In Love.

A/N: For haruyan, inspired partially by a line in your Gin/Kira fic, and for your birthday. Sorry it's late, and it's not quite what you asked for, but I tried. Unbetaed, will be updated when my beta actually gets back to me.
Fandom: Bleach.
Pairing: Gin/Kira main, with a side order of Aizen/Gin and Shuuhei/Kira .
Warnings: Dark, more than likely OOC, fetish, fluff, sex, not too explicit violence, angst, dub con, mentioned threesomes, ect.
Disclaimers: The characters are not mine, and I am not writing for profit.

Kira was in love.

It was just as he had expected love to feel like and more, a nagging tug at his heart, a fluttery feeling in his stomach, and a strong rush of breathless elation when the object of his love was near. He couldn't think, could barely focus, and was dangerously close to making a fool of himself in the workforce...

Which seemed to amuse the object of his affections.

He smiled as he stacked the paperwork, watching him from the corner of his eyes, not wanting to be caught, but not able to help it. He loved that smile, that warmth, that odd accent. Gin was so fascinating, so exciting...

And Gin was also dangerous, all of that sweet happiness had an odd, slightly unpleasant undertone to it, and that was so sexy to Kira, it made him want Gin all the more. His whole existence was obsessing, he craved to be near him, nothing else really compared in his heart. He wanted to tell him so badly...

But he hadn't really a chance. Gin had been, according to the local rumor mill and gossip mongers, linked to both Aizen and Matsumoto, and against those options, he might as well have been invisible. How could dull little Kira compare to a voluptuous beauty like Matsumoto, or the handsome gentleness of Captain Aizen?

It was almost to much to bear...

It went this way, day after day, week after week, and nothing changed. He could not get the courage to speak his mind, he allowed fear to make his path, or lack thereof. It didn't matter how much he was in love with Gin, he wasn't willing to risk rejection...

So he suffered, alone and in love.

It had been several months since he had realized that he was too afraid to tell his captain of his love for him, and it had been several months of suffering.

He had finally gone out with some friends to drink his sorrows away, as a temporary null to the pain, although he knew that trying to solve such issues with alcohol was like trying to treat an amputation with a simple bandage.

Still, he figured that one night without feeling so useless would be worth it. He drank, laughed, cried, joked and preformed a rather womanly and obscene striptease with Renji on a table for the viewing pleasure of several shocked men and women, one of which made his eyes widen when he realized whom he was.

Him...

His loved and adored one, whom had just watched him and Renji writhe against each other like a couple of common harlots...

“Captain, I'm so sorry!”

And just like that, he fell from the table, and passed out against the cold floor, and did not wake again until morning.

If Kira had gotten his way about it, he wouldn't have woken up at all.

Kira woke up with a splitting headache, and painful nausea, his body weak and his eyes shutting closed sharply at the light. Gods, now he remembered why he wasn't fond of excessive drinking, he always felt awful the next day. He was naked, and wrapped in a blanket, on some stranger's bed, and for the life of him he could not figure out how he had gotten there.

It was not a comforting feeling at all.

Worse was the painful memory of the fact that he and Renji had done a fabulous impersonation of two female brothel dancers right in front of him. This would not look good at work. He sat up, and stretched, figuring he'd get dressed, and get the hell out of there and home before any further embarrassment could be had, but he was interrupted as he reached for his garments...

“What'cha doing? It ain't nice ta leave so early.”

He felt as if his heart had jumped into his chest, and he clutched the blankets against himself.

“Captain... I am so sorry, I had no excuse...”

He looked away, ashamed. He had acted so foolishly, if only he had kept control of himself...

“Why such a face? It ain't suited to ya.”

He felt the bed shift, and a weight settle next to him, and then, a thin, boney hand rest on his head, long fingers playing in his hair. He didn't move, didn't speak, but just sat in shame.

“Aww, poor Izuru, all sad like. Last night you were so silly an' dancing an' having a good time, but now ya look all lost. Tell Captain all bout' it.”

He tried to think up an answer that would suffice, that would make him look powerful and unafraid, but Gin wrapped an arm around him, and pulled him close, and between the stress, the headache, and being utterly lovesick, it was just too much to keep in. He broke down and cried against Gin's chest, clinging to him and he finally confessed.

“Ah, so that's tha' problem then.”

Kira nodded, and awaited rejection.

“Good! You can be my woman then, since you're real pretty. We'll be in love.”

