At a time when politicians and CEO's buy and sell the destinies of millions, the Shitennou are there to quell their greed. Like stalwart dams holding back a flood of corruption, they will fight everlasting their crusade against corporate tyranny and the black arts of politics.

Adins Presents

"My Four Kings"

Today's Episode: More Songs about Buildings and Food

"Gentlemen this is one of the most impressive lots we have up for sale." Andrew spoke as he flipped through his 3-ring binder of real estate notes, "It's a mid 1930's build, fully exposed brick and steel construction, exquisite art deco embellishments throughout. It was completely overhauled and updated to modern standards including thermal treatment, central air, fiber optic connections, and a top-of-the-line Brinks security system. The previous owners bought it with the same intent to open up a restaurant, but they had to sell due to economic stress."

"It looks like a fancy crack house." Nephrite intoned as gently as a boulder careening through a forest of saplings.

Kunzite's right hand had already balled itself into a fist and pulled back for a thunderous jab to the back of Nephrite's head when he summoned the will to stop himself. The elder king swallowed his pride and considerable anger and turned to Andrew with a schlocky smile plastered over gritting teeth.

"It might be a tiny bit upper-crust for our needs." He stated more eloquently than his boisterous companion.

"Plus I don't know about this whole art deco thing." Jadeite mentioned as he ran a finger over a classic art deco sculpture of a hunched man holding up a pillar that supported the ceiling, "I really don't think I'd be comfortable with all these androgynous statues staring at me all the time."

"Well guys, I mean, I want to see the housing market turn around as much as the next guy, but this is a seriously good deal!" Andrew pitched as hard as he could, "A lot like this should be listing for almost three times as much as we're asking. On top of that, it's in a good part of town, very well located for the type of establishment you want to open, there's an excellent nightlife, and it's a helluva nice building!"

"I like it." Zoisite gave his two cents as he fidgeted in place, obviously bored by the process, "I think we should go with this one."

"Yes, because the prom queen has found a suitable dress, we should just bow to his whims." Nephrite said and took a swig of something from a poorly concealed flask shoved up the sleeve of his leather jacket.

Kunzite's arms flew around the necks of Zoisite and Nephrite and lurched them down and away from Andrew so he couldn't hear what was being said. They both unsuccessfully tried to wiggle out of the headlock, but Kunzite just tightened his grip and whispered into their ears:

"If you two don't shut your mouths and stop embarrassing me I'm going to eviscerate you right in front of everyone, tie your intestines together, and make you shit out the other person's ass. Got it?"

Zoisite nodded like a disobedient child and Nephrite grinned devilishly as he said, "I'm going to humor you just because that was an excellent threat."

"Wonderful." Kunzite said, painfully slapped each of his compatriots on the back, and spun them all around to face Andrew again, fake smiles in place.

"Like I said Andrew," Kunzite continued right along as though nothing had happened, "The Four Kings Bar and Grill isn't what you'd call the type of establishment to cater to a "night life." We don't intend to have neon-colored cocktails, fog machines, and Soulja Boy on repeat. We're shooting for more of a roadhouse kinda feel."

"A, um … a roadhouse?" Andrew asked somewhat confused.

"Yeah man!" Jadeite said excitedly, "Everybody's crazy for Swayze!"

"But I thought you were trying to be an Applebee's clone!" Andrew said, furiously flipping through his notes, "Ah yes, I have it right here… "a place with a fully-stocked bar, steak on the menu, and lots of zany shit on the walls." Not necessarily what I think of when I picture a roadhouse. I see large angry men on motorcycles threatening everyone who walks through the door."

"Well we were doing some brainstorming on the ride over here and we realized something:" Kunzite explained, "The reason people like roller coasters is because it's controlled danger. There's always the risk you'll go flying off the tracks and die, but there's enough safety precautions in place that it's a pretty slim chance, but still, it could happen!"

Jadeite continued: "We figure that we could translate that same controlled danger aspect to a restaurant setting! You know, still make it a nice place to go eat, but always have that possibility that a biker gang is going to ride up and throw a Molotov cocktail through the window."

