Title: Spam

Rating: G

Author's Note: Crackfic at the request of Hydriotaphia.

"Josef? Mick started softly, then revisited the new human urge to yell. He tried to lower his blood pressure as he stared at the plate in front of him, stomach growling. “Josef!"

"What?" the vampire appeared, clutching a bleeding blonde.

“I could have gone to Musso's,” Mick said. “You said anything I wanted. The best Kostan can buy.”

“I got everything on the list,” Josef looked down. Strawberries with aged balsamic, polenta, pinot noir. “And then some.”

Mick pointed to the quivering pinkish substance.

“What is that?”

“Um,” the blonde spoke up. “Spam.”

"What the FUCK is spam? Can't you read? I wrote 'ham' – 'HAM'!"

“Oh,” Josef took a last lick of his dinner. “No wonder Emeril looked so funny.”