Title: An Eternity of Euphoric Rain
Genre: Angst/Romance/Family/Friendship
Summary: It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He wasn’t supposed to have those thoughts. But he did, and all he could think about was how good it’d feel to watch himself slowly die.
Pairings: Lavi x Allen

Warning: This story contains large implications of rape, sexual abuse, sexual assault, and various other dark themes. If you get offended easily, please turn away now. Reader discretion is advised.

Special Note: The original story idea and its plot, themes, and characterizations all belong to Dgm-yoai-lover. They do not, in any way, belong to me, ritachi, the writer of this story. Although I had taken many liberties with this story, they were all approved of by the original creator; therefore, though this story will resemble Raining with its themes and basic plotlines, it will NOT be exactly like it. Every comment and credit you have goes to Dgm-yoai-lover.

Disclaimer: -man belongs to its respective copyrighted owner.

It’s a strange feeling, actually. I know I should be afraid. I know I should feel this heavy weight upon my chest, telling me not to do this, to consider everything else that isn’t rotten or putrid but actually contains a shred of purity. But even if I know I should feel like that, it doesn’t mean I do feel like it. Instead, I feel…liberated almost.

When I put my arms out at my sides, I can feel the gale howl past me, urging me to stand off the platform of the flying fox and reconsider what I’m thinking. My clothes and hair whip across my freezing skin as I feel my body collide with the first harsh pellets of rain and hail that come down with a cry.

But I smile, nevertheless. The icy water feels like it’s washing away the dirt and grime of my soul, trying its damndest to purify my already crumbling sense of self. I can hear its call echo in the darkening skies, the sheer volume whispering soft nothings into my ear.

I can hear the soft squeaking of the swings battering against one another, the familiar creak of the flying fox ring around its railing, and the loud pitter-patter of the rain smashing itself against the rocky ground below, pebble after pebble piling in a shallow grave of rainwater.

You can leave now, I hear my inner voice whisper. You can just step off and walk back home and forget this whole thing ever happened.

But I was too tired to even reply. Too tired.

So tired.

Tired of it all.

The everyday routine of school, work, and the people that always existed there, always smiling…

…always ignorant.

I wish…everything could be different. Really, I do. I wish that I wasn’t here right now, standing in the playground where I had first met him. I wish I hadn’t stayed behind on that day two months ago where everything started to crumble from top to bottom. I wish I hadn’t called him on the phone like that a little while ago where the mere thought of doing this sent me into a pit of self-pity and tears.

I wish…

I wish…

…I wish…

There are so many wishes I could make, but none of them would come true, I know. Not in this world in any case. But you know, if…if I do this and slit just a little across my wrist and just a little across my neck, watching the rain wash away the proof of my existence, my wishes just…might come true. They probably would.

Like, in another world, I would wake up to meet Mum and Dad who’d be in the house for once instead of out working like they do in this world.

And in another world, I would go to school and greet Kanda and get into such a big argument with him like always; and I’d say ‘Good morning’ to Lenalee with a smile; and then Lavi would come in and hug me from behind as usual. And we’d talk and talk and wouldn’t have to worry about the bad things in the world but just school and marks and finding part-time work and all that junk.

In that world, I’d probably be…so happy even if it was boring all the time. Even if it was so utterly mundane.

I’d be so happy if that world could be this world.

…But you know, it can be.

It can.

All you have to do is kill yourself first.

XXX

Prologue- Fin

XXX