"Or someone could bust in with a shotgun and shoot the place up." Kunzite said.

"Or a group of college students could show up with a horde of zombies on their tail and everyone would have to defend the roadhouse from the undead apocalypse!" Jadeite said, practically feverish with excitement.

"Don't forget a naked T-1000 from the future showing up asking for clothes." Nephrite reminded them.

"That too!'

"Ok, enough!" Andrew shouted, scratching at the side of his head with a pen, "I don't one hundred percent believe the words I'm hearing. Are you people even serious about starting up this business, or are you just wasting my time?"

Kunzite stepped up into Andrew's personal space and the real estate agent shrank into himself like a turtle retreating into its shell. The imposing Shitennou laid a hand on Andrew's shoulder and spoke soothingly:

"My dear boy, we have never been more serious about anything in our entire existence. Now how about you flip open that big binder of yours waaaay to the back and find us a more suitable location? It'd be a shame to have to call up another agency this late in the game, especially since we like you so much."

"Uhhhhh…." Andrew groaned and fumbled with both his glasses and the binder as he opened to a page buried so far in the back of the book that the ink was starting to fade off the page, "There's a few dilapidated prefab warehouses out by the interstate we could check out."

"Perfect!" Kunzite shouted and threw his arm around Andrew, "To the Jeep!"

The fivesome shuffled outside and began climbing into the large Explorer when the Shitennou all stopped in unison like a stereotypical group of soldiers in a war flick that all just heard the same thing at the same time. Kunzite glanced at each one of them in turn, then to Andrew, and then to the vacant passenger's seat where someone of rather great importance to them should have been sitting.

"Dude." Kunzite said and shook his head worriedly, "Where's Mamoru?"

Mamoru was largely unaware of his status as the lynchpin upon which the natural ebb and flow of the world hung aside from the occasional correct prediction about the weather. Kunzite once remarked that it would be far more dangerous to the planet to have Mamoru understand his power, such as being able to alter the natural rhythms of the earth at any given time, and so the Shitennou were content for their master to remain ignorant of his true purpose unless the knowledge was absolutely necessary for the salvation of all mankind. Thankfully no doomsday events loomed on the horizon…

Mamoru was not necessarily dumb as his academic achievements would prove, but he did possess very little in the way of common sense. That coupled with a child-like curiosity of the world around him, a personal vibe of cheerfully blind optimism, and a love of shiny objects made him somewhat of a liability to the four immortal creatures whose sole purpose was to protect and serve him.

So it came is no great surprise that while the Shitennou were inside the opulent art deco building being bludgeoned with factoids about wrought-iron railings that Mamoru wandered away from their Jeep in the direction of a very attractive glint of silver coming from the front window of a fitness club almost two blocks away. Pulled towards the shiny thing like a moth to an open flame, he stepped out into traffic twice, nearly caused two accidents, and came close to severe bodily harm both times. His single-minded resolve did not falter despite a wailing cacophony of horns, screeching tires and rude comments shouted at full volume and soon he stood in front of a plain-looking concrete building with several large windows and a sizeable pastel billboard that read "Luna Gym," the G being a stylized crescent moon.

As he stood slack-jawed and practically drooling on the sidewalk he watched as a young woman, no more than 20 years old, ran on a treadmill. She was slim and fit, with impossibly huge blue eyes and glistening blonde hair tied in pigtails that were simply too long, but she managed to pull it off. Beautiful as she was, he wasn't even registering her presence. He was simply transfixed by the prismatic light show the sun was producing from reflections off a silver hex-shaped crystal pendant she wore around her neck. It jumped and tousled through the air as she ran, bouncing off her ample chest and breaking up rays of sunlight into a veritable disco ball of colors.

