This is for Lauralot. Because I blame the entire last scene on her. XD

Chapter 19

Something was different between Highness and Harvey.

Joker licked his lips as he stared at the two sitting on the couch watching the boob tube. For starters, they were sitting next to each other. Now, he knew that they were possibly screwing each other thanks to the little hand caught in the cookie jar kitchen incident, but that didn’t mean shit. People who hated each other could have sex if only to have something to do. It looked like his little pets had been hiding out for a while and it’s natural that urges might take over. Especially with Harvey considering that guy seemed addicted to relationships.

It was no wonder he was developing a separate personality, Harvey was the type who couldn’t stand to be alone.

But looking at those two now? More had changed between them than possible screwing beneath the sheets. Besides, the close proximity of course. It was in the way they shared looks of the eyes and talked quietly. And those tiny little smirks and smiles. The longing looks that Harvey sent towards Scarecrow when he wasn’t looking didn’t hurt to reinforce his theory that something was up either.

Joker narrowed his eyes; and in the new scratch on Harvey’s coin. Highness put it there. Had to have. Harvey wouldn’t have marred that coin of his own volition. Unless he flipped for it, or something. Joker twitched the corner of his mouth as Harley girl snuggled into his side on the love seat. Two-Face was sitting almost as close to the Queen. Joker felt the twitch before it happened and rubbed his lip fiercely.

Harvey was acting like a big old watch dog. That’s what it was. Joker sniffed and rubbed his nose with a nervous twitch as his brain pieced together the little bits of the puzzle. That’s what Harvey Two-Face was doing with all the closeness and secret looks and quiet chats. He was watching out for Joker’s little Scarecrow in ways such as developing a nasty habit of covering Highness’ mouth whenever he was about to say something stupid or threatening to knock him out. All in all it was really starting to ruin his fun.

“Somethin’ the matter puddin’?” Harley spoke up as her Mr. J tensed and relaxed over and over like some sort of breathing machine that inhaled and exhaled air. “You’re looking a little under.”

“Nothing’s the matter, Harley girl. Just thinking about what we’re going to do with our time. We’ve been getting all comfy and quiet and it’s making me edgy.”

“Well, maybe we could do something fun.” Harley placed a delicate finger on her chin. “Got anything in mind?”

“Not sure yet, Harley doll.” Joker licked his lips and stood up. “How about you fellas? Any ideas to alleviate the, uh, growing boredom?”

Crane kept his mouth shut.

Despite what many would say, Dr. Jonathan Crane was by no means an idiot. Even he could take the hint that every time he spoke to the Joker Harvey would hit him. Or cover his mouth. Or some other brutish method to make sure dear Dr. Crane’s mouth didn’t somehow inadvertently anger the clown. And well, since Jonathan had nothing nice to say to the Joker anyway, the good old Scarecrow kept his mouth shut and merely glared.

Harvey lifted the one eyebrow he had left and shrugged before turning on the television.

Crane crossed his arms and stared down at his leg still entrapped in a cast. It really wasn’t fair.

“I don’t uh, hear any suggestions. Surely you two have been up to something in the past few weeks?”

“Not much.” Harvey smiled and started to rub some of the dead skin on his burnt hand. Amazing how some of it was still flaking off. “Watched some television, twiddled with some chemicals, went to the grocery store and other things like that. Nothing special.”

“I get it, I get it. You two were all cute and domestic.” Joker rolled his eyes and walked over to one of Harvey’s bags. He propped a foot on the edge of a square suitcase he didn’t remember them having before. One with a pretty little lock. He nudged it with his foot. “But that still doesn’t uh, explain these.”

Harvey congratulated himself for keeping his face wiped of emotion when Joker kicked the latches of the case and it spilled open revealing three or four hand guns Harvey and Crane had secured for their little run on the Gotham Police. Joker kicked the case again and the box of ammo that had been hastily thrown into the case spilled out over the floor, the shells making little clinks and whines as they hit the wood floor. “A man can’t be a man in Gotham without a gun, now can he?” Harvey smirked. “And I assure you, they’re American made.”

