|The Legend of Eevee: Pokéflute of Time
Author: that one little guy PM
The crossover you've been dreading: It's Ocarina of Time, but everybody's a Pokémon! Enjoy this less than accurate retelling of the classic game where the Hero of Time is an idiotic Pichu and his partner is the bitchiest Happiness Pokémon you've ever met!Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Pichu - Chapters: 40 - Words: 74,036 - Reviews: 442 - Favs: 233 - Follows: 114 - Updated: 04-12-11 - Published: 09-23-08 - Status: Complete - id: 4555560
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: Damn. It seems like I can't stick to one game/show/whatever for more than a month, 'cause here I am making my debut in yet another one. (facedesk) Actually, I've had the idea for this story for more than a year, but I told myself I wouldn't start it until after I was done with my last big project since I didn't want to be working on too many things at the same time. I'm actually totally surprised that no one else thought of this and beat me to it (WHICH HAS HAPPENED TO ME), but I'm not complaining!
One more thing: Even though I came up with the idea by myself, I also got a lot of inspiration from The Great Chicken Miasma's "Pikario & Chuigi" series. If you haven't read it yet, DO EET. NAO. In the meantime, I just hope I can write something as good.
So in the immortal words of Strong Bad, let's get this train wreck a-rolling!
The Legend of Eevee: Pokéflute of Time
It was another fine day in the Kokiri Forest, and everybody was happy. Well, everybody except Celebi, since he was dying. This kind of sucked, since he was the guardian spirit of the forest and responsible for everyone who lived there. So after he couldn't deny his fate any longer, he called for his closest friend, by which I mean the only person in the whole forest who could tolerate his presence.
"Togetic! Togetic, where are you?"
"Togetic, please. I need you."
"TOGETIC, GET YOUR SPOTTED ASS DOWN HERE!"
"Mom, I'm telling you for the last time, do not marry the guy," came a voice from high up in the trees. "At least find out what that smell coming from his trunk is… oh, sorry, I'm gonna have to call you back." There was the sound of a cell phone clicking shut, and Togetic came floating down. "Okay, C, this better be important."
"Togetic, my dear friend… listen to my words, the words of the great Celebi."
"You know I hate it when you refer to yourself in the third person like that. Now what's the problem?"
"Togetic, I'm going to be frank. I'm dying."
"Well, I told you to lay off the drugs, you know."
"That's not why I'm dying, dum-dum pop! An evil Pokémon of the desert has placed a terrible curse on me!"
"Well, that sucks. Too bad Togetics are completely useless and therefore I can't do a thing about it."
"No argument there. So I need you to find someone who can help. It seems the time has come for the oddly-colored Pichu to begin his journey."
"…The oddly-colored Pichu?"
"Yes, Togetic. We only have one oddly-colored Pichu. Now just go get him, okay?"
"I dunno, C. I'm pretty tired of taking crap from you. What if I don't want to?"
"I'll show everybody that embarrassing picture of you getting drunk and dancing to Rick Astley at the Christmas party."
"I'm on it."
Togetic really hated living in the Kokiri Forest. Apart from Celebi, there were also all the overly-cheerful Grass-types who lived there. Being the only Flying-type made it difficult, and being an extremely cranky Flying-type made it just plain annoying.
"Hello there!" called up a Chikorita as she flew past.
"Screw you," she called back down.
Finally she arrived at the house Celebi had mentioned. Flying up to the window and peering in, she saw somebody curled up asleep on a bed.
He was indeed oddly-colored. All the places where Pichus were normally black – his ears, his collar, his tail – he was forest green instead, and his cheeks were light green rather than pink.
"Can the fate of Hyrule really depend on such an oddly-colored Pichu?" Togetic wondered to herself. "Well, I guess I'd better get this over with."
She slowly backed up and then charged straight through the window – only to crash through the glass she hadn't realized was there and land on the floor in a twitching bloody heap. Pichu woke up very quickly.
"What the – WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?" he cried.
"I don't suppose you have any antiseptic," Togetic groaned as she sat up and pulled the glass out of herself. "Anyway, my name's Togetic."
"Are you here to be my friend?"
"What? For the love of – no. I'm only here because Celebi sent me. He says he wants to see you."
"Celebi wants to see ME?" Pichu squealed in delight, prancing joyfully around the room and only stopping when Togetic grabbed him by his head.
"Don't do that. Oh, and there's one more thing. Not that I care or anything, but Celebi says you have been feeling unhappy lately."
