Did you steal those plastic ducks?

On a lovely bright and sunny day, a day full of birdie tweets and dancing flowers, a factory pumps pollution into a nearby stream, a car breaks down somewhere in the city and a robbers hold a poor innocent old lady hostage while they rob her of her plastic decorations.

Yes, what a glorious day, a day when employers fire their incompetent employees, when a downtown road rage leave Portuguese corner-shop owners gibbering and cursing the drivers tastefully and emotionally while slumped in their has-been café.

And in a peaceful suburb, the silence is spoiled by an earsplitting wail-song.

“My ducks are over the ocean,” the song begins, “My ducks are over the sea! My ducks are over the ocean. Oh bring back my ducks to me!!”

The voice, as everybody knows, belongs to the rich opera singer Madame Donna Cabonna Gabonna Pavlova Anna Ravioli Spaghetti Lasagna Scarlatti Verde Pollo the Fifth Archduchess of Arizonashire (hold the salt), and she’s not happy.

“Madame, vat is wrong?” asks Igot Kroniksneezesky, a sympathetic Romanian neighbour.

“Madamé, what is wrong?” asks Chenin Blanc, the French alcohol seller.

“Madama, whatta issa wronga?” asks Osole Mio, the Italian music teacher.

“My plastic ducks, they’re gone, they’re gone!!”

She slumps in her chair in the reception room of her mansion while the whole neighbourhood gathers around her.

The crowd gasps.

That was the worst crime ever committed since the notorious bandit, Icollect Shellz picked up a seashell at the seaside in 1321.

Then out of the blue, a figure shoots out of the sky.

Is it a bird, is it a plane?

No its Superhero Detectiveguy.

He’s much more smartmouthed than your average pirate, can change into 10 000 aliens and can travel at the speed of a tortoise.

WOW! Isn’t that amazing ladies and gentlemen?

And as he comes in, his theme song gets played.

THE SUPERHERO DETECTIVEGUY

Music and lyrics by Osole Mio

Who’s that coming down the street, with a PT short and a white T-shirt?

SUPERHERO DETECTIVEGUY!!

Who has all the hopes for mankind?

SUPERHERO DETECTIVEGUY!!

Who doesn’t need a cape to fly but needs tortoise to fly?

SUPERHERO DETECTIVEGUY!!

Who is the only one to say ‘Crime never pays’?

SUPERHERO DETECTIVEGUY!!

SAVE US SUPERHERO DETECTIVEGUY!!

With a flick of his wrist and in just a flash, all badguys are sent to prison

YEAH SUPERHERO DETECTIVEGUY!! OOH-OOH-OOH

And he lands and says with a heroic grin, “Crime never pays!”

And almost everyone passes out by the riveting speech, even I. And I’m just a narrator, oh Superhero Detectiveguy, you are the bestest-estest hero ever.

And Superhero Detectiveguy gives a heroic smile and says, “Crime never pays!”

And some cheerleaders dance around him, screaming, "S-U-P-E-R-H-E-R-O D-E-T-E-C-T-I-V-E-G-U-Y, GO-GO!!"

Author's Comment: Lol, yeah. My inspiration has run dry and I decided on a fanfic full of nonsense and real absurdness!! Thats just to work up my creative glands again. Oh and, psst, the Romanian neighbour's name consists out of 4 words. I got chronic sneezes, and I just added the -sky and changed the ch- and -c of 'chronic' to k. LOL That's really hilarious to me!