“You’ll forgive me if I don’t believe you. It’d be uh, one thing if you had one gun each for some sort of protection.” Joker paused. “But then it’d be only one because uh, guns don’t really suit his Highness over there. So it’d be, one, gun.”

Harvey’s eye twitched slightly to the side and Crane was getting an evil little smile on his face. Clearly someone was amused at Two-Face being put under the spotlight. Harvey just prayed the little snit would keep his mouth shut. Two-Face’s vengeance against the police was none of Joker’s business. “Maybe I like to have options.”

“Or an excuse to flip your little coin. I could buy that, I could.” Joker smirked and licked his lips. Harvey had a secret; he could tell from the man’s eyes. Joker nearly giggled. “But uh, then there’d be two.”

“And you’s two got five!” Harley interjected from the love seat head sitting in her hands while she sprawled out. Her legs tapped each other absently as she giggled.

“Yes.” Joker frowned. He hated being interrupted but now wasn’t the time. Harley was an irritant but she had her uses. For now, he had other things to deal with. “As Harley-girl just pointed out, you’ve got more than enough for self protection. Now maybe you could explain, while I still have my patience about me of course, why you need so many guns and little bullets uh,” Joker nudged a fallen shell. “Rolling about.”

“I already told you.”

“And you, uh, lied to me Harvey-boy. You’re a lawyer though, so it’s probably second nature for ya and you just can’t help it. I’ll just have to ask his Highness over there. Scarecrow’s are horrible liars after all. Don’t have the brain power to tell anything other than the truth.”

“Why you bastard.” Screw Harvey and his intervention! Jonathan Crane would not be called an idiot and let it stand!

“Hush.” Joker glared strong enough to make the Scarecrow swallow his next word. “Unless you want to tell me what the guns are for, alright Your Majesty? Come now, it’s not like a Queen to stay silent.”

“Princess.” Harvey suddenly blurted out.

“Excuse me?” Joker turned over to Harvey and paused. The roots of his hair were suddenly starting to itch; a good sign that a little confusion might be seeping into his brain.

“Crane. He’s not a Queen. He’s more like a Princess.” Harvey could feel the heat coming from an increasingly flustered Jonathan Crane, but he didn’t care. You couldn’t win an argument with the Joker without it ending in violence. But you could distract him and make him forget what he was talking about. “So if you have to call him some senseless nickname, you should call him Princess.”

“What is the matter with you?” Scarecrow smacked Harvey’s side. “Don’t encourage this madness!”

“His name, Harvey, is the Queen of England.” Joker paused momentarily. “Or His Highness. The joke doesn’t make any sense if you call him a ‘Princess.’” The Joker put air quotes around the word ‘princess’ as if to emphasize how idiotic Harvey was sounding right now.

Harvey pressed forward. “Princess suits him more. He’s like a spoiled brat waiting for people to obey him and getting angry when they don’t. Queen’s take rule and have authority.” Harvey smiled. “He’s a Princess.”

“Now you listen right here!” Joker stepped towards Harvey with his hand in accusatory finger point. The case of guns forgotten. “His nickname is ‘Queen’ and no one gets to call my little Scarecrow that but me!”

“Fine, I’ll call him Princess. Just to remind you that yours is insufficient.”

This was ulcer inducing. Migraine inducing. Any stress related malady inducing. Crane had no other words to describe the fire that was burning in his chest and head and every part of his body that he felt at the indignity of these two imbecilic morons arguing over what female member of royalty he should be called. Scarecrow had never wanted to kill two people more in his life. Harley laughing her head off in the corner at Harvey and Joker now arguing as if they were in a court of law did not help the matters either.

How did this argument even get started? Crane bit his lip unsure of how to make his presence known yet again as he was ignored. Joker was trying to interrogate them into explaining why they had ammunitions stored away and then Harvey starts up with this princess nonsense...oh. Scarecrow nearly rolled his eyes.

Distraction tactic.

