I remember the days we spent together
Were not enough
And I used to feel like dreaming
Except we always woke up
Never thought not having you here now
Would hurt so much

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you, I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight

I remember the time you told me
About when you were eight
And all those things you said that night
That just couldn't wait

I remember the car you were last seen in
And the games we would play
All the times we spilled our coffees
And stayed out way too late

I remember the time you sat and told me
About your Jesus
And how not to look back
Even if no one believes us
When it hurts so bad
Sometimes not having you here

-Tonight by FM Static

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O

Empty.

That’s how she felt.

Unbelievably empty, like nothing mattered any longer. She had never felt this way before, not even when her parents and brother left her. Not when she was shipped from foster home to foster home before she turned eighteen. Not even when she solved her own mother’s murder.

Booth was gone. He was gone, and he wasn’t coming back. She wouldn’t see his silly smile any more. There would be no more pie runs to the diner. There wouldn’t be Thai food at one in the morning while doing inevitable paperwork. She wouldn’t ever feel the warmth of his hand on the small of her back as they walked together. She wouldn’t ever feel the safety of being in his arms as he gave her an infamous “guy hug”. She wouldn’t feel anything from him anymore because he wouldn’t be there.

She felt cold, like all the happiness had been sucked out of her. Wasn’t that something out of a book? Booth had told her about it once. When he was buying the new Harry Potter for Parker and he told her about the new movie coming out. Dementy’s? Dementens? Demen-somethings. Demen-it didn’t matter anymore because he was gone.

Booth was gone.

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O

She felt like hell.

She looked like hell.

This was her hell.

Maybe Booth was right about there being a God. Because there were no rational facts or feelings that explained what she was going through.

“Sweetie, you need to get some rest,” Angela said. Brennan looked up from the examination table. No shit she needed to get some sleep. She felt dead on her feet. She winced to herself. Not the best choice of words.

She couldn’t sleep. If she closed her eyes, she saw him. She saw him dying in her arms. She saw his blood seep from his chest. She saw his eyes slowly loose their warmth and laughter and become cold and empty, the life being sucked out of them.

“I’m fine, Ange,” she said tiredly. That had to be the biggest lie of the century. She wasn’t fine. She was so fucking far away from fine that it didn’t even register on a GPS.

But she had work to do. And she would do it. She would get it done so she could go home and cry herself to sleep, like she had been doing for the past week. She would get it done so she could go home, change into one of his dress shirts, and crawl into bed and just cry.

“Don’t lie to me, Bren,” Angela said. Brennan sighed. Why was it that Angela was the only person that could see through her? Well, one of the two people that could see through her but the other wasn’t around at the moment. And he wouldn’t be. Ever again.

“I don’t know what you want me to do, Angela,” Brennan said. She didn’t look at Angela. She didn’t return to the skeletal remains she had previously been working on. She stared at the empty barstool.

Angela followed her best friend’s gaze and sighed.

“I want you to talk to me about this. If not me, then someone, Bren. This isn’t healthy,” Angela said.

“Talking does nothing, Angela,” Brennan said. “It doesn’t take back the fact that he’s dead and he isn’t coming back. It doesn’t take back the fact that he died because of me.” Angela sighed.

“Fine, don’t talk. Scream, cry, throw something, become angry and snap at things. Do something!” exclaimed Angela. Brennan blinked.

“Once again, that isn’t rational. It takes back nothing and fixes nothing,” Brennan said. Angela sighed.

“Whatever floats your boat, sweetie. But you know I’m here if you need anything,” Angela said before turning and walking off the platform. Brennan sighed and finally removed her focus from the empty space to her right.

That fucking barstool needed to go.

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O

It smelled exactly like him. Hints of his cologne, the outdoors, and something distinctly him.

It was the only reassuring the she had left of him. He wasn’t there to whisper reassuring things in her ear. He was there to hold her if she was scared.

There was nothing left of him but his scent. And as the tears rolled down her face, she realized it was all she would ever have left of him.

(TBC)

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O

Hmm. This has been in my head for a while now. And hopefully, I will be updating Uncanny soon. :) Don’t fret my friends.

-LDA