Chapter One

Eastland was no stranger to chaos. Having her doors thrown open, light bulbs burning for ages, and feet pounding the weathered floors in haste were all commonplace. But the one thing Eastland had never endured to such an extent were the inexhaustible shouting matches of two particular girls.

Jo and Blair carried on as though there were an impending Apocalypse, and if they didn’t get the chance to cut into the other with her words, neither one could have their sick sense of accomplishment in the end. The Thanksgiving holiday was approaching, which meant most were more on edge then they normally would be. Jo was on the fence about how she truly felt. There were advantages and disadvantages to being back at home an entire week.

Blair on the other hand was brimming with excitement over the notion of departing for seven whole days. Nearly everything she owned was stuffed into various suitcases and totes, all piled on her bed. Every few hours she’d remember something that she’d left out and run back upstairs to include it. Jo’s packing had been long since completed, being practical when it came to that sort of thing. She only packed the things she absolutely needed.

As it was, twelve hours stood between her and that front door, and with that digested, Jo had at last come to the conclusion that she was an absolute wreak. It got to the point were her entire body began to tremble, so she opted to sit in her room to enjoy the infrequent silence that accompanied her as she shuffled through a few journals and other belongings. She still hadn’t brought herself to take down her framed photo of Eddie. It’d been months since they parted ways. Absently, she ran her fingertip over the edge of the frame, smiling just the tiniest bit at the goofy picture of him that stared back at her.

But that’s all it was, a moment. Just as soon as her smile had appeared it was gone and replaced with an air of irritation. “Dumb jerk,” she muttered, as if trying to convince herself that it was never ‘true love that was meant to span decades.’ At times she couldn’t even show honest emotion when she was alone. She had to stay hard, it was for her own good. The Bronx was still the Bronx, and if she went back without the chip on her shoulder, gushing for eons about school dances and pretty Bates boys, she might as well begin digging her own grave.

She shoved the picture frame under her mattress with a scowl. The journals she had kept for the past two semesters she held onto, thumbing through the pages. She knew what she was looking for. An entry about Eddie. One that offered her clarification of why she had stuck with him for so long, why she thought he was the love of her life. She couldn’t find it. She might’ve been able to, had the bedroom door not flown open.

“Jo, did you take my hairbrush?”

The brunette sharply rolled her eyes, closing the journal in her lap.

“What would I want with yours? I got my own, ya know.”

“Well yes, I know that,” she snapped in her usual condescending manner. “But sometimes we can mistake other’s belongings as our own, especially if we are careless when we pack up for holidays.”

Jo didn’t appreciate that insinuation, as trite as it was. She shuffled threateningly over toward her roommate. “I am not careless, Blair. I didn’t take your damn brush. Period!”

“If you’re so sure, then why don’t you just check? It’ll only take a few seconds.”

“Gimmie a break! Why should I have to unpack everything? Even if I did take your crummy brush, which I didn’t, you could always get another when you’re at home.”

“It’s the principal of the matter, Jo. I hate it when you take my things. Unintentionally or otherwise.”

“Yeah? Well I hate it when you bust on my private time just so you can hear yourself talk.”

“Oh? Is that what you think this whole situation is about?”

“You’re so damn petty all the time. You always claim that your reasons are legit, but you and I both know that they’re just excuses to start something with me.”

The blonde’s ire could be felt even as Jo turned away.

“You must be clinically insane.”

After the words left her lips was when hot, repressed tears began to gather in Jo’s eyes. It wasn’t due to Blair’s insult, but rather the thoughts that had been swimming in her head prior to the intrusion. Things were difficult as it was. Blair’s incorrigible need to argue over material things was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Jo’s journal came alive in her hands again, and as she looked down at it, she lightly fingered the spine of the book, remembering the few particular entries she’d penned that never failed to stick out in her mind. She always read them over and over.

A few seconds later she caved, tossing her journal back onto her bed and upturning both bags she had packed. As she riffled irately through the contents, she heard the sound of Blair’s nervous footsteps drawing closer.

“I don’t see your brush here. Do you?” Jo challenged, facing the young women in question with her hands on her hips.

Seeing the tears glistening in Jo’s eyes, her features softened considerably.

“Why are you crying?” She asked gently, ignoring the question.

When Jo gave no verbal response, Blair took a step closer, taking hold of both her hands.

“I’m sorry for what I said, Jo. Honest. I don’t think that you’re insane.”

With that sentence alone, her upset vanished. “For God’s sake. Your stupid little insult isn’t why I’m crying!”

At that Blair appeared put off that once again, Jo had taken her down another notch.

“Fine. What’s the reason then?”

“It’s none of your business,” she countered evenly.

A beat of silence filtered through for a short moment. Then, “Eddie?”

“No. Not Eddie. It’s a lotta things, Blair. They build up, ya know?”

Again, Blair reached for her, this time taking a single hand. “I know. Life’s no picnic. But you know that you are always welcome to talk to me about anything.”

Jo considered another barb as a response, but thought better of the idea.

“Yeah…sure.”

The brunette pulled free of her friend’s grasp and began to re-pack her things.

“May I help?”