Now on the same wavelength as his extempore partner, Crane’s anger subsided about as much as a tide from the bay. Not as close to the shore, but still very much moving and crashing waves against the unstable sand. Harvey didn’t want the Joker in on his decision to attack the GPD and establish himself as the newest mob boss in Gotham. Not that Crane blamed him, but really, couldn’t he have thought of something better to distract the Joker with?

“He’s not a Princess! That’s not funny!” Joker screamed.

“Joke’s old, Joker.” Harvey with a grin that could have hunted down a snark. “Time for something new.”

“You’re just spinning off my joke. And badly I might add.” Joker snarled. “I know exactly what His Highness is and better than you.”

“Are you sure? Last time I checked he willingly stayed with me for a few weeks. Didn’t you have to chain him to things?” Harvey was pushing things now, but dammit he was angry and tired and there was this voice in his head that was screaming at him to take the Joker down a peg. To hurt him. “I think at the end of the day I know him better and he prefers my company to yours. What do you think of that?”

And the challenge was made. Silence hung over the room as the Joker’s face twisted into a calm, ugly face. Anger had silenced him and it could only be moments before his volcano of a temper erupted and took them all out.

Scarecrow hated to admit that he was an object of possession, but right now he was. Not that he was sure how he ended up being the point of affection for an insane lunatic and a very lonely man with attachment issues, but he was there. Perfect, Crane needed a distraction for the distraction before things turned ugly. And with four loaded handguns sitting on the floor, they couldn’t afford for things to get ugly.

Harley’s stomach growled.

All three turned towards her as she giggled nervously. “Uh, sorry boys. Guess I’m a little hungry. We haven’t eaten today, aren’t you boys hungry? Maybe that’s why everyone’s so grumpy.”

Joker rubbed the back of his head and chewed on the inside of his cheek. The dramatic tension had been ruined so there wasn’t much of a point to continue. He took a side look at Harvey and the surprisingly silent Scarecrow before spying a bullet on the floor. Ah yes, the gun case. Looks like he’d have his work cut out for him digging secrets from his two little pets. He’d have time for that later. “Right you are, Harley-girl!” Joker smacked his hands together. “Let’s get something to eat.”

“Yay! Let’s go pick something up, okay Puddin?”

“I can do that.” Joker turned to regard the troublemakers. “You two behave now while Mommy and Daddy are out. No having sex on the furniture.”

“JO-” Crane was cut off by Harvey’s hand on his mouth. He considered biting it.

“I mean it.” With a laugh Joker headed out the door after Harley as she skipped along, almost oblivious to the tension previously in the room.

“So what was that about?” Crane growled at Harvey as soon as the door shut.

Harvey shrugged but smiled inside. Crane really was a woman, what with his hands on his hips and all that. “I don’t want him in on my plans. He’s a loose canon and can seriously screw things up.” Harvey walked over to the gun case and clicked it closed again after putting the weapons back in it. He wasn’t going to hide the case, per-say, but if it was out of sight Joker was less likely to bring it up again.

“I know that you idiot!” Scarecrow took his hands from his hips and gripped them tightly into fists. “You act like I would have told him. I want to know what that princess stuff was all about! Couldn’t you have thought of anything else?”

“Nope, first thing that came to mind. And it’s true you know,” Harvey smirked and dropped his back against the door. He started flipping his coin in the air and tried not to adore the whistling sound as it spun. “You are a princess.”

“Thin ice.”

“I’m so scared.” Harvey picked himself up from the door and walked to his and Crane’s room picking up the gun case as he went. He shoved the case under the bed with a tap of his foot. It was an obvious hiding place; Joker would never look there. He paused suddenly and could feel the wicked grin spreading on the part of his face that could still turn up. He called out over his shoulder “Hey Princess!”

“What?” Crane answered before gasping and covering his mouth. The mortification was too much and his anger had reached the point where he could only sputter as he tried to grasp the motor skills needed to form words through the rage.

“Guess that settles it.” Harvey laughed. “Princess it is.”