As she finished her jog and popped the out the ear buds of her iPod, she stepped down off the treadmill and finally noticed the strange, salivating man with mismatched clothes and oily raven hair staring at her from the street and she stumbled backwards with as start. As she moved away from the window and out of the sunlight, the crystal pendant around her neck stopped sparkling and Mamoru snapped out of his trance and suddenly came to the realization he was being mildly voyeuristic. His face flushed immediately and it became more difficult to swallow. Instead of shuffling off down the street to preserve some dignity or at least attempt a proper social introduction, he simply pulled one of his hands out of his pockets and childishly waved at the girl through the glass.

She raised an eyebrow at him, looked around the gym presumably for hidden cameras that were capturing such an awkward moment, and then glanced back at him again where he still stood flapping his hand back and forth like he was some sort of motorized wind-up toy. The blonde girl relaxed her hesitant and surprised expression and politely waved back assuming the man was just in the wrong place at the wrong time… or the right place at the right time she thought devilishly, knowing full well that she was an attractive young woman. She didn't give it a second thought as she moved to the back of the gym to get in a few reps with the free weights.

About an hour later she walked out of the gym with her bag slung over her shoulder and a towel around her neck which she was still using to dab the sweat off her forehead and she ran headlong into something she assumed at that moment was a telephone pole. She jumped up off the ground mentally scolding herself for being so clumsy. It was an unfortunate trait she was trying desperately to rid herself of and she looked up to stare menacingly at the intruding pole just to make herself feel better when instead of a thick stalk of wood she saw something with similar characteristics but who was decidedly human. Mamoru waved at her again and grinned.

"You have a really pretty necklace!" he gushed with all the delight of a teenage girl picking out her prom dress.

"Umm…" she stalled for time trying to think of an appropriate response for this terribly energetic but seemingly very simple man, "Thank you. I love this old thing."

Mamoru just nodded his head enthusiastically and stared in unrequited amazement at the pendant as it glittered and sparkled where it hung in the setting sunlight. The girl fidgeted slightly as she watched his eyes roam, not to where most guys' lecherous gazes would leer, but as they simply danced with delight as the crystal pendant produced its light show. She breathed out softly, almost a chuckle, and stuck out her hand in front of her.

"My name's Usagi." She introduced herself with a polite smile.

Mamoru had to think for a moment about what his proper response was but then he grabbed her hand and shook it vigorously, "I'm Mamoru. Usagi means rabbit in Japanese!"

"Yeah it does…" she replied squinting at him slightly, "How did you know that?"

"School." Mamoru replied very simply.

"Really? You took Japanese?" Usagi asked, amused by Mamoru's odd behavior.

"Yeah. I majored in language studies." He told her and absentmindedly said the same thing through sign language which practically mesmerized her, "I can speak Japanese fluently and like, German, Spanish, Italian, French, uhh… Chinese, Portuguese, Vietnamese, mmm… lots of 'ese's."

Usagi blinked incredulously and shook her head, "You can't really speak all those languages."

"Well some of them are kind of hard to actually make the noises 'cause I guess my mouth isn't built to speak it." Mamoru said with a shrug, "But I can understand pretty much all of them."

"That's just unbelievable." she said, truly in disbelief.

"Yeah, I don't know how I do it. It just comes really easy." Mamoru confessed, "I didn't get enough time to really learn all the ones I wanted because of my other major in world cultures."

"You double majored?" she stuttered, "With all those languages you studied? What are you a savant or something?"

Mamoru laughed heartily at her and cheerfully said, "I don't know what that means!"

"How can…" she began and then stopped herself from "saying someone so dumb be so smart" and bit her lip, "Wow. I'm impressed."

"Yeah, I'm hoping to finish up my world cultures doctorate thesis soon, but I kind of got sidetracked this new project I'm working on." Mamoru told to a practically stunned Usagi.

"Doctor?" she asked distantly and then refocused herself, "Oh, uh… what kind of project?"

"I'm opening a restaurant!" he almost shouted.

"A restaurant?" she asked, more amused by this strange man by the minute, "Really? What kind of restaurant would a soon-to-be doctor of world cultures open?"

