed them and become bitter and sad, longing for Vince but unable to admit it even to himself…

“So…” Howard began awkwardly, “Do you…I mean, are we…” he cleared his throat, “That is to say…”

“You’re an idiot,” Vince said again, leaning up to kiss him softly on the lips. Howard sighed happily, a tingling sensation going through him at the contact.

“That’s twice you’ve called me an idiot. Also once each for bloody liar and Northern bastard, but I’m letting you off because you were upset,” he teased, before leaning in to return the kiss.

“Sorry,” Vince said, not sounding it. Then it hit him. Idiot. That was what the batty wise woman had called him. Because…because he wouldn’t admit that he was in love with Howard. Well, now, with Howard kissing him, was as good a time as any for a confession of love. But that would mean having to stop kissing him and he wasn’t sure he wanted to do that just yet.

“I…oh…I just thought you were usually a bit more…mm…inventive with your insults,” Howard said, words punctuated by kisses.

“Yeah?” Vince raised an eyebrow. “Small eyes.” He kissed him again, arms going around his waist.

“Ponce,” Howard retorted, pulling him closer and starting to kiss his neck.

“Jazzer.” He moved his hands lower.

“Is that supposed to be an insult?” Howard murmured, running his hands through Vince’s hair.

Vince’s eyes shone with lust as Howard pushed him against the fence of the enclosure.

“Freak,” he added, almost as an afterthought as he undid a button on Howard’s shirt. Howard found himself wanting to do things to Vince that would not be at all appropriate in a public environment like a zoo. Even if it was closed.

“Please,” he moaned, although he wasn’t sure himself what he meant by it, “Darling…” He pressed his body against Vince’s.

“Oh Howard…” He’d never expected to hear Vince say his name quite like that, in a breathy voice full of admiration and desire. Howard wasn’t sure he’d make it through whatever came next without exploding with love and happiness. This was bliss. Nothing could ruin this moment. “Howard I…”

“Somebody call security! We’ve got canoodlers in the hooved mammal section!”

Nothing, that was, except Bob Fossil.

Howard leapt off Vince like a startled moose. He couldn’t have looked more guilty and embarrassed if he had tried. In fact, if he had been trying, he’d probably have looked more like a crab with trapped wind (he’d never really been able to act). Vince, on the other hand, merely calmly adjusted his dishevelled hair, only his flushed cheeks and shortness of breath giving him away.

“Moon! I might have known. Haven’t I warned you before about interfering with the animals?”

“I wasn’t…”

“Vincey!” Fossil cried, ignoring Howard. “Did you see this pervert bothering the antelope?”

“Um, no, he was with me, actually,” Vince said, for once not dropping Howard in it.

“Oh. Oh,” Fossil repeated as the penny dropped. “Is he paying you, is that it? Because you don’t have to do this sort of thing you know, Vince.” His voice dropped to a loud whisper, “I could pay you double what he’s paying you.”

“Er…thanks, but no thanks,” Vince said, hiding behind Howard.

“Oh well, suit yourself. And Moon, what are you doing with those crab eyes? Haven’t I told you not to steal eyes from the furry zoo people?” And with that he was gone. Vince and Howard turned to look at each other sheepishly.

“This was maybe not the best place for…um…”

“No…”

“Vince?”

“Yeah?”

“What were you about to say? Before.”

“Oh. I…uh…can’t remember.”

“It’s ok,” Howard looked down at the ground, “You don’t have to say it.”

Vince grabbed him and pulled him into a long kiss. “I…”

“Get a room, you two, for goodness sake,” interrupted a voice. Naboo. “What’s wrong with your hut?” He didn’t seem in the least bit surprised to find them kissing, but then Howard suspected that an army of flying monkeys could take over the zoo without it disturbing Naboo’s tranquil demeanour. Vince suspected he was stoned again.

“Oh hey there, Naboo,” Howard said with a feigned breeziness belied by the blush spreading over his face, “We were just…”

“You were just snogging,” Naboo said. “Vince, just tell him you love him already and get this over with. And get me my fifty euros. I know you were lying about that cheque.”

“If I give you fifty euros will you leave us alone?” Howard asked, producing his wallet.

“Cheers,” Naboo said, taking sixty. “Interest,” he explained when Howard opened his mouth to protest.

“Look, Howard, what Naboo said…” Vince began when they were alone again.

“About the fifty euros?”

“No, the other thing…”

“It’s ok…”

“No, it’s not, I had a go at you for not saying anything but I’m just as bad. The thing is, I…er…I love you,” Vince mumbled.

“You do?”

“Yeah. ‘Course.”

“So, maybe he was right,” Howard said.

“What?” Vince blinked at him, confused.

“Maybe we should get a room.”

“Sounds like a good plan to me,” said Vince, throwing his arms around him.

A/N2: Reviews are appreciated :)