Pichu's ears drooped. "Well, yes," he admitted. "I'm already ten years old and I haven't learned a single Grass attack." He looked up at Togetic hopelessly. "But I must be a Grass-type because I'm living here in Kokiri Forest! Isn't that right?"
"…Sure, whatever. Anyway, he told me to give you this." She pulled out a very large, razor-edged leaf and stuffed it into his hands.
"What's this thing?"
"It's a leaf from the Great Deku Tree, genius. Now you can use Leaf Blade."
"OMG NO WAI!" Pichu shrieked in delight, throwing his arms around Togetic and squeezing the life out of her. "THANK YOU SO MUCH! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!"
"I don't get paid enough for this," Togetic groaned.
Pichu came scampering out of his house, unable to contain his excitement, with Togetic slowly and reluctantly following behind him.
"This is so exciting! I can't wait to show everybody! They'll all be so jealous! I can finally – WAAAAAAAAAUGH!" he screamed as he fell off the twenty-foot-high platform his house was on and landed squarely on his head.
"Where am I?" he said faintly.
"Hey, keep doing that. If you get massive enough brain damage, maybe you'll die and I won't have to do anything."
"Pichu! Pichu!" came an excited voice from up ahead. Pichu and Togetic both turned around to see Pichu's best (and probably only) friend, Leafeon, running toward them. Like Pichu, she was just a kid, and so was very small for her evolutionary level.
"Good morning, Pichu! Did you fall out of your house again? It's my job to ask since I have to make sure you don't get too much brain trauma and – hey, who's that?"
Pichu hugged Togetic again. "This is my new friend, Togetic!"
"Let go or I'll kill you in your sleep."
"Oh, and look what she gave me!" Pichu said to Leafeon, pulling out his leaf and swinging it demonstratively. "LEAF BLADE! …Uh oh."
Pichu's Leaf Blade went flying out of his hands and a chorus of screams went up as it painfully slashed through a large group of people standing twenty feet away.
"MY BRAINS!" shrieked an unfortunate Oddish.
"That's great, Pichu!" Leafeon giggled. "You're a true Grass-type now! If you weren't so fat and ugly I'd consider going out with you."
"Isn't she the greatest?" Pichu said dreamily to Togetic.
"Yeah, peachy. Now can we please get going? The longer we stay here the more I want to stab my eyes out."
Pichu geekily waved goodbye to Leafeon as Togetic dragged him across the forest towards the entrance to Celebi's grove. Unfortunately for Togetic's already-minimal patience, along the way they were bombarded by the greetings of the famously friendly Grass-types.
"Hey, Pichu! Do you know how to Z-Target?" said a Bulbasaur.
"Doing backflips is fun, don't you think?" said a Hoppip.
"Do you have any spare change?" said a Roselia.
"WOULD YOU ALL FREAKING LEAVE ME ALONE?" Togetic finally screamed, spinning around to face them and karate chopping them into unconsciousness.
"Was that really necessary?" Pichu asked meekly.
"Completely. Okay, Celebi's grove is just over this way and – oh, great. Do I have to karate chop somebody else?"
"I wouldn't," Pichu replied worriedly. The person standing with his arms folded in front of the entrance, barring their way, was Treecko, the leader of the Grass-types.
"Just what do you think you're doing, Pichu?" he said insufferably. "Are you trying to see Celebi? You know he doesn't like fat people."
"She said I have to." Pichu pointed timidly at Togetic.
"Oh no, you're not dragging me into this."
"Don't be an idiot! Why would he ever want to see you? You're useless! You don't even know any Grass attacks!" Treecko snapped at him.
"That's not true! Watch this!" Pichu used Leaf Blade!
"…Okay, that was impressive," Treecko conceded once he had pulled the leaf out of his forehead. "But I'm still not gonna let you pass."
"'Cause I'm just a heel like that."
"All right, I've had enough of this," Togetic said decisively, shoving Pichu aside and facing Treecko. "Hey lizard boy, I got a riddle for you. What's black and green and red all over?"
Treecko looked confused and impatient. "I don't know, what?"
"Your face, after I do this," said Togetic, slugging him squarely between the eyes.
"Wow, T-money, that was really cool," Pichu remarked as he climbed over Treecko's mangled body and followed her down the path. "Can I call you that? T-money?"
"If you do I will make every waking moment of your existence a torrent of pain and suffering."
"T-money it is."