"Well it's not just me; my four best friends and I are doing it!" Mamoru explained as he held up four fingers just in case Usagi needed a visual aid, "Well, really it's their restaurant, but I'm helping out."

"Huh…" she thought out loud, "So where is this restaurant?"

"Well its not built yet." He explained, "That's why we're out today. My buddy Andrew is trying to find us a good building, er, location to set up shop in."

"Oh, are you guys all like looking separately or something?" she asked.

"No."

She smiled at him and nudged him a little farther, "So where are they?"

"Oh! Uh…" Mamoru stalled and looked around at the buildings, lights, and street signs near him and suddenly realized he didn't know where he was, "I really don't know to tell you the truth. I guess back at whatever building we were looking at."

"What made you wander down here then?" Usagi asked and flirted harmlessly, "Did you see something you liked?"

"Yeah, actually!" Mamoru said giddily and pointed at her pendant again, "I saw your necklace sparkling in the window and just had to get a closer look. It really is really, really pretty!"

Usagi almost rolled her eyes, her flirt having no effect and simply said again, "Thank you again. I guess it is pretty cute."

Then, he did something she didn't expect. He reached out his right hand and laid two fingers on the face of the silver pendant and almost immediately something about him changed, as if the shell of this flighty, easily amused young man simply fell away to reveal something else underneath. His dark eyes flashed with intense brightness, his expression steeled itself, and the admiration she saw on his face went far beyond a simple-minded fascination of things that sparkle.

"In fact it's the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes upon…" he spoke in a deeper, calmer, almost completely different voice than he had before as his eyes slowly moved up to meet hers.

Usagi was breathless where she stood and felt almost paralyzed; unable to turn away from the engaging, penetrating gaze of this complete stranger who she felt was now peering deep into her soul as if they had known each other their whole lives. When she finally managed to regain control of herself she laid a hand on his and very gently moved herself and her silver pendant away from his gentle touch.

"It's getting kind of late." She said softly, "I really should be getting home before my roommates start lighting up my phone about being late for dinner."

"Yeah I know what you mean." Mamoru agreed with her, completely back to his air-headed self as though the past few moments never happened, "I wouldn't want to hang around here at night. It looks like it would be spooky."

She laughed and he did the same upon hearing her. Even in light of being mildly freaked out by Mamoru's sudden drastic change in behavior a few moments prior she hazarded another question, "So when you guys open your restaurant you're going to need to hire a few waitresses, right?"

"I hadn't really thought about that." Mamoru replied scratching his head, "I guess I just assumed we would run the whole thing by ourselves."

"Oh well that's just asking for trouble." She told him, "I mean, if you're all friends I'm sure you'll always be fighting with each other over little things like how to fold the napkins. You don't want to do everything yourselves!"

"Ummm…" Mamoru droned dumbly.

"Here, we'll do this." Usagi said and pulled a pen out of her purse and a scrap of paper which looked to be a receipt from a gas station and she scribbled down her cell phone number, holding it up for Mamoru to take, "You call me when you guys get rolling. I'm kind of unemployed at the moment and it sounds like this restaurant of yours might be a fun place to work, I mean if your friends are anything like you."

"Well I dunno if they're like me, but we all get along pretty well!" Mamoru announced happily and lifted the paper from Usagi's hand, "Thanks!"

"Sure thing." She replied and grabbed her cell phone to check the time. "Well I gotta run. It was nice meeting you, Mamoru."

"You too!" he sort of squeaked as she turned and started walking away from him.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw his gaze fall upon her silver necklace again and she reactively clutched it to her chest with one hand, stroking it softly. She smiled over her should at him one more time and shuffled off around the corner, taking a brisk stroll to her apartment a few blocks away. She tapped a few buttons on her cell phone and the caller ID screen lit up with the name "Mina" and she put the phone to her ear.

After a few rings the voice of Mina asked, "'Sup bitch?"

Usagi giggled slightly and informed her best friend, "Dude, you need to hear about this guy I just met…"

"Mamoru!" Nephrite exclaimed as he pointed at a bright blue mailbox perched on the sidewalk drifting by as the Jeep rolled through town, "There he is!"