Jo peered over her shoulder, ceasing her movements for a second. “Yeah. If you want.”

Blair smiled warmly, striding over toward the bed.

--

When it came time for goodbyes, Jo wasn’t much for eye contact. She’d hugged Natalie, Tootie, and Mrs. Garret quickly, refusing to let herself get too emotional. Mrs. Garret always made a big fuss whenever they went away for holidays. Jo purposely avoided Blair as hugs and kisses were exchanged amongst the group. She caught sight of Blair watching her out of the corner of her eye, and immediately stiffened. Her thoughts reeled back toward that night last November when she was experiencing a bout of insomnia. It was around the same time as it was presently, and her mind just hadn’t shut off.

She decided to get a drink of water from the bathroom tap, and tiptoed silently toward the door. It was after she’d come back into the room when she noticed Blair sitting by the window sill, staring outside the window. She seemed entranced from what Jo could make out in the faint lighting. Her head was rested gently against the glass, but she didn’t appear tired in the least.

Without a word, Jo crept back to her bed, eyes on Blair the entire time. She was caught at the very moment she climbed back under the covers. For a reason unbeknownst to Jo, a wave of guilt swept over her. She felt as though she had interrupted something intensely private.

“So you aren’t able to sleep either?” Was all Blair had said, a smile on her lips shortly after.

Jo shook her head, getting comfortable once more. “Thought you would have my head or something,” Jo deadpanned.

“No,” Blair whispered, making the short trek over to her friend’s bed. She daintily sat herself by Jo’s knees. After a moment, she ran her hand along Jo’s arm.

“Something’s on your mind.”

“Yeah,” Jo clarified. “So?”

“So tell me,” she coaxed benevolently.

Perhaps it was the time that all of this was transpiring, or the loving tone Blair used with her, slightly husky but also placid. So unlike the Blair Warner she knew. It bordered on exhilarating. To have her so close had her heart in her throat.

“I…uh. It’s nothin’ really…”

“Come on Jo. You can trust me. I know there’s something eating away at you.”

Jo flushed a deep scarlet, turning her head away from Blair.

“I can’t,” she stated simply after what seemed like an eternity of deafening silence.

Jo looked Blair squarely in the eyes, imploringly, hoping that she’d understand that she more than appreciated the offer, but just couldn’t divulge her thoughts.

Judging by the solemn look that fell across her face, she definitely did understand. But she never did cease her caress of Jo’s arm.

“…Well. Once you’re ready to tell me, you know where to find me.”

--

Jo wondered why in world she held on to such memories. The things that marred her it seemed, she held especially close. As though it brought her some form of pleasure. She’d never understand it. Mrs. Garrett looked between Jo and Blair, picking up on the vibes they’d been giving off. Nevertheless, she decided to do a little intervening. “So whatdya say, girls? One hug goodbye won’t kill you, will it?”

Jo expected Blair to cave, but instead she came back with, “you know Mrs. Garret, I think I forgot to pack my photo album. Can’t have that missing at Thanksgiving.” Mrs. Garret’s only response was a good-natured eye roll. The brunette internally deflated at her words, forming a grimace. She watched with mild disgust as Blair bounded up the stairs once more.

Natalie and Tootie both shrugged their shoulders and trailed after Mrs. Garret outside to wait for their parents. The air held a slight chill and wafted inside, causing Jo to shiver. She rubbed at her arms to ward off the sudden onslaught of goose bumps. Without thinking, Jo began to climb the stairs, taking long strides. She pushed open the door to their bedroom.

“…Hey,” she began gently after she stood there a while. Blair had been rummaging through a box for her nonexistent photo album.

The blonde turned around to face her but didn’t respond.

“Blair?” Jo gave a hard swallow. “We need to talk.”

The blonde brushed off her pants as she stood. “What about?”

As soon as Jo opened her mouth to speak, Mrs. Garret’s voice carrying up into their room silenced what was on its way out.

“Blair, Jo! Your parents are here!”

This time around when Jo deflated, it was crystal clear to the other person in the room.

“Damn,” Jo sighed. She was officially fed up.

“It’s alright,” Blair assured her, eyes sparkling with regard.

“I mean, it’s only a week, right? You can tell me once we get back.”

“Yeah…I know.”

Blair cleared her throat. “Well, uh. Jo. Have a happy Thanksgiving.”

“Thanks.” Jo gave a half-smile. “You too.”

They stared at one another, wavering, but still maintaining eye contact. It seemed that Blair had gotten up the courage first as Jo was suddenly enveloped in a tight, awkward embrace from her roommate. Jo relaxed her body after a moment, molding herself into the other girl, feeling her exceptional warmth. Jo felt almost inebriated by it.

What was only a couples of seconds felt like hours to Jo. Blair was the first to initiate the contact, but also the first to end it.

“So…I’ll see you in a week, then.”

Jo nodded, still coming off the high she’d experienced.

As they finally began their descent with Blair following closely behind, Jo allowed herself to actually feel the exhilaration coursing through her this time. It made the world outside her appear hazy and surreal. It swayed beneath her, but she didn’t mind. Not this time.