Kira nearly fainted at such a bold and definitive decision. Had he heard right? Was Gin just teasing him? If he was, it was the cruelest thing that he could have done...

“Captain? Are... Are you serious?”

Gin nodded, the usual smile growing a bit larger.

“Yeah, and we'll get married in a few months, an' you can wear a pretty dress, and have my babies. Then, we'll live happily ever and after just like in the storybooks. Ain't that a grand idea?”

Oh, how cruel could one be? He had to be joking!

“Captain... I'm sorry that I inconvenienced you last night... I'll be going now.”

He tried to stand, but was yanked back down to the bed by his wrist.

“Didn't ya hear me?”

“But... I assumed you were joking, and that last sentence seemed to be mocking, with the marriage and children bit...”

“I wasn't.”

“But Captain, men can't...”

“You'll look so pretty as a bride, and Mayuri can cut ya open and fix ya up so you can have my babies. Is that good enough? Don't ya trust your Captain? Don't ya want to be my bride? I thought that ya loved me.”

Kira bit his lip, and nodded.

“I do... I am so sorry for doubting you!”

Gin smiled, and pulled him in for a kiss, it was perfect, too perfect, just like out of any of Kira's fluffiest, cutest fantasies. It was so gentle, and it just did not seem like a good omen for some reason...

“Let's practice being married.”

“Huh?”

“You ain't all there yet, are ya? Let's practice being married. I'll get the pretty dress.”

Kira watched in an odd mix of horror and fascination as Gin retrieved a breathtaking dressing gown, obviously meant for a woman, and laid it out on the bed, watching and waiting.

“Captain?”

“Hmm?”

“Why do you have a woman's garment in your possessions?”

“Ah, Aizen gave it to me, I was almost his bride once. I wore it for him when we would practice being married... But now, all I got is you. He don't want me no more...”

Kira watched as Gin dramatically clutched a hand to his chest, but that smile made it hard to gage whether he was teasing or not. It was funny how that silly smile could turn ominous and creepy just by the situation surrounding it...

“Do you want me to?...”

He just could not force himself to say it. Between his hangover, the love confession, and Gin's demands for the scenario, this was all a bit too much for him to handle. Thankfully, Gin spoke up, so he couldn't dwell on it too much.

“Put it on, and let's practice being married.”

“Yes Captain.”

He pulled the dressing gown on, feeling the threadbare patches, how old it really was. He could almost smell Aizen on it, that odd masculine scent that wasn't Gin, and he could almost see him in his mind. Had they practiced being married on this very bed?

And what had his captain meant by that term anyway? Sex? Some odd roleplay? A mix of both? He was both disturbed and very aroused by the idea of it. Once he was dressed, he looked to his captain, craving some sort of comment, a bit of affirmation of some kind.

“You look pretty... Just like a bride.”

Gin moved fast, and all of the sudden Kira found himself on his back, with Gin looming over him like some predator above it's prey, ready to amuse itself before going in for the kill. He smiled down at him, that face showing nothing but happiness and kindness, but all of the sudden Kira felt very small, and very afraid.

“Captain, maybe we should play another day?”

“Nah, We'll have fun now. You'll like it Izuru, trust me.”

The order carried such a weight to it, such a darkness. Kira was so scared, all he could do was lay there. If he said no... What if Gin refused to be with him? He wanted to be Gin's bride, he really did...

But he feared what lurked behind that smile.

He finally laid still, and allowed his beloved to do as he would, not matter how much he trembled, nor how his heart raced.

Gin kissed him again, another perfectly gentle one, and then the smile shifted again, larger and more imposing. Kira bit his lower lip and those hands, those talented, powerful hands crept over his body, touching him, scratching him, and fondling him roughly. The gentleness was slowly wearing away, leaving something dark and primal in it's place...

His beloved was a different person right now.

It didn't feel bad really, as Gin forced himself upon him, as long as he lay still, and didn't struggle they both won. He got his lover, and Gin got his sex.

No one loses...

Gin seemed preoccupied with Kira's wrists, and bit at one of them, hard, watching the skin redden from the harshness of the action. Kira squirmed, but kept quiet.

“You like being my bride?”

Kira nodded.

“Well, I like being the husband for once. Don't ya think I make a good one?”

Once again, nodding was all that he could suffice to do.

He felt his legs forced apart, and those wicked finger's nudging at his entrance. It wasn't what he had expected, wasn't this supposed to be a loving, gentle act? It certainly didn't feel like it, and as Gin pushed his fingers into him it hurt, it stung and burned, and he didn't really want this anymore, but he knew that it was too late to stop, but maybe he could convince him to be careful.