"That joke wasn't funny the last seven or eight times you said it." Kunzite told his comrade and continued scanning the streets for any sign of his lost lord.

"Could you really tell the difference?" Nephrite joked again.

"Watch it, dude." Jadeite warned and pointed at Kunzite with his thumb, "He's going into "fearless leader" mode on us. You know how he gets."

"What is it with you people and Mamoru?" Andrew asked almost disgustedly as he drove them through the rapidly darkening city streets in search of the missing man, "Its like nobody can stand to be around the guy but you're forcing yourselves to watch out for him. Are you in debt to him or something?"

"Something like that." Kunzite cryptically replied.

"Well whatever it is, I'm not going to spend my whole night trucking your asses around trying to find a runaway asshole of an ex-roommate." Andrew declared venomously and scratched his nails across the steering wheel.

"Wow dude, I liked you a lot better this morning when you were afraid to even fucking speak." Nephrite told their unfortunate driver.

"Not to mention he spent a good chunk of this morning lapsing in and out of consciousness in our front yard." Zoisite added.

"Yeah well anyone gets a little cranky after he spends twelve hours with a pack of thirty-something misfits, showing them the best real estate money can buy only to be told they're looking for something more along the lines of a run-down textile mill, not an upscale dining establishment." Andrew hotly prattled.

"There he is." Kunzite suddenly said and pointed straight ahead of them towards a large concrete building with a sign that read "Luna Gym."

"That's a lamp post, dude." Nephrite joked yet again, but this time Kunzite simply toned him out; his door was already open and he was halfway out of the Jeep shouting after Mamoru.

"Hey boss!" Kunzite called as he jogged through traffic to get to Mamoru's side, slightly perturbed that they had been led on a citywide search, but more relieved than anything.

"Hey, how's the house hunting going?" Mamoru asked in his perpetual daze.

"Good, good. We're going down to the industrial area to check on a few prospects." Kunzite explained in a rush, "Where did you wander off to?"

"Oh, I met this girl; she was working out at this gym." Mamoru explained and ran in place to demonstrate that the girl in question was on a treadmill when he found her, just in case the Shitennou needed a visual aid, "She was wearing this awesome necklace, you should've seen it!"

"You met a girl?" Zoisite balked, "That's … um, unlike you."

"She gave me this!" he announced and held up his little slip of paper with Usagi's phone number scribbled on it. The four kings leaned in to read the digits and there was an almost imperceptible but collective gasp.

"Ohhhh yeeeaaaahh!" Neprhite hooted and slapped Mamoru hard on the shoulder as manly as he possibly could, "You got her number, dude! Fuckin'-A right!"

"Mamoru had a meaningful social interaction with a female!" Jadeite congratulated him slightly less manly than Nephrite.

"Shut up." Kunzite ordered and stepped between Mamoru and the other three, looking past the goofy exterior of his prince to see the soul beneath, "Tell me about that necklace again, boss."

"Oh yeah man, it was this bright and shiny and sparkly silver crystal pendant …" Mamoru began to describe the pendant in every intricate detail and Kunzite's teeth suddenly set on edge at the mention of it being silver. His mind began to race and he had to take a step back from Mamoru as he continued babbling about it.

"Hey!" Andrew's irate voice from their Jeep suddenly screamed, "I got shit to do! Grab his ass, haul him in here, and let's get this circle-jerk wrapped up so I never have to see or hear any of you monstrosities again!"

"Hey Andy!" Mamoru called, practically leaping towards the SUV, "Fire up that CD player, I got me a strong jonesin' for some Bowie!"

With Mamoru out of earshot Kunzite quickly herded his compatriots together and gave them each a look which could only be described as, and mind you this is a word that occurs extraordinarily infrequently in the vernacular of the eldest king, fear.

"What's wrong?" Jadeite asked, genuinely worried.

"A silver crystal?" Kunzite asked with all seriousness, "Didn't you guys hear him say the girl was wearing a pendant with a silver crystal?"

"So? A good percentage of women prefer silver to gold." Zoisite interjected.

"That's not what I mean you fuck-up!" Kunzite snapped in his masterly authoritative tone of voice, "I think he may have actually come across the Silver Crystal. It would explain why he would have wandered off the way he did. He's drawn to it."

"Or maybe our beloved master and savior of the planet just really likes bright, shiny objects!" Nephrite suggested and raised an eyebrow to Kunzite's inference.

"The odds of that happening are-" Jadeite started but was cut off by Kunzite.

"Odds have nothing to do with this." He barked, "It's destiny

"Even if he did come in contact with the Silver Crystal, so what?" Zoisite asked seriously, "He's still the same big, dumb, oafish imbecile he was before; he just got his fix of sparkly things for a while. Buy him a prism and he'll forget all about it."

"You remember what happened." Kunzite stated grimly and Zoisite turned his eyes away after a few moments, "The last time They were together the planet nearly tore itself apart! We were very nearly sucked into an inescapable abyss and everything we've been sworn to protect was almost utterly destroyed."

Kunzite continued, "Once the cycle begins it is irrevocable. Destiny must see itself through or else everything stops and the universe unravels at the seams. We cannot let the cycle begin again. We have to keep an even more watchful eye on him now to make sure he doesn't come in contact with Her again."

"If he's already seen Her and been around the Silver Crystal isn't it already too late?" Zoisite asked glancing back at the Jeep where Mamoru was jamming out to "I'm Afraid of Americans."

"No, they didn't recognize each other. Something was missing." Kunzite said.

"What?"

"This." He answered and pulled his fist out of his coat pocket and opened his palm skyward to reveal a perfect twin to Usagi's necklace: a bright, shining, hex-shaped pendant only instead of silver this one was made of pure gold and it glistened like the rays of the sun.

"Jesus Fucking Christ!" Nephrite gasped and mouth hung open for a few moments, "What the hell are you doing with that?"

"Keeping my master safe is what I'm doing with it." Kunzite answered.

"The Golden Crystal is Endymion's to possess." Zoisite reminded the elder king as soothingly as he could, "Does he know that you've been carrying it this whole time?"

"He doesn't even know what it is!" Kunzite snapped and shoved the Crystal back into his pocket, "Endym-… I mean … Mamoru doesn't need to know what it is. He needs to live his life free of the burdens he was forced to bear in the past. He shouldn't have to worry about regulating this world when we're perfectly capable of doing it for him. I … I just want him to be happy."

"Out of all of us, dude." Nephrite spoke almost disappointedly, "I always pegged you the least likely to do something like this. Protecting him is one thing, but you're just flat out lying to him and yourself."

"I'm not going to argue about this at dusk in the middle of the city with him sitting in a god damned truck ten feet away bleeding his eardrums out with that shit." Kunzite roiled and let his displeasure with David Bowie be known, "Let's just get moving. We'll talk about this later."

He stormed off to the waiting Jeep, affixing his fake smile as he walked. Zoisite followed in behind leaving Jadeite and Nephrite to bring up the rear. Jadeite glanced up towards the stars which were just beginning to wink into existence in the gathering twilight and he sighed heavily.

"What's wrong with you, now?" Nephrite asked roughly.

"Nothing." Jadeite sighed again and dropped his arms to his sides, "I thought we were done with all this bullshit. I thought for once in my frigging life I was going to be normal and not have to worry about anything but mundane … human stuff."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." The older king replied and gave an encouraging nod of the head, "You should do what I do."

"What?"

"Just put it in its place, kid." Nephrite suggested with a hearty slap to Jadeite's shoulder, "Now let's go get stumbling drunk and try to build us a restaurant."

Jadeite smiled slightly and the two companions moved towards the Jeep and climbed in as Andrew performed a mostly flawless 3-point turn and drove them into the night and into the awaiting arms of destiny once again.