“Captain, it hurts!”

“It's cause you're a virgin, it always hurts the first time, didn't ya know? It's how you can tell a bride is pure. I hurt the first time, I bled. You will too, cause I know that yer pure and good.”

Oh, that was not comforting at all.

He bit his lip harder as he was insufficiently prepared, and then, he felt a worse pain as Gin replaced the thin fingers with his length, and thrust in roughly. He felt as if he was being ripped apart, and he doubted that this could feel good. How could people want to do this? It was not arousing, it was not pleasurable, just sweaty and dirty and disgusting...

He found nothing pleasant about this whatsoever...

That was, at least, until Gin angled his thrusts and hit Kira's prostate. Then, it was worth the pain, it was good and exciting, and burning pleasure coursed through his body at every thrust. It made the pain seem worth it, and maybe the next time wouldn't hurt so much. It was messy, sloppy, violent sex, and it didn't take long for either of them to reach climax, and the sting of Gin's seed in his abused entrance brought him crashing back down from his orgasm to reality.

It was over.

Gin pulled out, and spread Kira's legs, smiling larger at whatever he saw there.

“You were pure, I knew it! Ya bled just like a girl.”

Kira laid his head back, and sighed, not sure of how to answer.

“You were my first...”

He knew that if he had bled, it was only because Gin was too rough with him. He didn't understand the 'virgin bride' fetish, couldn't they just be two men in bed? It seemed like a strong lust for Gin though, so he would put up with it then...

All he wanted now was to lay back, and to sleep off the pain and his hangover...

Gin had other ideas though.

“You look so pretty, all defiled an' bleedin', it makes me want ya again.”

Kira's eyes widened in fear. He was in no condition to go again, it would hurt too badly...

“Captain, please no, just let me rest? We can do more later! I swear!”

“No worries, I'll take good care of ya, that's what a husband does.”

Again, he was mounted roughly, and this time it hurt worse. He didn't know what to do, or how to react...

He was too scared once again, he didn't want to lose his newfound love, the one he had swooned and daydreamed over. He had suffered without him, so none of that would mean anything if he gave up now. And if he had been Aizen's 'bride' before, then it wasn't Gin's fault that he was this way, it was something that they could work through...

But as he was used, and his body wracked with pain, and he watched the darker part of Gin emerge, he wondered if it was worth it to be loved...

For anyone else, no.

For Gin, it was.

“C'mon, it'll be ok.”

Kira felt the rough hand stroking his hair, whispering clumsy but sincere words of comfort, and although there was little eloquence here, the comfort was worth more than his lover would ever know...

Gin was gone.

Gin had never loved him, although he most certainly loved Kira's body, his heart loved another... Gin had never stopped being Aizen's 'bride' either. Kira had suffered when he had discovered that, and for a while, in the name of the greater good that was preserving his relationship with Gin, he had been Aizen's 'bride' too. He had suffered, and mourned, and degraded himself all because he had loved Gin, and Gin was now gone. All he had left was the scars that Gin had left and the knowledge that he had been nothing more that an amusing plaything to break in Gin's eyes...

It was almost too much to bear...

Almost.

His companion's voice broke the silence temporarily.

“Shh... I'm here. Stop crying.”

He tried to, he really did, but the tears still flowed, and he just could not stop them. His companion didn't speak again, but hummed some old lullaby to soothe, and it did help a bit. He rested his head against the juncture of his companion's neck, and the tears did slow a bit.

He had suffered for nothing, believed Gin's lies, and now had to live with his decision.

But as he felt that at least he would not have to live with it alone.

After this, he would leave the room with his resolve back, and face the world with a quiet strength. It was what was right, what was expected of him...

Shuhei shook his head, and sighed.

“Are you ok now? We're going to be late.”

Kira nodded, and stood, washing his face and tidying his clothes before giving a small kiss to him before they headed out. His relationship with Shuhei was nothing like his relationship with Gin had been like, there were no fetishes, no rough sex, in fact, they hadn't gone past foreplay at this point, but that suited Kira just fine. Even many months after the betrayal, the wounds were still fresh, and he was in no rush to have sexual relations with anyone, beloved or not...

It would be a long time until he was well again, and could trust someone that intimately.

But that fact that he knew that Shuhei was in love with him helped immensely. And it made him so happy when he realized that once again, he was in love.

A/N part 2: Happy Birthday!